Critique Review: Angel Cake · 9:32pm Nov 11th, 2015
War Machine? No… not enough material there....
The Chase? *Sees word count* Yeah, that ain’t happening.
Boned Mind? Yeah, the author was clearly trying there.
Ugh! I can’t find a story to review. I’ve never had this problem. I’ve always had something. And I’m running out of time… I could always just pick a random story and hope it has enough material. Or… I could do one that I find on… Rage Reviews.
Maybe you’ve heard of this group. It’s a group of reviewers that find the most putrid fan fics on the site and give them a piece of their mind. I’ve done a couple of reviews for the group myself, though I’m quite as involved with it as they are. I’m a very casual member.
But thanks to them, I have been able to find most of the reviews I end up doing. Not all. But it’s definitely given me a list to start with. And I picked from the bottom of the barrel.
A little story called Angel Cake by ROFLBED0
Funny enough, the story that actually got in the Straight-A-Rage folder, the worst of the worst, was the sequel to this one, not this story. But I did want to review the sequel to this and see if it is deserving of the Straight-A-Rage or if I felt it was misrepresented. Unfortunately, we won’t get to do that this week. Instead, we’ll be looking at the prequel to this story. And I got to tell you, right from the description, we are not looking promising.
After the birth of their foal. Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie become a family. That is until it is foalnapped.
Already we are in some deep shit. First off, how did Rainbow Dash or Pinkie Pie become pregnant when both of them are female? Or did they have a donation from somepony? Did they adopt a child? But that can’t be it, because it clearly says ‘birth’, so how did that happen?!
Okay, maybe I’m being a bit judgmental and jumping to conclusions. After all, we haven’t even opened the story yet and I’m sure the story can conjure an explanation. So, I’ll give it the benefit of the doubt.
So, the story starts ten months after Fluttershy’s wedding introducing the house that Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie live in… Wait, what?
The night was cold. There was no sound and there was not a light on in the whole town. The town of Ponyville slept quietly as the night had come. There was a home in the center of town, it consisted of three floors with balconies and a large front yard. The house belonged to Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie. They had moved in together just a few weeks after Fluttershy's wedding.
Okay, ignoring the fact that every single fucking sentence in this paragraph begins with the first three letters ‘T H E’, what the fuck does Fluttershy’s wedding have to do with Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie living together?! Did Rainbow Dash need special permission from Fluttershy before she could move in with Pinkie Pie? Is Angel so controlling of Fluttershy’s life that she actually threatened Pinkie Pie not to move in with Rainbow until Fluttershy was married? But how does that make sense?!
Why would Angel care what Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash do with their lives?! Are they living in Fluttershy’s house and that’s what the significance of it is?! If so, why the fuck doesn’t it just say Fluttershy’s house?! And if that is what they are going for, why the hell is Fluttershy’s house in the middle of the town?!
No, no! You’re supposed to be Supermare, not Batmare. That’s Derpy!
One paragraph in and the premise is already bullshit. Then again, it was probably bullshit before that, but again, benefit of the doubt here. Although I’m starting to think I’m giving it too much benefit.
The story doesn’t really give us much background on Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash being together and just kind of expects you to just roll with it. I admit, seeing them as friends in the show is probably what the story is trying to go for, but if I’m to believe this shipping, I need a little something more than the author’s word and the fact that they are living together.
Anyway, Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash get into bed for the night when suddenly Pinkie Pie goes into labor. Yeah, apparently Pinkie Pie is pregnant. Still no explanation on how that happened. Again, the story just kind of expects you to believe it.
Rainbow Dash slowly escorts Pinkie Pie to a hospital, so slowly in fact that they wake up the entire city as she screams in pain and agony! Nopony thinks to help the pregnant woman to get to professionals to help her with giving birth! As many sisters as Pinkie Pie has with new ones being reconed into her life (Looking at you, Maud), I sincerely doubt that she knows much about giving birth. But who knows? Maybe she helped out Mrs. Cake when she was pregnant. Sure would have been nice for the story to make that clear.
"AAAHHHHH" Pinkie screamed, "please get it out of me!' Pinkie said crying.
It’s not an ‘it’, Pinkie Pie! It’s your fucking child! Show some ‘mother’ fucking love! Heh, I’m witty.
And our Best Pony Rainbow Dash takes her to the one place where Pinkie Pie can get the help she needs in bringing a child into the world…
Twilight’s House!
One light that came on was from a tree house, out of it came Twilight Sparkle. "Rainbow Dash, what's going on?" she said still almost asleep. "Pinkie's having the foal!" She yelled. "AAHHHH!" Pinkie let out another scream. "Dashie it's coming right now, we have to do it here." She screamed. Her convulsions had become very violent. Dash and Twilight helped her into the house. As they got inside they heard a voice call to them from the stairs. "Twilight, what's going on?" asked Spike, he said as he walked down the stairs to see them laying Pinkie Pie onto the couch.
So, yeah, Twilight, who must have read a book somewhere about childbirth, helps Pinkie Pie give birth to her child.
After a bit of resting, Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash wonder what their child’s name is going to be. Didn’t give much thought to this before hand, did you two? You had a few months! But a character named Red Dawn gives them the name, Angel Cake. Red Dawn happens to be Twilight’s husband.
Whoa, story! Whoa! You already gave us the fact that Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie are in a relationship with no build up to that, and now you’re giving us Twilight having a husband with no build up. There better be some fucking good explanations to this!
And I hope you are all ready not to care for Mr. Twilight’s husband, because by the time this story ends, you’ll know as much about him then as you do now.
The Cutie Mark Crusaders come a few days later to see the new foal. And we finally find out what the story was written for. It was written so that the author could write the word ‘teat’ as much as he wants. Don’t believe me, take a look how many times he uses the fucking word!
Pinkie was now showing major signs of her pregnancy. Her belly had at lease doubled in size and her teats had become swollen.
"Oh coarse," Pinkie said pulling Angel Cake off her teat. Angel Cake began to cry.
"That's right, drink up." Trixie said as she brought Angel Cake to her teat. Angel Cake began to suckle. Trixie felt great, her dream had come true.
Ahh Snail, Snip there you are, do you have my supplies?" "Yep," they both said in unison. They were both eyeing her swollen teats.
Yeah, I think the story just found out what it was and wanted to use it without it being the word penis or vagina. That’s the only explanation I can come up with!
Anyway, Pinkie Pie gets a call from Twilight… Let me repeat that… Pinkie Pie gets a phone call from Twilight. A PHONE CALL?!
The phone rang and Pinkie walked over to answer it. "Hello, oh hi Twilight."
So, let’s explain why this pisses me off, shall we?! It’s not the fact that there is a technological device that has never been seen in the show! I would be willing to accept this piece of technology being in this story, if it weren’t for one major problem!
If they had phones to begin with, WHY DIDN’T RAINBOW DASH USE IT TO CALL A HOSPITAL WHEN PINKIE WAS GOING INTO LABOR?! You risk your wife and unborn daughter, walking in the middle of the street with her screaming at the top of her lungs, when you could have called paramedics to have them meet you somewhere or get them to your home quickly!
My only guess is that the story wanted Twilight to be the one who gives birth to the kid! Fine! But have it fucking make sense! Have Twilight be there when it happened, rather than Rainbow Dash just happening to show up?! Have her call the paramedics, but they won’t get there in time to help deliver the child! That way, Twilight has to do it!
In other words, make your characters act intelligently!
Oh, and another that pisses me off about the phone conversation is the phone conversation itself!
"Hello, oh hi Twilight." "Hi, Pinkie Red Dawn and I are throwing a party and we would really like it if you came." "Oh geez, we would love to come but we can't leave Angel Cake." Pinkie said back. "Can't you find a sitter?" Twilight said back. "Not on such short notice."
NEW PARAGRAPH AFTER EACH CHARACTER SPEAKS! You have no idea who much it pisses me off when people don’t do that!
Anyways, yeah, Red Dawn and Twilight are throwing a party and Pinkie and Rainbow Dash are invited. Funny, I always thought Pinkie Pie was the party thrower, but I guess being a mother kind of mellowed her out. Pinkie isn’t sure they can go since they don’t have a sitter on such short notice. And the kid is only a few days old, so there’s that.
However, the Cutie Mark Crusaders say they can take care of her. And of course, being the intelligent characters that don’t remember what a phone is, agree to let the Crusaders take care of the 3 day old child!
Why do I have a feeling this is going to end with the kid covered in tree sap?
The Crusaders try to take care of the kid by… having her suck on Applebloom’s teat? Ew… she’s only like … 10! You sick… sick… fuck!
Unbeknownst to them, Trixie is watching the Crusaders take care of the new foal, but is jealous that the child is not sucking on her teat… I mean…
]quote]Trixie suddenly rushed into the room and made her way to the couch were Angel Cake was sleeping. She quickly snatched her up and ran out there door. She ran into an alley and brought Angel Cake to her chest. She had been preparing for this and had started to produce milk. Angel Cake began to drink. She had no idea that the milk she was drinking was not the milk of her mother..Oh… Never mind I guess that is what I meant…
Also, isn’t it funny that the word ‘teat’ was used earlier in the story and yet ‘chest’ is used now? For those of you who don’t know, ‘teat’ is where milk comes out of from a horse. They are located between the rear legs. Not on the chest. But what else is located on the ‘chest’ of our characters in most fan works?
Starting to get where this is going?
My guess is that the word ‘boobs’ was a part of this story before some comments at the bottom said that ‘horses don’t have those.’ My guess is that the story didn’t bother researching what those were and just decided to find and replace the two words without changing the story as a whole, thus the inconsistent placement of the baby.
Mind you, I am just guessing at this point and I have no real evidence to support that.
So, the party goes on for about 4 hours and the parents don’t bother to call to see if the child is okay. They just trust that the Cutie Mark Crusaders haven’t ran her over with a truck or something. Or maybe you know… kidnapped!
Anyway, the group arrives back at the house where they discover that the Cutie Marks Babysitters are knocked out and that the child is gone. Yes apparently the Crusaders were knocked out by this point. The story sure didn’t make that clear.
The group searches for any clue to the missing foal and end up finding a missing piece of contrivances that allow them to know the identity of the kidnapper and thus get this story rolling.
"Look what I found," Red Dawn said picking up a torn piece of fabric in his mouth. It was purple with shiny white stars. "You don't think so, do you?" Rarity said looking at Twilight. "There's no one else it could be." "That bitch stole our foal!" Rainbow Dash screamed,
Okay, I have several question, the first one of course being how the hell did Trixie leave behind evidence of her being there?! How did she leave a piece of fabric behind?! There was no struggle between the Crusaders and Trixie! Trixie had cast a spell that knocked out the Crusaders before they had a chance to do anything!
She didn’t rip it on anything! And if she did, the story didn’t make that clear! And even if she did, why would she just leave the material around for someone find and make her the target of an investigation?! Was it the baby who tore it?! Again, really doesn’t make that clear! And even if it was, the kid is fucking a few days old! How did she find the strength to tear fabric without Trixie noticing?!
UGH! Anyway, the group gathers some torches and pitchforks to skewer Trixie. I’d love to skewer a few more things too.
Meanwhile, Snips and Snails have been gathering supplies for Trixie. What supplies they are gather is never told. I assume baby stuff, but the story likes to keep its audience in the dark about things. Especially things that might make the story enjoyable. Snips and Snails want to rape Trixie as a reward for their service, but a unicorn by the name of Abyss is not a fan of that and attacks them
Seriously, Snips and Snails are pretty fucked up in this. Especially since it is confirmed that they are in fact children. What they plan next is even more fucked up…
"Fine genius, what's your brilliant idea?" Snails said back. Snips thought about it for a second, "I got it, let's go back and take Trixie foal, then we'll see what she does to get her back."
Yes… they want to kidnap a child that was just kidnapped… Ugh, this story is stupid…
So, Abyss tells Trixie that Nightmare Moon is going to be resurrected soon (Because of course she is. I think that’s the sure sign of bad fan fiction writing.) and that they need the child to use as a vessel. Trixie, despite wanting more than anything a child as her own and was the whole motivation for kidnapping her, is pretty damn okay with selling this child’s soul to appease a goddess. Sure got over her whole motive pretty damn quick. So quick in fact that Abyss takes her into the bedroom and see how quick she can really be.
Meanwhile, Snips and Snails get their plan together and start to enter Trixie’s trailer, only to find it rocking. Snips asks Snails to keep an eye on them while he kidnaps the child. And here’s where I start to see that ‘boob’ theory from earlier.
In the back off the trailer, Snails was looking through the window into the bedroom. "He saw Abyss working away at Trixie, as he thrusted into her, he saw her breast bounce up and down." He was in a total awe with what he saw.
So, did Snails actually describe what he was seeing to Snips? If not, why is there a quotation mark there? Wouldn’t it be funny if Abyss caught them because Snails couldn’t shut up about what he saw?
Abyss: Any last words before I take your heads!
Snips: None from me…
Abyss: And you?
Snails: How did you catch us so quickly?! I only shouted to Snips to come watch you two fucking!
Snips and Snails kidnap the baby and Trixie and Abyss discover that the child is missing. And then changes the subject by Abyss telling her about his sexual orgy that she offers to clean up.
"Oh yeah I'm really sorry but I kinda came right on floor," He said with a weak smile. Trixie just sighed. " I'll get the Oxy Clean she said walking toward the closet.
Um… not to try and step on this incredibly unfunny moment, but wasn’t there a fucking baby that went missing a few minutes ago?! Jesus, she really didn’t care about that baby, didn’t she? I’m so glad the motivation of our main villain was pretty much pointless by the end of it.
Snips and Snails end up running into Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, mistaking them for rescuing the useless nothing. Diamond Tiara is so impressed with Beavis and Butthead that she invites them into her home to have sex with her.
We finally cut back to the main six where they discover that Big Mac, who is Fluttershy’s wife… I guess… Way to ease us into that… discover that Big Mac was actually rapped by Trixie. … And there is no reaction to this from the group whatsoever. Why is rape something that isn’t that serious in stories like this?!
This scene has no purpose other than to show us that. Way to show us you have class, story. Way to show us you have class.
Anyway, after a little bit of sex between Snips and Snails and our two leading bully ladies (or so I assume, the story doesn’t actually show anything. Thank god.) Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon kick them out for ignoring the baby.
Meanwhile, the main six continue to search for the plot device, but not before Rarity and Applejack make a few more jokes about their asses. I would say that the story was trying too hard, but that would imply that there was any effort to be found in this pile.
Applejack and Rarity get trapped in a mudpit and get devoured by it, presumably dead. Fluttershy cries for about three seconds before the characters move on. The plot has no idea what it wants to be at this point and is just throwing scenes in, hoping that by some Celestia-given miracle, it all comes together.
Meanwhile, Abyss and Trixie find Snips and Snails and force them to take them to the plot device.
And it’s at this point that I have to point out how bad the pacing is for this story. I know a lot is happening at the moment, but that’s because each scene only lasts up to a few sentences. Most of them barely reaching a paragraph. The story is so badly rushed, that I’m honestly having a hard time caring about anything that is happening in the story, because it barely focuses on anything enough to establish anything.
Rarity wakes up down the river. I thought she sank into a mudhole, but the story was too busy sniffing it’s own farts to notice or remember. She finds Applejack but thinks that she’s a bitch and leaves her to die. I’m glad the story is not being disrespectful to other characters while it eats its burritos from Taco Bell.
Applejack wakes up and finds Rarity up the road where she is starting to freeze to death… From… summer weather? And warms her with her body… Again, classy.
Back in Ponyville, the Crusaders get a psychic vision that Rarity is in trouble. Again, the story never tells us where it comes from, but just expects us to buy it.
They go to Sugarcube Corner to try out some new cupcakes and it’s at this point that I hope they end up as snacks for the other patrons! Because I will take unintentional hilarity over intentional failure that tries to be hilarious.
Anyway, Rarity wakes up and accuses Applejack of rape. Even though they only ‘cuddled according to the story…
Rarity awoke with sweat on her brow. She knew the temperature was below freezing but for some reason she couldn't have felt warmer. She looked to her right and saw the farm pony wrapped around her body. Atop them was a once wet blanket that was now totally dry.
She felt for a pulse, she was still breathing, but she knew that she was going into shock. She was trying desperately trying to heat her up. She looked in the bags for a blanket but only found wet ones. She pulled Rarity close to her and cuddled her close.
Though the story does say that Applejack preformed carpet licking… Way to show off your intellect, story. I’m sure your penis is the only thing that is proud of you. Now, tell him to shut up before I cut him.
They find the trailer where Abyss and Trixie were staying, but don’t find them or the baby. But forget about that, let’s pork!
Get out of the way, My Immortal, I’m trying to read My Angel Cake.
… Oh, this is Angel Cake?
How awkward…
We cut to Twilight who writes this long letter to Princess Celestia detailing everything that has happened in the story thus far. And I mean… everything… Also, Princess Celestia is apparently married… Calling it! Grand Ruler is finally the ruler of Equestria and is going to enslave us all!
You know, I just noticed something… this story is actually 11000 words long. If you cut out every single sex scene and there are about 4 per chapter, the story is actually only 3000 words long. So, this story between kidnapping this child for Trixie’s motherly urges, Abyss’s need to sacrifice the child to an evil god, Rarity and Applejack confessing their love for each other after they nearly die, they are all trying to find space in a four inch closet while the overly bloated sex scene sits in front of the closet like a massive mound of mulch. Unwilling to let you see any glimpse of the story until you give it the regulation amount of attention.
Back with the baby plot, (Oh, yeah, that fucking happened) the child ends up at Cheerilee’s front door so that it can suck on her boobs as well.
Hey, if the story can’t be consistent, why should I?
And now, I’ve finally figure out what this story is. This story is trying to be like all those sex fics that get into the feature box without the slightest hint of talent because it’s basically porn. This story saw that and said “Hey, I can do that too and get incredibly popular!”
Wrote this story with a bunch of sex scenes in it, only to get a thumbs down shoved up it’s butt. So it’s at this point where the reviewers start saying things like ‘Get a proofreader’ or ‘When is the plot going to get rolling. (No, not that one.)’ or ‘First’. The story looked at these valid criticism and said ‘I know how to fix this! Add even more sex scenes!’
So, back with the plot, Abyss tells Snips and Snails to get the baby back from Diamond Tiara, not realizing that the baby is with Cheerilee. Well, it doesn’t take long for Diamond Tiara to tell them where the plot device is, not even seeing Abyss pointing a gun at the two colts to make them do what he wants. Lord, I wish that was a joke.
They go to Cheerilee’s house, where they capture her, tie her to a chair and put a trip mine under her. Just roll with it guys. Just fucking roll with it for now.
So, Snips and Snails go for help to save the plot device from becoming an even bigger plot device. They end up running into Twilight Sparkle and funny enough, have no idea who she is.
"AHHH," They both screamed. "Wait you're that mare we saw in the Playcolt," Snips said they backed up and got a look at Twilight.
Also, she’s on the seventh edition of Playcolt magazine.
How do you know what edition she is in? The story does not say.
… Well… duh… Because, I am a review… journalist… I do research… of course!
They end up finding Cheerilee and Twilight manages to cast a spell to switch places with Cheerilee just as the bomb goes off. And I’ll give this story this much… even though this is a horribly rushed, horribly written, horribly executed moment… That was pretty bad ass of Twilight. She not only managed to conjure a spell that saved Cheerilee, but managed to save herself at the last second with a force field around herself.
However, she is hurt by the explosion and needs to be rushed to the hospital.
They take Twilight to the hospital where they discover that Twilight is actually pregnant. Oh, good, just what we need another plot device that sucks on pony’s tits.
So, Twilight ends up writing a letter to Celestia, and once again, the letter explains every little detail that has transpired throughout the course of it.
Just to give you an idea of how incredibly rushed this story is, the last chapter must resolve the kidnapping the baby plot, the build up to Nightmare Moon’s resurrection, Rarity and Applejack’s romance, Snips and Snails punishment for kidnapping, Trixie’s and Abyss’s punishment for kidnapping and attempted murder, and Twilight being pregnant. All in one chapter.
With only 2000 words.
Here we go…
So, they take the plot device to the Castle of the Two Sisters where they plan to resurrect Nightmare Moon, where Abyss pulls out this special moonstone that is only now being introduced to the story. Kind of late in the game to be introducing something that important, but who gives a shit.
Twilight is pretty giddy as the group marches along to save a baby from being sacrificed to an evil goddess. You know, Twilight, I know you are happy about being a mother, but could you at least WAIT until your friend’s baby is safe?!
In fact the other characters seem to notice Twilight’s happiness and are pretty pissed off about it considering the situation.
"Why are you doing this to us?" Pinkie yelled. "What did I do?" Twilight retorted, unsure of what Pinkie was talking about. "You know what I mean, how come you get to have a foal, when ours is gone." Pinkie said starting to cry. Twilight was vexed with anger as well as sympathy. She should have known better than to try and get her pregnancy past Pinkie.
Also, the story has pretty much turned into a giant wall of text at this point, so I’m having a really hard time making out whatever the story is trying to tell us. But since the story doesn’t care, I don’t care either.
They arrive at the castle where they get in a battle against Abyss to save the plot device. During the battle, Red Dawn is killed by Abyss.
Oh, no. That character who barely said anything, barely did anything, barely had anything to do with the plot and the relationship between him and Twilight only amounted to sex is dead now. How sad…
So, they defeat Abyss, everything the story built up is just kind of ‘meh’, and the story just kind of stops. It doesn’t end. It stops. Nothing is resolved and it just kind of ends without really resolving anything.
Guys, this is the definition of just not trying.
There is not an ounce of effort that went into this story. Not a one. The plot had no effort. The characters had no effort. The sex had no effort. Nothing in this story had effort in it at all. So, what was the point?
This whole story was amazingly pointless. There was no reason for this story to be written. No reason at all. I know you all expect me to be angry at this, but… I just can’t be asked. Just like the author could not be asked to try with this story, I cannot be asked to be angry with this.
Overall, this is a very, very boring fic.
You know that feeling when a friend wanting to stuff a porcupine up your butthole and at first you agree with it, but after the first prick touches your butt, you start having second thoughts. “Yeah, I don’t think I want to go through with this!”
“Sorry!” He shouts. “Can’t hear you! I’m shoving a porcupine up your butthole!”
That’s kind of what reading this felt like.
This feels like it was a pet project for the author and the author alone. It hardly has anything that an audience would enjoy and seems to have plot points and characters that only the author it would seem would care about.
This feels like the story just read My Immortal, saw how popularly bad that was and said “I can write like that! That’s super easy”. When actually it takes a special kind of person to actually write something like that. And I’m going to be honest, I like My Immortal! There’s something cathartic about watching someone butcher their career as a future writer and have absolutely no idea that that is exactly what they are doing. Claiming it to be their magnum opus.
My Immortal is like a little retarded child, who puts her pants on backwards and puts her panties over her pants. She doesn’t mean to cause any harm and is really trying her best. And because of that, I can’t stay mad at it.
This story feels like Eric Cartman in that episode of South Park where he pretends to be a retarded child so he can win the special olympics. Only to find out that he’s an out of shape idiot. But unlike Eric, this story doesn’t know what the word ‘ironic’ is.
But that’s okay, because the author doesn’t care about this story and by the end of this review, neither will I.
Read through this at work. Now, I will comment.
If you're looking for material, you can always do a full review of God Empress. I know it's a long one, and you've got to space out the long ones... but reading through it again, I think it'd make an interesting review.
I think I started to read that one. Wasn't it the one where Twilight was recently widowed and just discovered that she was pregnant?
Next week? Or September?
Magic?
I think Markiplier killed someone when he tried that... in Surgeon's Simulator. I highly doubt he's killed anyone in real life.
God, even Mykan knows when to space out his paragraphs. Walls of text are hard to read, even with formatting. I remember when I read the first darkness war which had the same problem, and my eyes started aching from trying to decipher just what was in that wall.
Because of course she has. Not like Twilight has anything better to do.
... Except bang an 80's movie, apparently.
It's just like that one where Fluttershy got turned into a baby... at least I'm not getting Pattycakes vibes.
Also, they have phones, but don't have the pony equivalent of breast pumps?
First off, quote is busted.
Second off, ew.
Third off, wouldn't it just be easier for Trixie to just get knocked up rather than risk going to jail for kidnapping. Also, don't animals only produce milk when they are nursing or pregnant?
Coats of arms? Chestplates? Fuzz?
...
Yeah, set myself up for that. Anyway, this story just dropped a few more rungs down the disgusting ladder. It's just meant to fetishize drinking breast milk and other such activities on top of sex, isn't it?
That's why I went with the original.
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You've known me for long enough that you know my reaction to this.
On a different noted, shouldn't Big Mac be her husband, and shouldn't he have been raped?... or was that taken straight from the story itself. I wouldn't be surprised if it was.
But Emongy is such a better protagonist than any of these characters!
I saw we make tracks for the Griffon Kingdoms. Who's with me?
Called it; the author has a breast feeding fetish.
I honestly thought Abyss was a chick... goes to show how badly this story describes characters.
Of course...
I was right; this is the prequel to that story I started reading and then stopped because it sucked.
And you would know this why...?
I wouldn't use the same language, but you're right. My Immortal is so enjoyable because of how badly it fails at everything, and just how over the top it can get. This, though, it more on the lines of the first darkness war, which is to say a cluttered mess that doesn't go anywhere and is actually harmful to it's audience.
Look forward to what you have to deal with next week
Now what did Twi say in Magic Duel?
Oh, right.
Or you could do mine.
Just saying. 
I am not 100% absolutely sure, but I think you might have meant to put, "I’m not quite as involved"
And I am familiar with a similar group. Plan 9 II.
So you got a list now, never mind on my first suggestion then. I can wait.
I am surprised anyone's arms are long enough to reach that far down.
I am sure they have one hell of a long list.
Very good question.
I imagine many stallions were willing to give donations for a night, or several nights till the deed was done. I wonder which mare this donation might have been given to?
And I have yet to read that one, but I still plan to. I so plan to.
The fist superhero costume I saw Rainbow Dash in was Wonder Woman. I wish I still had it, but it is gone. So sad.
Oh' just pick a ship. Don't we have enough startups already? I think I could imagine what happened from one of those.
I am not complaining. I kind of like Marble Pie. There is just something about her that I like.
OK' I will give you that one. Despite all the random ships one can choose for how Rainbow, and Pinkie got together, it would have been nice to know a little bit more on this Red Dawn.
You know we all can't do that.
I am wondering how the story past inspection. My very first story had such problems, and it was revoked for it.
Not that I mind that it was, I would rather be told the problems with it first, fix it, then send it out a little better, or written more correctly.
Within this story, I am sure you are right.
Trixie I figure would not have to wait long to get her fix, if her stealing kids is going to be her thing in this story. Because there is a sucker born every minute.
The very thing the anthro tag is improperly used to describe. Part human form ponies, with Big melons on their chest!
Seems like a sound theory just the same.
Oddly enough, that reminds me of something within the cartoon. Yes, this is form my memories, so just roll with it.
Colt as in boy, and filly as in girl.
I was thinking about the moment when Celestia was saying to everypony, "Fillys and gentlecolts, I present to you, Princess Twilight Sparkle."
Instead of having said, "Ladies and gentlemen," she basically said, "Get ready boys and girls, you got a new princess!"
Oh' hell yes! Haven't I been telling you that twilight is awesome!
OK' you can say it, this writers plot devices suck.
I am wondering what the hell the relevance is, as to any of them being mad at Twilight having a foal of her own?
I also don't see Pinkie getting upset for such a thing. But I am not the one writing the story.
Star Trek had a lot of that in their stories. Character that are shown once or twice, only to be killed later. And look how popular that show has become! I know, Not helping.
No!
Can't say that I do. ???
Now that is a rather familiar feeling I can relate to. Not the watching part, but being the one unaware.
There are times I feel so lost!
I need a hug.
Computer!
Wow, that's bad.
Craving the affections of a computer, and not my own. Talk about a lost cause.
I think I will just stick with ponies to run wild in my imagination.
Besides, I don't think Computer and I will ever click, she just might be too smart for me. As well as uninterested.
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Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain. This is no stage act, this is real magic!
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OK' you called it.
I am wondering about that too now.
...
Never mind, I don't need to know.
I remember a comedian after asking if they would like to see him juggle an ax, bowling ball, and lit propane torch and them saying yes, "You are an evil audience."
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You know, I'd actually would enjoy doing a review of this.
Problem is finding room in my schedule. Hopefully in March we'll see it.
That's the conclusion I came to. This is a self insert, the author is the baby.
Oh, don't pretend like you haven't had friends who have wanted to shove porcupines up your butthole! Speaking of porcupines, meet Mr. Tickles
nardio.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/Baby-Porcupine.png
He and you are going to be best of friends.
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Well, it's not Rainbow Dash as Wonder Woman, but...
img10.deviantart.net/c17c/i/2013/234/2/6/wonder_woman_and_rainbow_dash_by_beckadoodles-d6j92f0.png
Okay, unless they are supposed to be stupid, like Critique.
Oh my god! Fan mail! I did not know I received such things! What should I say?! What should I say?!
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Whenever you do get to it, it shall be glorious.
Wow. Freud would have a field day with this... I can only imagine that the sequel is more of the same
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That picture got me wanting to find the other one. I did a search and found it.
derpicdn.net/img/2013/7/12/372048/large.png
I also found a variant with Rarity.
pbs.twimg.com/media/CEoAcFxUUAA_NBo.jpg
One of your past comments of Charlie Brown made me think of this.
img11.deviantart.net/6e60/i/2015/158/4/8/that_s_no_beagle_by_ecmonkey-d8wc8qr.png
Wish I could tell you.
I am not the only fan however, as far as I can tell.
As for me, I am just a tech enthusiast, with an emphasis in AI and robotics development.
And I have been a fan of such for as long as I can remember.
You caught my eye, shortly after what was told in a story how you inspired a town to help give a little to a few who had a Christmas and piece of mind taken from them.
And I happen to like some of your general comments in reviews with The Critique.
Plus you had pointed out you have an interest of doing a few Story reviews of your own, or at least one you didn't. But I as well as others would like to see a few by you. At least a few, despite Critique feeling this is his stick. Not to say I wish to see him stop doing his.
Maybe you could do my story seeing Critique has yet to do it. Would be interested in seeing what your take on it would be, in your own words.
Wish I could say when the final one will be finished. It is far form finished, and I am currently working on a story for someone else, one I hope to get done soon.
As for my other interests with AI, or what some are now calling artificial consciousness. A bit of a step up from what is though of as artificial intelligence. Not just something that can think and make decisions like a game AI, but something that is fully self aware and can think on a deeper level.
I see a possible utopia in the future, with such help as some good AI might be able to provide. As for what kind of utopia, well that is a much larger subject entirely.