• Member Since 18th Feb, 2013
  • offline last seen Monday

OnionPie


I'm nothing special, but I am trying.

More Blog Posts31

  • 62 weeks
    Royal Canterlot Library Feature and Interview

    So the noble curators of the Royal Canterlot Library decided they wanted to feature my story 'What is Left'. It comes with a written interview, too. Quite the honor. You can read my interview here: https://royalcanterlotlibrary.net/2018/03/09/onionpies-what-is-left/

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    5 comments · 149 views
  • 114 weeks
    Working On Non-Pony Stuff Right Now

    Sorry for the lack of updates lately. I've been focusing on original writing projects so far this year. Writing is my greatest passion, and I want to make a career out of it. Sadly, you don't make any horsebucks from writing horsefics, so I'll have to look elsewhere for writing-related income. Not that I'm going to stop writing pony stuff forever; I have a nice home here on Fimfiction and this is

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    2 comments · 153 views
  • 121 weeks
    Soon...

    8000 words. This weekend. Get hype.

    4 comments · 258 views
  • 136 weeks
    Call for Proofreaders!

    I have an 8,000 word fimfic that's pretty much finished. I'm in need of feedback on it before I make my last-pass revisions and edits. It's in its sixth draft at the moment. If you'd like to give it an early read and offer me your feedback, please do leave a comment here or PM me to let me know, especially if you're experienced with proofreading.

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    12 comments · 288 views
  • 152 weeks
    Still Alive, Still Working: A Quick Update

    I'm currently working on two ~7k word stories. One is in its fourth draft, the other in its fifth draft. Both of them have been driving me nuts. I'm trying really hard to make them not suck. Sorry it's been taking so long to get out a new story for you guys. But hey, on the bright side, this time you may get two OnionPie stories at the same time. Hurray.

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    6 comments · 215 views
Jan
10th
2016

Do you prefer 1st or 3rd person? Bonus sample of upcoming story. · 9:02pm Jan 10th, 2016

My writing new years resolution has been going great these past ten days. I'm getting a lot done. I've been juggling three writing projects for a while, but I'm beginning to settle on an MLP novella (similar in length to What is Left). This novella is already fully written, so all I'm doing at the moment is revising it. But a question has come up: do I keep it in first person, or do I change it to third person? I'm concerned that readers have a strong preference for third person over first person, and if they do, I might revise it as such. What do you think? Do you have a strong preference for one or the other?

Below are two samples from the opening chapter of the novella. I've included these more to give you guys a little something rather than for you to actually compare. I really want to avoid having such long hiatuses between my stories, but until I publish my next one, here is a sample. Please keep in mind the samples these are rough and unfinished.

Third Person Sample

Rainbow Dash watched the windswept landscape zoom past outside the window. The train rattled so hard her jaw vibrated, then settled again. Every now and then, the train would hiss and screech as it snaked through the rocky hills.

“Dashie?” came a familiar voice from the opposite end of the luggage wagon.

Rainbow turned her head to the door to the next train wagon. Pinkie Pie stood there rubbing her eyes, her mane a puffy mess. Rainbow tucked the half-empty wine bottle out of sight under her wing.

“Hey,” Rainbow said, forcing a smile. “What’s up?”

“I heard you get out of your bed,” Pinkie said. “You didn’t come back.”

“Wasn’t tired,” Rainbow lied, looking back out at the huge volcano looming in the far distance—their destination.

“Bad dreams again?” Pinkie asked.

“What?” Rainbow said. “I don’t have bad dreams.”

“You talk in your sleep, you know.” Pinkie squeezed past the stacks of luggage toward where Rainbow sat in the back corner.

“You’re imagining things.”

“Something about a little bird,” Pinkie said.

Rainbow Dash opened her mouth, but closed it and looked away. “Go back to sleep, Pinkie.” Her eyes fell on the distant volcano, black against the foggy horizon.

Pinkie seated herself opposite Rainbow with her back against a pile of bags. “It’s okay to be nervous about the race, you know.”

“I’m not nervous,” Rainbow snapped. She cringed at her own outburst, but Pinkie only smiled.

"I’m just saying, if you were, it would be okay. I mean, I would definitely be.”

First Person Sample

I jerked awake to the sound of screeching metal. Sparks flew up from the wheels outside the windows, the train clenching down hard on its rusty breaks. The change of momentum made me lean forward.

Twilight had fallen outside, the first stars shining in a deepening purple sky. Trees and hills had given way to a mountains and rocky slopes.

I was about to stretch my wings when I noticed something warm against me and looked down to see Pinkie Pie snoring softly against my shoulder.

“Pinkie!” I pushed her away.

She blinked her eyes open and looked around, confused. “W-what?”

“Do you mind?”

“What I do?”

“You were supposed to wake me up, not snuggle up against me, you weirdo. What do you think some stranger would think if they found us like that?”

Pinkie yawned and blinked groggy eyes.

I sighed and rolled my eyes. “Nevermind. Just—” I startled when I rested my head back against the wall and felt the vibrating metal. The wagon was shaking, the light bulb rattling above.

Pinkie looked out the window. “Are we there yet?”

“I don’t think so.” I rubbed the back of my head. “Sounds like the whole train is tearing itself apart.”

“Why are we stopping?”

I looked out the window toward the front of the train. The train was moving through a curve, so I could see all the wagons ahead of ours.

Beyond a curve in the railroad, black smoke rose from another train, its wagons folded into a wracked heap where it had derailed and slammed into the mountainside. Our train was heading straight toward the wreckage at a blood-chilling speed.

I turned back wide-eyed at Pinkie, but only managed to opened my mouth before a loud snap of metal shot out from farther up the train, then came another, and another. A chorus of breaking steel filled the evening air as pieces of steel flew from the wheels and the sparks from the brakes died out. The train began to pick up speed again.

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Comments ( 6 )

IMO, the third person sample feels stronger. It does an excellent job of bringing us into the story. But rewriting an entire story from first to third would be daunting...

Of course, you could just split the difference and change it to second. FimFiction now has a tag for it and everything. :derpytongue2:

In general, I tend to prefer the closeness of first-person narration, but it's not a strong preference. In terms of the excerpts you've presented, however, the third-person scene feels like the stronger of the two. Here, the distance between the narrator and Rainbow Dash works nicely to highlight RD's emotional detachment in the scene. The scene leaves us wishing we could see what's going on in Rainbow's mind. If that's the mood you'd like to maintain throughout the story, it may make sense to switch perspectives. The first-person excerpt you presented feels weaker, but it might just be the content of the scene itself. The scene focuses less on the characters and more on the action happening around them. Although it gives us some insight into RD's state of mind through how she reacts to Pinkie, we don't really gain much additional information through having the scene narrated from Rainbow's perspective.

They both seem to have their own personal ups. Third person I feel like I can take in the whole scene in for what it is. A camera off in the distance watching the actions for what they are, leaving a little more interpretation and clues. Obviously the first person view is all about the things Rainbow Dash is noticing/feeling/seeing, so it's a little more up close and personal. If she gets irritated we as the readers may feel it more since we're taking it all in as Rainbow. (well. I suppose that depends on if we agree with why she is getting annoyed. but I'm just using an example here)

I personally prefer the first person.

And on a side note, I'm happy to hear you're managing the writing side of your life well. I've kicked it up a notch myself to actually write, and it feels good to be back (in a sense..)

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I already have to do major revision and editing for the story, so it's not that big a deal to switch the perspective. And of course I should throw in a human and make it second person. Why didn't I think of that? It'd feel right at home in my stories :pinkiecrazy:

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3679132
Thank you guys for your input; it's been very helpful. Before making the blog post I was leaning toward first person, but now I might just go for third person. I'll do some more thinking on it as I revise. Ultimate I'll choose whichever serves the story better. Cheers.

Pers'n'lly? I think it depends on the type of mood and direction you're going for in the story. Remember, first person limits it to one pony's viewpoint, but it also throws it into higher detail. It all depends on how you want to present the story.
In this instance, however, I think I agree with CoffeeMinion. Third person seems to me to be a slightly better choice.

3684791
First person also requires a lot more skill and effort than third person, but it also has more potential for awesomeness if it's done right. I'll keep playing around with both and see which one turns out better.

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