Paul's Thursday Reviews XIV · 9:07pm Nov 5th, 2015
So after looking over recommendations from others, including many direct comments from the last review session, I've more or less abandoned my 'numerical score' idea. Seems that everyone's happy with the rating system as it is, and that's fine by me.
In the meantime, I've made a few changes to my public review schedule. Before I had a list for re-reads, sequels/completed stories and requests. I've now added an RiL list. This might seem redundant since all the stories are already listed in my To Read bookshelf in the order I'll be reading them, but it allows me to see a few things more readily. Specifically, I can now figure out just how long it will be before I get to a story in my RiL.
And how long does it take for new stories?
...I limited the list to one year distant. That's right, the last entry on the list will be exactly one year after the first item in the list. So yeah, new ones are gonna be a while. I really need to open up some more slots somehow, but doing five stories per week is already a big drain on my time and it's going to be a long time before the Re-Read list gets emptied. Alas, I'm afraid waiting is the only solution right now. What have I gotten myself into?
Stories for This Week:
Killing Time by Prak
Utterly Ridiculous by RainbowBob
Dear Princess Celestia by Foals Errand (Requested by Foals Errand)
A Hell of a Time by Aragon (Re-Read)
Twilight the Terrible by RK_Striker_JK_5 (Completed Story)
Total Word Count: 60,821
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 0
Pretty Good: 2
Worth It: 1
Not Bad: 1
None: 0
From what I’ve heard from tertiary sources, Prak is one of those who believes wholeheartedly in semantics and refutes the possibility of history being elaborated, fudged, a victim of typos, or even wrong. In other words, when history dictates that Nightmare Moon was sealed in the moon, that is exactly what happened, with no ambiguousness, uncertainty or confusion. I’ve also heard that he’s found the argument that she was sealed on the moon rather dumb. Killing Time is supposedly another of his jabs regarding exactly why this is so.
But again, I’m only repeating what I’ve heard from tertiary sources. He might not believe that at all and that may not be the purpose of the story. It’s just what I heard.
Anyway, this story is about what Luna did during her thousand year exile on the moon, up to and including her escape. Protip: don’t throw rocks at stars, they don’t like it. Also, methane is not advisable as a traveling method, especially when your orbital next door neighbor is full of creatures with telescopes.
For the silly story that this is, I am highly entertained. Luna’s boredom-induced antics are supported by a playful narrative and a few amusing anecdotes about certain canon elements of Equestria, such as exactly how the Mare in the Moon came to be (ah, and there’s the semantics again). While I find the entire debate that spawned this story to be as silly as the story itself and never subscribed to this rendition of Luna (millennium-of-boredom-induced insanity notwithstanding), I thought this was a worthwhile read.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
You know those metaphorical trainwrecks where it’s just so horrible you can’t stop looking?
Found one.
I couldn’t possibly describe this story. Something about radioactive apocalypse, a bunch of guys named Steve (seriously, fuck that guy), portals leading to a bunch of talking midget-horses and maybe a zombie or two. The title says it all, my friends; there’s so much nonsense in this nonsense it makes Nonsense itself shake its head at the nonsense. Knowing that RainbowBob used to write things while drunk, I am absolutely, unwaveringly positive that this is one of them.
It’s no secret that I’m not fond of stupid funny, but that’s often because I can’t reconcile legitimate behavior with stupid behavior. Utterly Ridiculous wipes away that issue by not even bothering with a pretense of logic. The result?
I laughed. No joke: I, PaulAsaran, He Who Leaves The Uproaring Comedy With Naught But a Small Smile And Maybe A Chuckle, broke into real, full-blown laughter. If that’s not good enough to warrant placement in my special crackfics folder, I don’t know what is.
RainbowBob, I am all for you being off the bottle. Seriously, more power to you, from one who is eternally sober. It’s totally the way to go.
But dang if I’m not gonna miss your shenanigans.
Bookshelf: Special Placement: Crackfics
Dear Princess Celestia
By Foals Errand
Requested by Foals Errand
This one is a bit hard for me to review, specifically because its subject matter is so alien to me. In Dear Princess Celestia, we learn that Twilight is battling depression based on her fears that her entire life and all her friendships are one big lie put together by Celestia and fate. Every few nights she writes a letter to Celestia detailing her feelings of worthlessness and contemplated suicide, but she never sends them.
Until a familiar friend arrives in her dreams.
I think the big problem I have here is that I can’t grasp Twilight’s issue. It isn’t anything simple and obvious, but is instead limited to delusions she’s conjured for herself. I’ve had my bouts of self-doubt and depression, but this seems extreme considering what her situation really is – which, in truth, is about as positive as any pony or person could ask for. She’s making mountains out of mole hills, and I’m not inclined to sympathize.
At the same time, I know that depression is not something logical; I’ve watched people in my own family slide into it with similar behavior. I learned long ago that there’s no reasoning with these people; they are miserable, they are determined to be miserable, and God help them, they are going to be miserable no matter how much you shine the light of reality in their face. From that perspective I can kind of see the situation.
But that doesn’t mean I’m okay with it. I know the gist of this story is that Twilight’s been hiding her depression, but there’s just no evidence here, and there’s no way I’ll believe this is Twilight in any way without some evidence. That means a longer story where we watch Twilight’s decline, not a short piece where she’s already hit bottom.
Another aspect that bothers me about the story is the nature of Luna’s visit. It was over in no time, which hardly seems like the push Twilight needed to get over the hump. On the other hand, Twilight has been known to make great mental strides after only a few words from a friend, so from that standpoint I guess it’s not so odd. Hopefully Celestia will offer something far more meaningful and lasting, though, because I can’t imagine the few words Luna offered as doing anything save buy a few days time.
Normally I like Foals’ stories. She’s a solid author with some great ideas worth exploring. I can’t even say that this was a bad story in general, because I’m biased against pointless negativity. Yet, as a result of that bias, I couldn’t appreciate this story. Perhaps others will find it more appealing, but to me it was just about a young mare closing her eyes to how good she has it, and that’s not something I can tolerate easily.
Bookshelf: Not Bad
A Hell of a Time
By Aragon
Re-Read
Oh, how this story makes me smile! A Hell of a Time is, at first glance, a recounting of just how Celestia, Luna and Cadance spent their time in Tartarus during Tirek’s rampage. Underneath that is a scathing and highly amusing criticism of Celestia’s rule, with a laid-back Luna and disinterested (and pained) Cadance acting as her critics.
“Seriously, though,” Cadance said, turning around to look at Luna and Twilight, who were still busy with the harmonica, “seeing how those two ended up like, I’m surprised Equestria didn’t burn down under your rule long ago.”
Amen to that.
This story is whimsical, amusing, and best of all, it points out a lot of the things many of us have wondered about Celestia’s competency. As much as I respect Celestia – and I really mean that, despite what you doubters might believe – sometimes I wonder just how she managed to do anything right over the last thousand years.
I enjoyed this, and I’m glad I got the chance to re-read it amidst my busy schedule.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Twilight the Terrible
By RK_Striker_JK_5
Completed Story
Though it took an exasperating three-and-a-half years to complete, RK_STriker_JK_5 finally ended this story, which means I am finally able to read it.
Twilight the Terrible derives from the concept that when Twilight’s magic went berserk at her entrance exam, she ended up absorbing Celestia’s power and becoming a veritable god. Never aging and never maturing, she’s spent the past seven years (or five, the number changes randomly) trying to rule Equestria and fix her mistakes, having no idea exactly what she’s done or how to fix it.
Enter Nightmare Moon, who attempts to overthrow the filly only to be easily beaten and forced to retreat. Panicking, she rips a hole through reality and ends up in the Equestria we all know and love. There she unintentionally recruits the regular Mane 6 and Princess Luna to go back with her to defeat the ‘Tyrant Filly.’
This is another one of those stories; a story where there’s so much that could have gone right but the delivery was bumbling at best. The author did a number of things well, but an almost equal number of things wrong. Let me just start with the elephant in the room: Nightmare Moon. Somehow, by some miracle, Princess Luna is able to turn her evil counterpart around and show her reality in the span of half a day. But let’s ignore how ridiculous that is and touch upon the true foolishness of this entire story.
Nightmare Moon’s mental recovery is a major element of this story. The problem is, the things she wants and believes defy all logic. She is clearly insane, to such a degree that she actually believes that a world of eternal night can support normal, everyday life. Anyone above the age of five should know that this is preposterous, but she does not. The only conclusion that can be formed, then, is that she does not live in a world of logic, facts and common sense.
Yet, somehow, this is exactly how Luna gets through to her. This is nonsense. If a character is so insane that her world image holds no logic, then you can’t use logic to fix the problem. By taking this route, the author has created a glaring inconsistency in the very existence that is Nightmare Moon, at least as far as this story has defined her.
Another major issue I had with the story was the conclusion, which basically amounts to “The Elements of Harmony can fix anything.” There’s not even much of a fight and certainly no sense of desperation in the heroes. After all that buildup, after filly Twilight proves capable of throwing Luna and Nightmare Moon around like dolls, the Mane 6 just get together and hit her with the Rainbow of Dues Ex and boom, everything’s fine and dandy again. Not only was this ending terribly anticlimactic, it’s also uncreative, which is decidedly worse.
It’s also saddening, because the author proves they can be creative through the re-imagining of many of the characters. From Rarity being the chief defender of Ponyville, Rainbow being the leader of a band of raiders from Cloudsdale, to Trixie and Big McIntosh being an item. Even the things omitted from explanation felt appropriate; for example, the question of what happened to Fluttershy in this world is tantalizing, and I wholeheartedly approve that no answer was ever given. And then there’s the dream sequence between Luna and Nightmare Moon, which was loaded with nice imagery.
The writing is decent overall, though it does suffer from a number of typos and repetitions – the worst being ‘suddenly,’ which was used over and over again. I swear I saw it three times in one paragraph. Even so, it’s a good start and, with more practice and some help from a few pre-readers and editors, things could improve drastically for this author.
As it stands, Twilight the Terrible could have been a lot better. Even so, I recognize the effort that had to have gone into it, especially considering how long it took the author to complete it. I applaud RK_STriker_JK_5 for sticking with it all the way to the end. Though the delivery isn’t as good as the hype suggests, I am always happy to see authors doing their best and working to improve, which is the one thing this author definitely did as the story went on.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Stories for Next Week:
Insomnia by Pale Horse
Discord in Hell (Not Literally) by alarajrogers
Monsters by JawJoe (Requested by JawJoe)
I Missed You by LightningBass94 (Re-Read)
Carry On by Viking ZX (Side Story to The Dusk Guard: Rise)
Liked these reviews? Check out some others:
Paul's Belated Thursday Reviews I
Paul's Thursday Reviews V
Paul's Thursday Reviews VI
Paul's Thursday Reviews VII
Paul's Thursday Reviews VIII
Paul's Thursday Reviews IX
Paul's Thursday Reviews X
Paul's Thursday Reviews XI
Paul's Thursday Reviews XII
Paul's Thursday Reviews XIII
Want me to review your story? Send me a request! Check my profile page for rules.
Your sources are at least partially mistaken. It's not that I have any problem with people taking creative liberties. I just happen to find that particular piece of headcanon so inherently stupid that it crushes my immersion wherever it appears. Since it's so nonsensical, though, I saw it as an opportunity to push it to an extreme and get a few laughs.
Wonderful crop to harvest this time and looking forward to the next crop, in particular, Monsters. I don't like creepy/dark fics, Monsters is one, and I loved it. Go fig. See ya.
Oh, I've been reviewed? Cool, let me --
O-kay... Wow. That sank my good mood right quick. I'll go put away my Keystone Cops uniform. Be right back.
Because Luna is Nightmare Moon. She'd know what to say, what to show her. Any weakness Nightmare Moon would have, Luna would have too. If it was anyone else, they'd fall flat on their face.
She was nuts in the show, too, for trying Eternal Night.
Luna knows what to say. She'd be the best one to know! And it wasn't exactly logic, it was more, "Here's the truth, you moron." Bludgeoned over Nightmare Moon's head with all the force of a sledgehammer.
I... disagree with the 'desperation' bit. Windigos were inbound. Equestria was falling apart and dying. As for the Elements, that's what they did in the show. Look at Nightmare Moon, and Discord and the hellhole Equestria had become. Both fixed after tasting the rainbow.
No, everything is not 'fine and dandy.' The land's wounded. Twilight is a foal who knows how badly she screwed up. And again, that's what the Elements did in the show.
Well... thank you. :) I put a lot of work into the dream. And yeah, I felt the fates of Fluttershy and Pinkie were best left not spoken of. Heck, not even I know what happened to them. :p
Admittedly... I have no regular editor, or proofreader. Or even an 'irregular' one. All I've got are any comments. As for practice? Eh... I've been writing fic since 1995. No joke.
Okay... I am legit grateful for the review and the rating of 'worth it', although it doesn't really seem to have earned that rating. And I recognize I can always improve. The grammar stuff I'll cop to all day long. But I don't think I 'bumbled' it quite that badly.
Again, legit thanks for the review. I'll try to improve.
Okay, I'm sorry, but I have to ask. When it comes to the Elements... what were you expecting? That's how they operated in the show. They fixed the problems with friendship beams. I mean were you expecting the filly to get hurt or killed? One of the Mane Six?
3534002
Clearly this is bothering you far more than it should, but I shall elaborate.
My problem isn't in that the Elements did what they're supposed to do, but in that you made it so easy for them to do so. There were so many possibilities you could have chosen, difficulties to challenge the Mane 6 and make it hard for them to activate the Elements in the first place. In fact, I would argue that it has nothing to do with the method and everything to do with the style.
There was no suspense, and that had everything to do with depiction. Sure, the wendigos are inbound, but they only get a brief mention so by that time nobody cares. Spike's appearance was nothing more than comic relief, which immediately kills any suspense that might have accompanied his presence. Luna and Nightmare Moon may be in full retreat, but they certainly aren't acting scared, are they? Celestia's being rescued and her behavior is more like "Oh, hi. Sorry, I'm tired. Get me out of here?" A little too blasé considering the circumstances.
And then, of course, with a raging filly overhead and the fate of Equestria at stake, is there any concern in the Mane 6? Nope, just "Alright, let's get this over with. Positions, ponies."
Now, before you jump on the "of course they're confident, they know it's going to work" angle, the point is that by making them confident and arranging things so they can afford to be so, you've effectively destroyed all suspense and concern. It reduced what was supposed to be the big, dramatic climax to a few flashing lights and a yawn; "Well, that was easy. What's next?" You have to instill a sense of danger and potential failure or the scene comes out flat.
In summation: I'm not saying that making the Elements the solution is a mistake, I'm saying that making them an easy solution is a mistake. The number one rule of drama is that nothing should be easy.
Just finished reading 'Twilight the Terrible' and I mostly agree with you. Though I feel you may have exaggerated some of the stories faults, though that's likely more due to a difference in opinion than anything else.
Also, you know a lot more about literature than I do... nerd.