Dealing With Bullying And General Unkindness · 11:11pm Dec 30th, 2015
Dealing With Bullying And General Unkindness
I have been harassed at most jobs I have worked at, bullied at most levels of schools by both classmates and teachers, and I also lived in abusiveness household for twenty four years until I left a number of years ago. Needles to say, I have a lot of experience when it comes to being at the lower rung of the totem pole. I know all to well what it feels like to work with people who don't want you there, have teachers who aren't willing to help with problems, and being the last person picked at just about everything.
There are some ways I have learned to deal with being bullied, harassed, and treated unfairly that I thought I would pass on to anyone who reads this since I have a lot of experience in all of these areas.
The number one thing you have to realize is that you are awesome the way you are. You might make mistakes (every human does that) but your mistakes do not define who you are as a person for the rest of your life. I've known people who have served time in prison and have come out completely changed. I even wrote to one of these people and learned a lot from them. That isn't to say that there aren't just flat out disagreeable people in the world. Look at any daytime crime special for proof of that. But the majority of the people you encounter in life are just like you. They have good days. They have bad days. And sometimes, you might catch a person on one of these bad days. Or you might be the person having a bad day yourself. However, it isn't your attitude during one moment that defines you. It is how you rise to the occasion, treat people with respect, and make up for that bad day that defines who you are.
That being said, you have to realize that you will encounter people in life who are going through a hard time who don't know how to handle the situation. And they will take out that frustration on the people around them. You have to remember that what these people feel and think shouldn't influence how you think about yourself. Because every person has a right to be here, be part of the human experience, and loved by other people. If you find that you are surrounded by people who are not making you feel loved, then it is time to cut those people out of your life.
It can be tough to do. It isn't easy cutting ties with old friends or even sometimes family. But if they aren't willing to respect you, see your side of the story, and love you as a person, sometimes you have to let them go. In my own life, I have had to cut out a lot of friends I had in school, at my job, or etc, because being around them wasn't healthy for me. I've also had to remove myself from many of my family members who abused me for twenty four years. It can be hard to say goodbye to people; especially family. But having negative influences in your life only weighs you down. So you've got to cut out everything that is extra weight in your life.
It also doesn't take a day to get over being bullied or abused. Heck, it has taken me years after leaving my abusive household to even be able to trust people again. And you know what? That is okay. Give yourself time to step back, take a deep breath, and evaluate things. Do things that will make you happy, and will make you feel comfortable while you are recovering. Don't let anyone pressure you into feeling any different. Take things at your own pace. True family and friends will understand and will give you your space if you ask for it.
Always just remember that it is okay to be you. You are special, unique, and have your own perspective to bring to the table. Don't ever let anyone make you feel bad for being yourself. Stand tall and be proud to be who you are. If anyone ever needs to talk to me about being bullied, abused, or anything else you feel comfortable talking about, please feel free to send me a PM. I always try to make myself available for anyone who needs to talk things out. Just know that I will always be here to listen and I understand what you are going through.
Exactly, the more important people are lower on the totem pole.
3652532 Everyone has the power to rise to the top though. You've just got to keep a positive attitude and keep on pressing through.
Is this open to anyone's opinion?
3652535 Sure. Feel free to add any advice you want to help other people. :)
3652534 I know. I'm bullied at my school. I hate my school
3652543 I know the feeling. Like I said, I was bullied all through school (even university) by both teachers and students. It isn't a good feeling. But you just have to be strong, press through, and ignore the haters. Because at the end of the day, their opinion doesn't matter. What matters is the opinions of the people who really care about you. And most importantly, what you think about yourself.
1.) Be true to yourself
2.) Believe in yourself
3.) Forgive yourself
These are the three rules I live by.
1.) Be kind to others
2.) Forgive others
3.) Do not judge others
These are the three laws I live by.
The spear in the others heart is the spear in your own, whether it be by word or deed.
And as always, a little bit of kindness goes a long way.
But most of all, we are human, and as humans, we are subject to mistakes, we can try our best to do the right things, but we can never be perfect.
I have no sympathy for bullies at all. Period. Having been a victim of bullies when I was very small I know that feel to be on the receiving end. How I dealt with it: I learned to fight, to stand up for myself, to show to a bully that picking on me was not a wise thing to do. Yeah, it wasn't easy at first, there was that fear element I had to learn to overcome but I did it.
As a result, by the time I was 12 I was well respected by people who knew me and even ended up defending smaller kids from others that bullied them.
More often than not when you stand up to a bully they will respect you and leave you alone. Funny thing is that I actually became friends of a couple of the kids who started out trying to bully me. They turned out to be okay and I was able to help them see how ugly and stupid bullying was.
3652611 That is all excellent advice. Thank you so much for sharing it. :) Those are all great life codes to follow and live by.
3652614 Yep, you've always got to stand up to your bullies. That doesn't necessarily mean they will try to stop bullying you. I know that in many cases the bullying sometimes got worse BECAUSE I stood up for myself. And the teachers as well as the parents of the bullies would always take side of the oppressor/ personal starting the problem, not mine. But even if that happens, you've always got to stand up for what you think is right.
In ALL REALITY- most of the time the people who bully you are jealous of you.
3652681 That can be one motivation, yes. People are bullies for different reasons. No matter what that reason is, you've got to stay true to yourself and ignore what they have to say.
3652719 absolutely
3652753 It's always best to stay positive and listen to the opinions and advice of the people who really matter in your life. ;)
3652538 I don't have any good advice. Although, I've been bullied before however I never over came it. I was rather consumed by its effects. I would like to ask questions. The first being, how should one think of their self after being bullied? The second being how do you be strong?
Ignore the haters how? What if your classroom for instance was only in form or shape but was really an arena for daily fights? Not saying that it is like that for me in college because frankly I don't talk much with anyone, but what do you say to that? I would like your response to these.
3653481 I can understand where you are coming from. All through public school and university I was bullied by both students and teachers. The elementary and middle school I went to both had a very hostile environment. For example, students would bring knives and other weapons to school. One time in middle school a group of boys held me down and stabbed me with pens until I was able to fight them off. I was just lucky that I didn't get lead poisoning. So that's the kind of environment I went to school in. In high school it was a little different. I went to somewhat of a private school so in that case, I was teased for not having the typical rich kid attitude, not being like a normal girl, etc.
Anyway, the best thing you can do when you are in those situations is stand up to your bullies. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. And I know first hand that it usually can make things worse to involve a teacher or the bullies' parents. However if it gets to that point, sometimes you have to give it a try anyway.
As for getting over it, you have to take things a day at a time. You have to open yourself up to meeting new people who are willing to be your friends and understand your perspective. Having friends who understand you is a way for you to gain trust and get over being treated bad by other people. I personally started with making friends online because it was easier that way. There wasn't much of a commitment and I could develop the social skills to talk to people a little at a time. But you have to find a method that will work for you.
Another thing to do is spend each day letting go of the past. Sometimes we can hold on to things that prevent us from meeting new people and moving forward. So spend some time each day reminding yourself that you need to move forward and let go of what has happened. It isn't easy and it takes time. But you will be better for it in the long run.
I hope that this helped. If there are any other questions you might have, let me know.
3653607 So I as I understood that way of dealing with it to be. but how I see the world is in a much more dim light than most would see it. I also don't believe it will get brighter.
I've been bullied, but the anger that came out from the seems to give a sense of purpose. A wounded rogue that has tools to take down its adversaries but with no real purpose in the heart. All it is, is a void that keeps on growing. I tried to have friends, and all they have done was taken advantage of me, not even considering my background when do such things. Calling me nothing, but a clutch or some other derogatory name other than a friend. So what trust is their to gain?
Friends I feel I honestly could never have. I either don't have time for it, or I would have to break my daily life schedule to make any. They say you got make time for it. That's true, but not the way that I'm doing it. It only messes with my time for improvement in what is said to be mandatory. I had people who convince me into a few parties and all that has done for me was have me sitting in corner asking myself "What am I even doing here?" And end up afters having to travel two hours back to get home at like one in the morning only to go the next day afterwards. My point? So much to make and then much more to keep.
The ones that would I guess have me swing in a positive direction are always busy chasing their dreams. Not that I have anything against it, but I seem to observe this known fact in each community of people I have explored. College is nothing but that it seems. Or, if not that then it's either too negative or dangerous for me to publicly join or take part of, being a two-joint reason. One, it's mostly likely against my religion on some ground and Two with how others has placed me on a high seat of being very knowing in what is right and I can't make the same mistakes as a person who doesn't know or is simply ignorant of making such choices.
Standing up to your bullies is the thing to do and I agree. However, I feel in my case doing so would have made me gone over the edge. I already didn't like the situations that I was dealing with family wise growing up. To have reacted, on top of knowing I had the power to dominate my bullies forever, would have been automatic jail time for me. So then it doesn't really becoming do I stand up to my bullies or not, it just comes down to do I crush them and be condemned for long time or do I let them seemingly beat me up then live and deal with the folks around who think I'm their bitch on a leash. Luckily, it was only shortly after I had nearly had it with the bullying that I was homeschooled. (Heck, I even come to hate mentioning that I've been homeschooled cuz everyone who hears it blows their mind like "You've been homeschooled!? How was that like! Then they hear some stereotypes and start making their own assumptions of me.) Or my life would have been doomed then.
Forget the past, move on. I heard that one perhaps all my life. The only thing I could say to that is that it is pretty difficult as you said and it will definitely take more than a couple of years to get over it for me.
3653868 Yep, I can see where you are coming from. It has also taken me a long time to get over being bullied at all levels of school, being harassed at my jobs, and abused for twenty four years at home. I've also had people betray me left and right. And I've also felt like I might not be able to make friends again. However, I've found that step by step, over the years, I have been able to make friends with people I know I can trust. I'm still not over all of my pain from the past, but I am taking things a day at a time. And that's really all you can do. Just take things one day at a time, see how you feel, and keep pressing on.
3653981 Yeah, I'll continue to strive at one day at a time.
3654026 That sounds like a good plan. :)
You are just chock full of good advice, aren't you? I initially followed you because the whole Thanksgiving turkey thing made me think you might be a fun person, but now I see that you are so much more. You're actually really, really cool.
3654403 Well thank you. I appreciate the kind words. :) You are an awesome person too. Stay cool my friend.