So, I'll level with you. · 1:05am Jan 11th, 2016
I've started a new story, which I have submitted, but I must confess I've struggled to write anything lately.
I no longer have hypomania and while I suppose that's a good thing it means I'm struggling to write Discord, especially in first person. It really did help to have that manic, euphoric point of view. I haven't felt super happy about anything lately. Is this how ordinary, healthy people live their life? It feels so...empty.
On the other hand, I'm not an idiot. I know that if my hypomania came back I would have the lovely euphoria and energy and happiness, but it would be short lived and it would come alongside uncontrollable feelings of paranoia and then I'd suffer soul crushing depression.
At the moment I suffer from either feeling nothing or just feeling "meh." It's horrible that I actually PREFER the way I used to be in some ways.
I don't know how to be.
So I am going to TRY writing my stories but please bear with me if there's a huge gap between chapters because I hardly feel any impetus to do anything.
OTOH this new story is about Discord losing his chaos and personality, so maybe it will help. Who knows? Sorry.
You sound as if you're in fact mildly depressed now. Have things changed in your life, either experientially or chemically?
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Being unemployed probably isn't helping. Also my hypomania vanished when I came off birth control. I have an appointment on Friday with a psychiatrist. We're trying to establish how much of my Bipolar Disorder was hormonal.
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Having been on hiatus almost a month now, I know how you feel. I am probably going back to work this Wednesday, and am mostly looking forward to it.
I think it's better to be able to think clearly than suffer severe mood swings. You made the right decision.