Story Reviews » SA Reviews Round 76 · 9:46pm Jan 30th, 2016
Seattle's Angels is a group that promotes good stories with low views. You can find us here.
A large box had been left at the front door of the Seattle’s Angels’ secret underground lighthouse and storage facility. From aboveground, it resembled a small shack in the middle of an open desert. Ferret peered out of the only window, watching the delivery man with skepticism as he returned to his truck and drove away down the single dusty, winding road.
“I honestly don’t get why we keep changing locations,” she mused.
“Well, all our secret locations keep getting compromised, so the idea is throw any nefarious evil-doers off our tails.”
Raz peered outside at the delivery man speeding away, wondering whether or not any records had been broken for quickest compromise of security. Ferret absentmindedly brought her floofy tail into paws and caressed it like a mother with their infant child.
Corejo suddenly climbed up the ladder behind them. “It’s here!” he shouted, and he threw open the door.
He quickly reached for the dishwasher-sized box and pulled it back inside the shack. The sides clearly marked “This Side Up” had their arrows pointing at the ground. But before that could be questioned, he produced a crowbar and opened up the cardboard box. Tossing that aside, he reached into the sea of packing peanuts and produced one Cerulean Voice. How a voice could have color, Raz didn’t think he’d ever know.
“It’s here!” Corejo shouted again, grinning widely. “One brand new Angel, with finger-bending action!”
“Another?” Ferret asked, tilting her head. “Is this one house trained, at least?”
“No!” Cerulean enthusiastically answered.
Corejo fished into the box again and produced a stack of papers. “Oh! And he even comes with his own set of reviews!”
Raz popped his knuckles. “I guess we better break the poor sap in. Also, we need to talk to you about the definition of the phrase ‘secret base.’”
ROUND 76
STORY 1
Harissa, by Orbititng Kettle
Zecora is known to lead a peaceful existence, alone in the Everfree Forest, lending a helping hoof or advice when asked. But her story began in a very different way, long ago and far away, amidst silk, incense, blood and treachery.
I’d like to say a few words about Harissa. First off, it’s a goddamn amazing spicy sauce originating from northern Africa. Secondly, it’s a goddamn amazing story about Zecora.
But I’m getting ahead of myself. Harissa as a story starts strong, with Zecora making a mystery substance. Well, perhaps mystery is pushing it, but the real question is: why? I mean, surely something as mundane as preparing a spicy seasoning for one’s dinner isn’t worth devoting an entire paragraph five paragraphs story to?
Friend, you would be a fool to run with that assumption, for the very fact that Zecora so lovingly prepares such a dish tells us more about her past than could ever be guessed at. As noted before, harissa is a dish made with flavoursome African chillies. Though considered mild by locals, it has a strong kick for those who don’t give it the proper respect, and should not be underestimated.
But that’s not all. The story goes a step further and complements this by tapping into the root of what a zebra is and how they came to earn their name. Wild horse. Feral horse. Untamed horse.
Zecora, while continuing on with her spice-making, shows in her reverie just what sort of wild past she left behind for solitude in the Everfree Forest. She lays bare the soul of a proud mare in self-imposed exile, a character who lives with great remorse day after day. The way her story unravels while the meal comes together drew me in completely. Never before have I found a story that devotes so much careful construction to a character, a character who now only plays a supporting role for a select group of friends in a faraway land, which is as far removed as you can get from commanding legions of warmongers as a terrible queen.
Harissa manages to be intriguing, tragic, bittersweet, yet hopeful all at once. The past is the past; the present is now. Learn from the past, make better the future. This is Zecora’s new lease on life—and it is a lease I surely speak for everyone in saying—that I’m glad she found. There’s a couple of tiny missteps with the tense, and Zecora’s meter could be better, but for a short story that injects some decent kick into your friendly neighbourhood zebra, you can’t do better.
I’ll be the first to admit that I don’t like Zecora. Her maturity seems to be her only redeeming quality, and her tribal magic and albeit impressive rhyming skills come off as being gimmicky. I blame the show for not giving her enough depth. To a further extent, most stories about her that I’ve read all tend to build off of those gimmicky qualities: her rhyming and her culture. Not to dismiss them or say they aren’t worth exploring, but it’s disappointing to see the strongest aspect of her character—her maturity—get glossed over so often.
Harissa is, then, something special to be able to hook me in and fall in love with its Zecora. It’s a story about who Zecora is as an individual, and the events that helped shape her life and harden her personality. It more than creates a backstory, it explains who she is and what she believes.
I love that the author was able to use the culture to strengthen Zecora, rather than using Zecora as a guide of her culture. And these snippets of the past are separated by Zecora preparing a meal. It’s such a wonderful contrast and what the story does with these interruptions is amazing. There’s just so much care put into everything here. I love it.
Really, whether or not you’re a fan of Zecora, this story is definitely worth a read. It sheds a light on her character that hardly gets used, and it really changed my opinion of the character for the better.
Murder has come to Canterlot.When a body is discovered, mutilated beyond recognition, Princess Luna is tasked with finding the culprit and bringing them to justice.
As the Alicorn of Darkness, it is her duty to watch over the night, and protect the ponies of Equestria from that which lurks in shadow. But she won't be alone in this endeavor; a stallion from the Royal Investigative Service and the prince of chaos himself have been sent to aide her in this matter. Together this strange trio will find that there is much more at play here than mere murder; a storm is gathering in the shadows of Canterlot, and even the powers of a god may not be enough overcome it.
Luna. ‘Nuff said.
What, that not enough for you? Okay, then. How about Discord, too? Still no? Alright, fine, I’ll do a real review.
So apparently it’s a thing in pony stories that murder is rare, because ponies live in a happy society away from all that real life jazz. I agree with the sentiment wholeheartedly, Equestria being a rather idyllic society, canonically speaking, but I feel slighted by the idea that murder as a story’s inciting incident is so taboo in the fandom, especially when fics like this use it to such wonderful effect. That isn’t to say I love love love murder and senseless violence. (I’m dutifully among the neighsayer crowd whenever one of those senseless gorefics pops up in the feature box.) I mean to say that I like it when heavy themes are addressed with tact and the weight they deserve. Murder, being what it is, holds this requirement higher than any other heavy theme out there. But while Under a Silver Moon thankfully deals with this theme in proper fashion, this merely sets the stage for what’s truly tantalizing about this fic. Namely, the character interactions and the mystery revolving around the murder itself.
Luna is tasked by Celestia to work with Word Smith, an OC pony in the Royal Investigative Services, and Discord, who, for as much as anyone might worry over his characterization, is wonderfully in character, neither over or underdone. The circumstances of said murder set in motion a good many gears and raise just as many questions as to who this pony was and why he was murdered in such brutal fashion.
Luna takes the helm of the investigation, and her straight-to-the-point attitude bounces beautifully off Word Smith’s (think an overly eccentric Erase from Erase and Rewind, if you’ve read that fic, which you should because it’s great) overabundance of knowledge and indomitable cheerfulness and Discord’s signature shenanigans. There is no lack of comic relief to offset the serious tone of this fic, and it’s certainly much needed for all that’s going on.
Don’t let the poetry chapters dissuade you from picking this one up. While I’m of the camp that dislikes unmetered poetry, it’s more than forgivable for the message each segment portrays. If you are one to loathe anything and everything unmetered poetry, then, well… you’re really missing out on a great fic for such a silly reason. Other than that, mind the missing words sprinkled throughout the chapters. There’s enough to notice, but nothing to rustle your jimmies over.
Bring your thinking caps to this one, and strap yourselves in. You’re in for a wild ride.
I don’t think we get nearly enough murder mysteries around here anymore. Although I suppose there’s a reason for that: ponies and death typically don’t mix well together. It’s just a direct clash with the spirit of the show that’s hard to pull off. Usually there’s some setup required, but this story hits the ground running and makes it work.
The story revolves around Princess Luna being called in to assist with a murder, a rare event in Equestria and surely one of its most heinous crimes. But it’s soon unveiled that not everything is quite as it seems, and the characters are rich and quite often at each other’s throats. There’s some drama and suspense involved, putting focus towards the investigation and not necessarily the mystery itself. Which, if anything, is incredibly smart and really sets up what kind of story this.
If nothing else, Under A Silver Moon is culture building to the extreme. Not necessarily world building, but it expands greatly upon and explores the culture of Equestria’s elite and its characters at large. Princess Luna shows off her magical dexterity to great effect, for instance, in ways that I never would’ve imagined. The story stumbles in some places when it needs to explain these feats, and it can drag on for a bit (which is really just a side effect of the kind of story it is). Also, don’t forget the kinkshaming. Why in the world does GDocs recognize that as a valid word
But in the end, this is really an amazing story so far. It’s still incomplete, its updates infrequent, but there’s hope it’ll be continued in the near future. It might be wise to wait until it’s completed before diving in. However, you’ll be missing out.
A day in the life of a young Derpy. She wakes up, has breakfast, and ventures onward into the wonderful adventure of life. Who knows what mischief she'll get herself into?
You know you’ve got a great story on hand when the Character Establishing Moment comes in the form of this question: “Butt? Ohh, Bu-utt!”
First-person, four-year-old Derpy Hooves. In what universe is there anything to dislike? Little Miss Hooves immediately sets us going on a mostly misho adventure of epic epicness through her own adorable wall-eyes. She’s so hyperactive and full of fun and I just want to hug her omg that some of the subtleties might pass you by.
But what job does subtlety fulfill, if it becomes blatant? That’d be almost as stupid as literally suddenly literally meaning figuratively, figuratively speaking…
Derpy is adorable and tragic at the same time. She loves-loves-loves her blocks, her muffins, her books, her pajamas, and her ever-present and loyal Butt servant, Sir Respectable Butler The Fourth, if you please. Everything about Derpy’s life seems ideal: all the toys she could want, her Butt waiting on her every beck and call, UNLIMITED* MUFFINS, a giant house to explore and have adventures in with her Butt…
A giant empty house… empty master bedroom. Half-finished wine glasses. No other signs of life. Oh. Oh, NightWolf, why?
The writing, while superb, does sometimes come through sounding a little too “adult” for a little filly, only to then switch again into giggly schoolgirl mode. But overall, Derpy is well voiced. There’s a particular scene where things have stopped being fun, and she knows that things have stopped being fun, but she still tries to make it seem fun.
Every supporting character plays their role well: Respectable Butt Butler The Fourth, his obvious crush, and a uniquely portrayed fandom favourite all combine to really sell the entire thing.
There’s all different kinds of eggs in this basket. You want cute? You got it! You want drama and suspense? Hell, let’s throw them in too! D’awwws, Awwws, and Puh-shaws a-plenty? Aye, yes, and si! Just don’t leave your heart completely open, or it’s liable to cop a severe beating. In a good way though—I promise!
* Although Butt Respectable Butler The Fourth strives to accommodate all needs, the aforementioned muffins may not be technically unlimited; however, there will certainly be enough to keep any young filly satisfied, at least until lunchtime.
Good lord, this story is adorable. No, scratch that. It’s endearing.
What we get with Beep Boop, I Will Destroy You! is nothing short of whimsical. It’s a snapshot of the day-to-day life of a young Derpy, who likes to play with her toys and can enjoy a muffin whenever she damn well pleases. It’s the silly sort of cute that’s fun for fun’s sake, but at the same time you just know there’s something ominous hidden just below the surface of it all.
Which is to say, there’s a couple of sad moments hidden away inside this fluffball of a story. Which why I’d rather call this story endearing instead of nothing but graphic cuteness. There’s ulterior purposes behind Derpy’s loving little adventure. It’s unexpectedly dramatic like that. But none of these points would be so profound if it wasn’t for the voice of our protagonist.
Derpy comes across as being a bit mature for her age, which is as much of an allusion as it is a nitpick. One moment she’ll be super serious faec, and then the next she’s a bubbling goof. It’s at least believable, but it’s also noticeable. Not that that didn’t stop me from getting engrossed in this story.
Really, this is an excellent story. More than if you’re a fan of Derpy, or a fan of cute, or a fan of silly, or a fan of dissecting a story for the greater meanings hidden behind all that distracting cute. It’s a fun ride, and definitely worth a read.
In the 19th century of Princess Celestia's rule, Equestria experienced an acceleration of its progress and prosperity as the first westward expansion began. Yet there were some ponies who took this call to progress as a warrant for ever more radical reform. In 1858, 148 ponies left Equestria to realize that radical dream. This is their story.
There’s something to say about stories that read as manuscripts. I certainly had plenty of wonderful things to say on the matter when Riverdream at Sunset popped up in a previous round, and much of the same praises I had for that story I have for this one.
So basically, before I say anything else: if you loved Riverdream, you’ll love this, no matter your stance on [Dark].
Now that that’s said, Wealth, is of a rarer breed of narrative here on Fimfic. Its strengths lie in the perspective of the narrator and his recount of the events that befell The Island, where the bulk of the story takes place. There’s something to be said about authors who can truly get inside the head of their protagonist with details such as this:
We ventured into the forests, where the birdsong was high and clear through the canopy, and came to a little cave sunk into the mountainside. We remained there for some time, to take in a little private happiness amid our new surroundings, and in doing so, discovered a tiny nook in the rocky wall, closely concealed. Together we resolved to store our most valuable belongings here, including the blank diary that I write in today. You may think my actions cynical or mean—to hide our private belongings from such a well-intentioned set of ponies—but I am thankful beyond measure to my former self for making this decision.
This is not a happy story. This story very much earns its [Dark] tag. There are truckloads of stories out there where a single glance leaves you with a blank face and the words, ‘yep, that was dark’ running through your mind. This story, however, strikes a creepier, far more terrifying chord. Not so much for direct depiction of dark things, but for highlighting how easy it is for people to logically justify radical anarchy and the hypocrisy of its strict enforcement.
The story description credits Nathaniel Hawthorne, but I got a distinct Lord of the Flies vibe. If that vibe is your thing, crack open that new tab.
If this fandom ever produced an homage Nathaniel Hawthorne, this is probably as good as it’s going to get. But there’s a definite Lord of the Flies feel to it as well. Isolation, social structures, a conscious desire to do a new world better than the one left behind...
There’s a revolutionary air to this story that echoes even today. The Wealth of the World follows a group of ponies who, after strongly opposing Princess Celestia’s rule of Equestria, are given the chance to exile themselves and settle anew. They find an uninhabited island and take it upon themselves to create a civilization where everyone is equal, everyone gets the same share, anyone can work only as long as they want to, and they cast off the symbols of their chains (Equestria) by destroying most of what they brought with them, such as their guns, swords, money, and gold.
Unsurprisingly, things don’t go too well. The story is quick to establish this early on, as a matter of fact. This story is as much of a criticism of communism as Animal Farm is, perhaps less so. But in any case, what transpires is a grueling descent into madness not necessarily for our protagonist and narrator, but for the world around them he tried so hard to put together right. It’s tragic, it’s dark, and I loved it. Also, damn, the prose in here is flowery and amazingly put together.
If any of those books I listed tickled your fancy, or you just enjoy seeing the road to Hell paved with good intentions, then this the story for you.
Corejo plopped Cerulean down on the coffee table, all smug and proud. “See? I told you he could do it! He just needed a little help, is all.”
“Is this in the context of reviewing fanfics or house training him?” Ferret asked.
“Yes!” Cerulean answered.
Feel free to visit our group for more information and events, and to offer some recommendations for future rounds. See you all next time!
Orbititting Kettle, eh? :V
I remember thinking the writing in Beep Boop could be improved, but it was awfully cute.
I can reviews good!
*sees Cerulean Voice as one of the reviewers this round*
I approve wholeheartedly. I mean granted, anyone who's seen the podcasts knew about this three weeks ahead of time, and anyone who's glanced at the members list in the group might've known since before even that, so I've had plenty of time to voice my support for CV's newfound status. But, all the same.
Well, obviously Cerulean Voice has a synesthetic effect on the people within his surroundings and within general earshot of him. Think of it as airborne LSD!
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That too.
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Wohoo! Thanks for the review! Never thought I would made it on SA
>mfw reviewed
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When was the last time you tested any of the reviewers for psychic abilities? It should still be under your insurance, so long as you haven't defrauded them again since changing providers.
Some nice reviews. Just remember, your Cerulean needs a lot of attention. Walkies, food and a healthy amount of reviews to keep him stimulated. If he's good, he may be treated with a little Fluttershy and some bitchin' metal music.
Huh? So this is where all the sudden faves came from. Thanks!
Hey, I got reviewed by SA? Nice! Thanks, guys!
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Don't thank us, thank yourselves for writing great stories.