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[Metacritic Monday] Bayonetta 2 · 7:39pm Feb 23rd, 2016

Welcome to boobs; I mean butts; I mean boobs; I mean Bayonetta 2!! Goddammit...

Hello everyone! My name is SuperKamek and welcome back to another episode of "Metacritic Monday", where I bitch and complain about people who bitch and complain. Well, I missed one day, may as well make up for it with another Metacritic Monday. And hurray; we're continuing the tradition of releasing an episode on Tuesday! But that's really not important, is it? I mean, Metacritic Tuesday just doesn't have the same ring to it, and even if I did make it Metacritic Tuesday, I would just start releasing it on a Wednesday. What's that? You don't care about what I'm talking about? Fine, jeez! Here's Bayonetta 2, I guess.

Please, please, PLEASE take note that I will not be ripping apart reviews that are actually legit. If someone dislikes a game for a reason, I'm all okay with that. What I'm NOT okay with is false information, like those stupid "0/10" reviews you find sometimes. Also take note that this is for entertainment and comedy purposes only, so I will be exaggerating a few points I make. So, without further ado, let's delve into Metacritic Monday!

Hey, remember when Bayonetta was seen by the internet as a sex object? Well, she still is. Can you really blame people though? She's really, REALLY hot! Her sexy curves, her British accent, and not to mention her... eyes. She's just a really attractive woman, which makes the ending of Bayonetta 1 even more creepy when you see her younger, cuter self. Yeah... boners officially terminated. But that's besides the point! What IS the point is Bayonetta 2 is one of the finest Beat-em-ups I've ever played, and this is coming from the guy who doesn't really like Beat-em-ups. I LOVE THIS GAME SO MUCH!!! So fast and so fluid! AHH!!

So obviously there are some idiots out there who take the game the wrong way. Like, seriously. So, get your guns and summon your monsters from Inferno, because we're going to be dissecting Bayonetta 2 and all the comments aimed towards it. Dear god... heh, literally.

So, what's our two comments for today?

Everything about this game is annoying an unbearable, the grating voices and music, the ugly visual design (Bayo herself is the worse female character design i've ever seen in a game), the story is so bad you might as well skip it altogether, and the gameplay is straight up button mashing with no depth or fun whatsoever. Avoid.

Another smash button? Sex apeal and no consistent story line? This is bayonetta 2, the same game, but with a short hair and new enemies. Totally forgettable

Well, let's get it over-with!

Everything about this game is annoying an unbearable

Oh really? Please, do go on.

the grating voices and music

Fuck you.

Yes! I finally did the joke again!

the ugly visual design

Yes. The ugly visual design. How could I have been so stupid.

(Bayo herself is the worse female character design i've ever seen in a game)

Clearly this review was written by a female, because NO MAN EVER would say even that. :rainbowlaugh:

the story is so bad you might as well skip it altogether

I won't lie that the story can be convoluted at times, but it's usually pushed to the side in favor of the combat. Speaking of, I'm going to take a wild guess and say you'll complain about the combat next?

and the gameplay is straight up button mashing

Called it.

with no depth or fun whatsoever.

Depth? No, Platinum games never are. Fun? Bitch, Platinum Games kicks ass when it comes to just having a good time! They are by-far the greatest Beat-em-up developers in the world. Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance, Wonderful 101, Transformers Devastation, Bayonetta! Oh... so many good games... so many...



Another smash button?

I... what? Another smash button? The hell is a smash button? Are you... Are you actually referring to Beat-em-up games? Wow, you can't even get the name of the genre right. We're in good hands, everyone!

Sex apeal

Sex a peal? Well, if you say so...

and no consistent story line?

Hey, it's consistent! Just... ignorable. :applejackunsure:

This is bayonetta 2, the same game

...the same game as what? I need context, dude! Same game as what?! WHY WON'T YOU TELL ME!! I THOUGHT OUR LOVE WAS ETERNAL!!!

but with a short hair

Is that a problem? Actually, I find it kind of rude that you discriminate a person because they cut their hair. Of course, I would never cut MY long hair, but still!

and new enemies.

Well, we can't have a new game without new stuff! Where'd you get your critic's degree, again?

Totally forgettable

Sort of like you, actually. :trollestia:

And that concludes today's Metacritic Monday! Did you enjoy the show? If so, leave a comment down below! Also, what are your thoughts on Bayonetta 2? Like it? Hate it? Really you choice, I won't blame you if you hate it. It does have some problems like its repetitiveness, but that wouldn't really matter when you're having so much fun, right? Also, that second guy rated Bayonetta 2 because Bayonetta herself cut her hair.

Take a moment to let that sink in.

...yeah, there it is. You can practically TASTE the stupidity, right?

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Comments ( 7 )

Completely unrelated,
but before I read this I watched the new ScreenJunkies Honest Trailer about the Oscars and they used the exact same "The room" clip. Coincidence?:pinkiegasp:
And it might interest you that todays Honest Game Trailer will be about Fire Emblem

Nice job with this about boo- Bayonett 2. Just that, what I said, totally didn't mean to say anything else, nope.

Damn! I think you just roasted someone, I can hear that sizzling from over here.

I already saw it! :rainbowlaugh: I loved it!

Dude, no shame in staring. :ajsmug:

I pretty much do this every week. Things get so roast-y, I have to put them on a BBQ!

...yeah, bad joke.

3773419 *clicks tongs*

I always read the metacritic Monday blog. It's funny.

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