Editation

so i sent All For A Sister into EQD and they sent it back to me saying:
Thank you for submitting your work to Equestria Daily. I regret to inform you I am unable to approve it for publication at this time. Please look for errors in the following areas:

- Awkward and rushed phrasing (please consider the readability of each sentence you write and how it sounds to the reader - the opening paragraph of your story creates a low expectation right out of the gate with the awkwardness of its construction)
- Misuse of punctuation (semicolons particularly)
- Improper dialogue punctuation/formatting (dialogue continued with the manner of presentation of the character's speech should be formatted with a comma when not using more concrete punctuation (question mark, exclamation point) ) < --- This one occurs quite a bit
- Comma splices
- Formatting for onomatopoeia and interjections is inconsistent and informal
- Numbers in text should be represented as words rather than digits unless they are above a four digit size ("10 years later...")
- Superfluous use of interrobangs

The above said, I recommend a healthy dose of editing before resubmission. Aside from the grammatical faults in your work, I will say that I enjoyed the second chapter a great deal more than the first - the quirky narrator voice you're utilizing is one it's easy to develop a fondness for, and your creative structuring of internal monologue is enjoyable to read – it's just smushed in between a whole lot of mess in terms of grammar.

This is your first strike of three. We look forward to receiving your resubmission pending the above edits.

Now folks, ive gone through the first chapter and made a ton of edits. just about all of them were of the grammatical variety. I encourage you all to go back and reread chapter 1, and subsequently the newer chapters as i revise those as well. tell me if they read any better to you than before.