So, it's been a while. · 4:11am Aug 15th, 2012

Good lord, it's been so long since I've felt like this. I've come accustomed to so many things within the past few months. I've seen that I find death as only a part of life now, and I feel that it does happen, and it requires life to press on. Because if you think about it, after the stories I've also read on here, who wants to live forever, right? I have so much to talk about, and so little time to say it before I begin falling asleep on this blog here.. But alas, I will finish it, no worries there.

I've been reading a lot of fan-fics lately, and I must say, I've seen quite the works. Such as The Heart of a Dragon by Razorbeam, he definitely showed me a new view on life in this story that he wrote. It's absolutely amazing how ponies, a story, and a good author can't really change a view on so many things in a person's life. I'm not saying this is bad, oh dear God no, it is far from bad. If anything, it has improved my life, it has showed me, and reminded me that I need to press on even farther, push through the bad to find the good, and to do that, you must keep searching. If you're wondering while reading this, it is not that I am single, nor looking for a girlfriend. I still have the one that I've been dating for the last couple months. Actually, technically I can consider it years now. We've both agreed on it. Seeing as we are back together, 2 years later. To summarize it, we've been technically dating for at least 3-4 years, and still moving on. It's quite wonderful how life plays with me.

To be completely honest, I think I've learned something about myself that I actually hate to admit. I slightly enjoy making myself a bit depressed. Now, before you go raging on me, I don't know what it is with me, but it reminds me that I do have emotion for when I don't have my loved one around. It helps me keep myself in check. At least I'm not cutting myself, now. Yeah, most of you who read this would probably say, that's really bad for you, and other stuff that's relative to that. But honestly, when you think about it, it's better than making myself insane, or insecure with myself. I mean, my friends tell me that I'm a man of steel who does not cry, when in reality, I do, only rarely due to how I am. I know, all men do cry, yes, but for me, it's just not often. I only cry over so many things, and even those things don't happen to often. For example; whenever I get into a very serious fight with my mother, my birthgiver, my caretaker, you can't blame me. I will not cry over death, I've come to peace with life and death, as I know that it will come at one point, but not soon for me. But when it does, I am ready to be accepted to as where I will be brought. Whether it will be hell, or heaven, hoping for the latter.

*cough* Well, the real point to this blog post was just to get my mind straight. I told myself I needed to write. Just write something, so here I am, planning, thinking, and just letting everything out because it's something I just want to. Wait a second, scratch that, I need to. It's like I've said before, I do certain things to keep myself in check, because it helps me keep myself sane, and secure with my inner self. I just wanted to write tonight. I've been reading so much, I needed to write something, so I am. I'm making myself happy. That's what I want to do, I want to make myself happy. I can't keep everyone around me happy, everyone knows that.

You're probably now thinking while reading this; "What IS this guys problem?" Well, I must admit. I've been having quite some trouble with life recently. I'm NOT saying I'm thinking about suicide. Dear God no. NOTHING is worth killing yourself over. Absolutely nothing. No matter what happens in your life, you should never seek death as a solution. I know for a fact there are some people out there thinking about it, hell, maybe someone reading this is thinking about it. I'm not going to rant on about how you shouldn't kill yourself, but I will say this. There are people on this website more than willing to help you. More than willing to listen, talk to, just be with.

But yes, I do have some issues in life as I've said. Problems being with a friend who is now always hanging out with his girlfriend, I admit, I do spend plenty of time with my own girlfriend, but you see, when she lives a whole county away, you can't really blame me for seeing her at least a few days or even a week at a time. But when your girlfriend has a car, you have money, and you can literally see each other all the time, you can't take a day or two to hang out with your friends? Your brethren? Come on buddy. Now that's just not right. At least I don't think so. Like this weekend, I went boating with a friend, and he was invited a good week before it happened, so he said he can go. Nope. Didn't happen. Why? Because it was his and her's 9 months. I can see why he didn't come out, but he could've came out for at least an hour, seeing as she was working in the morning until noon, and all they ended up doing was going to the beach and watching a movie afterwards. Let me put it this way: He probably woke up at 9:00am to get ready and such, while we got out to the park at 10:30am, and stayed out there until 6:30pm. He couldn't have seen us for at least 10 minutes, say hi and such? *sigh* But alas, it's whatever. He's falling farther and farther away from us as it is.

But alas, life didn't make this the only issue in life this month, my school is giving me so much crap about everything. Went for orientation today, and what happens? For the 6 years I've been going to this school, each and every time I go, they manage to screw up my schedule without fail. But the funny part is, it's not just the school, there's also the online school. I've been doing my work, turning everything in on time, making sure I've got everything in and done, and such, and what happens? I get a phone call saying I'm missing work, then I get dropped from one of the courses that I need to help make credits up with, so what do people expect me to do? I'm so sick of everything ._.

But I'm not going to rant and rant on a blog on FIMFiction. This is a blog, not a rage-page. So, I'm going to end this off on a good note. Well, at least try to :P
I can say this month, has been one of the best months of summer break, right before school starts up again. Going out on Saturday boating with friends, the next day going to a good friends Barbeque, eating burgers, hot dogs, ribs, and even steak, then after that hanging out then going to Five Guys Burgers & Fries for a bite to eat, going to Steak & Shake for a milkshake, dicking around with all the people in the restaurant, and finishing it off by screwing around in wal-mart for the rest of the night before heading home, picking up a good read on here, and enjoying some music. Absolutely amazing days are to be noted down for this summer break. One of the best in quite a while.

Well, I guess I should end this here, and go ahead, and start reading some more fan-fics. There's a lot more I need to catch up on that I haven't touched, but don't worry. I'll probably be on here quite a lot more often now, so don't feel scared to send me a message saying, "Hi," or something. I don't bite :P Now. To go read some good ol' fics.

This will probably be me for the next few hours.