STAR WARS! The Phantom Awakening of the Force · 6:18pm Dec 27th, 2015
How to put it?
My family and I went to see the new Star Wars movie and I have to vent my feelings somewhere.
Now what did I think?
I HATED THIS MOVIE! This is the prequels all over again, only worse in a way. At least the prequels had passion and a vision. A dumb, misguided and foolhearty vision but at least a vision.
J. J. Abrahams was the wrong person for Star Wars. Heck, he was the wrong person for Star Trek. The guy has one talent that that is copying what he likes and adding explosions. He did that here too, only that all intelligence, elegance and (worst of all) the entire setting was gutted on the way. Star Wars was never complex on plot, but it had a living, breathing and well thought out universe. That's what made it so much fun. It felt like a universe that you could touch. That had ideas and people in it. Now Those hacks have taken iconography from that universe and minced it into a full film of dumb!
Let me explain what I mean by an early scene in the movie. Don't worry, its not a spoiler, its really early.
Two characters, one is a Stormtrooper suit and one in casual wear are trying to steal a TIE-fighter. So they walk through the main hangar, one pretending to be the prisoner of the other. Now, why is nobody questioning why a single trooper is escorting a prisoner towards a fighter? Why is nobody questioning when one civilian and one STORMTROOPER (not pilot, not marine, GROUNDTROOPER!) is borading a TIE-Fighter?
Casual guy says "I always wanted to fly one of those!"
WHY? Its a TIE! A mass-produced, piece of Imperial hardware. The new Republic probably has thousands of them standing around. You were probably trained in one of them!
Anyways, they start the TIE and... WAIT! Why are they not wearing a spacesuit? ITS A TIE! TIE fighters do not have internal life support. Pilots must wear a spacesuit! Why is a two seater? Its a fighter! Not a bomber, not an advance! It should have only one seat!
So they start up and get caught with the fuel line.
Of course, command instantly sees them, punches in the override and takes control away from... no, they use their tractor beam to pull them back in... no, they aim the hangar cannons at them and... NO! They send Stromtroopers out to shoot at them with hand to hand blasters while the two-seater TIE shoots down the whole hangar.
The TIE escapes and is instantly shot down by the squadron that emerges from the other hangar... no, its hit by several of the turbo-lasers... no, it shoots down several towers! I repeat: ITS A TIE-FIGHTER! FOUR of them couldn't put a major dent into Millennium Falcon but one can take out A STAR DESTROYER'S BOTTOM DEFENSE?
So the protagonists begin to quarrel what to do next. One wants to fly to the planet, the other wants to leave the system... HOW? ITS A TIE-FIGHTER! TIE! TWIN ION ENGINE! TIEs do not have a hyper drive! They are fighters! They jump with the vessel, they land on!
Now the TIE gets (finally) hit and... why doesn't it burn up in the atmosphere? Its (and I repeat myself) A TIE-FIGHTER! NO SHIELDS!
AND WHILE WE ARE AT IT: NO FUEL NECCESARY! TIEs USE SOLAR POWER! THAT'S WHAT THE PANELS ARE THERE FOR!
And this is not me being a dick! You need ten minutes on Wookiepedia to find that stuff out and it was all laid out in the concepts of the first movie! There is no excuse for this besides laziness. Unwillingness to do any kind of research. These people don't give a f'ck about Star Wars. They just use as much iconography and fan-favourite stuff to get asses into seats. And I hate nothing more than this pandering-yet-fan-loathing stupidity. This isn't something minor either. This is a clear unwillingness to care about the source material.
If I did that with my fanfics, you guys would boo me off FimFiction. And you would be right to do so! When you are given the privilege to tell a story in a universe, you better show some devotion to it and not just copy-paste plot points and wrongly use iconography.
At least the prequels tried to be their own thing.
YES, I PREFER THE PHANTOM MENACE TO THIS TRIPE! LUCAS AT LEAST HAD THE BALLS TO TRY SOMETHING NEW!
And I can respect that. I can't respect a movie that insults me every time it does anything!
[/rant]