Site Post » SA Reviews #81 · 2:05am Apr 10th, 2016
Seattle's Angels is a group that promotes good stories with low views. You can find us here.
Professor Plum stared into the black void that was fimfiction’s future. As the Secret Underground Base Turned Space Shuttle’s control console blinked lightly, he thought about the things that had brought the Angels to this moment.
Suddenly, a muffled pounding interrupted his reverie. “Uh, sir? I’m still in here.”
“Oh? Oh. So you are, Intern,” Plum remarked. “Has anyone found that blasted key yet?”
Corejo and Razgriz looked at each other with raised eyebrows.
“Key? What key?”
“Don’t we just will ourselves out of that thing?”
Cerulean cackled like a kookaburra and stepped up to peer through the lock, with Ferret and Red Squirrel each holding onto an exclusively grounded shoulder.
Plum was about to make a statement, no doubt telling the Intern that he must clearly not want to actually come out of the closet, when a burst of static interrupted him. Everyone heel-turned immediately as a broken voice came through the debris-clogged PA.
“Transmission received…damage control…place…mage sustained: minimal…cleared to…home, Angels.”
“Minimal.” Sock floated around Plum’s head. “This is unexpected.”
“You mean I lost my bedroom for nothing?” Corejo spiraled around the bridge, head in his hands.
Plum let out the breath he’d unconsciously been holding. “Who’s in charge of intelligence again?”
“CSquared, sir.”
Plum also put his head into his hands. “That explains a lot. He always did overestimate the power of pony princesses. No use brooding about it now, though. We have a planet to return—”
The ship rocked. Alarms began to blare. Obnoxious red light shone in everyone’s eyes.
“Collision detected. Damage severity unknown. Investigate with caution.”
As everyone blinked furiously, Plum—one hand over his face—smashed his fist down onto the conveniently large ABORT button. With a shake of his head, he cast a furtive glance across the room.
“Where’s CV?”
“Ferret’s gone, too!” chirped Squirrel from an upper corner in the room. “All I saw through the flashing was… something long, and then I felt a hard yank and lost my grip on CV’s shoulder. Now they’re both gone.”
The crew stared at each other for a few seconds in silence.
Sock floated up toward the ceiling, staring at the mess of papers left behind. “I found their reviews, sir,” he said to Plum. “What should we do?”
A Noise That Should Not Be Heard filled the bridge.
Why, oh, why did this have to happen under my command? Plum thought, a trickle of purple sweat running down his already shiny face. Gulping down his nervousness, he steeled himself and eyed his faithful friends.
“Raz, Core, investigate the ship. Carefully. We’re not leaving until we find them, and whatever in Tartarus made that terrible noise. Until then, we still have to make sure Commander D receives these messages.”
Everyone exchanged solemn nods as Plum began his transmission. CV can handle himself.
It’s the ferret I’m worried about.
ROUND 81
The Wonderbolts may be the greatest fliers in Equestria, but overseas in the griffin lands, aviation has become all but synonymous with the name of Gerard Goldenwings. Word gets out that the living legend is vacationing in Equestria and rumor has it he may be looking to take on an apprentice. Rainbow Dash is eager to meet him and prove herself worthy of his tutelage, but she must first perform one simple task: catching a certain bird.
Much like the oft-mentioned bulls and china shops, pegasi can be somewhat clumsy in their flying, and I imagine they’d do a decent amount of damage if they weren’t being careful. Rainbow Dash especially is prone to leaping without looking and has caused more than enough mischief in her time in the sun.
When a famous flyer comes to Ponyville for a vacation stop, every pegasus wants to be his student and learn his secret, nobody moreso than Rainbow Dash. With Twilight’s ability to build exceptionally complicated machinery, and AJ’s talented roping skills, she’s sure that she can win the prize and beat everyone else.
As with most slice of life fics, there’s no big sweeping adventure to be found here, but the lesson at the end still rings very true. It manages to feel like an episode of the show with everyone well characterized and feeling very much like themselves, from the rarely mentioned Thunderlane to Dash herself. There’s some great friendshipping between Dash and Fluttershy as well and her animals really crack me up.
My real hero in this story has to be the griffon OC. He’s very well fleshed out considering he’s almost a secondary character in his own story. The focus is mostly on Dash and her attempts to succeed against the odds, but he still pops up. Whether he’s casually mocking her, or helping correct her mistakes, he always makes me smile and kept me interested in what will happen next.
If you’re a fan of episode-style fics, or just want to see what crazy shenanigans Dash can get herself into, I’d definitely recommend this one.
If you thought just from the title that Rainbow Dash would be the main character here: congratulations! And how could you not? We’ve seen the state that she used to leave Golden Oak Library in on more than one occasion. There’s a reason some ponies called her Rainbow Crash, after all. For someone all about precision and stunts, she sure can be awfully clumsy. Evidently, she’s not alone.
But while the afore-mentioned Library shenanigans do indeed show up, that’s just the beginning. The whole story is a mess of feathers and general chaos. I particularly liked the brief but respectful spotlight shined upon Horte Cuisine. How often do we ever see this guy in anything but passing? It’s little details like the ones given to him which add character without the story diverging from its focus.
From the very first chapter, you’ll see a great example of how Third-Person Omniscient writing should be executed; this style of writing can easily fall into the trap of head-hopping, generally something to be avoided. Fortunately, the story’s perspective-changes transition into one another so well it’s almost unnoticeable, which really serves to give the story an overall feeling of reading an actual episode.
Then you have Gerard, one of the most immediately likeable griff(i)(o)n OCs I’ve ever seen. He’s so deeply fleshed out in such a short space of time that I almost find myself in Rainbow’s position, desperately wanting to learn this difficult art that Fifths appears to have mastered. It really is too bad that he never wrote another story, but please, do not let that stop you from enjoying the only offering he has graced us with. The story definitely shows its age, with large amounts of metaphor and the odd bit of LUS… and yet it manages to feel like a buried treasure as opposed to a dated manuscript.
What are you waiting for? Grab your polish and rag out, and wipe the dust off. There’s a tonne to like beneath this one’s faded exterior.
Just why does there always need to be a princess at the Rainbow Falls Traders Exchange?
Written for EQD's Writer's Training Grounds #016.
Holidays in the sun is a classic “Celestia wants a break” fic, which has become a trope in pony fanfic over time. I’m a big fan of this trope, because of how it seems to relax and personify her as a semi normal pony.
I’m also a big fan of what Hooful of Dust has become known for: Excellent examples of taking a small throwaway line in the show and spinning it into something totally unexpected and very amusing. They’ve done it for multiple episodes and this one is no exception. The story touches on some of the major plot points of the show, such as the existence of additional alicorns, and gives them a comical backstory meant simply to fulfill Celestia’s frivolous purposes.
Celestia is desperate for a break from her princess duties, and finds an opportunity in the formation of the Rainbow Falls Traders’ Exchange. Despite her best efforts, it turns out to be less than successful, but she decides to try again. And again. And again. After several failed attempts she realizes it’s not to be and starts plotting how to get out of it.
Her attempts vary from creating a new alicorn to trying to make her sister do it, but all fall flat. Will she succeed? Will she be forever doomed to go to the trader’s exchange and never get her day off? Only the author knows...And me since I read the story.
When you’ve ruled a nation for as long as Princess Celestia has, you’re bound to want a holiday every now and then. But how to take one when you know that, widely beloved as you are, those few dissenters (and there always will be) will jump on any opportunity to criticise your work ethic?
It’s simple, really: rewrite the law in such a way that your presence at a mundane, uneventful annual event is required. Rainbows, sunshine, a relaxing breeze atop a mountain plateau with a breathtaking view… what could go wrong?
Well, why don’t you find out for yourself? It’ll be fun!
No, really, I mean it. Holidays wastes no time feathering your funny bone, ever so slightly increasing the pressure, but never digging in at such a point where it hurts. While not uproariously hilarious, this kind of story doesn’t need to be. Hoof-ful of Dust demonstrates clear knowledge of how to craft a story with consistent tone and pacing. Never once did the grin drop from my face; the humour flows constantly with its underlying theme of Murphy’s Law giving no special treatment to anyone, even those who might seem like they most deserve a break.
Holidays offers a beaut example of how to make a character relatable, how to gently ground the mighty and revered without pulling them down roughly to our level. We feel sympathy and empathy for Celestia even as we can’t help laughing at her misfortune. But it’s all just so smoothly done, never feeling malicious.
If you’ve never read any of Hoof’s material, here’s a good place to start. I say that with experience.
Twilight Sparkle, newly crowned Princess of Friendship, is faced with a new problem- A physical fight has broken out between some tourists in the Ponyville market square! It's time for Twilight to test her mettle... Or is it?
Ah, cultural misunderstandings. No matter how much you study up on a culture, if you’re not from there, you’re probably going to make a mistake. Whether it’s using the wrong hand for food in Iran, or not using the right slippers going to the bathroom in Japan, they happen. What matters is how you handle it.
Whether you grin and bear it, or politely excuse yourself, or just bash your way through the walls while screaming about Godzilla eating paper for breakfast. You know you’ve been there.
This fic is similar. Twilight and all of Ponyville find themselves caught up in a disagreement between two Buffalo and the way they handle it says a lot about how they understand other cultures. It shows what values different cultures place on different things, and what can happen when two cultures come together and unintentionally clash. How you deal with the differences in each other and how you can come together in the joy of rich understanding, and togetherness....
Oh, who am I kidding. In all honesty this story is a pure, unadulterated feghoot and I adore it. I’m a sucker for shaggy dog stories and the like, and I seem to have started a trend of reviewing punny fics. With any luck I can keep it going.
I… uh… what?
…
There’s nothing I can say that ferret hasn’t already.
Just go and read the damn thing.
STORY 4
Mega Mare, by DrakeyC
In a futuristic Equestria where cybernetic implants are as common as jewelry, Celestia sends her student Twilight Sparkle to locate her five missing research aides during an outbreak of strange pony behavior in Ponyville. As Twilight tracks down the missing aides, it soon becomes apparent that a larger threat is behind their vanishing, and it seems that Ponyville is just the beginning. Can she stop this ancient evil from plunging Equestria into chaos? A crossover with the Mega Man series.
Mega Mare is how to do a crossover right: Keep things simple, only use the major points, don’t overwhelm either audience with things they won’t recognize, make sure to keep the core of each thing constant. And most of all, blend them together so you can’t tell where one ends and the other begins. The ponies we see here may live in a world different to the one we’re used to, but they never let us forget they’re the same ones we know and love.
Our story places Twilight as the protagonist in a future Equestrian Republic where technology has greatly advanced. Cybernetics and similar augmentations are commonplace and digital technology and AI outstrip even our world. Twilight is the student of Princess Celestia who calls upon her to solve a strange affliction affecting the ponies of Ponyville and to find her missing aides who call the town home. To assist her she gives Twilight a digital assistant named Spike and she sets off.
She discovers that the ponies of Ponyville are not just acting strange, they’re even hostile to her, saying they are working for ‘The Master’ and have red glowing eyes. Their cybernetics have somehow been corrupted by a strange virus that Spike can’t figure out how to fix.
This is where the story really starts to show its video game roots as each chapter leads up to another boss fight and feels like a level unto itself. Each boss is in a different locale, each with their own strategies and enemies to overcome before they can be faced. The story also shows its Mega Man influence here with each successive weapon used on the next boss. Each area feels unique and fresh and nothing ever comes across as too stale or repetitive. Every boss had me excited to see how each fight would happen. They feel very much like video game fights as well, with boss patterns and plenty of back and forth chatter between the characters. They still manage to make the stakes feel intense though and I never found myself expecting Twilight to die and respawn.
At 84k this may seem a bit of a daunting read, but I really can’t recommend it enough. If you’re a fan of adventure stories, or the Mega Man video games series, or both, then this is worth a look.
Say what? We’re actually… are we actually moving on from Comedy and Slice of Life? We’re going on a high-stakes, futuristic Adventure instead? Woo hoo! Sign me up. Not that I wasn’t thrilled with the other stories, but I mean, this is my element here (pun totally maybe not intended). And a crossover with one of the most beloved game franchises out there? Oooo, that sounds dangerous. Hopefully I don’t need to know too much about the source material…
No? Awesome!
There are times when info-dumps are welcome, and times where they are nothing more than yawn inducers. Thankfully, the introduction feels not only necessary, but welcome and perfectly organic. It wastes no time setting up the situation; I actually got a Snake Eater vibe from the start more than anything. How’d you do that, DrakeyC? In next to no time you’ve got us setting out with the Mega Mare already, with all the knowledge that we need to begin our quest.
And what a quest it is! This is that rare sort of story with an immediate hook and a plot that neither overstays its welcome nor loses its fresh feeling. This is more than a retell of the pilot episodes in a sci-fi alternate universe, with familiar characters done justice in spite of how different they are presented. Fans of the Mega Man series will have no difficulty at all recognising who represents who, and non-fans won’t be bothered in the slightest by their ignorance lack of gaming knowledge.
This is more than a shadow of an attempt to put an old-school shooter/platforming game into words. Mega Mare is its own thing, an experience I can heartily get behind and endorse, an experience begging to be felt by gamers and non-gamers alike.
Sure, it’s a touch rough around the edges, but what fanfic writer’s debut isn’t? All things considered, the editing is mostly pretty solid and the story is just a breeze to read. 84k words? Psssh. That felt like half the amount. You can’t fool me, numbers! I see through your lies!
“Sir!”
Plum had just sent the files when the cry reached his ears. Rotating his seat, his heart leapt into his mouth; Razgriz and Corejo had returned, supporting an oddly nonchalant CV and a skittish, hysterical ferret between them.
For the second time this trip, Red Squirrel made the sign of the two sisters before jumping up to hug Ferret. “What happened to you two?”
CV scratched his head. “Let’s see. Well, we were in here, then something long and hairy grabbed me around the waist and dragged us back to the kitchen. So, naturally, I bit it, and then there was this awful shrieking—”
“Hold on a second.” Plum put up his hand. “You… bit it?”
“Yeah…” CV stared around at all the incredulous faces. “What? It’s what you do when you find yourself facing a giant alien spider-tentacly thing. You just stick your teeth into them and they shrivel right up like salted leeches. Oh, by the way, there’s bugger-all damage back there. We should be right as rains to go.”
Everyone kept staring.
“Guys, seriously. Just trust me—it’s an Aussie thing. We’re like, that immune to spiders that we can turn their own poison against them.”
“That’s not how immunity works!” came the Intern’s voice.
“Ya-huh it is!” CV fired back. “Obviously!”
“Ooookay, that’s enough!” Plum cried, drawing everyone’s attention. “Everyone, take your seats and prepare for re-entry. Again.”
A collective sigh rang out as Plum, for the second time, initiated their return to Earth.
Feel free to visit our group for more information and events, and to offer some recommendations for future rounds. See you all next time!
I regret absolutely fucking nothing
How the hell did you find "like a pegasus in a potter shop?" It's a 2013 fic from someone with 1 story, two followers, who hasn't been on in a year.
3860352
Ferret is good at her job.
3860352 This is what SA does.
3860352 I was wondering the same about my fic.
Isn't the whole point of an intern to have an unpaid errand boy to run around and do stuff that you're too
self-important to do yourself? Seems like a waste if you're keeping him locked in the closet.Woo! I now have the perfect thing to put in my CV XCOM2 soldier bio! Also those stories look neat.
Ferret may have a fluffier tail than me, but that doesn't mean I want to lose that tail.