Incoming Story - The Wishing Pool · 6:34am Feb 4th, 2016
I have a new story that I will be releasing tomorrow. It is a shorter one, clocking in at about 1,250 words, but I hope that folks enjoy it.
I'm presently deliberating over what cover art and summary to use, but at present, it looks like this:
The Wishing Pool
Comedy, RomanceRarity has traveled across the length of Equestria to reach the Pool of Dreams.
Her goal? To finally find a stallion worthy of being her boyfriend.
The remains of those who used their wishes carelessly lie strewn around the pool.
But Rarity is no fool. She knows exactly what she wants.
I've got two other summaries that I've been debating using:
I do not care for mortal things.
Before me, peasants are as kings.
The world is mine to bend and break
Be careful of the wish you make.The dread warning of the Pool of Dreams echoed in Rarity's ears as she gazed down into the frothing pit of pure magic.
But it isn't like wishing for a boyfriend could have any negative consequences, right?
Rarity travels to the Pool of Dreams to wish for a boyfriend.
It goes as well as could be expected.
If you folks think that any of the summaries are particularly better or worse than the others, it would be really awesome to know.
EDIT: I ended up getting enough editors. Thanks to everyone who volunteered!
The first description almost seems more like the setup to a gritty AU than a RomCom. A mare traveling to a mysterious, wish-granting pool in the middle of nowhere that nobody regulates? Seems a bit suspicious.
I'll tell you right now, that summaries that include this as their final line
Or others in a similar vein
Just completely shit me to tears. I hate them. They're beyond generic, and show people that you have no creativity.
(I'm just basically saying please don't use that last one because it's boring and crap)
3732295
Frankly, I have no idea what to tag this story as; I could see tagging it as adventure, even, as it... sort of is? In a way?
I dunno.
Its not really a "romance" in the sense of "drama about romantic feelings between ponies"; it is really more romance used in the "this involves shipping" sense.
Either (1) or (2). Somewhat along the same lines as 3732297 says, "It goes as well as can be expected" seems generic and understated to me - sort of comedic, even.
And I'm looking forward to the story.
(And now I'm also thinking of somepony memorizing a quick gender-change spell, and then going to the Mirror Pool for a boyfriend...)
The first description is cool, though my inner lit Nazi tells me to cut out 'in order' from the first sentence, and change 'lay' to 'lie'.
And if you need a second pair of eyes, I'm all ears.
3732359
Thanks, fixed!
And I think I'm good on the editing front at this point, but I do greatly appreciate your offer.
The second one sounds like the most accurate to me. Complacency threatens.
Of course, that's my opinion. Go ahead with whatever you like.
I like the summary with the rhyme. But as others have said that some lines feel generic and overused, obviously in this case its the last line "But it isn't like wishing for a boyfriend could have any negative consequences, right?".
I'm gonna have to say that the second one is probably the best despite it's cliche-ness, assuming from the tags and your earlier comment that this is a lighthearted comedy-adventure with some shipping.
The first makes it sound a bit darker than you're probably intending, like Rarity's going to die or something as a result of her wish, and the third one goes a bit too far in the other direction, making it seem more like a silly little drabble than something with a real plot.