Children of the Corn (1984) · 11:21pm Oct 25th, 2015
Richard M. Nixon was the the 37th president of the United States. Before that he was Vice President under Dwight D. Eisenhower, a member of the house of representatives, a naval officer, lawyer and periodically during his life an author. He appeared on a few television shows including The Mickey Mouse Club, Laugh-In and various late night television comedy shows like Jack Paar or The Merv Griffin Show. When asked on (if I recall in 1968) one of said shows if he planned to announce that he was running for president he responded that if he did he'd announce it on the Joey Bishop show because they needed a ratings boost.
Now you may ask why would I even bother to mention Richard Nixon and comedy in an opening paragraph. Well, I've come to the conclusion after exhaustive research and going over my papers, various genealogical charts, and secret tapes that I found hidden at the Nixon Library, that the 37th president of the United States is actually related to Pinkamena Diane Pie. It all makes sense.
First off, Richard Nixon was a Quaker and came from a large farming family in California. Pinkie Pie comes from a rock farming family who dress an awful lot like Quakers (they could be called earthquakers) has an extensive family and whose genealogy has spread far and wide according to various sources. Richard Nixon once gave a speech in which he spoke about a little dog that his daughter had named Checkers. Pinkie Pie once threw a birthday party for her pet alligator Gummy. Nixon had secret tapes and files on everyone he knew or might know as does Pinkie Pie. Nixon managed to hide an entire bombing effort in southeast Asia during the Vietnam war, Pinkie Pie can hide anything anywhere anytime. Both Nixon and Pinkie Pie have led their respective parties to prominence. One is the Element of Laughter the other was on Laugh In. There's more but I think it's becoming clear that Nixon is some sort of cousin or uncle to Pinkie Pie. When you think about it it's something that kind of just jumps out at you.
In a way it's sort of like Joseph in Children of the Corn. Here you are driving down the road with 80s Linda Hamilton sitting next to you, waving a map in your face when, BAM, you flatten some little yard monster whose got his throat cut. Things turn from bad to worse when you realize you're in farming country and the only thing around you is corn and psycho children who are led by a thirty something year old short guy and Ron Weasley's deranged uncle.
I don't know, whenever I hit something I just keep going. In fact if they had hit it, quit it and decided not to baby sit it, things would have been over in six minutes. But they aren't me and these two hang around town and have a little horror adventure. I guess this crazy world takes all types.
Stats:
11 dead bodies, 1 dead dog, gratuitous "scary" corn, throat slitting, poison coffee, corn conflagration, stabbing, crucifixion, wind fu, corn fu.
Shout Outs:
Linda Hamilton as Vicky a gal who likes to sing in her robe and whose boyfriend doesn't want nookie in the morning (Should have stuck with Kyle Reese)
Peter Horton as Burt a doctor who can fix his own stab wound and then carry a 40-60 pound little girl 19 miles.
John Franklin as Isaac the leader of the psycho corn kids who says things like, "A time of tribulation has come."
Courtney Gaines as Malachi the tall red headed kid who shouts, "Out lander," many times.
I'm a fan of this one. It was scary when I was younger, now it has ultra camp value.
OMG, Linda Hamilton for the win!
Yet another movie I have yet to see, but whose summary is engaging. One of these days I need to call in sick and spend some time catching up with these on Netflix...
3496737 Yeah, I thought it was scary when I was a kid too. Now I think it's fairly silly at times. At approximately the one hour mark there is a picture of Mary and she has the, "I'm firin' my lazor," face going on. I laughed quite a bit. I guess it existed before it got all meme-tastic.
3496973 Linda Hamilton was one of those actresses that I really wish had had more theatrical movies back in the day and less television movies. Nothing wrong with getting work where you can but, it's a lot easier to find the theatrical stuff than it is the made for tv stuff.