Taking a general consensus · 3:04pm Dec 26th, 2015
As the title says I am taking a consensus on what you all feel about The Crystal Wolves, I wanna get a feel about what you all think about it, what you think that might need to be changed or what you wish that could be added to the story as a whole.
I know from some comments within the story that many wish it wasn't a Displaced story, and few others just say that it sucks. But I am going to ignore those comments out of respect for fellow authors because that make those comments either have never written a story before or they have one and it currently sucks.
Now when you leave your little consensus report, be mindful that anything that clearly hints at 'Your story sucks, you suck, or those that read this must surely be just as stupid as you are' will be flagged for deletion. I want something useful that could possibly help me improve the story or give it tweak where it is needed.
Thank you all for your time to take this little Consensus.
1. What would you like to see improved upon?
2. What would you like to see be added into the story?
3. Is there anything that you think that shouldn't be there?
4. What did you like the most about the story?
I say that the story is good as it is and I like it because it deals with an enemy from destiny rather than the guardians. One thing that I would like to see is more of the other races like the fallen and so forth
If don't really see anything that needs to be improved on. I would like too see the guardians reaction when they learn that he was at one point their friend.nope. I like that it deals with a character from destiny that is not a guardian. It's a nice change of pace.
I think you should give it a shot at throwing TTK into the mix. It'd be very interesting to see his reaction to a storm caller. The storm caller would then tell him that's his powers come from a AU where the Hive are the darkness because Bungie said so.
1. What would you like to see improved upon?
2. What would you like to see be added into the story?
3. Is there anything that you think that shouldn't be there?
4. What did you like the most about the story?
1: I would like to see his arrogance cut down a bit. He just seems exceedlngly arrogant. Maybe have him accidentally summon something bad through the Vex Gate that caused him some trouble.
2: I want to see a joke scene with him summoning some WW2 tanks for some reason. See him owning a dragon with some T34/85's and IS2's
3: Nothing really
4: The fact it is THE most well written displaced story I've seen.
1. What would you like to see improved upon?
2. What would you like to see be added into the story?
3. Is there anything that you think that shouldn't be there?
4. What did you like the most about the story?
1. Hes a human in a kell's body. But he didn't even give the guardians hints about him past the dream sequence and saying that he didn't train them with everything. Just some idle references to things they did. Like. "Well Zelzor isn't police so Daji is fine. Ey Luke?" Just referencing an argument they had.
2. Maybe something explaining why he's so bitter. Like the betrayal of a friend who tried to kill him while still human or something, basically voiding the above paragraph.
3. His fallen guarda should not be there. It feels liek they're just there to betray him when he needs them or reveals he's a human.
4. I like it because you put in some minor details without drawing it out. Describing a scene to the point where the brain can just go. Snap! And the scenes done. Without having to fpcus on imagining things.
I personally think the story itself is pretty good.
It is well written and edited, it draws my attention, and it doesn't lose my attention.
The only problem that I see in this story is Skolas, his arguments are poor and just plane stupid. They don't have any foundation. And what makes it worse is the fact that the Princesses don't have any good comebacks against stupidity.
But other than that, its pretty good! I would just keep doing what your doing.
1. What would you like to see improved upon?
2. What would you like to see be added into the story?
3. Is there anything that you think that shouldn't be there?
4. What did you like the most about the story?
Okay, I'll give you my constructive criticism. Just remember that I critique the story because I want it to see it improve
1.
First off is the the Plot Armor that Skolas seems to have on him. Everything revolves around him, his logic is nigh unchallenged, even though most of the things he does is out of brash emotions or illogical reasoning. Even more so is this Plot Armor present when he confronts Celestia. Everything bends around how awful she is and how great he is, which in turn leads you to basically making every character in those moments go way out of their original character. Even more so when he 'convinces' everyone he's right while she is continually written to just be the butt monkey of the story.
Long story short, neither Skolas nor Celestia's decisions are explained and each one is written to play a certain part in the plot.
I like 3644157 suggestion, but I would go further in suggesting that Skolas get knocked down a peg or two politically since neither the human who became Skolas nor Skolas himself should be skilled politicians. In the games, Skolas is a warrior chief, so don't make him a political genius please.
2.
World building is key to many good stories, characterization even more so. You are in a brilliant position to have Skolas interact with various countries and creatures, so use it to your best advantage!
So, do some traveling between different kingdoms and create some new characters along the way. This also implies with characters that already exist, try for the story to not solely focus on Skolas.
3.
Well, in all honesty...I'd say that the Vex Gate is the biggest glaring issue I see in the story. It's basically a magic lamp for Skolas, the mere fact that it hasn't blown up in his face yet is beyond me. He can drag tanks, guns, other Fallen soldiers through time and space bugs me because I feel like this will be exploited later as a way of beating the crap out of Equestria and ruling the world.
4.
Grammar and spelling are pretty good, so it's readable. I like the theme you have going, although I've seen the setting from Dropbear, and I like how good you are at describing things in the story. All of this accompanying the lack of mass pony slaughter has made me read your story, so bear in mind that all I've said above is because I want the story to improve.
Keep up the good work!
All you need to do is brush up on skolas' argument skills, make celestia not be an idiot, and have him drop hints pertaining to his once human form, especially his friends. I really like his internal dialogue, it has caused me to laugh harder than I ever have at points
1. As far as improvements go, you need a better editor. The grammar, spelling and sentence structure is quite lacking in some very important parts of the story. Parts where, should you have worded things just a bit differently, would turn this good story into a great story.
2. Your characters need a touch more depth added to them in regards to how they speak with one another. Take Celestia and Luna for example. Here you have two princesses from two very different time periods who, despite acting their roles (most of the time), speak as if they have the vocabulary and tact of a witless teenager. Admittedly, writing royalty is a challenge even for more experienced writers (myself included), so I can understand why it is the way it is. However, you asked for things that need improvement, so I will do my best to provide answers.
3. Other than the occasional useless piece of information (extra sentences and paragraphs that don't really relate to what's going on in the story) there really isn't much I would want to see pulled from it. You're doing a good enough job in this area as is.
4. Despite all of the glaring errors in the grammar and spelling, seeing the story that's been hidden just beneath the surface, knowing that you know exactly where you want this fic to go... it's exciting.
That's all for me! PM me on the aforementioned issues and I'll do my level best to help you out.
1. Improvements.
I would like to see more of an explanation for how he so easily adapted to all of Skolas' powers. I know that earlier on in the story it said that his and Skolas' minds were being fused so that provides some form of explanation. Also I want the Eliksni to play more of a role in the story. He says next to nothing about them and we really have no bearing on who they are. Only what we have from grimoire to go on, I feel they need to be just a tad more fleshed out.
2. Here's what I want to see.
Now in the House of wolves everyone raves about how cunning and downright genius Skolas was but nearing the end of the hunt he went completely insane. Calling himself Kell of Kells, sloppy attempts at acquiring Vex tech, costing a lot of Fallen lives, as well as sending his lieutenants to heavily populated guardian areas where they were killed. If Skolas and the human merged their minds together where is all of the crazy? I really think that it would be cool to see some delayed reaction to insanity plauge Skolas in the story. If not then explain where it went.
3. What might not belong. (My opinion.)
In my opinion His friends showing up as guardians is where it got to me. Skolas has had little to no competition or worthy opposition against him, and while that's all fine and good we are pretty far into the story now. I was hoping that these Guardians would pose some form of a threat to our main Character. I liked the Celestia the Usurper arc mainly because it provided tension and suspense for how Skolas was going to be able to solve the problem. After he did it was nice to see Celestia be put in her place, despite how much of a non threat she was, mainly due to her own incompetence. However these Guardians could have provided a refreshing opposition had they been done right. They have no country to worry about and only have one mission, stop Skolas at any cost. They could try to stop him without having to worry about Equestria and what they thought because their home was at the tower. Pulling tricks with their finely tuned planning and combat abilities, Keeping Skolas on his toes for once. Instead! What we got were a bunch of blank slate nobodies who are just weak Displaced guys put there only for an uninteresting, done a million times in other Displaced fics, plotline about how their enemy was their friend all along. If they were instead guardians following Skolas through Quodrons portal as per the Queens and Vanguards commands they could have been so much more.
4. What I like. (Finally!)
Is this fic less of anything for being Displaced?
No..no it's not. In fact if it weren't Displaced this story probably wouldn't work as well. This story is hands down the most well written Displaced fic I've ever come across. It's become my favorite of the bunch.
Is this story bad for not putting in things you want, or explaining things the way you want?
No. This story, as I said, is the best written Displaced I've come across. The way its written may anger you or upset you but all in all it's very fun, and damn funny as well. If you want things far back to change right now, well tough luck because that would put a lot of the story in jeapordy and would constitute a rewrite if the author gave in to your demands. So lighten up.
All in all I like- no love this story. And while I may not agree with choices sometimes I still read because I love it.
1. Skolas has all this tech preparing for a war, yet none is happening. I feel like Skolas / Crystal Empire is too OP.
2. I would like to see a foe that the Fallen have fought before or a Destiny foe (DEFINATLY NOT the Taken, as a force they are too good for melee). I prefer the hive since the world is severely behind in tech compared to where they should be.
3. One thing I dislike is that Skolas has the Vex gates, sure they are useful for keeping him in the top, but they make him too OP. Also I don't know if this is true or not (due to my limited knowledge of Vex) but with those gates, he can get the tech to control time. Maybe have someone or something destroy it for good to even the playing field of the countries on the world. An idea is to have wendigos (how ever they are spelled) wreck havoc on them or even have the Vex come out of one and suck it back in. The last thing I dislike is how you write about the ghosts. I feel like if I never played Destiny, (thankfully I do) I would be confused about where the construct came from. Ghosts are important for guardians and they are being left out just like Spike does for the mane 6 characters. The dialogue might be interesting having three ghosts communicating and being important like they are in the game.
4. The things I like the most is how realistic Celestia is by trying to take the throne. The way you wrote it out, from beginning to end, made me thing she wanted to do something for them because X event happened between them and her. Another good thing is the fight scene at the Gala. Skolas probably shocked them to their core about that one comment made. Finally I feel that the initial relations between Skolas and the three guardians was greatly written.
Also very good storyline and story, I find myself waiting for another chapter but (correct me if I'm wrong), you and another story about Nigel have started a new trend of discovering the Empire and becoming the ruler there.
1. What would you like to see improved upon?
more pictures to give the readers better visuals of certain things. some of us are just too lazy or dislike googling 10x in a chapter to get the scene right in their head.
the guardians need more screen time, in my opinion, because they seem like super 2D characters In the lack of how they connect together
more of skolas troll everyone and everything while acting like he's doing nothing
2. What would you like to see be added into the story?
flashbacks to pre-displacement to introduce how the guardians and Skolas knew each other. build more bridges (blatant connections) and tunnels(subtle connections) between the displaced
3. Is there anything that you think that shouldn't be there?
sex scenes
.
.
.
if yes you're goanna do smut then mark the beginning and end of it with sex is starting/over
because then I can use ctrl-f to skip to the end by searching up the phrase
4. What did you like the most about the story?
appropriate pacing not slow not fast but politically correct
hard working writer, luvz u no homo
and lastly, thanks for writing a good story
3644534
Ahmen
1. To be honest? I wanna see the guy actually have to fight the Vex, Darkness etc-- then his actions would be slightly justified...
Maybe get his friends realize that their friend is the 'bad guy'. Also see how Twilight is now among her friends an in her nation? I mean you have potential to use her as a spy like she was made into. An the biggest? For him to actually win. An not just winning the battle-- I mean as surviving of everything that's going on an still be the Emperor! I mean sure he's a Displace-- but I wanna let him win. It's a dick move to pull the rug from under him an not even give a silver lining for him.
2. Shipping. Either Forge or Chrissy-- or both. Actually both if possible, I mean he has two dicks, I highly doubt either are willing to let him stick the second up their ass. So might as well have both to form a shipping herd.
3. Maybe for both Celestia an Luna (an mostly his friends as Guardians) to STOP TRYING TO PISS HIM OFF! Sure he's the 'bad guy', sure he did all of this-- but to be fair-- THEY STARTED IT!
4. An I just enjoy this story all together, I enjoy Skol not only being the Emperor-- but doing a damned fine job at it, protecting his people, fighting off threats, I especially enjoy how you twisted the knife to Celestia! I mean, damned...but overall? I just enjoy Skol being the witty, but strong ruler as he is.
3644534 What if Oryx comes into the picture?
3650347 You look to the halo grunts for guidence: explosions, rockets/heavy ordinance, bright blue balls (plasma grenades for those non-halo players), and finally the all important methane canisters to destroy nearby thralls.
Edit: Almost forgot, Many numbers of allies or teammates.
3650769 Okay but having Oryx show up would help fix the problem of 'Skolas's endless supply of soldiers and resources via Vex Gate' since Oryx can just 'Take' them. Since remember "What ever you kill Oryx will replace." Also imagine how cool Taken Dragon would be.
3651739 I'm not looking forward to a 'taken' equestria. You know that the guardian, in real terms, was very lucky to have even gotten on Oryx's ship in the first place. That ship decimated the awoken fleet with ONE blast along with the rocks in a large circle.
3652193 Well what if Oryx (assuming he is a displaced) doesn't have The Dreadnought?
3652312 That would be a VERY VERY VERY interesting thing to see the author do (5 displaced and still be effective) or to have as a story where Oryx is a displaced. The question to ask if the author did that, will Oryx (displaced?) be a friend or foe to the other displaced? Also will Crota come into the picture since he is Oryx's son in the game.
3652762 I'd say foe so Displaced!Oryx could be some asshole they know.
Also I'd say Crota is dead
3652838 Maybe the changelings can act like the hive... I almost forgot about the Vex, Cabal are stupid looking and they act like it too for being included.
3653073 Remember Displaced!Omnigul and Displaced!Xur are still running around somewhere