Movies Plots Explained Badly · 9:34am Dec 21st, 2015
“Led by his belief in an ancient religion he barely understands, a teen from the desert destroys a government facility, killing thousands.”
Star Wars
“Woman abandons all he standards to win back a horny teenager with greasy hair.”
Grease
“A billionaire devotes his fortune to cosplay and beating up the mentally ill.”
Batman
“American invades foreign land, kills local leadership, struggles to find exit strategy.”
The Wizard of Oz
“Deadbeat dad tries to get his son to take over the family business.”
Star Wars (again)
“Depressed, widowed father teams up with a mentally challenged woman to find his disabled son.”
Finding Nemo
“A love triangle between an eighteen year-old girl, a hundred year old guy, and a dog.”
Twilight
“Girl has to pretend she’s a man to be taken seriously.”
Mulan
“A lot of people take the Ice Bucket Challenge. It doesn’t go well.”
Titanic
“Immigrant adoptee is repatriated to country of birth, experiences culture shock and prejudice.”
Elf
“Bullied kid with birth defect proves people are only nice to you when they need something.”
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
“A series of naps.”
Inception
“A guy learns to love a girl without her Instagram filters.”
Shrek
“Boy spends seven years being a third wheel.”
Harry Potter
“Public transportation running ahead of schedule for once.”
Speed
“A goblin wizard teaches a teenager to use magic so that he can kill his father.”
Star Wars (yet again)
“Divorced father kills senior citizen, steals his identity.”
The Santa Clause
“Illegal immigrant chased by the Feds.”
E.T.: The Extraterrestrial
“Older sister ruins younger sister’s chance to be on nationally televised game show.”
The Hunger Games
“An elderly man abducts a young overweight Asian boy to replace his dead wife.”
Pixar's Up
“A man takes steroids in order to save his country.”
Captain America
“Ten-year-old boy comes out of the closet.”
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone
“A pretty, bookish girl becomes an outcast in her own town when she realizes she’s a furry.”
Beauty and the Beast
“A group of white men destroy evil jewelry in a ten hour long New Zealand tourism commercial.”
The Lord of the Rings
“Leonardo Dicaprio finds out he can’t even win an Oscar in his dreams.”
Inception (again)
“Kid plots murder with the help of 4 college students and the Michelin Man.”
Big Hero 6
“Idiot ginger and mouse violate 8 health code regulations.”
Ratatouille
“A team of VR programmers must debug scoping errors in a series of nested callback functions.”
Inception (yet again)
“A movie about how the world will end 3 years ago.”
2012
“Eccentric billionaire slowly kills children in front of their parents.”
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
“Two men run a bed & breakfast and make soap while they struggle to define their relationship.”
Fight Club
“A teen girl gets mixed up with violent refugees who seek to impose their fanatical religion on her people.”
Pocahantas
“Small-town doctor brings three people closer together.”
The Human Centipede
“Drunk guy keeps losing his transportation.”
Pirates of the Caribbean
“A wise-cracking boiler technician teaches high school students to believe in their dreams.”
A Nightmare on Elm Street
“Single father struggles to raise his child after his wife is gunned down.”
Bambi
“A group of friends decides to spend less time online.”
The Matrix
And last but not least:
“Syrian orphan uses technology to establish fanatical cult, enslaves American consumers.”
Steve Jobs (yes, really; he was adopted)
The internet is a wonderful place, to give me such things.
Back to reading writeoff stories!
I laughed at plenty of those... but Beauty and the Beast deserves a special mention.
That Original Saga, though.
3633658 I had to read that one twice...then guffawed.
This one made me laugh the hardest.
>mfw it's a cupboard, not a closet.
Get out.
These were clever. I like this sort of thing.
3633816
I see you're familiar with The Human Centipede.
3633818
Back in college, I was on the cross country team. As part of the athletic program, all athletes were to come to school a week early for team-bonding camp or whatever you want to call it, where they roomed us up with others in our sport so we could get to know each other and stuff (and because college sports are serious business, even for a D-III school, so they wanted to milk whatever training advantages they could get their hands on).
First day of camp (First. Day!), we did our morning workout, team-building stuff, lunch, evening workout, dinner, then had the rest of the night to ourselves. One of the junior guys mentions a movie he got his hands on that someone said he should watch. The other thirteen or so of us were like 'sure, why not?' So we went down to the campus auditorium and hooked up the theatre projector screen...
Let's just say it was a wonderfully horrible first impression of the college life.
In this spirit:
The top grossing movie of 2012 could be validly summarized as "Government-sponsored vigilantes massacre illegal aliens."
3633875
That's beautiful.
EDIT: God, 2012? Has it really been three years?
Ooh, fun.
"A guy just can't get his wife to leave the office for the holidays."
Die Hard
"Two government officials attempt to murder one another to gain control of the kingdom."
Aladdin
"The President goes on the run with a man who's very sore about a recent eminent domain claim."
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
"God helps traffic violators dodge the authorities."
The Blues Brothers
"A businessman loses everything thanks to overhiring."
Schindler's List
Hm. Hard to get the right mix of accurate but completely misleading that characterizes the best of these.
Alien invaders subvert local student government in order to control ancient alien tech on which the fate of multiple worlds hangs.
Equestria Girls
Band of heroes struggle as an ancient evil awakens and tries to despoil the earth and feed upon the power of hate.
Rainbow Rocks
Emotionally abused teenager girl vents her frustration with her high school life.
Friendship Games
That moment when you realize that Yoda is a Pathfinder goblin with better teeth.
s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/f0/8c/a8/f08ca8016f82825131420453ccdc1fb2.jpg
"Help you I can. Yes. Mmm."
Also:
After getting ditched by his friends, a man decides that the next logical step is to farm potatoes.
The Martian
Two male life partners raise a runaway.
The Lion King
A South African overcomes his ingrained discrimination and becomes a new person as he selflessly helps a minority community.
District 9
Two bumbling teenagers ruin a religious ceremony.
The Cabin in the Woods
A tormented young genius dabbles in that which man was not meant to know and nearly destroys the universe.
My Little Pony: Equestria Girls: Friendship Games
"Humans commit genocide on an alien race using nuclear weapons and kamikaze attacks."
Independence Day
I'll give it a try.
"A singing peasant woman, a cripple and an inbred reptile try to steal a sword from a forest."
Quest for Camelot
"Don't snub dictators at parties, or they'll try and ruin your kingdom."
Sleeping Beauty
"A man-whore loner violently kills people to prevent people from violently killing people."
Every James Bond movie
"The exploits of several Western US youths as they try to find a balance between comedy and war."
South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut
"A bromance between two members of rival tribal nations."
Lord of the Rings
"A man murders half of a major city's worth of migrants to reconnect with his estranged daughter."
Taken
"A friendly game is taken too far by a man's friend, so he attempts to calm him down by playing said game. Also, Vietnam."
The Deer Hunter
"Lando Calrissian and John Rambo team up to stop a explosion enthusiast."
Nighthawks
"A thief, a drunk and a fat guy team up to rob a tomb before sharp-dressed men do."
Raiders of the Lost Ark
"Slutty cougars stalk men."
Sex in the City
"Don't you hate it when Jeff Goldblum is right?"
Jurassic Park
"A sexually-repressed virgin abducts children from their parents and hides them on his island."
Peter Pan
"A cross-dressing genie and a mentally-ill, Indian-raised pirate have a violent custody battle over a young boy."
Hook
"Scientology mixed with cute."
Inside Out
"Proof that one should eat before taking a trip across the country."
Airplane
"An aberration makes friends with a mortal enemy and is taught by a group of racial stereotypes how to break the laws of physics."
Dumbo
"Proof that running away from things can solve all of life's problems."
Forrest Gump
"A foreigner tries to impose his will and ideals on three different cultures because he's stronger than them."
John Carter
Dammit.
Let's play this game with fanfics!
The protagonist, who's single and has no parenting skills to speak of, finds an abandoned filly. Rather than returning the filly to her family, the protagonist attempts to raise her in secret.
Nyx. What, were you thinking of something else?
A filly is attempting to learn magic, but her older sister and the local representative of the Crown will do anything to stop her.
Scion of Chaos
A stallion and his second wife are freed from their imprisonment by a loyal unicorn. They return home in triumph and regain their rightful place. The unicorn, however, is betrayed by his daughter, the wife falls victim to gravity and finally the stallion is brought low by a gift from his first wife.
The Immortal Game
A mare goes on vacation, but without her everything goes to Tartarus. The ponies left behind realize that she was making an invaluable contribution that they can't replace, and plot to end her trip early and bring her back to work.
The Night is Passing
A unicorn leaves home without warning or explanation, breaking the hearts of her remaining family and friends. She travels aimlessly from place to place, and convinces ponies to provide food and shelter by either impersonating locals, or magically possessing them. Once she's established herself, she seeks out rare and valuable gemstones, steals them, and then quickly moves on.
The Sweetie Chronicles: Fragments
In Act 1 of this story, a mare will go to any length -- even abandoning her job -- in order to break up a long-standing engagement. She finally succeeds when she humilates the fiancee by smearing her with a pastry at a public event. Flush with her success, she moves on to lording over all of Ponyville.
This Platinum Crown
Twilight attempts to have a late lunch on a patio, but it's ruined by a swarm of bugs.
Hard Reset
A robbery occurs but you never see it.
Reservoir Dogs
A dictator dies and causes his country to censor USA
The Interview
Idiots do stupid things for 1 and a half hours
Jackass: Number Two
Idiot saves his grandson from his abusive father and connects with him, while doing stupid things for 1 and a half hours
Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa
Two morons are mistakenly targeted by the ATF while traveling America.
Beavis and Butthead: Do America
Co-worker stops caring about his work
Office Space
I believe these originate with this popular blog post, although it lacks the uses of spoiler tags and thus reverses the setup-punchline order. I'm sure there is a long history of these kinds of deliberate misinterpretations -- I'm certain without checking that Clerks contains at least one, even though I can't remember it, and I wouldn't be surprised if Shakespeare or even one of the Greek classics did it -- but can anyone recall an earlier example of this specific, pithy format?
Anyways, my favorite from the link:
An unexpected pregnancy leads to complications.
Aliens
3635898
I think my favorite from that link was:
"Rag-tag group of underdogs succeed at a massive undertaking despite overwhelming odds, credit success with faith in God."
WORLD TRADE CENTER
EDIT: Another terrible one:
“Homosexual destroys New York, blames God.”
Watchmen
"A father attempts to bring his family back together after an affair by buying a new house; after some difficulty, he succeeds."
American Horror Story: Murder House
"Society cruelly regards sympathetic band of outcasts as violent degenerates, is completely right."
Every other season of American Horror Story
"Woman hunts down and kills her ex-boyfriend."
Jessica Jones
"Executive misleads people about his latest project."
Watchmen
"A leader mismanages her psychological problems and her underlings must deal with the consequences."
"Do Princesses Dream of Magic Sheep?"
3634502
I like this. Are those recommendations? I don't even recognize many on that list.
"Horse is unwilling participant in interspecies romance."
"For the Birds"
"Safety measures prove insufficient."
"The Writing On The Wall"
"An unplanned child leads to complications."
Past Sins
"Safety measures prove insufficient."
"The Incandescent Brilliance"
"Negotiations prove unproductive."
"Highway Robbery"
"Stalker with history of violence suddenly switches target, takes advantage of their power over new victim."
"Thou Goddess"
"An unplanned conception leads to complications."
"A Change is Gonna Come"
"Lesbian attempts to balance romance and work after moving to the big city."
Eyes Without A Face
"Negotiations prove productive."
"Death and the Dazzlings"
"Safety measures prove insufficient."
"Friendship is Optimal"
3635917
You know you're doing it right when you feel like you're going to Hell just for reading it.
3635921
3634502
These fanfic ones are glorious.
Also, "Safety measures prove insufficient" and "An unplanned child leads to complications" are just such wildly understated summaries (and applicable to a surprising variety of stories) that they are really things of beauty.
3635921
They are all stories that I have enjoyed. Beware that a number of them are in-progress fics, so if you prefer to stick with only completed stories make sure that you check. Also, this is probably obvious, but the story I called "Nyx" is of course "Past Sins".
I amused that you unintentionally got me back; outside of Past Sins I've only heard of one of the fics that you mention and haven't read any of them.
3635898
I believe it is older. The Wayback Machine shows that tvtropes had BetterThanItSounds (which is essentially this) back in 2008, and there's no particular reason to believe that it started there. Then again, there's no particular reason to believe that it didn't start there. It seems like the sort of thing that they'd come up with.
I'll also throw out a link to the modern page, which contains links to entirely too many attempts at this (note that the Film section is split into separate pages for each first letter)...not all of which are good.
edit: wow, parsing mangled that URL.
http://web.archive.org/web/20080325200758/http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BetterThanItSounds