Pre-edit preview: Among the Ruins · 1:35am Apr 6th, 2016
Since I didn't feel like making you lot who took the time to follow me on here wait any longer, here's the preview of the latest chapter of AtR, straight out of the word file.
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Among the Ruins
Chapter 8: Revelation
By: SteampunkBrony
Edited by: (please insert your name here)
“Where should I start… Well for the first few weeks after the wall went up there was nothing much to note. Everyone was worried that what happened in Canterlot could happen elsewhere, and despite our as-“ Luna looked past me as she was cut off by the door opening. “Yes Private?” she asked.
“Princess, Miss Sparkle, pardon the interruption but Princess Celestia has asked that you make haste to the communications centre. I don’t know what’s going on but about ten minutes ago they barred everyone but staff from entering and only opened the doors a few moments ago to send myself up to get you,” the guard said, slightly out of breath.
“Thank you Private, you are dismissed. Take the evening off after letting your C.O. know,” Luna said with a nod. “Come now Twilight, ‘Tia would not have called us in if it was not important.” She rose to her hooves and started for the door. I followed suit and soon we were navigating the halls of the castle to the communications centre.
“Luna do you have any idea what’s going on?” I asked, hoping it wasn’t another attack.
“Unfortunately I have about as much of an idea as you do Twilight,” Luna answered as we entered an elevator. “The communications center is one of our defense projects. We started it as a way to intercept communications of other nations who may wish us harm after the incident in Canterlot, but it’s evolved into a method of keeping an eye on Equestria at large, as well as Canterlot. We’ve dropped some sensors into the dome, but they mostly only relay atmospheric data.”
“That’s not a bad idea actually.” I said as the elevator dinged, opening up to a long hallway that had quite a few blast doors along its length.
As we passed through the many sets of blast doors I was trying to figure out exactly why there were so many. “Both Celestia and myself decided to equip most government building with a large emergency shelter. This happens to be the castle’s. Should something arise there are stairs leading down here that can be used to get the public to safety, but they are carefully secured otherwise. There is a whole bunker on the other side of the main room.” Luna said as the guards at the door we were approaching saluted, the doors sliding apart to let us pass.
“Ah there you two are.” Celestia called out, waving us over to a raised dais in the centre of the room. “Tell me what you make of this Twilight, we picked it up from Canterlot about fifteen minutes ago.” She said, nodding to one of the technicians.
There was a fair bit of static and interference but you could make out a bit of what was being said. “… -nyone who can he… this, we are trapped in our bunker at four t-“ There was a loud burst of static before the recording continued. “… -ow on supplies and fuel. -enerators will only last - *bzzzzz* -ew more days. Please, if no- “ more static as I got the sinking feeling that I recognized the voice on the radio. “ -et my filly out of this place.” There was a bit more static, then nothing.
I stood, shocked at what I had heard. The entire room had gone quiet for the playing of the recording, and was apparently waiting for my answer.
“I… I know who that was.” I started, trying to steady my nerves. “Morning Dew, she used to work at one of the chemical plants. I thought she was dead, I ran into her one day while out scavenging and a few other times after that. She has a bunker under where her house used to stand, but the house collapsed. They probably thought they could wait out the acid…” I was visibly trembling now. “I… I have to go back.”
It seemed everyone in the room either gasped or started muttering to each other at that. “Twilight… you don’t have to do that. I’m sure we can assemble a team and-“ Celestia started but I cut her off.
“Princess, with all due respect, you have no idea what you’re getting into here.” I said firmly before taking a deep breath before continuing. “Acidic gas that will make the team go through at least twice the filters they usually would on the breathing gear, pools of the acid that will eat through most hazmat suits, nanoswarms that will find the smallest gap in said suits and enter regardless of if the suit is pressurized or not, and lastly, some of the victims of the nanoplagues were mutated into horrific monsters that put the Everfree beasts to shame.”
Luna was about to cut in when I held up a hoof. “Let me finish.” I said with a sigh. “I’m not fond of the idea of going in alone either. I’d need a small team of some of your best guards and hazmat ponies, as well as a way in and out that isn’t that tunnel. The castle looked as if it was about to crumble, but the archives should be fine. Most of the preservation charms shielded what was being held there. Also, I want Discord on the team.”
“If you don’t mind me butting in,” The aforementioned spirit of chaos said as he materialized, posterior first. “Why?”
“It’s simple,” I said with a smirk. “You are an immortal who can heal basically any injury in an instant and has more tricks up his sleeve than anyone else. We’ll need at least one more member of the team who can fight without having to worry about ripping a hazmat suit.”
“I’d like to test your theory first if you don’t mind…” Discord said with a frown. “Even I don’t know what that acid is, and that’s saying something.”
“Go to Dr. Vow and ask where the samples of my blood that he took are being kept. Tell him that you need to check if it can hurt you, and tell him why. Keep this quiet though.” Discord nodded and disappeared. “Have you picked up anything else?”
“The message does repeat, but with the same errors. We think it’s on repeat with a slightly corrupt recording.” One of the techs said. “We’ve been trying to get into contact with them since we picked this up.”
“Try responding on the same frequency, I don’t remember them having a long range receiver and they are underground, so make it loud. If you’ve only been trying with normal signal levels, you may be too quiet.” I replied, and the techs got to work immediately.
“Normally I’d say that was against protocol, but I’ll let it slide this time.” Celestia said with a smile. “I’ll see what I can do about getting a team together. Meanwhile, you really should see your parents. They no doubt miss you.”
“I will.” I said with a nod, before getting the attention of one of the ponies at the broadcast station. “If you do get her on the radio, tell her that I’ll be bringing help, and be sure to find out how much longer they can last, we need to know that.”
“Yes Ma’am.” The tech replied and got back to transmitting.
“Now, Princesses, let’s go gather up a team.” I stated, my tone of voice indicating that ‘No’ wasn’t an answer I’d accept.
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An hour later I was standing in the courtyard, watching the various ponies who volunteered for the job of rescuing Morning Dew and Sunny. The Hazmat team that had helped me clean up were there, as well as around twenty guards. As I surveyed them, I spotted my parents making their way across the grass to me.
”My data on facial expressions indicates that your mother is displeased…” Proteus’ voice stated in my mind. ”Should we be worried?”
”No, mom’s probably just here to try to talk me out of going back into Canterlot. The key word being try… Dad long ago gave up on trying to stop me from doing crazy things.” I thought back at him.
“Hi mom, hi dad.” I said, mentally preparing myself for the incoming guilt trip.
“Twilight you are not going back in there.” My mother stated angrily.
“Mom, I have to. Two friends of mine are trapped in Canterlot.” I replied, noticing my Dad’s expression change from one of worry to one of acceptance. At least he gets it…
“That doesn’t mean you have to go!” My mom nearly yelled. “Twilight think about this, you just got out of that Tartarus pit and now you want to go back? What if you don’t get back out this time? The Princesses are getting a team together to go in, why not let them handle it?”
I sighed, rubbing my forehead with a hoof. “Mom, I apologize for how blunt my next few sentences are going to be, but I’ve had a stressful day. First off, Celestia and Luna aren’t assembling a team, I am. Secondly, I’m the only one who knows a safe route to where Morning Dew and her filly, Summer Dew, are. If they go in there without me they will all die.” My father was nodding as I listed my reasons off, while my mother was paling gradually. “Lastly, since it seems to need to be stated again since you glossed over it earlier: They. Are. My. Friends. You should know as well as anypony who has been close to me for as long as you have that I will do anything to help my friends.”
“But what if you get hurt, or worse, killed?” My mother was almost panicking now.
“I won’t. I will tell you about it later, but think about it mom,” I said, my tone of voice softening. “I was shot this morning; in the heart may I add. If that didn’t kill me then there isn’t much that will.” I indicated the spot where the bullet hit with my hoof. “There’s still a lot I haven’t told you, but it will have to wait until I get back. And I am coming back with as many of the team and my friends as possible.”
“I can’t help but notice you didn’t say everyone else would be back as well…” My father said, concern creeping into his voice.
“Dad…” I sighed, “Look there’s a reason I asked Shining to stay back. I’ve explained the risks to them, and those who are here are the ones who decided that the risk was worth it.” I said thinking back to my little chat with the guard and Hazmat teams.
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There was a low din of conversation in the throne room as I walked up the dais, a few hundred ponies from the guard and local hazmat detachments had gathered and were waiting for me to start with my announcement. As I reached the top step, the chatter stopped and there was an expectant silence permeating the room.
“Alright listen up.” I started, looking over the assembled ponies. “Half an hour ago, we picked up a transmission from inside the wall.” The murmuring started back up, but died back down as I continued. “There are two ponies trapped in a bunker near the Flim Flam Industries chemical plant, and they are running low on supplies, and time. I’m going to be leading a team of volunteers into Canterlot to rescue them.”
I let the chatter that ensued die down once more before continuing. “I’m not going to sugar coat this, aside from myself and Discord, this is probably going to be a suicide mission. There is no guarantee that anyone who enters the quarantine zone will return. It will take half a day to reach the bunker, and may take longer to get out. The environment inside the wall is lethal to anyone not prepared, or in my case resistant to it, and there are more hazards in there than I can list in the time we have.” I looked around again, seeing a few ponies slipping out the doors. “Now I won’t blame any of you for not volunteering, nor will I try to convince you to tag along. I will be leading this expedition, as I mentioned, and we will have Discord with us to assist. I am worried that even he won’t be able to help very much in there. Anyone who wishes to join us, meet us in the courtyard in half an hour. Dismissed.” I turned and started walking away from the dais, as half of me was hoping to get some help while the other half was hoping no one would volunteer.
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“Well, I won’t stop you. Probably couldn’t by now anyhow…” Dad said with a sigh, shaking his head. “Just, be careful. There may still be something in there that could… hurt you.” He said, clearly avoiding the word ‘Kill’.
”According to my database, there are not any environmental hazards that can cause you harm. Non-environmental hazards such as other nanoswarm victims would require more data to give an accurate estimate.”
“I would tell them that, but saying the robotic voice in my head told me so is not something that would go over well with my parents.” I replied.
“I do suppose that after what you’ve been through that may not be a good thing to tell others…
“Young lady, I will not-“ I raised a hoof, cutting my mother off.
“Mom, I get it.” I said gently. “You just found out I’m still alive and now I’m going back to the place that nearly killed me. I understand why you’re worried and I understand why you don’t want me to go back. I’d rather not go back either to be honest.”
“Then why in Celestia’s name would you?”
“Honey… she explained this to us.” My Dad cut in.
“It’s because no one out here knows the dangers of Canterlot as well as I do. No one else can do this.” I said, hoping that my mother would accept the facts.
“That’s too bad.” My mother sighed, her horn lighting up. “Because you are not going back in there.”
My dad took a step forward, about to say something until I looked at him and shook my head. “Mom, don’t do anything you’ll regret. I can tell you right now that your stun spell won’t affect me, and even if it could do you really think I can’t cast a shield at a moment’s notice? Shining may cast stronger shield spells than me, but I cast them much faster.” I said, looking my mother dead in the eye, “That, at least, hasn't changed.”
My mother held my gaze for a minute longer before the glow around her horn flickered out, as she turned her gaze to the ground. “What should I do then?” She asked quietly, her voice trembling.
I stepped over to her and embraced her. “Trust me.” I said, “Trust that I know what I’m doing, and trust that I am stronger than I was before. I won’t say everything will go smoothly, because it won’t. I won’t lie and say that everyone is going to come out of there unscathed. I won’t even hide the fact that Discord and I may be the only ones coming back.” I let go and took a step back, lifting my mother’s chin with a hoof so she was looking at me again. “But I will swear upon the Sisters that I will come back. Not because I don’t think there’s anything in there that can kill me, but because everything that has tried so far has failed, and I spent two full years in that Tartarus pit and seen the best and worst of it. Now that I know I can get out, I will. Even if it seems impossible, I will.” I hugged my mom once more, and this time she returned it.
“That’s my girl.” I heard my dad mutter, and a glance his way showed me he was smiling.
After a moment we broke apart again. “I can’t say I like it…” My mother started, her voice no longer trembling, “but… like you said, you’re the only one who can lead them.” She then smiled, chuckling to herself. “Besides, someone has to keep them in line without Shiny around.” She nodded to the rest of the assembled team.
“I’ll do my best.” I said. Noticing that a lot of the guards were chatting among themselves while the hazmat ponies were waiting patiently for orders I decided to start on that task. “Quit your yammering and listen up, because if you don’t you may not make it back!” I yelled at them, marching towards the group. “You thirty are the only ones who stuck around. Congratulations, you win an all expenses paid trip to the single deadliest area on the planet, and I will personally vouch for the size of your metaphorical balls.” A few snickers went through the group at that. “However, I would rather you return alive to speak for yourself as I would rather not have to do so at your funeral. There are a few rules that you’ll have to follow while in there. If you don’t, you will die. Not get hurt, but die.” I paused a moment to let that sink in before continuing.
“Rule number one: No one is to wander off. You wander off, you’re dead. Yeah you’re going to be carrying more filters and be wearing some of the best hazmat gear out there, but if you get lost you will not find your way back. There aren’t many street signs left, and don’t count on landmarks still being there either. I watched the city fall apart, I know what’s changed. Rule Two: If it glows, don’t touch it. Same goes for liquids. That acid won’t eat through your suit if it’s airborne, but concentrated… well you would do about as well just wearing your fur. Those of you on the hazmat team can attest to this if you saw the holes in the floor of the carriage I was flown here in. Lastly: You do what I tell you to, and use some damn common sense. If it looks like it’s going to kill you if you touch it, don’t touch it. If you see something moving, tell me. If your suit rips, start praying that there are no nanoswarms around and speak up, we’re bringing patch kits for just that reason. If you notice something that you think looks off, speak up, and if I tell you to do something you do it without asking why. I probably won’t have the time to tell you why. Any questions?”
There was a pause, before one of the Hazmat team spoke up. “Yeah, just one, why is he here?” She asked, pointing at Discord.
“Oh that’s easy.” I said, locking eyes with the mare and smiling, “He’s there to help in case any of the victims of the nanoswarms decide you lot look tasty. Trust me, you don’t want to be fighting them. I’ve only lived this long because I heal quickly. The acid doesn’t hurt him, and he can heal wounds faster than I can. Any more questions?” No one spoke up so I continued. “Good, you’re dismissed, head down to the armory to suit up and grab your supplies. Double check everything, because if you are missing anything, you’re probably not going to make it.”
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Thanks to all of you who are still paying attention to my writings. Now, as to why this has taken so long since my last blog post:
I finished this a few weeks back, and sent it off to get edited. Long story short I haven't heard back.
So here's what i'm thinking:
I put the chapters up in my blog, and those who would like to help can read them over, and comment with anything I screwed up on (spelling, formatting, grammar, ect.) and I'll edit the chapter after a few days and post it. Let me know what you guys think of that idea (and also let me know of any of the aforementioned screwups in this chapter)
...
......
*Dies*
AHHHHHH I WANT TO READ IT BUT I WANT TO WAIT IN CASE YOU DECIDE SNEAK IN SOMETHING BEFORE YOUR FINAL DRAFT
...hmm... Let's see.
without (Shiny/Shining) around."
if you don't. You will die."
"That still hasn't changed."
that your stun spell
(Start doing what? Elaborate.)
Now I believe you've delayed us long enough Steam.
3850813
Aaaand edits have been made, thank you.
3850791
Unless there is a reason to, I won't be making any huge changes to this chapter. (by which I mean I'm probably not adding in any more story, just doing edits to what i screwed up.) Read on, my friend.
3850789
It has been been so long since previous update i need to re-read the story before i read this. carry on my good sir.
3850832
Also, possibly nitpicking but, you use nyone and everyone instead of the pony equivalent. Is that on purpose?
If Twilight honestly believes that, why is she bringing those guards in in the first place? I think this might be going overboard - even if you do plan to have all the "mooks" get killed off by the dangers in there, they shouldn't be expecting it from the outset like this. I know it's callous, but the moral calculus just doesn't work out sending people into certain death for an uncertain possibility of rescuing the same or fewer numbers of people.
It worked!!! The story is finally active again. *pays off voodoo practitioner
Glad to see this finally get updated. I would admit, this is one of the stories that made me hooked onto the sci-fi magic type stories. Great to see it continue on instead of being stagnant. Now if you excuse me, I'm gonna squeal in excitement in the corner.
I should make an effort to read this eventually.
~Skeeter The Lurker
3850872 logically, Twi is not bringing 'mooks', but support staff, clever as she is, Twi is no medic or rescue worker, and shes only one pony...plus, safety in numbers with more eyes looking for potential dangers...
3850917 The key problem I have is not exactly who Twilight is bringing with her, but that Twilight considers it a "suicide mission" for that group of ponies. I really don't see her as the sort who would willingly sacrifice a bunch of ponies for the chance of rescuing a smaller group.
Risking lives to save other lives, sure. Heroes do that. But "suicide mission" is probably the wrong term to use here if all she thinks is that it's risky.
Ah. Welcome back, Steampunk. Your work is as impressive as ever; I wish I had the energy to give this a Proofreader once-over.
Holy shit, it's alive.
3850923 not thinks, she fucking knows its that risky! r all of those ponies going to die? well probably not, so long as they dont do anything stupid and have the luck and/or skills of Pinkie, but a lot of them probably will. this is just like the planet Pandora in that Avatar move a few years back, that planet was pure death to humans, and troops were told flat out that odds were, they would not be going home...same thing for Canterlot, it is a poisoned wasteland, riddled with acid pools, deadly mutations, the very air can kill. one does not simply walk into Canterlot...
3850859
There's a reason for that. I'll be giving it if i remember to later on.
3850917
3850923
She thinks she can manage it without loosing too many, and she can't move a collapsed house on her own, and there is a reason why discord can't in this case. (more on that next chapter.)
3850946 thats what i just said...
3850832 Well in that case....
It's beautiful.
Also I didn't catch any obvious problems in my read through.
Looking good steam.
Omg after years of waiting it's finally here, plus i didn't see any mistakes on my read through.
ITS ALIVE! Okay, serious note, I enjoyed this little pre-edit preview. I think it's an interesting idea to preview it through your blog
Yes! Finally saw that some progress is being made with your story. It's one of the stories that really captured my attention. Hope to see a chapter update soon.
It's alive! Hahahahahaha!
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Well, it's about time! Glad to see you back in action.
Looking forward to seeing more of this in the future.
OMG! This is one of my favorite stories, but I blocked out from my mind because lack of updates was too painful. But now it's back!! Squeeee!
media.giphy.com/media/FjeGBljESVAzu/giphy.gif
Has been in my "Top ten dead Fics that I cant live without" since I first got on this site.
Still a fair few grammar and spelling problems.
Should read: “Yes Private?” she asked.
Only capitalise the following word if it's the end of the dialogue sentence. This is a continuation.
Similar problem here:
Should read: send myself up to get you,” the guard said.
It's a common mistake a lot of people make.
Same here:
Here:
If you want, drop me a message and I can edit it in full for you.
Wow, you're still alive. Keep going!
It looks really good! I am happy to see such a great fanfic will live.
IT LIVES!