Reworking Chapters for "A New Wheel"! · 1:16am Nov 14th, 2015
Hello Everyone,
As the title of this blog may suggest, I am editing some of my chapters for A New Wheel. Going back and reading the chapters, there were a few portions that left me somewhat disappointed. Don't get me wrong, I love what I'm writing and I'm not making tons of changes, but there is so room of improvement.
One being my destruction of the reader's immersion. To fix this, I plan on moving videos to the authors notes because that is where they belong. I also wish to improve on my scene change. I will no longer announce in brackets that it's this persons POV on they are here or there. This is lazy of me to do, so I will make a proper effort to give the readers an idea on whose eyes their looking through and where this character is.
I'm mainly doing this to improve the stories I create and the style in which I write them. I'm also doing this for you guys since I believe that I could make your experience in reading my story more enjoyable.
Until then, I want to thank all of you who have faved, liked, and followed my story and the amazing experience that I have had as an author so far. While I try to make as many updates as I can to the story, these things take time. So, thank you for your patience and love.
Your Fluffy and hyperactive friend,
Northern Desert33
I agree and glad your thinking!
There are somethings like the first few chapters that may need some work.
I'm sure you can do amazing job!
3541007 Is there anything in particular that you would like to point out? I'm would be happy if you would let me know!
3541010 The 2nd chapter feels a bit to short than the others. I like to see a little be more into the Comic-con in the first or second chapter before the guy meets to stranger.
I think the village needs more work. Because it rushes. Like try building the area a bit more, like a little bit of a tour till you get to the girl.
Also the Pokemon in the village hasn't been seen... I think you should had them in the search party.
Have the mane 6 explore more into the city before they get to the Pizza restaurant. Like have them spilt up a bit to talk to the locals, would make it fresh and not rush them.
I like to see conversations between Twilight & Yvtail after they come back from the crazy kidnapping.
Each chapter is great and can get better, but be very careful about the cross-over. Because it felt very... Odd with the whole legendary party right after the kidnapping,
Just felt rush to fast at that part.
Add more fun things into the chapters, like maybe through in a few Easter eggs
3541353 Thanks for pointing this stuff out, I agree that there were some rushed areas in the story.
I'll probably add some conversations between Philip and others at the convention. Other then that, I will need to brainstorm.
I'm thinking I can add some conversations between Philip and the surprising kindness the citizens seem to give him. Maybe create some side characters.
Agreed, I really dropped the ball with that one. Philip's kidnapping would be a great time for three different species (Ponies, Drakonians, and Pokemon) to be working together with each other. Maybe I could cause some conflict that gets resolved once the finally save their leader.
I could use the side characters I created within Philip's first tour of the city that will somewhat dissuade the Equestrians from napping that poor turkey.
I can expand the conversations between the two in Philip's personal study. Have it be more interesting with them sharing knowledge, interest, and trust.
I really appreciate that. I always look to improve and I believe that stories can also improve with effort. I'll start Easter eggs once I get an idea going, and I'm trying to be careful with the crossovers as well. My goal is to make lovable characters out of the Pokemon Legendaries and have them make positive impacts upon the world and Philip's personality. Since Philip is aware of the game and grew up with it, I plan on expressing his laxness when around them.
Thank you for the constructive criticism!