Rarity St. Germain Interview

During a text conversation I had with Rika, a friend of mine, we discussed one of my failed crossover concepts. One of the numerous side concepts dealt with the idea of an anthropomorphic Rarity and how she fit in the grand scheme of an alternate reality's New York. I saw her as an NY-based dress designer named Rarity St. Germain (after her English voice actress, Tabitha St. Germain). I have decided to include this mock interview here, as a kind of for-fun work. It is not the best (given my lacking knowledge of fashion trends and how really to conduct a media interview-much less determine if this would be TV or text), but it felt like something I should share, because of how fun it was to write out. Rika was amused, at least. Due to its script structure and incomplete status, I felt it was best to share it as a blog post. For fun, anyway.

Naturally, given this crossover concept was inspired by The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, there are a few references scattered within. Lena Prescott isn't based on anyone in particular, but was possibly inspired by that snow leopardess newscaster from Zootopia. Anyone wish to don the role of Jess Nevins and decipher the rest?

***

RARITY ST. GERMAIN, dressed in one of her “First Impressions” series (a fancy, but saucy little number called “Thermal Blues”, with subtle highlights around the bust, waist, and heart), enters the studio. She sits down across from snow leopardess correspondent, LENA PRESCOTT, drinks from a staff-provided bottle of Evian, and chuckles.

LENA PRESCOTT
May I ask why you’re laughing, Ms. St. Germain?

RARITY ST. GERMAIN
Please, darling, call me Rarity. And I’m laughing because I was, earlier today, reminded of a fundamental lesson of the universe. That things may occur, unexpectedly. Or, as your readers would probably say, “S--- happens.”

LENA [amused]
I did not expect you to say that.

RARITY [moreso]
If you wish to survive in New York, you have to discard your prudish side. Of course, my younger self would have freaked out over saying such a word. It would seem most unbecoming of a lady. But in this landscape, you sometimes accomplish more with your middle finger, than with your please’s and thank you’s.

LENA
That probably would explain that caricature of you that appeared in the latest issue of Crack Ups!

Insert: A SKETCH LAMPOON caricature of RARITY ST. GERMAIN, taken from the February 2015 issue of Crack Ups! She stands atop a catwalk in a nondescript dress and raises her right middle finger. Her hand still manages to be dainty, despite the obscene gesture. Below, a caption reads: “NEW YORK MODELING”. RARITY and LENA examine the illustration and are noticeably giggling.

RARITY
It pays to have a sense of humor. That way, when things go awry, you can pick yourself up and laugh.

LENA
Indeed. So, how were you “reminded of this fundamental lesson”, earlier?

RARITY
As I was walking to my studio, dressed up in a fine, pearl white women’s polo and matching white sand dress pants–from Tommy Vinegar’s revival line, I must note–, a car passed by. I admit I was distracted. I had seen those posters dedicated to the big, cinematic return of John Trevor. I am not partial to canid men, myself, but he is quite the fine specimen. Unmarried, too. [She giggles.] But as I was admiring his Apollonian figure, I was heavily doused with a stream of water–which I found out had been released from a damaged hydrant a couple streets over. [She feigns melodramatic fear, holding the back of her right hand against her forehead.] It was an utter torrent!

LENA [trying not to show her amusement]
Oh, dear. I hope that your ensemble wasn’t too badly…discolored.

RARITY chuckles and brushes her iconic curl of purple hair out of her face.

RARITY [not hiding her amusement]
Darling, you can’t wear white without understanding the risk that you may become filthy. Be it fine fabrics or silky fur. [She stares at the ceiling and chuckles, before she turns her gaze back to LENA.] I’m sure Mr. Trevor understands that, considering all the shirtless scenes he’s partaken in. I still wonder if that lightning bolt is natural, or applied with dye. [She giggles.] Listen to me, sounding like an adolescent fangirl!

LENA
It’s perfectly fine. John Trevor has that effect on people. It’s why he’s such a hot TV and film star, right now. Of course, I still find the films more engaging than the series.

RARITY
Well, the films do rely less on the overwrought “save the girl” premise. Anyway, so I was completely doused with water, but I spent the next two minutes just standing there and laughing. It was funny. Years ago, I would have utterly collapsed, cried out, or even threatened to sue the driver. But on that New York sidewalk, all I could do was laugh. Even in my soaked and dirtied, seventy-dollar ensemble.

LENA
Laugh?

RARITY [smiles]
Yes. It was funny. I knew the old me would have pitched a fit, stomped my foot, and bemoaned the loss of my dignity to some cad with no regard for the laws and customs of fashion. But right there, I just laughed. People did stop and watch. I laughed louder and invited them to laugh with me. What can I say? I’m a people pleaser.

LENA [smirking]
Oh, you most certainly are. In more ways than one.

RARITY [feigning offense, but clearly amused]
Darling! How could say something so scandalous?!

Both share a laugh. RARITY lets out a nostalgic sigh.

RARITY
Yes, well, Claire definitely would have commented on it.

LENA
Your sister?

RARITY
[She nods.] Claire St. Germain, yes. She performed on International Icon, three years ago. It’s a shame she didn’t win. Of course, she’ll always be Sweetie Belle, to me.

LENA [trying not to chuckle]
Sweetie Belle?

RARITY
Our little inside joke. She used to want a really cutesy name, back when she was a little girl. Back in the days when she headbanged Malibu Stacy dolls and practiced singing with a “microphone” she made out of a toilet paper roll and a golf ball. She isn’t too keen on being called that, now. I don’t know. It could fit her career at some point, or even work as a character, you know?

LENA
And what would Sweeti–I mean, Claire, say about your little incident?

RARITY
Probably something along the lines of… [She affects a lighter version of her speaking voice.] “Wow! You totally would have killed that guy, a few years ago! New York has really changed you.” [She crosses her arms.] “I wish I could be there, where all the clubs and gigs are. But they won’t hire The Crusaders. But we’ll be big, one day. And they’ll be sorry.”

LENA
The Crusaders?

RARITY
Claire a started a band with two of her childhood friends, Madeline Parker and Michelle Farber –or “Scootaloo” and “Apple Bloom” in her “Sweetie Belle” days. They started out as a Ziggy Stardust sort of deal, parading like they were straight from the eighties. Seemed natural. Her favorite band, as a child, was Jem and The Holograms. She’d watch the old concert tapes until they wore out. They even briefly performed as a tribute band, winning something of a following on SeeMe. But then The Crusaders were inspired by recordings of other bands, with various other styles and names like “Mystik Spiral” and “DÖI”. They seemed to experiment with a new thing each week, trying to find their groove.

LENA
Sounds like your sister was quite productive.

RARITY
Oh, she was. Sadly, the International Icon performance didn’t work out as she planned. She did a particularly flashy, particularly playful rendition of Georgette Midler’s old song. You know the one. “Perfect isn’t easy, but it’s me”? It didn’t win her as much fame as she thought it would–although her SeeMe audience was quite supportive. She was quite happy to meet Countess Coloratura, however.

LENA
And Sapphire Shores, too, I’m sure?

RARITY
Oh, I know she had an absolute blast. But, so far, The Crusaders haven’t quite found their mark. Claire considered going solo, but she doesn’t want to leave her friends behind. Personally, I find that very sweet. [She smiles, embarrassedly.] Oh, just listen to me! You interview Rarity St. Germain, and she ends up giving part of her little sister’s biography.

LENA
Funny that you bring up Georgette Midler. There have always been rumors about how intense your rivalry has been.

RARITY
[She laughs.] Yes, I’ve heard them all. One of my favorites concerns Georgette allegedly hiring some ruffian Chihuahua to hotwire and run off with the shipping trucks supplying my latest production line to the Costington's and Cashman's of the area. But I assure you, as competitive as we both can be, Georgette Midler and I see eye-to-eye and don’t resort to such underhanded tactics. True, she has been in the game longer than I have, but I’m still going strong. Old blood and new blood, if you’ll pardon the expression.

LENA
Of course, you and Midler were both quite glamorous at the Grand Galahad Gala, last month. Even if a few people continue to make “salt and pepper” jokes about your outfits.

RARITY
[She shakes her left hand.] So I went in onyx and Georgette went in pearl. Things happen. We just laughed it off and had a splendid evening. It was quite pleasant to hang with her crowd. Well, save for her current beau, Rex Galveston. He seemed like he might have been a nice fellow outside of such events, but he was rather boorish, making comments about “this woman’s ass” and “that woman’s bust size”. Then again, with such a heavy contrast of the refined ambiance and attire, I almost had to laugh. [She places her left hand over her mouth, stifling a giggle.] I’m terrible.

LENA [amused]
So, besides that little revelation, are there any other things of note?

RARITY
Not particularly. When I’m not in the office, I’m usually making a morning run to Central Perk. I’ve also taken to dining at a variety of establishments: MacLaren’s Pub, Phineas T. Firefly’s, Chotchkie’s Bar and Grill. I feel so old, now. I actually remember the days when Chotchkie’s went after employees for not wearing enough “flair”. [She laughs.] I know some people would take issue with me setting foot in such locations, but it’s a nice way to meet new people and see what happens in the world. You remember that water-bombing incident at the MacLaren’s, a couple years ago?

LENA
Water-bombing?

RARITY
[She nods.] Yes. Capri di Vapida was there, attempting to revive what little cultural relevance she had left. She wore this gaudy ensemble of frilly pinks, a ridiculously large purple sun hat eaten alive by feathers, and these obnoxiously magenta sunglasses that looked like some souvenir she attempted to pass off as an exclusive. I had spoken with her, once, when she attempted to convince me that she understood the Jane Lane and Roland Le Fey exhibits at the Canterlot Galleria. [She speaks with a slower pace.] “Like…this painting is warm. Very warm. It feels like…yellow.” [RARITY shakes her head.] I shouldn’t be too hard on her. I anticipate the day when I, too, shall pass as a fad.

LENA [concerned]
Oh, you’re not a fad, Ms. St. Germain. Your styles will remain in–

RARITY [thoughtful]
[She raises her left hand.] I’ve already accepted that I will one day become irrelevant. It’s the way of things. I just hope I bring forth at least a few more fashion trends before then.

RARITY rests her right hand over the cluster of blues over her heart. After a few seconds, she glances back up at LENA.

RARITY [cont.]
Anyway, di Vapida was trying to take the most obvious booth, flanked by two canine gentlemen with Xquisite-style builds. They looked quite bored, honestly. I was meeting there with Coco Pommel, my top designer. (This was when she was still transferring from that manipulative Suri Polomar, of course.) Coco snuck these adorable, little glances at her escorts. I told her there was no shame in admiring the male figure, but my good humor was short-lived when I saw di Vapida. I was sure she’d notice us and spend three minutes trying to sound out and determine our names. [She pauses, and then frowns.] No, I really shouldn’t be so hard on her. Not after her rather admirable display.

LENA
Admirable display?

RARITY
[She nods.] I figured di Vapida stirred some animosity among a number of people, given her…reputation. That said, I never would have expected that a couple of felines would enter the place and actually bombard her and her two escorts with water balloons, of all things. Well…they were, shall we say, “improvised” water balloons. [She blushes a bit and chuckles.] It seems I’m still a bit prudish.

LENA
It’s all right. I completely understand what you mean.

RARITY
[She recovers and nods.] Yes. Well, they threw those “improvised water balloons” at her and yelled about how she was…well, you’ve heard the stories about her personal footage, correct? They told her to leave, told her to get out of New York, to “go be a w---- somewhere else”. It was quite obscene. I was about to get up and tend to this. Even if I didn’t particularly care for di Vapida’s company, this was utterly abhorrent behavior. And quite immature, too.

LENA
I presume they were caught?

RARITY
[She nods, again.] Yes, two officers–a short rabbit woman and a rotund cheetah, the latter of whom told me I was one of the most beautiful women he had seen (along with Gazelle)–had dealt with them. But before that happened, di Vapida…Capri stood up and removed her sunglasses. I suppose we all expected her to cry and whine and threaten them in a broken voice. Or, perhaps, to claim that what they were doing “wasn’t warm”. But she didn’t.

RARITY takes another sip from her Evian and permits herself to smile.

RARITY [cont.]
I don’t remember the entirety of what Capri said, but I do remember this. She simply stared at them, covered in bits of latex and water likely taken from the bathroom sink. And then she simply asked what they thought they would accomplish by doing this. Everyone was hushed. Again, I think many of us were expecting a melodramatic breakdown, or pitiful attempt to maintain dignity that’d be rushed onto SeeMe posts. But, instead, she simply asked that. And her feline assailants were at a loss for words.

LENA
Really now?

RARITY
[She nods.] Quite. When they didn’t answer, Capri spoke for them. “You wanted me to break down, so you'd feel better about yourselves. But, seriously, did this really accomplish anything other than making you two look like you never mentally graduated high school? I know people don’t like me. I know people think I’m a s--- and a w----. But I’ve also acted, I’ve started trends, and I still have a loving fanbase of people who admire what me and what I've done, despite everything. But what can you two claim you've done? Besides s--- shame and throw water balloons like you're little kids?”

LENA [surprised]
She really said all that?

RARITY
Perhaps not verbatim, but that was definitely the spirit of it. They didn’t say anything, so Capri excused herself to the women’s room. Her Xquisite-style escorts looked as though they were two seconds from pummeling the two. They chose to run, but they didn’t get far with that attempt. [She chuckles.] I’m sure you can find it somewhere on SeeMe, given the number of phones that cropped up. Of course, once she was cleaned up, Capri was right back to her “this is so warm” persona. Still, I must give kudos to her for not bowing down to such simpletons. It was amazing, really.

***

I may expand upon this, in the future. But I wanted to include what I managed to write out. It seemed apt. Hope you enjoy it.