• Member Since 24th Jan, 2015
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I live life deliciously.

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  • 7 weeks
    Zero Hour! (1957)

    I get the feeling that Princess Luna has the worst job out of the princesses. I'm not talking about raising the moon and getting no real credit for it because apparently every horse in the land goes to bed at a sensible time. By the way what is a sensible time? I say go to bed when you're tired. Who cares if it's 10 pm or seventy five hours from now. But I digress.

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    5 comments · 31 views
  • 20 weeks
    Guess Who Had the Covid-19

    It was the end of March and I felt weird. Not the normal weird that seems to follow me day in and day out but sick weird. Sometimes I felt warm, sometimes I had chills but mostly I was tired. So, I did the thing any normal person would do, I went to the doctor. However, if you guessed that I went to the beach and partied until I embarrassed all the teens and twenty somethings I'd have

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    7 comments · 53 views
  • 39 weeks
    The Lighthouse (2019)

    Is it just me or should they have not reformed Diamond Tiara? I know it's something that was done awhile ago but when you look at Cozy Glow it's really just Diamond Tiara who's playing a bit more of the long game. I think it would have worked out better.

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    5 comments · 68 views
  • 48 weeks
    Werewolves on Wheels (1971)

    Today I was at a thrift store. I'm not quite sure why I was there. It just seemed to be that I ended up there. Anyway, I was going through the pants looking for loose change when all of a sudden I saw a man. He was wearing a shirt that said Nantucket's Finest.

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    8 comments · 82 views
  • 51 weeks
    The Dead Pool (1988)

    So, it's been a few months since I've posted or really said anything here. How's it going? Hopefully you're doing well and life hasn't been too much of a booger. If it has, well, in the most general of ways I hope that you are able to see your way through whatever it is.

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    7 comments · 80 views

99 Homes (2014) · 1:56am May 31st, 2016

So, I was in Wal-Mart a few days ago because I had to pick up a storage container due to one of mine breaking. The lesson that night was don't wear steel toe boots and try to kick something across the floor. So, while I was there I decided to poke around in the party supply area because it was two in the morning and it wasn't like I had anything better to do.

They had the typical stuff for parties, napkins, cups wrapping paper and the like all lined up as neatly as Wal-Mart is going to make it (insert People of Wal-Mart joke here). Yet, I was sort of surprised at the lack of certain contemporary cartoons among the kids stuff. I mean they had a couple of superheroes, Hello Kitty and stuff for what looked like a couple of other animated shows that I'd never seen before.

Interestingly enough they had pinatas there. They even had a Pinkie Pie pinata. It made sense. Mules and what not are normal pinatas but what I found interesting was the fact that there was a Pinkie Pie pinata and across from it a large paper My Little Pony gift bags. It was then I started to laugh, and I remembered something I'd wanted to do years ago.

See I've never been a fan of pinatas. I mean I like seeing people get hit with sticks as much as the next guy but I just always thought it was kind of a silly tradition. So, I got the idea that if I ever bought a pinata I'd fill it not with candy but with a thin plastic lining. Then I'd get some sausages and what not and a mess of kero syrup dyed red. You know for the kids. A couple of good whacks later and you have a birthday everyone will remember.

The gift bag of course was big enough to put a pinata in. Especially in pieces. Hey, I always wanted to be a gangster! I could take the red kero syrup dripping bag and bury it with the pinata pieces under a bridge and Fuh-ged-about-it!

Speaking of beating dead horses the sub prime mortgage crisis sucked. I had family who lost their butts in it. For a long while (and some folks are still saying it) the statement, "I'm screwed," was said by many folks across the country.

One of the states that was hit hardest by this was Florida. In the movie 99 Homes we ultimately follow an unemployed construction worker named Dennis Nash (Andrew Garfield) who loses the home that he, his mom and son live in, to the bank and more specifically real estate broker Rick Carver (Michael Shannon). Through a quirk of fate Nash winds up working for Carver and goes through duplicitous dealings, evictions and making a fair amount of cash in the process. However, Nash begins to have doubts about the morality of what he's doing.

A lot of critics really liked this movie. Heck even a fair amount surveyed audiences enjoyed it too. It's easy to see why. Both Shannon and Garfield deliver quality performances (Spiderman v. Zod After the Bubble Bursts rated PG-13). Some of the shots in the movie are classic examples of how to show someone feeling trapped or overwhelmed. The problem with this movie is the story and script.

There really isn't a "good guy" in this movie. Even at the end where one guy has a rifle and is screaming about how he got cheated, he isn't a good guy. He's going to jail for being a jackass. Nash's family is no help. His mother who could get a McJob or something never does. She cuts hair but that's like what 20 bucks every once in awhile? She and his son in their milquetoast way berate and whine at Nash for their circumstances. Then when they find out about who he's working for try to take this moral position when they have no business doing so.
Nash does a bunch of illegal stuff with his friends and it's all fun and games until he gets yelled at and then has to have his third act crisis of conscience.

This leaves us with Carver who frankly is the most enjoyable to watch. He knows who he is and makes no bones about it. Is he corrupt? Sure. Does he seduce Nash into his unseemly practices? Of course and he compensates him well for it. Then again, he also always leaves Nash the option to walk away too. So, who's worse?

The other big issue with this movie is the pacing. Sure, we get plenty of scenes of Nash evicting people. Everyone from families with kids who broke their arms to old people with dementia are kicked out. It's supposed to be emotionally charged for the audience but, I don't know these people. If I don't know them I can't sympathize with them. What the movie really needed was a longer build up to Nash having his crisis. What we needed was Nash wanting to turn his boss in way earlier in the film. By the time the third act roles around so much "just stuff" has happened that the ending is just more stuff that is ultimately meaningless and a victory for nobody.

If you watch this movie, the performances are good. It's unfortunate though that such good performances are marred by a plot and pacing that is one house short of a hundred.

Stats: 1 dead body, multiple court room scenes, many stolen air conditioners, eviction fu, business fu, whining fu, shoving fu, montage fu.

Michael Shannon as Rick Carver the realtor for saying stuff like, "Well it's a real shame. We arrived with two pizzas here for Mr. Codwell, the property owner, but he didn't want anchovies. So he went into the house, got a gun, and blew his brains out. That set off Mrs. Codwell who wanted Chinese for dinner."

Andrew Garfield as Dennis Nash for putting up with his kid and mom and for being a do it all handy kind of guy.

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Comments ( 7 )

Haven't heard of it. Reminds me of another movie Swimming with Sharks

I love the "fu"s, as always. :derpytongue2:

You should do The Guns of Navarone next!

3986906 You slept through The Guns of Navarone? - Dick Van Dyke show

3985329 Yeah but there some band out there that's been fighting them even longer than I've been making them!

3985047 Honestly I think the best business drama set around real estate was Glenngarry Glen Ross. Then again having a cast that includes Jack Lemon, Kevin Spacey and Al Pacino usually bodes well for that type of film.

3987281 Damn I'm surprised that I forgot that movie. It was that and Homicide that introduced me to the works of David Mamet.

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