• Member Since 17th Jan, 2015
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MixMassBasher


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  • 217 weeks
    Another Weird Dream

    Dreams are weird. Enough said. Guess I'm too excited about the next Zelda game cause I had a dream relating to that. Not that I mind, of course. Though what I dreamt probably won't make it into any new Zelda game.


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    0 comments · 316 views
  • 222 weeks
    Update Two: Electric Boogaloo

    Salutations once again.

    It's been a while since I last updated my story Letters From Across The Disgruntled Multiverse or even write anything here at all. I think some explanations is needed.

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    4 comments · 406 views
  • 265 weeks
    Bird Box Crossover Dream?

    Ever heard of the horror movie Bird Box?

    Never watched it myself, cause I'm not a fan of horror, but I did know the premise at least.

    What's even stranger was that I dreamt a crossover of it with My Little Pony. Though only in bits and fragments. Allow me to share it with you guys and tell me what you think.

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    0 comments · 342 views
  • 271 weeks
    Is Flash Sentry a descendent of Flash Magnus?

    Considering that they have similar coat colours, are guards, and have similar first names. Could they be related?


    Here's the discussion links here:

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    1 comments · 599 views
  • 282 weeks
    Short Disgruntled Chapter

    The Cheek's in the Mail by Rambling Writer

    Don't know why but after reading this story. I figure there could be a disgruntled chapter for this. But it's too short for my standards. So, I'll post here.



    Dear Pinkie Pie,

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    0 comments · 319 views
May
28th
2016

Discorded M2B reviews S̼̹̫̟͇̱͖͌ͩ̇̅͐̕h̸̬͚̗̿u͓͖̮͐̉̅ͧͪ͟b̰͡-̡̣̈́̈͂C̺̜ͥ̉ͮ̇͡a̱̾ͩ̒ͧ̚͠d͔͕̣̙͗͒̊̎̍ͬ̕u͙̻̪̤̰͖͗͆ͧͤ̕r̴̥̤̩̺̹͍̂͒ͩ̈̒̇̚ͅa̺̳̖̥̦̱͚͐t͍̻̼ͧ̀ͅh̬̭̪͍͙̞̜ͯ̈ͧ̋ͦ̀ by PresentPerfect · 10:03pm May 28th, 2016

The title isn’t the only thing that's messed up...

Spoilers... (Well Duh)

Read Story Here

You know, I’ve been too positive with my reviews. Now don’t get me wrong being positive is good. But, it’s nice to balance things out. There are stories I don’t like as I have my own preferences. So without further ado....

(Discord came in, corrupted MixMassBasher, and then poofed out of sight.)

LET’S DO THIS!!!

So...the story’s name is... is... Sub-Cardeth?... Shrub-Cuda?... Subnautica?... You Know What! I’ll just call it [Data Expunged]. See much more appropriate.

And why the title of the story styled like that? Like some corrupted data file?


I͚̣̞̱̹͕͌ͤ̇ ̘̰͓̄̊ͨͫ̒͆ͮ͐h̠͚̮̣̘̍ͫ̓͠ā͎̫̇̏̌͗ͨ̊̅͗͘͟͢v̨͇͍ͤ̏̉ͨ͐͞e̢̳͈̯̘̫͇̰̜ͣ̌͌̇͆ ̶̍͋ͮ̿̒̽͒ͪ҉͉̻̩̤̯̮͕͈n̢̙̱̮̹͔͇͕̰̓́̉ͯ̋͛͒̊̋͘ǫ̟̭̭͍̭̇̓ ͉ͩ͂͂̑ͯ̇̂̎͢ͅi̢̳̥̹̤̙̔̎ͭ̌̊̽͐̊̇d̴̖̣͙͇̐̈̅̏͢e̅ͩ̿̔̎̓͂͏̲̻̪̝̜̺a̡̫̹ͨͩͯͥ̄̀̀.̹͕͎̜̭̳̩̫̍̈̌ͮ͐̋̄...

or, The Pink Princess of the Palace With a Thousand Young
by Present Perfect

Well, this story is off to a bad start if it cannot get its own title right.

But could the title really be the cause of so much dislikes as compared to his other works? Not necessarily. There are some problems with the story so let’s start off with the synopsis then.

She tried her best, but it's just not there. She kicked a hoof and said, "It's just not fair!" A princess mare living princess dreams; a filly that's not quite as it seems...
Based on the promo video for season 6. There will be spoilers!

Hmm. Now the title style makes so much sense. The zalgo text should have been my first hint...

Anyways, the synopsis shows that the story idea could be rather interestimg. The idea of Princess Cadence coming into terms with her demonic daughter, Flurry Heart. That would be a great story idea for a horror fic!

But as you can tell by my sarcasm, that is not the story this seemed to be.

Well... not entirely anyway...

It does have the synopsis set up in the beginning but Princess Cadence pretty disappears by the end of this fic.

To me, it should have the focus on the interaction between Princess Cadence along with Flurry Heart since both are mentioned in the story synopsis. Thus, I found that there's a lack of focus on the story from this.

Now on to the story.

It does begin with parallel to hiw the Season 6 promo video showed but with one minor difference.

Sure enough, after a few more moments of cooing and gentle adoration, there came the sound of tearing cloth, and a pair of enormous wings sprang from the crib, accompanied by an equally oversized horn.

Pinkie Pie screamed. Her head began quickly rotating on her neck. Fluttershy's eyes rolled back as she gibbered in an ancient language lost to ponykind. Blood poured from Rainbow Dash's eyes, ears and nose, while a manic smile stretched tighter and tighter across her face. Rarity chipped a hoof. Beyond all explanation, Starlight Glimmer was oddly passive.

Here's the first problem I have with the story itself. How the hell can this happen to the Mane 6? It's just oversized horm and wings? Not exactly zalgo material.

Also, Flurry Heart here is apparently an even bigger trouble maker than in the Season 6 premire.

But at least Cannon Flurry Heart is a trouble maker accidentally. This version of Flurry Heart I honesty do not know if I'm on her side, against her or anything else for that matter.

On a side note, I'm pretty sure this was how Bronies reacted to Flurry Heart...

"Wow," said Twilight, immune to the infant princess's aura of unworldliness thanks to her own princess-ness.  "Wow.  I've princessed some babies in my day, but that is the princessiest baby I ever princessed."

Oh look, another problem I have. The dialogues. Here the dialogue felt a little cringe worthy. Twilight is just not adorkable here. And sadly, there's more of this type of dialogue to come...

Anyways, what's the demon baby's name?

Oh shit. Panic welled in Cadence's chest. Name? You didn't name these things. They had names that were whispered in the etheric void between nowhere and nothingness, names that could not be printed lest they summon Great Old Ones to annihilate reality. A name for this creature would lay mountains low and drive the most stolid pony mage mad in a heartbeat with just the suggestion that someone might speak it. In hindsight, however, it had been a mistake not to come up with some kind of cover, if only to appease ponies like Twilight. Quickly, Cadence tried to make something up.

This was perhaps the only funny part of this story. Which is sad considering this story is tagged comedy.

"Princess Flurry Heart?" Twilight repeated.  "What an... unusual name!  Ha ha!" She shook her head and looked at the filly.  "Imma just call you Fluttershy Two, okay?"

Twilight... Just shut up... Enough of your weird dialogue.

The Twilight of this story so far seemed very out of character to me.

Don't believe me?͔̩̭ͅͅ

H̷͓͔ͅe̮̥̟r̕e̹͚̦̜̥̜ͅ'͓͍͚̟̯ͅs̤̱͎ ̷͈̞̜ạ̯̭ņ̦̞̳ ̗̖ȩ̱̜x̜̯̥̰̪͔̕a͔̖͈̜̘̯̞m̰̙͚̮̟͢p͔͍̝̜̦̫͝ḻ̠̳̝e͉,̯̰ ͔̩̭ͅͅ

"Well," Twilight continued, gingerly patting the long, sharp horn, "that's enough babies for today.  What do you girls say?"

They said very little, though at least the spinning and gibbering and bleeding had ceased.  Three of the mares huddled in the corner, sobbing as Rarity stroked their manes and cooed softly in their ears.  Only Starlight remained, staring impassively at the crib.

"Good!" Twilight trotted over to her friends and tapped Fluttershy on the head.  That seemed to do the trick, as she and the others roused from their stupor, shaking their heads and blinking.  They were, Cadence was pleased to see, none the worse for their ordeal.  "C'mon, girls, let's get out of here.  Thanks for letting us see your weird baby, Cadence!"

Twilight does not even realise that her own friends are in pain as shown here. Her disregard and ignorance is way out of character for my taste cause this is the kind of ignorance that is not even mildly funny to me. Obliviousness to people's misery is the worst kind character to me. Which is probably why Spongebob is no longer a favorite childhood cartoon character...

So Twilight, goodbye and good riddance.

Anyways, we get a flashback from Cadence's POV straight after that.

"Good news, Cadie," Shining said softly from her side.  He stroked her mane, smiling through his surgical mask.  "There might actually be a good one in this batch."

Wait what?

Long ago, she had stopped thinking of them as her children.  The first time, she had been overwrought, struck through with a sense of loss and wrongness.  Those couldn't be her foals!  Certainly, few of them even looked like proper ponies, and the staff of the Royal Crystal Hospital had been sworn to highest secrecy about the circumstances of her unexpectedly early birth.  As far as the Crystal Empire, or anypony outside of it, knew, Cadence had only been pregnant the standard amount of time and just given birth today.

Okay so the flashback shows when Princess Cadence had given birth to her other demon children.

"All right." Cadence let out a long, slow breath.  "Tell the doctors to dispose of the others in the usual way.  We'll take this one."

And Cadence, the Princess of Love shows no love at all or regret for the killing of her other children. I get that they are somewhat demonic but really? Now don't get me wrong the story does try to explain why she cares not for her children but the explanation needed more detail as I was only barely convinced. This seemed really out of character cause of this. This scene was meant to give us readers proper explanation to the context of this story thus far and it failed miserably.

Perhaps I wouldn't have be so hard on this version of Cadence if PresentPerfect had at least shown scenes of what were their first few demonic babies like instead of just mentioning them than maybe I could be more understanding.

Furthermore, this middle part of the story would have been better in the beginning to me as it kind of felt out of place.

And seriously Cadence. Adopt!

I don't even know what's happening anymore now... I’m pretty much confused at this point of what supposed to interest me in this story.

"Tonight," Starlight Glimmer whispered, "the cycle ends."

Her heart stopped as the child's eyes popped open.  She gazed into the creature's soul, a soul she knew all too well, and beheld the infinite blackness within.

"Mowe," the tiny filly said, and her mouth opened impossibly wide.  A force like the vacuum of space tugged Starlight towards the crib.

But she had been prepared for this.

Frantically, Starlight used her horn as a loom shuttle, weaving together the threads of mana to counter the filly's preternatural powers.  The suction grew, reversing direction.  The filly's eyes widened as the lower half of her body was pulled into her own mouth.

"Flurry Heart!" Starlight shouted, heedless of who might hear.  "Fluttershy Two!  Names I cast off decades ago!  Living in exile for ages, without family or friend, again and again trying to undo the very fabric of reality!  At last, little pony, I have seen the light.  On this night, our endless reign of terror is at last over!"

With a choked-off scream and a flash of light, the filly Flurry Heart vanished in her own spell.

Starlight hadn't planned for the spell to continue once the filly was gone, however.  Tears tracked down her cheeks as she was pulled into the black hole churning above the crib.  She threw every spell she could think of at it, but none had any effect.  With a sob that was half laugh, she noticed her hooves were beginning to vanish as they scraped along the floor.

"Ah well," she said.  "It seems I was doomed not to survive the night, either."

When at last she was devoured by the tear in reality, it closed with a burp and a ding.  All was still in the Royal Crystal Nursery.  Starlight Glimmer's betrayal and the princess-shaped hole it left in Equestria would not be discovered until morning.

Wait...What!?! Star... Starlight? What? WHAT?? What just happen??????@$%$^&&^&$%#^





[Please wait while this idiot reviewer does some backdrop research on this story]





Okay so Starlight Glimmer is Flurry Heart? Okay. Why? How? Explain yourself story. EXPLAIN!!

Wait... The story ends here?

Their corporate sponsors were gonna be so pissed.

And I'm pissed at this story.

Author's Note:
I think this was funnier in my head. :B

Well said PresentPerfect, cause I’m not laughing AT ALL.

Now to summarize. It's a confusing mess.

I was neither scared nor laughing at this whole story. Just confused of what the hell is happening. This story has a Horror and Comedy Tag for crying out loud!!! This story isn't scary and it isn't funny either.

So what other tags of are there? Oh... A Random Tag.

This story is a trollfic. Something tells me I’ll never like any of those types of stories... It’s like doing an April Foals Prank. Unfunny and Annoying from the other person's perspective. Which is a shame really, since this story was tagged comedy. It was meant to be funny but I guess the randomness just wasn’t funny to me at all.

Those Awful Rumors 'Round Town by PresentPerfect as well was the better "troll" fic. It at least made me laugh in the end.

Also, the way the storyline plays out feels very fragmented.

This is, of course, a story about the season six spoilers, so I expect a low readership. :B That said, I would describe it as Princess Cadence Takes One for the Team meets Faun, so if you've enjoyed either of those stories, consider reading it later, once things are not so spoilery. :V

Also, it contains a bunch of reused jokes allusions to my other stories! Can you spot them all? :V

Because of this I felt less invested to find all the references that PresentPerfect makes from his previous stories that could possibly get a better laugh out of me due to being too confused to be invested into do so. While the story has a flow in the storyline, the flow itself leads to it's disaster.

And besides that one scene what else I found funny. Well... what I did find kind of funny was that a user who has reviewed countless stories, good and bad, whom probably could have taken many pointers from those stories to make a very magnificent story to read yet made this. It really goes to show you that nopony’s perfect.




And that’s what I felt the story could have gone as instead. Have Princess Cadence coming in terms with and accepting Zalgo Flurry Heart as her rather interesting daughter cause in the end Flurry is just a Baby probably not aware of her actions. That could have been a better direction of bringing better light on Cadence as a character and the introduction to Flurry Heart.

A good story helps convey to readers through writing what is happening and the situation to prevent confusion to the reader. This story left me completely dumbfounded at what just happen. This story is just a confusing mess. And this was the first story I read from PresentPerfect. Not exactly a good first impression. But truth is, we all need to be accepting that not everything will be perfect as you may want and move on and not cry over spilled milk. This was what this story didn't teach me.

So PresentPerfect, here’s to hoping to see better works from you and thankfully, PresentPerfect in the end made a better Flurry Heart related story but that's a review for another day.

This is MixMassBasher signing out.

Shining gave her hoof a squeeze. "Do you think this will be the end?"

Nope Shining. There are more bad Fimfictions to come...

Comments ( 1 )
PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

So PresentPerfect, here’s to hoping to see better works from you

Don't hold your breath :V

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