Apr
16th
2016
I Love America · 5:12am Apr 16th, 2016
Tonight, I went to a Chinese restaurant.
The lady behind the front counter was white.
Our waiter was Arab-American; the other was Hispanic.
The only other people in the restaurant was a Polynesian family gathered around a table in the middle of the room.
Number of Chinese people in the Chinese restaurant: 0.
But at least I still got an Engrish fortune cookie (You will always have good luck in you. Personal affairs.)
The best part: at the end of the fortune, there's a "learn Chinese" line, trying to teach you how to pronounce Beijing. It includes the Chinese characters which supposedly correspond with the word Beijing.
However, looking it up, Beijing is supposed to be spelled 北京市, but that isn't how the fortune cookie spells it.
I love America.
'Murica!
We have a chinese mexican restaurant in town, run by a chef from Chile who's really good at chinese food, sucks at mexican though.
You should have ordered a gyro
newswire.kulmun.be/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/bigstockphoto_American_Eagle_239566.jpg
Well, actually there are a few different script versions of the characters. Any chance you have a photo o the fortune cookie?
I promise I'm not asking because of a nefarious, widely-publicized plan to find out your personal details and bring your reign of editorial terror to an end.
What are the odds? I know of at least three pizza and two pasta joints in my city that don't have a single Italian on their respective staffs.
I'll just leave this here for your perusal: http://hanzismatter.blogspot.com/ :)
AND AMERICA LOVES YOU, CITIZEN!
it'll get worse
The Chinese restaurant near me sells hamburgers.
This kills the Alsvid.
Also, fun fact: most sushi joints are run by Koreans or Chinese pretending to be Japanese.
They think we roundeye foreign devil gwailo are soooo dumb.
Also, just a little tip, a little word of advice: talking about white people or just saying the words 'white people' will earn you threats from other fimfic users.
I have been threatened multiple times and harassed sitewide now! Never did I think I would have been threatened on a horseword site! Serious business!
ETA: The user in question even proudly declared that he was going to send other users after me. Smashing.
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Unfortunately, I tossed it out after I looked it up. Hopefully I'm not maligning some legitimate fortune cookie manufacturer.
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I'm shocked!
But yeah, no, I totally agree that there's nothing wrong with it or anything. It isn't like you have to be Chinese to make Chinese food. We make Chinese food at home all the time. And Mexican food. And Mongolian food.
I just found it ironic that the restaurant had a beautiful ethnic rainbow which managed to exclude anyone who was even what most people would think of as "Asian", let alone Chinese.
I secretly hope that the chefs in the back were a black dude and a Cherokee lady who studied Korean at some point.
Though incidentally, I'm not sure if what Americans think of as "pizza" is very close to the ancestral Italian food. I've had some pizza-esque stuff in France that was apparently a relative of pizza, and while it was obviously a relative of pizza, it was equally obviously not pizza. The one time I went to an Italian restaurant and ordered a pizza, it didn't seem very much like what we make at home.
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It's okay, I have dragon privilege.
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That's beautiful.
I especially love the Asian gibberish alphabet.
Also this:
3.bp.blogspot.com/-UxFNW2PQgZY/VU7jVY389gI/AAAAAAAAVvQ/UV1n682l3TI/s1600/jianbing_portland.JPG
Authentic Chinese crepes, made by someone who couldn't be bothered to get a proper translation of the food item in question.
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Right-o, chum. Well, if they come after you, you'll give them a nasty surprise, I should think.
I have to admit I was badly rattled, more than I would have liked to admit at first, mostly because one does not simply get threatened on a website about colorful ponies.
Boromir.jpg
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Me, I love the fact that Hanzi Smatter has been at it for over a decade, and while the blog was reported multiple times in mass media, it's still not showing any sign of drying up. :)
Full disclosure: Yalwin Khales is the guy who screamed at me "We're gonna make you pay, Alsvid! We're gonna get you! We're coming for you - me and Lorenzo!"
And then he started following me sitewide and I assume he probably did that finger-across-the-neck gesture at me. Virtually.
He seems to have made himself the self-appointed Lord Protector of the White Race on FiMFic. Kamikakushi suggested that I report him if he keeps it up, though, so I'm eagerly looking forward to his next threat.
... interesting. The Chinese restaurant I go to is 100% staffed by Asian people (no idea what variety), and has fortune cookies with perfect English, but which are boring as fuck.
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Stupidity is an endless well to draw from.
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You can't distinguish Asian people from one another?
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3873714 Nope. I also can't tell the difference between Irish and Scottish unless their accents are prominent, or the difference between one or another Scandinavian :P
And I have Czech ancestry but I defy you to prove that they're not identical to Poles.
3873715
Well, I have reasons why I did my research. You see, I have decided to marry and have children with an Asian woman at some point in time.
You have heard about how Asian women are considered a mark of success and victory in one's life, yes? It is, in the public eye, indicative of great strength and power. All the successful people - like Mark Zuckerberg - have acquired one.
If you are an Asian woman, contact me with your details so that we can properly arrange this transaction. I am intelligent, successful, employed, and have a house.
One must be careful, however: if one is untoward about one's intentions, one may be accused of having An Asian Fetish. Stealth and subtlety are required. One must be cautious. One must exercise great personal discretion. It is no small undertaking.
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The reality is that, much like Europeans, people in the region are mongrels due to centuries of warring, conquering, and interbreeding. As a result, while there are some ethnic traits distinguishing Chinese, Japanese, and Koreans, in reality they're extremely unreliable.
If you take away the usual cues - haircuts and clothing styles - the average person in Japan, given 18 people of Japanese/Chinese/Korean descent, will get 6 correct.
If you just said "Wait, couldn't you get that by guessing blindly?" then congratulations, you have just learned the dirty secret that they can't tell them apart either!
The reality is that if you're Chinese or Korean, and grow up in Japan and dress like someone from Japan and speak Japanese, the Japanese are probably going to be clueless. Akiko Wada is a Korean-Japanese singer who hid that she was Korean. The Japanese were surprised when she said she was of Korean descent.
There are some general things you can use to distinguish them at times - Japanese people tend to have more ovular faces, for instance - but it is pretty much a crapshoot.
It is, however, much easier for people from the region to distinguish between them because they're aware of the cultural tropes and suchlike, and thus can identify Chinese, Japanese, and Korean people much more reliably because of hairstyles and clothing and suchlike.
Take away those social cues, however, and they're as clueless as any dirty unwashed Westerner.
3873723 Long story short, people all look the fuckin' same.
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You forgot to mention that it is extremely difficult to pursue an Asian woman.
Ignoring the potential backlash of being accused of having an Asian Fetish (because of course the highest trophies have their own automatic defense mechanism), they are highly competitive, fastidious, selective, formal, strict, authoritative, meticulous, and do not accept sloppy behavior, ignorance, or indecisiveness.
One must be at the top of one's abilities.
For example, I was in a shop the other day. There was a slender, severe-looking Asian woman sitting on a chair, about five or ten years older than me, I would think.
I did not approach her - a direct approach is certain to result in failure. In fact, I was oblivious to her presence and was totally occupied with my shopping. It was hot, so I wiped some sweat from my brow. Then I noticed her glaring angrily at me - she was obviously upset that I had displayed weakness by wiping away sweat. Her eyes glittered contemptuously.
I hastened to leave her immediate area, feeling intensely upset for displaying such weakness. No doubt she had a good laugh with her family about how foreign devil gwailo cannot tolerate heat.
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http://alllooksame.com/
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Are you intentionally trying to be creepy?
Actually, a lot of the non-chain places around me do have some... does "ethnic fidelity" sound as bad to you as it does to me? Point is, pizzerias run by Italians, Chinese places run by... well, people of Asian decent at least, going by the comments.
Though there is that bagel place run by a Korean-Brazilian where my sister used to work...
I too love America.
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Well, our local independent pizza parlors are run by hippies and college students, who are probably the ethnicities that pizza most applies to.
One of them is even called Woodstock's Pizza.
3873726 I'd be surprised too. I'd never expect a site like this to get angry over something like the phrase 'white people' alone, considering just how friendly and tolerant to a fault this place is. I mean, look at the bull that comes out of Alondro's mouth, and all we do is have polite but slightly passive agressive arguments with him.
But seeing the way you talk, I'm surprised they still let you on this site. It's no wonder you got yelled at. You really thought you could lie to Fimfiction users about the interactions of users on Fimfiction? I admit; I definitely have no idea what the actual conversation you had was, but you practically threw yourself under the bus by keeping your mouth open and yapping about how great of a bachelor you are and how you deserve a trophy wife, as well as analysing women like some competitive video game. I would bet on the fact that you said something stupidly offensive about white people than just getting yelled at for mentioning whites.
I consider FimFiction politer than my Canadian friends, and they would have literally shoved you out the room by the time you first mentioned Asians, if not have ridiculed you for repeatedly talking about how victimized you were for three comments straight largely unprompted.
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Barring your assumptions for a moment, a group admin actually had to step in and warn Alonzo about publicly attacking me, so your argument kinda falls apart there.
And they allow me on this site because I'm a rule-abiding citizen. One isn't banned just because they have an opinion you don't like, especially when that opinion isn't worth telling about.
I wouldn't be here if I did. The site staff take a very dim view of people saying stupidly offensive stuff; I've seen more people I can count be banned for such things.
I'm glad you feel the need to attack me at such protracted length, though, that was real splendid of you. Good job. Nice one. You certainly outdid yourself on that front.
Yes, and you went on to prove it by making unfounded accusations and slandering my character.
I won't bother asking why you felt it necessary to go on a tear against someone you don't know.
Let me remind you that I did not get yelled at; I was harassed, threatened, and stalked sitewide. Yelling is fine. I can handle that just great.
Talk to SweetAI Belle if you're having such a difficult time believing me.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I never said I deserve anything. Five points from Gryffindor for bad form.
I wonder just who is making stuff up here now.
I admit you had an impressive-looking accusation built up until you blew it by accusing me of saying things I never said...which kinda is the central axis of your entire argument, actually. I feel like I'm wasting my time even pointing this out.
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I ain't even going to ask why you did this. I will say that I am disappointed at your decision to do it.
I will also add one thing: you are forgiven for your trespass against me, and I am perfectly willing to be your friend and overlook this post of yours. I'm sure you just had a misunderstanding, anyway.
One more thing:
I don't know how they do things in Canadistan, but touching someone without their consent in America? I'd be consulting with my lawyer about some Assault and Battery charges against your friends after that.
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Guilty as charged, my friend. However, I am an ambitious and arrogant creep, which is why I have made it my duty to earn the hallowed letters "PH.D" after my name, or die trying. I decided to continue my education, you see.
I have also decided that I would like to become one of New York State(my home state)'s Senators. I shall be a registered Democrat, of course.
Of course, this isn't my only objective. I plan on carefully working my way up, becoming a lawyer, a doctor, a teacher, or a mathematician before making my run.
I must confess I really want to be a teacher. I have the authoritative manner, the bearing, the tenacity, the will, the determination, and the poise for the job.
By the way, check this out:
http://www.fimfiction.net/blog/619932/refitting-my-work-computer
I repaired my work computer. It's super cool now - really! You should see the size CPU fan I put in.
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Stalking time! I thought you lived in Oregon? Is this really such a common pizza place name that multiple unrelated companies use it?
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Stoners love pizza.
Our Woodstock's Pizza got the website:
www.woodstocks.com
The one down in San Luis Obispo had to go with a weird URL:
www.woodstocksslo.com
Amusingly, the Corvallis one has this on its website as a selling point:
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Wow, I would probably get my laundry done a lot sooner if I lived in Corvallis.
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Oh believe me, it gets worse, much worse.
3873707 Which is hilarious considering what was actually said by you in the first place:
Here were my responses to this and what else was said by you in that thread:
So tell me exactly where in my replies, did I ever threaten you specifically? I don't see it anywhere...
And then this came along in a rage reviews thread:
Classy as always, aren't you?
Why not replace the whole damn cast while you're at it? If representation matters to you so damn much.
But what was it you said before this?
So replacing some of the voices of the show with black voice actors/actresses fixes this 'problem' how?
Of course, should we be rallying to see pony versions of every single country on Earth as well, or is just Africa you want to see and that's it? Because that seems a little unfair to me.
Why stop at Africa? What about Japan/China? What about Macedonia or Iceland? Every country deserves fair representation dammit!
We will not stop until all 196 countries are given equal show time on My Little Pony:Friendship is Magic!
Are you starting to see the problem with this yet?
Yes, let's just tear down all that offensive architecture that's in the show right now, it hurts poor alsvid's feelings!
You are aware that you are likely the first person to ever complain about that? Rather pointless if you ask me.
How dare the writers/artists of the show be inspired by Europe! Don't they understand how offensive that is?
And to end this all, I present this lovely gem:
Stay classy.
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Yes, because threatening a user with how you 'haven't forgotten their words' and insinuating that you have formed a group to stalk/harass/abuse a user sitewide is acceptable.
Plus, your comrade-in-arms Lorenzo overstepped his boundaries, resulting in a reprimand from SweetAI Belle:
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/50/the-writers-group/thread/245613/law-enforcement-in-equestria#comment/5151102
Please, tell me more about how you and Lorenzo are such pleasant people, again.
Oh, by the way, harassing other users is against the site rules. Good luck and have fun; you're going to need it. I've filed a report on your actions.
I'm sure you'll have ample time to think about what I've said.
For extra bonus irony: The menus of virtually all Chinese food restaurants in America are filled with recipes invented by Americans and cooked to American tastes (deep-fried breaded meats, super sweet sauces, etc). The story of General Tso's chicken is representative.
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Oh my gods, will you please both take your drama explosion elsewhere. Or just block each other, pretend each other don't exist, and be done with it.
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Lel
Drama bomb, as Lumpy Space Princess would say.
Please accept my apologies; I have done just as you said. I never really used the block function before but I am about to take that bad boy out for a spin.
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Well, of course! Those
dirtyexotic (they're exotic when it is their food) foreigners clearly were doing it wrong. Good thing we're around to help :VThough really, a lot of the new dishes were invented here by Chinese-American immigrants because they gained access to a bunch of things that weren't readily available in China, like Italian spices. Why wouldn't you come up with new stuff when you gain access to a bunch of new foods?
I've heard that some of these dishes have retroactively been adopted in China, too, just further adding to the confusion. Apparently some places in China serve American-style Chow Mein, for instance, as the dish as served in much of America apparently bears little resemblance to the original dish.
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TD, I'd like to apologize for dramasploding in your blog, too. That was way not cool and excellent of me.