Birthday Bio: Windswept Goldenmane · 2:49pm Feb 28th, 2016
Let me present to you the douchebag of 2016! It’s almost March and he’s already taken that title quicker than Cortland did during 2014 and Kazam did during 2015.
And honestly, this guy’s the most hateable. I honestly think Cortland has some potential in the Main ‘verse, and Kazam was just so much fun to write during the arc of Brotherly Bonding Time he appeared in. Windy here… yeah, he was just an unpleasant, dishonest snob all around.
But was he always this unpleasant? What was he like as a foal? What started him on this path of douchebaggery? Let’s get down under the break and find out!
Windswept Goldenmane was born in Nickerlite, a small, dusty town founded by miners that were working for the Pie Family long ago. Windswept was descended from those miners through his father Mineral Jack, who was running the town’s bank with his wife, Flaxenmane.
Growing up as the middle child sandwiched between his older brother Inkwell Coppermane and his younger sister Moonlight Silvermane, Windswept always believed he was destined for something greater than the dusty streets of his hometown. Having little imagination, he found each and every day a drag which he had to suffer through. There were no playgrounds, there were no restaurants, there were no museums… there was nothing in comparison to the big cities they visited on occasion. Just a bunch of small town shops, a train, and the Pie Rock Farm in the hills. Only the yearly carnival was of any interest to him, but it wasn’t around enough for him to be happy.
He hated getting dirty, so playing in the dirt like the rest of the little colts was not an option. In fact, he always found them as pigs wallowing in filth, and they didn’t deserve his attention. However, time and time again, he was thrown into the mud by a bunch of annoyed schoolmates. Still, he made friends by bribing them with the cool stuff that nopony else in town had.
Instead of going to school with all the other colts and fillies, Windswept and his siblings were home-schooled by their intellectual uncle, teaching them things about the world beyond what the other foals were learning in their simple schoolhouse. It convinced Windswept that he was surrounded by slobs and morons, believing that otherwise they’d abandon the town and pursue greater things in one of Equestria’s great cities. After all, what was the point of living here? he wondered.
It didn’t help that Mineral Jack was always busy, and Flaxenmane was a doormat always giving them the sweets that all three of her children desired. She was always sneaking away a little bit of money in order to buy her children nice things like a tie for Inkwell, a neckerchief for Windswept, and a bunch of dresses for Moonlight. Those, as well as fancy toys and other things, turned the three rather spoiled. This nearly drove the family into bankruptcy, which angered Mineral Jack greatly and had his wife cut back on the spending, even though the children whined.
Of course, the one thing that she couldn’t buy was a cutie mark, and the kiddos had to earn them the hard way. Windswept was the least lucky of the three, being a late bloomer in comparison to Inkwell’s writing talent and Moonlight’s piano talent. He managed to get a talent in performance at the age of thirteen, after performing in Nickerlite’s talent show, but he still found it humiliating that it took him so long to find it.
Puberty was kind to all three of the foals, as they grew to be gorgeous teenagers, especially Windswept, who was apt in showing it off. While his brother worked at the printing office and his sister practiced the piano, he’d be strutting around town, making all manner of simple country girls swoon from his style (considered out of place, but absolutely dazzling).
One such girl was the Pie daughter, Sedimentary Rock. A friendly and sociable mare, she was always one of the faces that greeted him whenever he walked through town. It always annoyed him that she was always giggling and talking whenever she stopped him, and so he always tried to find excuses to get away from her. Being a rock farmer, she was too simple and far too dusty for his taste.
However, the day she kissed him without warning and demanded that he court her, he was stunned and insulted. She had no right to touch him like that, especially getting her filth on him. Humiliated for having been caught off guard like that by a rock farmer, simply turning her down and telling her it was uncalled for was not good enough. He decided that leading her on until a final humiliation was suitable.
So, he played the part of a perfect suitor, always telling her vague compliments about how pretty she was or how funny she was, or even how her cutie mark was such a fitting cutie mark (he had no idea what it was for). He convinced her to sneak out and have a little fun with him, in a way that would ensure that the final blow was sure to hurt. Still, he had to be wary of Seddie’s older brother Igneous and his fiancée Cloudy Quartz, who were awfully suspicious about him.
When Nickerlite’s annual carnival came around, that was when he decided that Seddie’s punishment had come. At first, they had been playfully teasing each other; then, when he decided to get lewd within earshot of foals, that was when Seddie was uncomfortable. He didn’t stop despite her pleas, and those friends that he had convinced to come soon drifted into the conversation, backing her out into the fairgrounds before they commenced their unceremonious dumping of trash on her.
While Windswept was not fond of messes, he still made sure that she was sufficiently dirty and sticky enough so that the townsfolk would get the wrong ideas about her. And when she escaped, they sure did, staring at her in horror to the point that she ran away from town in tears. Windswept and the boys slipped out of the fairgrounds unnoticed, so that they may escape getting in trouble.
Windswept lied to his brother about how the incident went down, claiming he was but a spectator who lost his beloved to a gang of depraved lunatics, and Nickerlite’s newspaper spread that story.
However, one pony who didn’t believe it was Igneous Rock, and he was furious with Windswept for treating his sister that way. Windy realized this when Iggy had grabbed him and pulled him into an alleyway in order to let him know that he wasn’t buying it. He let him know in no uncertain terms that if he caught him treating another mare like that, his beautiful face would be marred with one of Igneous’ rock-punching hooves.
Fearing the retaliation of Igneous, as well as an equally angry Cloudy, Windswept quickly left town, claiming to the townsfolk that he was going to shoot for stardom in Los Pegasus. While it wasn’t a lie, he still was leaving because the Pie Family was terrifying. After he left, his brother went to Manehattan, and his sister went to Canterlot.
He found himself extremely lucky and finding success as a singer. Finally given the high life he desired, he forgot about any regrets he may have had back home. He enjoyed entrancing crowds with his looks and voice, his signature hairstyle and neckerchief becoming high points in fashion at times. He got to meet all kinds of mares, letting them in his space for “tours”.
One mare was an aspiring singer named Starsong that flew in when he was in his mid-thirties. A beautiful, young Pegasus about ten years younger than he, Windswept was quite stricken with her looks and voice. Her having a silly little crush thrilled him, and he quickly took to coaching her and helping her rise. During that time, they married quite quickly, thinking that being starstruck like that meant it was true love.
Problems arose within a year. Starsong nagged him about how they should go and sponsor charities, and perhaps even help out, which Windswept found a waste of time and a risk to his looks. Then, there was the issue of how in their double acts, he was pushing her out of the way. Then there was him being lazy around their home, how he didn’t care for any of her personal or family problems (such as when her mother died), and the argument of whether or not to have foals. It was considered a miracle that they made it to three years.
Her nagging wore Windswept out, and he sought out pleasure elsewhere. Naturally, when Starsong found out, she was heartbroken, and she was the one who filed for divorce.
He was huffy about her leaving, wondering how his brother and sister could stand their spouses, much less the little foals they produced. Even as they all got older, he was perplexed on how anypony could stay married for that long.
Going into his forties, his career started to slow down, much to his dismay. Not about to allow himself becoming irrelevant, he quickly signed up for the job of hosting a new singing competition called the Shining Vocals. While it managed to keep him going for a while, he wasn’t living any of the high points of his fame anymore, and he missed that terribly.
He felt obligated to visit his siblings at times; whether it be Inkwell, his wife, and his twins in Manehattan, or Moonlight and her husband and four kids, having moved to the Salt Lick Valley for whatever reason. He wasn’t very interested in any of his nieces and nephews… until the youngest one, Moonlight’s little son Herald Angel, earned a cutie mark in singing.
Now, with the little pegasus’ new talent, Windswept discovered a way for him to keep living a grand lifestyle, even after the day he’d have to leave the Shining Vocals behind. Being his nephew’s coach and manager was bound to keep him at least somewhat relevant for several years longer. He might even be praised for selflessly helping his nephew with his career. He drew closer to Herald, excitedly awaiting the day he was of age so that the Pegasus would make decisions regardless of his mother’s input (Moonlight, having outgrown her youthful brattiness and fixed up her act for her husband and kids, was not too keen on Windswept’s extra attention on the baby of the family because she knew very well that it was probably for selfish reasons).
However, Herald was not very interested in fame. He simply wanted to attend one of the local colleges, and then later join a choir for his pursuit of his talent. Not having Herald’s nonchalant attitude, Windswept started to bully Herald into the path to fame, which was easy due to the pegasus’ timid nature. Soon enough, he got Herald to sign up for the Shining Vocals audition in Las Haygas, and even when Herald wanted to lose to escape the pressure, he couldn’t, since Windswept was bribing the judges that were there. After Herald and the mare contestant were chosen for the Crystal Empire rounds, the two went home to prepare for the Crystal Empire.
He thanked his lucky stars that they had left Haygas before that year’s Magic Expo (Herald wanted to stay and check it out, but Windswept didn’t want the possibility of some amateur unicorn zapping them), which had directly led to a massive vampire incident. Thinking that luck was always smiling upon him in any of his endeavors, Windswept believed he was invincible.
In preparation for the next round, Windswept gathered dirt on the judges of the Crystal Empire show in order to blackmail them to give the victory to his nephew. He knew just what to do about his ex-wife Starsong; he managed to find a couple of things about the other two judges, Sapphire Shores and Countess Coloratura. However, the Countess had a family problem just before the Crystal Empire show was to begin, and everypony was in a panic over who could replace her on short notice.
Much to everyone’s relief, Cheese Sandwich showed up and offered to take the job. Windswept didn’t like him because he was annoying, had too much focus on comedy, and didn’t seem to take anything seriously. He had even brought his brother Tomato, a kid about Herald’s age that was clearly trying to grow up too fast. Thinking that he could ignore Cheese with no consequence because he thought he was an idiot, he went on with his blackmail of the other two, getting his nephew further into the rounds without anypony noticing.
However, it all came crashing down in the most spectacular of ways. It all started with an eavesdropping Tomato that Windswept had his many large bodyguards tie to a chair and lock in a closet, and ended with a gladiator-like brawl in the arena that disqualified the remaining four contestants. Though Windswept managed to slip out of the brawl, Herald didn’t, and when it had ended, Herald confessed to the treachery and led the Crystal Guard to Windswept.
Rummaging through his dressing room, they found Windswept’s notes and articles on the judges, and he was arrested for blackmail, rigging the contest, and kidnapping (Tomato somehow escaped). A relieved Herald went back home in order to live his life his own way.
Now, the producers of the show are looking for a new host for the Shining Vocals, while Windswept miserably sits in jail, bemoaning the loss of his high life. While the public would talk about this scandal for a while, ultimately, they’d soon forget about it and live their lives without caring about the scumbag.
Elsewhere, Sedimentary Rock would hear of the scandal and arrest. Even though disappointed that Windswept never got to meet Bighoof, she’ll still laugh before saying, “Good riddance, you weasel.”
Wow ...
... you actually made Windswept's treatment of Seddy worse in some ways than I assumed from the abbreviated version of the story.
See, I thought that Windswept was just callous and horny, and had sex with her without actually loving her. That's normal-level male cruelty to females. Unfortunate, and I could see how learning that this was the case might make Seddy want to leave town, and once she left never quite feel brave enough to return, given certain assumptions of sensitivity on her part and the Pony tendency to become self-reliant a bit earlier than with Human adolescents.
Instead, he deliberately engineered as much emotional harm and humiliation for her as he could expect to get away with. On purpose, not just by accident. (And if he didn't quite have sex with her, it was because he was too full of himself to waste his own magnificent golden wonderfulness on anypony as common as Seddy, rather than any respect for her).
That's really nasty, because it's not at all even partially-excusable by simple lust running out of control. That's a complex and pre-meditated malice -- really vile.
I would say that Windswept is incapable of feeling actual love. His attempts to sponsor Starsong and then Herald were attempts to recreate himself, rather than loving others for whom they were -- and those are the closest he shows to demonstrating actual romantic and familial love (rather than merely lust or the toleration of the existence of one's relations) in his career. He's a classic narcissist bordering on sociopathy: he stays out of serious trouble as long as he does partially because hes smart (and afraid of humiliating exposure) long enough to mostly avoid committing serious crimes (most of what he does is "callous" and "obnoxious" and "amoral" but not actually criminal), and in the end (like many sociopaths) he steps over the line and falls.
A spoiled brat who never grew up and fought growing old in every way he could. Tragic in an abstract sense, but it's not like he was forced along this path.
I really need to catch up on Brotherly Bonding Time.
Looking at the recent blogs go by as I scroll down, I have to say, I really feel like your artwork is improving substantially, especially since you started doing these birthday bios. In particular the expressions on ponies faces really seems to pop out in your artwork, especially with Windswept, Seddie, and Purple Prose.