• Member Since 17th Dec, 2014
  • offline last seen Dec 14th, 2018

SuperKamek


I'm ded lol. Fuck you, bronies.

More Blog Posts724

Jan
25th
2016

[Metacritic Monday] Evolve · 7:37pm Jan 25th, 2016

Monster Hunter cash-in, much?

Hello everyone! My name is SuperKamek and welcome back to another episode of "Metacritic Monday", where I bitch and complain about people who bitch and complain. This week's episode is going to be a little different. Instead of defending a game from horrible fans, I'll be attacking a game with horrible fans. As we all know, Evolve was a game trying to be like Monster Hunter with machine guns. I didn't hate the game for this. No, I hate the game for many, many other reasons.

Please, please, PLEASE take note that I will not be ripping apart reviews that are actually legit. If someone dislikes a game for a reason, I'm all okay with that. What I'm NOT okay with is false information, like those stupid "0/10" reviews you find sometimes. Also take note that this is for entertainment and comedy purposes only, so I will be exaggerating a few points I make. So, without further ado, let's delve into Metacritic Monday!


Evolve was absolute shit. Sure, it was a nice-looking game, but the game is riddled with flaws such as the lack of a single-player campaign, the lack of effort actually put into the game, and the lack of... well, anything really. The only reason I brought up "no single-player" was because there is no way to break up the monotony and just hunt by yourself for a bit. It was just a mess, so imagine my surprise when I find a "10/10" review on it on Metacritic! Of course, like I said before, I wouldn't dare touch a review unless they were honest opinions, but this guy's opinions are just... well, have a look for yourself.

So, buckle down and get your guns ready, because we're delving headfirst into the first-person Monster Hunter shitstorm that was Evolve. Just... If anyone likes this game, be warned; I may bring up some point that will drive you away from it.

Alright, the fact that everyone whines about how these games aren't meeting up to expectations is **** This is a fine looking game! Plays well and is especially fun with friends. The DLC is a little costly, but it doesn't decrease the performance of the game. Its fun and the graphics are good. There isn't supposed to be a story, never was, and if the DLCs are so expensive, don't buy them bro. Simple as that instead of approaching this sight and whining about your waste of money. 2015 just started, we still have more games to come to show their well performance, don't expect anything to be great yet.

Well... ok then.

Alright, the fact that everyone whines about how these games aren't meeting up to expectations is ****

Oh, that's not why people whine, honey. :rainbowlaugh:

This is a fine looking game!

If, y'know, you could actually see anything in the darkness.

Plays well and is especially fun with friends.

Yay! You and your friends can get angry with the game together as you desperately search in the darkness!

The DLC is a little costly, but it doesn't decrease the performance of the game.

No, but the bare-bones actual game will want you begging for more.

Its fun and the graphics are good.

I... wait, didn't we already go through this?

There isn't supposed to be a story, never was

Now this is true. A game doesn't have to have a story in order to be good. Just take Monster Hunter, for example! I will say that a story would have benefited this game greatly, however. I don't even know what I'm doing on this planet or why I'm hunting these monsters! GIVE ME SOME EXPLANATION, GAME!!

and if the DLCs are so expensive, don't buy them bro.

Okay, "bro", you have fun with your bare-bones shooter then. Without buying the DLC, the game has roughly 8 hunters, 3 monsters, 2 maps, and 10 guns! I know those aren't the actual numbers, but when you take into consideration all those categories have at least four times the amount in the game, they're just blocked by a paywall. If you don't purchase any of the DLC, you'll get very bored very quickly.

Simple as that instead of approaching this sight and whining about your waste of money.

But that's exactly what this game was! A waste of money! And waste of more money if you purchased the DLC! See where I'm going with this one? Also, you spelled "site" wrong.

2015 just started,

2015 just ended. :rainbowlaugh:

we still have more games to come to show their well performance, don't expect anything to be great yet.

Don't expect... anything great... yet... But didn't you just spend the entire review talking about how good Evolve was?! Ugh... I need a coffee. At least a hot cup of cocoa...


And that concludes today's Metacritic Monday! Did you enjoy the show? If so, leave a comment down below! Also, what are your thoughts on Evolve? Like it? Hate it? Really you choice, I won't blame you if you like it. Evolve had some pretty promising stuff, but was all-in-all just put down by DLC and shit. If I can say one good thing about this guy, though?

At least he had the balls to make a 10/10 review on an already hated game.

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Comments ( 20 )

.... I liked it.

3711606
And that's fine! I have no problems with anyone liking it! :twilightsmile: Unless they're ungrateful little shits like the guy I just reviewed.

Evolve was an excellent Concept, with absolutely awful execution. TBH I'm surprised you didn't tackle that one bloke on Battlefront who said

Fifty bucks isn't all that expensive!

Cause I'd like to establish, that guy is an idiot.

Also, nice criticism as always ^^ And it's really sad, cause I did wanna pick up Evolve, Siege, AND Battlefront, but there companies have screwed the pooch so bad...Let's hope things get better this year.

3711610 Personally I thought the creature designs were creative and how they worked was pretty inventive.

3711615
Hmm... Well, alright. I never really could appreciate the monster designs (mainly because I couldn't see shit), but I feel happy someone else was able to find enjoyment somewhere. And hey, if the game is ever boring you, have a look at Monster Hunter. It's basically the same thing, only with HUNDREDS of monsters instead of just 3. :rainbowlaugh:

3711631 With controls that I barely understand how they work and the monsters are just occasionally just animals mixed with a dragon.... I'm looking at you Barioth.

3711612
Must not have seen him, then. :rainbowlaugh:

And thanks! That means a lot to me. :twilightsmile: I really do try to keep you all entertained while also making sure not to offend anyone, and hearing someone tell me on a job well-done makes me warm inside. Thank you!

3711635
Jim covered him on Battlefront's metabomb.

Also, you are most welcome :) And again thanks

3711642 ..... what idiotic looking derpy ass beast is that?

3711645
Kecha Wacha :rainbowkiss:

Also, best not say that aloud. Apparently, this thing has a huge fanbase inside the Monster Hunter fandom! People really like it for teaching new players the basic ropes of how the 3D environments will work.

3711652 ....... why?

If you ever get the chance to play Borderlands 2, you should do a metacritic Monday on that.

3711855
Maybe one day... maybe one day... :rainbowkiss:

Comment posted by Gamerguy1313 deleted Jan 25th, 2016
Comment posted by Gamerguy1313 deleted Jan 25th, 2016
Comment posted by Gamerguy1313 deleted Jan 25th, 2016

Yeah, I get 2015 and 2016 mixed up sometimes too:twilightblush:

3712077
It's the start of the year. You'll get used to it. :rainbowlaugh:

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