The Hat Man Reviews: Scribblefest Entries #5! · 4:41pm Mar 20th, 2016
Howdy folks! Got something a little different today, but first, in case you haven't been following, here is a list of fics reviewed in the last 4 entries:
-#1: The Kidnapping of Twilight Velvet; Give a Like, Feed a Changeling; and Weatherpony
-#2: Magnum Opus and Creatura Somnii
-#3: Slow and Steady and Holder's Boulder
-#4: Spike's Slightly Dangerous New Hobby and Sweat, Tears, and a Video
It's the first day of spring and I have more reviews!
Story #10: Derpy's name by exopony
I'll be brief here because I suspect that this story is either the author's very first, or else he or she might not have English as a first language. It's a little hard to tell.
The story is pretty simple: Derpy's increasingly frustrated that nopony calls her by her real name, makes fun of her, and gets frustrated that everyone calls her "Derpy," thinking it insulting. Then Twilight says things and she feels better and accepts her name. Sad to say, the story is very amateurish. It's filled with errors of capitalization and agreement, and I don't mean a handful. For instance, "Ponyville" isn't capitalized even once. It's also paced badly, with very little buildup or emotional investment. Derpy's real name isn't even mentioned, which makes the final outburst, where she demands to know why she's called by that name, a little odd. And if you think that's me pointing out a flaw that the story didn't address, well, it actually does. Here's the climax of the story:
All of the stress the past days built up in her suddenly broke out, and she fell apart in tears.
" Why? why do you all call me Derpy! Is it because I have crossed-eyes that I have to be called such an offensive name? "
Twilight was surprised by her sudden outburst, but still tried to find the words to calm her down.
" I'm sorry I called you that. But not everypony use that name to be mean. Of course, there are some bullies that use it that way, but there are also ponies, like me, who use it because we never heard anypony call you something else. And finally, I'm sure there are ponies out there that use it because they find it cute. "
I see what the author is going for, but the impact just wasn't there. I hope he or she will continue to write, however, because the concept wasn't that bad, and I'm sure they can improve with time and practice. 
Recommended?: Sadly, no. Derpy might be Best Pony, but this story didn't quite do her justice.
Story #11: The Smell of Muffins by Votederpycausemufins (sic)
Another Derpy story! Yay?
Well, this story is based on a folktale called "A Sense of Theft." The author, to her credit, does come right out and say this in the author's notes. I hadn't heard or read it before, but I'll be brief: if you've read that story, then you've read this one.
And I mean it. There's very little more to this story than what the original folktale had. The problem is that the oddities one might forgive for a children's tale aren't so easily forgivable here. I'll explain:
Derpy is a poor, single mom (it's been done, but no matter). She buys muffins for her daughter, Dinky, but when she doesn't have enough for herself, she partakes of the smells of the local bakery. Feeling satisfied by them, she claims the smells are almost as good as eating the baker's goods. The baker then files charges against Derpy for stealing smells. If that strikes you as odd, the Mayor decides the baker actually has a case and brings it to Twilight who holds a trial. I won't spoil the ending if you wish to read this story or the original tale, but you get the picture.
The story isn't badly written, but the problem is that it's literally the same story as the original folktale, and as weird as this is to say, I have a problem applying silly folktale logic to a show about talking magical horses. It's hard to feel invested when the entire conflict could have been the Mayor going "No, you kook, you can't press charges against a poor single mother for smelling your muffins! Get outta here before I have you locked up for filing false charges!"
Recommended?: I'm gonna say no. I hate to say no to another Derpy fic, but this one lacks originality, believability, and both the Mayor and Twilight are out of character.
Story #12: My Flight by Kris Overstreet
Good news is that there is one story that I took a shine to.
My Flight is about Cherry Berry (seen in the image above). Not one of the better-known background ponies, mind you, but she has been seen manning the hot air balloon and flying a helicopter.
And this is apparently where Kris Overstreet takes his or her cue. Cherry Berry is working a bunch of jobs to build an airplane, gathering pieces of it bit-by-bit, learning about flight from Rainbow Dash, studying with Twilight, and doing everything she can to build this plane and experience flight like few earth ponies ever do.
My readers will probably know that I have a soft spot for ponies going against their type. This is another such tale, with Cherry Berry wanting to fly despite not being a pegasus. She doesn't have the natural racial affinity for flight, but overcomes it with technology and hard work. (Oddly enough, this story reminds me of an episode of an older anime called "Kino's Journey." [If you've got the time, give it a look - it's my favorite episode of that show.]) The one problem I have with this story is that there isn't a lot of conflict. Cherry Berry doesn't have a huge struggle against society, nor does she seem to risk that much, though the story does mention that what she's doing could be dangerous. Still, the story satisfies in all the right ways. It's charming and just a little bit inspiring.
Recommended?: Yes. Though not the most epic of tales, I cannot help but like it a lot. This is a tale that actually makes me want to read more about Cherry Berry, and I think that's pretty noteworthy for a character I previously considered barely notable.
That's it for this one, folks! I'm not sure if I'll get in any more reviews for Scribblefest, but I guess we'll see. See you next time! 
My Flight is very relevant to my interests. For Weatherpony related reasons.
I am intrigued.
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/764/505/c11.gif
3817454 It's a good one, though you shouldn't expect the same level of adrenaline "Weatherpony" has.
About the name of a certain mare, in my head, she is Derpalina Ditzy Doo Whooves. She has the nickname Muffins.
Thanks for the review, and you were right, it is both my very first story (written in English, and published for others to view), and English isn't my first language either xD.
I've wrote this story while being really hyped about it, and since it ended up being really short, I didn't bother going through editing it (although I should've done that).
Well, it's by making mistakes that you learn, and I hope that my next story (which I will ask to be edited and proofread this time x) will be to your liking ^^.
Good on you for writing up Scribblefest reviews!
(I've poked your name over to Singularity Dream to get them on the big reviewer master list.)
3820236 Neat! I've rather enjoyed doing these, so I just might do more of them even after the Scribblefest contest is over.