• Member Since 26th Sep, 2011
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

FanOfMostEverything


Forget not that I am a derp.

More Blog Posts1183

  • Sunday
    Friendship is Card Games: The Return of Discord

    IDW never stopped being a thing, but there was a brief pause in their pony comics as the generations shifted. My pause had to be much longer, since I wasn’t sure how long the initial arc would be. But issue #3 is out and only tangentially related to the first two, so let’s what those two entail.

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    20 comments · 316 views
  • 1 week
    Friendship is Card Games: Tell Your Tale, Pt. 5

    Once again, there’s enough G5 material in the hopper for two weeks of contemporary card blogs. Let’s begin with the Tell Your Tale backlog. Rest assured that I’ll have plenty to say about the comics next week.

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    7 comments · 169 views
  • 1 week
    Counsel of Advisors

    To my unexpected delight—putting aside them asking for permission—poneo has translated Ceteris Paribus into Chinese. Rather appropriate for a story about an unexpected gift. :yay:

    2 comments · 118 views
  • 2 weeks
    Breaker's Foundation: Extra-Evocative

    A few weeks ago, I announced Thought Prism had launched a campaign to get his original novel published. Today, I'm happy to say that he cut out the middleman and has it up on Lulu. You can find it here in paperback or

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    1 comments · 149 views
  • 2 weeks
    Friendship is Card Games: Moonstuck, Pt. 1

    Now that I’m more or less up to date with d20 Pony, let’s look at a different pony webcomic. Indeed, let’s look at one of the first.

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    5 comments · 175 views
Mar
10th
2016

Careful Consideration · 6:57pm Mar 10th, 2016

I have a bad feeling about a story, and the last time I did, you all convinced me that it needed to be taken back to the drawing board. Well, once again, I'm asking for your input. Bear in mind that this one is rather darker than my usual. We're talking "cusp of Teen and Mature" dark. Just the title should be a tipoff. It's also based on a prompt, so I don't have as much wiggle room as I might. It's also still pretty unpolished; I don't want to finalize it in a low-quality configuration.

It's not even two thousand words. A quick once-over would be greatly appreciated. You can find it here. Comments are enabled. Thanks.

EDIT: Thanks, everyone. This is going to need quite a bit of rejiggering, but I should be able to make it work.

Comments ( 13 )

Have read, and deposited thoughts on the document.

I don't think that you will need to reconsider vast portions of the story or endanger fitting within the prompt to bring the story up to sufficient quality.

*dons the beta reader hardhat*

Time to give this a read, then!

Given the prompt, I think I might have to pass. Any of the girls in that situation will mostly push me away, but I have a particular aversion to Pinkie Pie. :fluttershyouch:

How exactly is this "secretly" getting away with moidah?

3801751
Uh... It's a secret if no one knows it? :twilightsheepish:

Yeah, still debating how objectionable/believable it would be for Celestia to try to brush this one under the rug. Though if she can cover up a freaking medal ceremony in her own castle for vanquishing Discord, a little matter like an entire empire singing a pony's praises shouldn't be too hard.

I like it.:scootangel: I think this would make a good story.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

Just read the first scene (don't want to spoil myself too much), and while it took a minute to get, I like what I see. :)

3801805 My objection is threefold:

First off, attacking an enemy combatant during wartime isn't murder.

Second is the point you brought up that there is literally no way this is secret.

Third, although it's horrifying, the collateral damage/innocents dying to backlash isn't murder; it's a tragedy, to be sure, but if you didn't mean to do it, that's manslaughter. Pony-slaughter?

I really do like this fic. I just think it doesn't fit the prompt.

3802093
Yeah. The idea was conceived before I noticed that pesky "secretly" in the prompt. I may end up just polishing this one further and publishing it without submitting it to FTP 10. :applejackunsure:

3802093
3802097
Some definitions of murder would (if you're okay with a stretch) potentially allow you to argue that how she did the killing would be both the secret part and the murder.

In the end, they would just know what the result is. They don't have to know how she felt and what she did.

It doesn't sound like it fits the prompt very well.

As for the story itself, it's an interesting concept and already 90% of the way to being well-written. However, it cuts off very abruptly. It doesn't just lack an ending; the last scene looks like the segway into another scene which doesn't exist. It would be closer to being a complete story if you deleted the last scene. (Though it mostly feels like it needs more, not less).

My main reaction was: I feel like I've read this before. A lot.

It feels like a generic "good pony is forced to kill and is horrified by it" scene. It doesn't bring anything novel to it, at least not for me.

3801553 3801556 3801647 3801751 3801991 3802083 3802174 3802341 3802559
Thanks, everyone. I know what I need to do to make this story work to its utmost. That's going to take a bit of time, especially since there's a Writeoff starting in a matter of hours, but I think the end result will be a lot better than what you've seen.

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