Birthday Bios: Comedy Gold · 4:46pm Apr 1st, 2016
It’s quite appropriate that this feisty goofball has her birthday on April Fool’s Day. She’s like the unholy combination of Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash, with Mabel Pines’ voice (no, that’s seriously how I imagine her voice) and a little bit of a resemblance to Lucille Ball according to Jordan179 (that was an accident I swear).
One of these days, I've got to write a story about her meeting Pinkie.
Let’s get on down and read about how she’s driven everyone bonkers over her lifetime.
Comedy Gold was born in Halterside to Sunny Crystal and Noble Metal. Those working at the hospital debate on whether this particular baby came out laughing instead of crying, or if it was just a cry that somehow sounded like a laugh. Either way, her parents found it funny, hence her name.
When meeting her older siblings for the first time, she climbed all over her eldest sister, Platinum Pen; she puked on her other sister Pearly Whites; and she pulled at the face of her brother, Silver Shill. Over the course of her first year, she was always finding ways to cause them a bit of grief whenever their parents were out. She’d slip out of sight whenever her diaper was being changed, somehow teleport to high places, and break into locked rooms in order to chew on their stuff. Her big siblings often had to work together to pin her down or put a leash on her.
Sunny had her share of facing the mischief too, though she usually took it in stride and thought of the mishaps as funny stories to tell in the future. Though there was a line where it wasn’t funny; punching the ocean waves because it took her cookie was funny; hitting another foal at a birthday party for pinching her was not. There are a couple moments that Sunny feels guilty for laughing about; the incident of Goldie punching a clown on the nose for startling her was one of them.
Goldie was always at her best behavior when her father Noble was around. When she learned to talk, she quickly learned how to tell jokes from him, and was always making up nonsense jokes to tell. They had tickle fights that they always threatened to drag the others into, try to sneak cookies out of the cookie jar (and had to sit at the corner when Sunny caught them), and she was often brought to work at the lighthouse to show his co-workers (and keep her out of trouble while her mother was at the store and her siblings at school).
He was the one who found out about Goldie’s lactose intolerance when taking her out for ice cream, and her need for glasses when she ran into multiple gravestones when visiting her grandmother’s grave.
When it came her individual relationships with her siblings (aside from the general mischief that she subjected them all to), she was usually a bit fearful of Penny, who was the most unshakable of the three, and was most likely to listen to her. Pearl was easy to bug, due to being a neatnik, and they developed a sibling rivalry because of that. While Silver was also easy to bug, he was good at providing distractions to calm her down, such as talking superheroes and how cool they were. He even stroked her ego a bit by suggesting that she might be a superhero. Because of that, she was usually found with her brother.
Her neighbors had mixed opinions of her (and still hold mixed opinions when she’s an adult). Some of the older members of town found her charming and adorable; many of the kids, like their neighbor Winter Mist, found her absolutely annoying. And some didn’t care either way.
When starting her first day of school, she found herself picked on for being a weirdo. It didn’t last long before she scared them into compliance with her forceful personality. She was quickly the class clown, and enjoyed the attention she got whenever she did something funny. Anypony who picked on her was dealt with quickly, and that rule was later extended to older foals who picked on her big siblings.
Sometimes she’d wander to other parts of the schoolyard to scare off bullies picking on her brother. One particular instance that Silver finds especially hilarious was when she burrowed to his rescue and scared the bullies off by popping out of the ground and roaring. She tried to track down a filly that humiliated poor Pearl, and she was always suspicious of any colt that came to take Penny out on a date.
She used to love the idea of Nightmare Night; dressing up in costumes, scaring ponies, playing pranks, getting free candy… it was a dream come true for her! However, when an activity at a lighthouse went horribly wrong, she started to loathe it—all because some stupid Pegasus teenagers wanted to give it a more eerie atmosphere with some stolen storm clouds they couldn’t control; it was enough to cause a freak storm that took her father’s life.
Though she wasn’t entirely sure what had happened at the time, the then six-year-old filly’s temper had gotten much quicker, and she’d take it a little personally when she thought somepony mocked her. Due to getting into fights, she was kept in at recess, where she talked with the teacher and ended up facing her feelings about her father’s death. She later went home to try to comfort her mom.
When she had barely turned seven, her school was setting up its annual carnival, which had a reputation of being utterly boring. Seeing as a carnival was meant to be fun, she roped her family and friends into making it better. Through a combination of the group’s skills and the uncanny summoning of strange objects on Goldie’s part, the carnival was at least made into something decent. With her providing some entertainment as well, she ended up being an early bloomer for her cutie mark (meanwhile, thanks to his help in advertising and running the ticket booth, Silver ended up earning his as well—he was a late bloomer).
Happy as she can be, she spent the rest of her childhood and adolescence sneaking into committee meetings for all sorts of activities, whether it be at her school, or even at town hall (nopony really appreciated it). After all, if she can spruce up a carnival, why couldn’t she spruce up any other activity? As annoying as she was, her interference usually made each activity more fun, and she couldn’t help but have an ego.
However, life has a way of chipping away at egos, especially those of party ponies. When she was in her late teens, she started having terrible gut problems. At first, she waved it off as her having accidentally eaten some dairy product. But it grew worse and worse, and everypony was worried about her terrible case of colic. When she was taken to the doctor, they learned that her intestines were tangled, and it required surgery.
It was an expensive affair—especially for a family deprived of a father. Everyone scrambled to pay for the surgery. Sunny worked extra hours at the jewelry store. Penny (a lawyer) had to rearrange her budget with her husband (they had a son to take care of), and take on more cases to earn more money to send. Pearl was just starting in her dental career, but she sent as much as she could. Silver went just about everywhere to try to get a job (he was not very good at selling himself), and was desperate enough to go with con ponies Flim and Flam, justifying to himself that it was the lesser of two evils.
After Silver’s stint with the con ponies and selling off the costumes, he went back home to look after Goldie. Goldie had the surgery, and Silver was a mother hen, making sure she didn’t do too much during her recovery.
She was still stubborn as always, and was annoyed with how much she was being babied. When Halterside’s Town Day rolled around, she attempted to go and set it up herself within an hour, as she always did, claiming that she was well enough to do so. Silver didn’t believe a word of it, and still fussed over her condition (especially since she was slow in her setup).
Enter Cheese Sandwich (who was accompanied by his brother Tomato), who had sensed that the town’s party pony was not up to par, and offered to do the setup for her. Silver was relieved; Goldie was offended. It didn’t take very long for her to get jealous when Cheese whipped out a boatload of games and activities for the fair, and she worried that she wouldn’t be able to match that fair the next year. It got worse when the Flim Flam Brothers rolled into town on a “circus train”.
Fed up with the entire thing, she decided to try to expose the circus train as a fake (which it was) by taking out the unicorn that held it all together, Silk Shimmer. Her ambush with a frying pan failed miserably, as she not only didn’t knock out Silk, but ended up reopening her own wound as well.
She was soon caught by the Flim Flams (using a knockout spray), who realized she was a party pony and plotted to take her as a member of their troupe. They set up a scheme where they framed her for ruining the train (using Silk Shimmer disguised as her), and made Silver make the sadistic choice of either paying up money for repairs (in reality, they were just smoke bombs placed in there for an illusion) or having Goldie go with them to make amends for her crime.
Cheese and Tomato got roped into the conflict, and had a music battle with the Flim Flams. Meanwhile, Silver figured out their ruse simply by knowing Goldie was not so submissive and would fight them, and convinced Silk to put an end to this scheme. After the battle was done (with the Sandwiches suffering a humiliating defeat), the ruse was exposed, Flim and Flam scrammed, and Goldie was taken back to the hospital because of her reopened wound. Naturally, more was added to the bill.
Tomato Sandwich, guilty about his and Cheese’s loss of the battle, tried to make amends by helping rearrange their mother’s budget, and then seizing an opportunity to have Silver open a pizzeria in town using one of Cheese’s props. Silk offered to cover the costs and help Silver run it, and after a misadventure in Las Haygas, she kept her word. The pizzeria quickly became popular, and Silver was relieved to be able to help with paying the hospital bill.
Soon, Goldie made a full recovery, and she often helps out at the pizzeria, providing entertainment alongside Silk Shimmer as she serves the pizza. In fact, they’re considered quite the comedic duo when they’re performing together. She often finds herself setting up birthday parties for foals, sometimes dressing up as a clown to entertain them. And she often sets up appointments where pizza is needed for a town celebration (that she often helped set up).
Despite how annoying she gets to her neighbors, she’s still a beloved member of Halterside.
So she's a pony with strange and mysterious powers, is occasionally emotionally disturbed, and acts as the entertainment for a pizzeria? I hope when she passes on, she doesn't come back as a ghost, you could be looking at a Five Nights at Silver's situation.
But seriously, great bio for an adorable pony!