AAAAAAAHHHHHHH! Part 2 · 6:15am Nov 4th, 2015
*Another day, and another attempt by the Caribou Empire to impose their rule onto Equestria... While Shepherd and Discord are playing a board game*
Discord: Roll for initiative!
Shepherd: That's not how the rules work-
Discord: They do now.
Shepherd: *sighs* Exactly why do I keep playing with you when you're just going to change the rules in mid-game?
Discord: Because you love me... And Fluttershy made me godfather of your child. I have godfather rights!
Shepherd: Those also don't exist and you can't make them up.
Discord: Ah! Your child isn't even born yet, and you're already becoming No Fun. Next will be Dad Jokes aplenty.
Shepherd: No, someone just needs to be the straight man. You're far less funny without someone to bounce off of... Not that you're very funny now...
Discord: Oh! You wound me! *Clutches his heart, which bursts into confetti made of gummy worms* It's all going dark...!
Caribou Leader: DISCORD! LORD OF CHAOS!
Discord: Eh? Who are you?
Shepherd: *sighs* These guys again?
Caribou Leader: *Looking rather humbled, along with his diminished guard* Ahem... We seek your power so that we may subjugate Equestria and bring the females their rightful place and pleasure as the Horned God intended!
Discord: ... *Looks over at Shepherd* What'd he say?
Shepherd: *Bored* He wants your power to bring a sexist order to Equestria where all mares are sex slaves.
Discord: ... And... Why would I do that? *Tilts his head*
Shepherd: Got me.
Caribou Leader: Silence, Monkey! I am discussing things with the Lord of Chaos! You have no place here!
Discord: ... So anyway, I have my forces attack Gum Gum Crossroads... *rolls his dice* Aha! I get to pull a bonus card!
Shepherd: Damnit... Well, good thing I saved this defense card. I play "Mobile Fortress!"
Discord: *rolls* ... Damnit!
Caribou Leader: *Eyebrow twitch* Did... Did you not hear what I said?!
Discord: I did. I'm not interested.
Caribou Leader: What?! Why? You sought to bring chaos and destruction to the world-!
Discord: Ah, but that was the old me. This is the new me, with some restraint! I mean, Monkey Boy here provides balance! After a while, pure chaos just gets dull. Gotta have new ideas, bounce ideas off solid walls!
Shepherd: If you turn me into a basketball again I will hurt you.
Discord: See? And death threats! That can actually be carried out! I never expected a mere mortal to pull that off! His pony friends with supreme magic power, sure, but the monkey consort? That was unexpected! That wasn't boring... *Grins* And now he's got a bundle of joy on the way that will carry that unique bit of monkey chaos and I'm her godfather! Why would I give that up?
Caribou Leader: We would give you as many sex slaves as would satisfy your appetite... And the Monkey would be your eunuch!
Discord: ... *Glances back at Shepherd* Eunuch?
Shepherd: *dryly* He wants to chop off my genitals because he's threatened by them. I dunno, I try not to get into his head too much. It's creepy.
Discord: ... HA! *shakes his head*
Caribou Leader: You... You laugh at us, Lord of Chaos?!
Discord: I do... You see, in the old days, when I encountered someone as boring as you... *Grin* I'd have made their lives super, super interesting. Using my powers to impose order on the beings I like? Boring! *nods* But thanks to my newfound restraint, I decided to just ignore you!
Shepherd: Truly, he has grown.
Discord: But now I can't really ignore you... I mean, the threats of enslaving and raping my friends were bad enough... But then you had to go one step further. *Reality twists like a blender, as the Caribou are shrunk to the size of ants as Discord towers over them with a gleeful smile*
Discord: ONLY I GET TO CALL SHEPHERD "MONKEY". THAT'S MY NICKNAME! And now... It's PLAYTIME!
Caribou: OH GODS!
*Shepherd watches the chaos. He sips his cider, and looks back at the game. He scowls at one of Discord's pieces trying to move*
Shepherd: I saw that... Get back to your space.
*The piece pouts, but complies*
Now THIS is more like the Discord we all know and "love" then what they had in the fall verse.
I love how nonchalant Shepard is about Discord's antics. I really do.
This Discord is much more in line with what the show would be, if Fall got anywhere NEAR that.
Oh no! Not dad jokes! A fate worse than death!
Discord: *cocks eyebrow* Really? A rigidly controlled dictatorship isn't chaos at all. Now, free will? Oho! This monkey has given me some wonderful insights on that! Democracy! Constantly clashing opinions as actual system of government! Hm. Maybe I should overthrow Celestia and introduce that. You know. Just for a week or so. I'll be laughing for years about it!
Shepherd: ...from inside your stone form.
Discord: Pssh. Spoilsport.
...you have the best version of this world EVER!!!
Please do a full story (even if a one shot) of this!
i approve
Better than the Fall of Equestria 'verse deserves.
Want to fave and upvote this. Why can't I fave and upvote this!?
You should add these as interlude chapters, or make a side story! I want to upvote this so bad!
A lot of beings, authorial and otherwise, seem to have a surprising amount of trouble with the concept of chaos. Chaos doesn't subjugate or dominate. Chaos unshackles. Chaos enables. Chaos is raw potential made manifest. It's the disharmony that makes things unpleasant.
This blogpost was also fun.
3519838
Khorne, Tzeentch, and Nurgle approve this message. Slaanesh might, too, but I didn't check because nobody cares what she thinks.
He's Discord. If anyone can, HE can.
Just chaos actually.
And besides, your shtick is forced ORDER, dystopian order, but still order, Discord is CHAOS, even if he DID say yes, there's every guarantee that you might stab him in the back the moment he's done helping you and even if you don't, he might get bored and turn the tables on you just for kicks.
And now allow me to explain just how badly you dun goofed. You pissed off an immortal nigh omnipotent reality warper with a twisted sense of humor who is mainly made of carnivores so he could probably do severe damage to you with just his dragon tail, lion paw and griffin talon, oh, and he also doesn't take well to threats against his friends. So yeah, you have no sympathy for me.
Chaotic Neutral > Lawful Evil! It may not be Celestia solarbeaming those venison-flavored bastards into ash, but just as good nonetheless!
3519696 I concur, I had an idea for something like this, but it'd just be "...and Celestia and Luna used their magic to wipe out the Caribou and everyone else lived happily as usual. The end." Not quite long enough or interesting for a proper story.
Nice one shot thing
Seems the best policy really.
[rant]
The problem with Fall is that is SO FUCKING BORING. They have a boring invincible villain who wins simply because the author said so, which is even worse than Superman winning just because he is fucking Superman. Sure it's hinted that Discord was partly responsible for that, but that it doesn't fit the Chaos God in the slightest. Why would he help someone else conquer? (For those going "But he helped Tirek!" remember that Discord was promised to get Equestria to play with. Tirek claimed only to want the magic.) Discord acting from the shadows? He is Discord, he ALWAYS steals the show, or at least tries to. Hell most of the time when he isn't center stage he is bemoaning the fact and plotting to steal the show. He is practically "It's all about me" given form.
The heroes/heroines are just as bad, if not worse. The few of them that aren't somehow twisted into mindless fucktoys, because the plot says they secretly want to be, have their intelligence reduced to such levels my 7 year old daughter could outsmart them. Twilight is the most powerful unicorn in Equestria, and she can't even direct a single bolt of magic to attack? We already know Canon Twilight, even before becoming an alicorn, could fight pretty damn well, and did a good impression of a magical chaingun when wielded by Pinkie Pie. Sunbutt, with the raw power to move the very sun itself, can't just TK the Caribou King off the floor? Or better yet, crush him with said TK. Let's give them the benefit of the doubt and say that he was 100% immune to magic. That still leaves EVERYTHING around him to be used as a weapon. Just because you can't magically affect him directly doesn't mean you can't freeze the very air around him, make a vacuum around his head, or abuse your vast pool of magic to teleport around and around to just beat the ever loving hell out of him. And to top it off, Sunbutt fights him 1v1, rather than tag-teaming him with her battle hardened sister who canon (comic anyway) confirms is an even better fighter than Celestia herself.
Moving away from the sheer level of stupid from the cast, there is the fact that the few works I've read that are considered "canon" to FoE do a VERY poor job of making me feel anything for the plight of the heroines. I cant feel the horror that they should be feeling, I can't even remotely feel sorry for them as things get worse and worse.
Now for those that don't know me, which is probably most of you, I'm THE VILLAIN. I've got a card and everything. From the "You played right into my hands" Chessmaster & the "Because it amused me" psycho to the "I did what I had to do" Templar & the "Everything is meaningless" Nihilist, I've read, played, and GMed them all. I actually love reading "The Badguy wins" stories. Anything from the hero's fall into darkness to the ones where the villain carefully maneuvers everything while the heroines are dancing to his tune. But as I said before FoE's main villains win simply because the author says so. There is no grand plot to watch the villain unveil. There isn't a genius outwitting of everyone else. I cant enjoy reveling in the evil while everything clicks into place for the villain, because the only reason they win is that the badguys all have superspecialawesomenss and their foes are as bright and powerful as preschoolers. I'm expecting Thanos conquering the universe instead all I get is Thor's evil twin stealing candy from a baby.
Last, but certainly not least, is that while I do enjoy reading a certain style of erotica, (Have you seen my card?) what I've & viewed from FoE leaves MUCH to be desired. From poor artistic quality to "he banged her harder" writting, I've yet to find a single bit that actually managed to arouse anything other than my contempt.
The final part of my rant, is what makes the FoE setting so terribly disappointing. Conceptually, its amazing, and right along my interests. The land of Sunshine and Rainbows falls to the corruption. Friendship and tolerance is replaced with chains, whips, and an over-willingness to use them. Smart and powerful characters are brought low, some forced viciously to bend to the darker rule, and some seduced by its allure. Honestly the concept alone would be great sell for me... Only the execution of it is... just so terribly dull. I would love to see things like this concept, whether they have sexual content or not. (Though admittedly I would prefer them to have it, but that's simply because of the obvious.) I really feel that FoE does NOT need "fix fics" that defeat the Caribou or the like. It needs someone to take the concept and do it right. Have a real villain that wins not because the plot demands it, but because they are just that damn good at being bad. Also to get someone like TittySparkles to show them how to make actually arousing erotica.
[/rant]
Now, onto the actual work of the blog. Loved it. It's a valid take on how that would have gone had Canon Discord actually been asked to help the dumbasses. Also I REALLY need to reread Hands, because I've forgotten where the hell the actual plot is at.