A Little Panic VS Flurry Heart Goes To Magic Kindergarten (by Foals Errand and PresentPerfect respectively)

Spoilers... (Well Duh)

Read A Little Panic Here

Read Flurry Heart Goes To Magic Kindergarten Here

Season 6 is finally here!
Season 6 has finally arrived!
And I know for absolute certain
That these fimfics are certainly fine

There’s Foals Errand with "A Little Panic"
And there’s PresentPerfect with another Flurry Heart fic

Great Improvement Dude!

And these authors have spellbinding writing skills
But who story I like better?
What requirements they fulfill?

Oh let the comparison begin!
Oh let the review start!
And I know for absolute certain
That the winner will be-

Splash

A torrent of water landed on MixMassBasher.

It's nearly mid-season already you idiot!

Sigh

---

So. Season 6 is here and to those who had paid attention on fimfiction, there were two very popular stories that were in the featured box on the main page which were inspired on the promotional video right before the season premiere even aired.

These two stories are A Little Panic; a one shot story, by Foals Errand and Flurry Heart Goes To Magic Kindergarten; a redemption of his other Flurry Heeart story, by PresentPerfect. (There was also another one but I already reviewed that) So without further ado. let the review/comparison start!

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1) Characters
There were a multitude of characters in both stories.

A Little Panic had Cadence, Shining Armour, Princess Celestia, Baby Flurry Heart and one guard pony . Meanwhile, Flurry Heart Goes To Magic Kindergarten had Cadence, Shining Armour, Filly Flurry Heart and a few OC background characters I believe.

So which story handled it's characters better?

Well let's compare with the same characters both stories used more or less. So, let's look at Flurry.

*Facepalm*

The character not the ice-cream.

Anyways, the Flurry Heart in PresentPerfect's story is rather interesting; she's innocent, kind, open-minded, ambitious and ready to take the world and I would like her even more if not for...

"Nuh-uh, Mommy!" Flurry said, giggling and pulling away.  "I'm gonna be thuper conthuth!"

...her slurred speech. My god that was hard to look at! I get that she has braces in this fic and while it was initially funny for her speech to be that way; it got kind of distracting later on.

What about Flurry in A Little Panic? Well she's cute and innocent...

Princess Flurry Heart looked around the room, gurgling happily and waving her forelegs around.

...and that's about it.

Soooo. What about Cadence and Shining Armour?

PresentPerfect's portrayal of them is that of the proud and worried parents. This was rather interesting especially with Filly Flurry Heart giving hints at their personalities.

"Shiny." Mommy was using her Daddy's About to Be in Big Trouble voice. "We've been over this. We've already held her back a year. If we want our daughter to live a normal life, she has to experience it out from under our wings. Hiding will just make her self-conscious, not to mention cramped." Mommy tugged Flurry's nose with her magic. "And my little filly isn't gonna grow up self-conscious, is she?"

"Uh-huh." Mommy gave her the Mommy Knows You're Fibbing and Will Punish You Later smile. "Let's get going, sweetie, so you're not late for school!"

"My little girl! You're so big now!"

Was she crying? That was kind of weird.

Daddy joined in the hug. "C'mon, Cadie, let's not get emotional on Flurry's big day. You... you'll make her c-cry..." Now Daddy's eyes were leaking liquid pride. That was definitely weird.

"Nuh-uh, Mommy," Flurry said, trying to find something to fill the moment, "I'm thtill thmaller'n you an' Daddy."

Mommy and Daddy both laughed and sniffed back their tears. "You'd better get inside," Mommy said.

Flurry nodded and galloped a few steps toward the door. Before she entered, she turned back to wave. For some reason, Mommy and Daddy were still crying. She would just have to be extra strong and determined for them. Parents could be so weird sometimes.

Clever writing I must admit to show the married couple in such a way with a child's thinking. Somehow this makes me like this Flurry Heart even more.

On a side note, Flurry Heart is SO much more easier to read her internal dialogue in her mind than her actually speaking...

Foals Errand's portrayal features them as the overworked, worried and exhausted type of parents. Which was wayyy better than PresentPerfect's portrayal as they were more funny because of their "at the end of their rope" trope of parents.

Princess Celestia smiled as several guards walked past her hauling the foal supplies she would be needing for the weekend. Observing as they put together the temporary nursery, she shook her head and turned around to see the two zombies, which resembled her niece and nephew-in-law. Both of their eyes were shallow bags large enough to hold bits under them. Even Cadance’s alicorn mane was a mess of tangles—not to speak of Shining Armor’s—and hanging in a carrier off of Shining Armor’s chest was the cause of all this.

Cadance blinked then shook her head. “Auntie, I can’t thank you enough for arranging all of this, but it’s really too much! Besides, Flurry Heart is mine and Shining Armor’s re-re-re—” She yawned widely, shaking herself. “Oh, excuse me! Our responsibility.”

“Cadance, please don’t make me have to make this a royal order.” Celestia turned her attention to Shining Armor, who was employing a technique all of the best guards knew. He was sleeping with his eyes open. Celestia rolled her eyes and cleared her throat. Shining Armor jerked a bit to the disapproval of his daughter, who jutted out her bottom lip trembling. Tears filled the corners of her eyes, and her wings pushed out as she brought a hoof to her mouth.

And then there's Princess Celestia in A Little Panic. Celestia was certainly interesting in that she's the concerned motherly goddess she usually is...

Celestia smiled at them. “Now let’s see, your Aunt Luna is acting as regent in the Crystal Empire, I have a temporary nursery set up, and the Royal Suite at Mareiott in Trothiti has been booked for four days and three nights. I have taken care of any upcoming and immediate paperwork. Now, just let me have my great-niece, and you can both get onto that waiting carriage right over there.” She pointed out onto the balcony opposite from the nursery.

...while also having a mischievous side.

Flurry Heart sniffled, looking up at Celestia who smiled lifting her from her cot. “Maybe when you're older I’ll teach you how to properly guide the sun. But, for now, let's get some milk into you, hmm?”

Flurry Heart squealed at that idea happily her tummy rumbling.

My the next few days shall certainly be interesting...

And there's the OCs in PresentPerfect's story... Urm... Who were they again?

Ok. Nevermind. So which I found had better characters? Well I'm judging it on which focused on its main characters more.

While it's true both stories had equal number of characters both developed properly and not more or less. A Little Panic focus characters are Celestia and Baby Flurry Heart while Flurry Heart Goes To Magic Kindergarten focus character is Filly Flurry Heart.

As much as I liked the portrayal of Cadence and Shining Armour in A Little Panic. They aren't the focus. Flurry Heart Goes To Magic Kindergarten use of Flurry Heart had it be from Filly Flurry Heart's perspective throughout as she's the main focus while still giving us hints of Cadence and Shining Armour's personalities. In A Little Panic, Flurry Heart is cute and that's about it with only Celestia being developed as a character.

Sorry to say but Flurry Heart Goes To Magic Kindergarten takes the first point!

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2) Theme
Any story has a certain theme to it. Where it be mystery, romance, adventure ect. There are plentiful ways to write a story.

So which had the better themes?

A Little Panic aims for cute while Flurry Heart Goes To Magic Kindergarten aims for comedy. Yet both only had one punchline each. And they weren't as good as you would think. Both needed the extra work in them each.

In A Little Panic:
Celestia hummed as she read through the latest document she had been handed as her ear flicked. She could hear some strange noises coming from outside. What in Equestria is going on? Is there a religious festival that I had forgotten? She shook her head and returned to her reading before looking up as the doors to her office were flung open by a panic stricken guard.

“Your Highness! Oh thank Celestia you’re all right!”

Celestia lifted an eyebrow at that, but shook her head pretty soon—even Twilight would have to deal with ponies saying “Thank Twilight” in front of her. “I’m quite well, my loyal Quick Blade. Healthy and not even that busy. What is it I can do for you?” She took off her glasses and placed them on her desk with a smile.

The unicorn guard panted a bit catching his breath. “Y-Your Highness— Princess Celestia, you must come outside quickly!”

Celestia frowned, taking a glance at the still crystal next to her. “All right, but just for a moment; I’m waiting for my great-niece to wake from her nap.” She got up from her desk and walked out onto her balcony, where she looked up into the sky, following Quick Blade’s shaking hoof. Above her, the sun was pin balling across the sky in no pattern whatsoever.

“You see, Princess? It must be Discord! He’s gone evil once again and with the Elements of Harmony gone, we’re all doomed!” Quick Blade seemed to slump next to Celestia as she frowned, her horn glowing before she shook her head.

“You have no need to worry, my loyal guard. This will be corrected in no time at all.” With that, she turned around and cast a glance at the still silent crystal. I’ll be sending a letter to the manufacture of that thing… For now, I’ll move her cot into my office. Celestia walked across the hall and opened the door to Flurry Heart’s nursery to see the baby sitting up in her cot, wings spread and happily gurgling with her horn lit up. Celestia sighed and walked over to her cot and booped Flurry Heart lightly on the muzzle, startling her enough for her horn to sputter out.

“No, no, Flurry Heart. The sun is not a toy.”

Only slightly cute.

In Flurry Heart Goes To Magic Kindergarten:
"Flurry Heart?" The big filly snorted. "That's a dumb name. Isn't that a dumb name, Crystal Bitters?"

"Yeah, Crystal Mush, it's a really dumb name," said the other filly. "What should we call her instead?"

"How about..." Crystal Mush snorted again. "How about 'Hurry Fart'?"

She and Crystal Bitters started laughing. Gyro stopped struggling and gave Flurry a very obvious I Am Going to Cry in Two Seconds look that she hadn't realized anyone but Daddy could make. And then something very odd occurred to her.

Hurry Fart.

Hurry Fart?

Hurry Fart.

She snorted, and the two fillies stopped laughing. She grabbed her sides and doubled over, releasing a guffaw loud enough to attract everyone's attention, if only for a moment. Crystal Bitters let Crystal Gyro go, and the three of them just stared at her.

"Hurry Fart!" she said in between laughs. "That'th the funnietht thing I ever heard!"

"Wh-wha?" Crystal Mush took a step back, dropping the train. "You're not s'posed to laugh."

"Wait, wait!" Flurry gained control of her giggles and righted herself. "Gimme a thec, I bet I can..."

She scrunched up her muzzle, lit her horn, and bent over. After a few seconds of concentration, she released a burst of magic, along with a cloud of gas and a loud noise, from her rear.

It was Gyro's turn to start laughing. Crystal Mush and Crystal Bitters both backed away, holding their noses.

"Ew!" cried Crystal Mush. "That's so gross! You are super gross!"

"Oh Celestia, I can taste it!" wailed Crystal Bitters.

A fart joke. Need I say more?

Now, it may seem like both may not get a point at all. There's is a winner when i took a closer look.
While it initially seems to be the case of Comedy vs Cute it is in actual fact Comedy vs Comedy & Cute

While I chuckled at how Flurry Heart described her parents and their confusion in the end of PresentPerfect's story.

"So you had a good time on your first day of school?" Mommy smiled at her.

"Uh-huh, I thure did! I learned about thought emergenthieth, and I played with trainth, and I farted a lot, and I made lotth o' new friendth, and I wathn't conthuth at all!"

Mommy and Daddy shared a Look. "I think I misheard something in the middle there," said Daddy.

I found it even more funny for the zombie-state of Princess Cadence and Shining Armour in Foal's story. Especially the main cute scene, which somehow worked better as a comedic scene. The other cute fluffy scenes of Baby Flurry Heart were also a added bonus though I still find Flurry Heart better portrayed by PresentPerfect.

Foals has a combination of cute and comedy which gave her story the better advantage in it's theme. A Little Panic takes the second point!

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3) Storyline/Ending
It's all tied up so let's look at the storyline. Or rather the ending of both stories but I'll get to that later.

Flurry Heart Goes To Magic Kindergarten has the advantage in length just look at the word count with 2600+ words while A Little Panic has half of that at 1300+ words. However, A Little Panic sucked me into the story more despite the lesser word count and some scenes in Flurry Heart Goes To Magic Kindergarten I skimmed over.

A Little Panic just feels like it was just one scene jumping to another with a slight connection in progression of the story and while Flurry Heart Goes To Magic Kindergarten falls under that same mistake a little, the connections between each scene seemed more appropriate.

Oh what to decide...

Okay. What about the endings? Both storylines had the somewhat of the feeling of being cut off at the end despite being "complete". So which had the more completed ending?

Honestly I would have to say Flurry Heart Goes To Magic Kindergarten would be more completed if you look at the context of both stories.

A Little Panic involves Flurry's parents going on vacation with Celestia babysitting while Flurry Heart Goes To Magic Kindergarten... The name speaks for itself.

Flurry first day of school would certainly fit as a simple one shot while the context of Celestia babysitting seems to be more fitted for a story than a one-shot. Thus, A Little Panic was more incomplete than Flurry Heart Goes To Magic Kindergarten.

And so the winner is Flurry Heart Goes To Magic Kindergarten!!!

Granted, there is nothing wrong with the story A Little Panic but if there was a better constructed story I guess it would be Flurry Heart Goes To Magic Kindergarten. Both have their ups and downs and it's why still recommend reading both.

Furthermore, while A Little Panic didn't work out as a proper one-shot, thankfully Foals has decided to expand upon her initial one-shot into a full blown story.

Perhaps PresentPerfect could try that to, expanding upon his story. I would certainly like to read that. maybe it could be like an MLP Version of Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide.

This is MixMassBasher signing out.

Isn't Life Wonderful? by RainbowBulletX12345

Review #3100!

Genre: Comedy

Shining Armor and Cadence learn just what a joy parenthood can be.

Yes, I'm finally getting around to the other finalists of the Protect Flurry Heart contest, where my story Flurry Heart Goes to Magic Kindergarten took second place! This one took third. Boy does it need an editor! Yet I can't deny, for all that it's just a string of parenting jokes, the very first one had me laughing, given how drolly it's presented. (I also laughed at the sudden Flashlight sneaking in.) But yes, I won't be surprised if the copious typos, fast pacing and sudden timeskips turn off most readers.

Recommended for the Forgiving

-PresentPerfect

Here's a funny thing. Your story always felt like a sequel to this. No wonder Isn't Life Wonderful was in 3rd place.