ARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH! · 7:24am Oct 19th, 2015
Damnit... I think I know what's wrong with Hands. The entire Rover plot just... ARGH! I feel like I've just been extending the story past it's natural end point. I just keep pushing it and pushing it due to fan demand! Now I know how Sir Arthur Conan Doyle felt... I mean, aside from being rich and famous.
So with that in mind, I'm thinking of just excising the whole thing... Unfortunately all that comes to mind are short parodies of other, shitty MLP fics:
For example...
- - - - -
*The mighty Caribou Army appears in Ponyville*
Caribou Leader: Mares of Equestria! No longer will you rule over your male betters! You will all be rendered sex slaves and broodmares by the mighty Caribou Empire and-
Shepherd: Oi! Buddy! Move! *driving a truck* I have to get out to the Sweet Apple Acres Farm with this delivery or I'll-! *Caribou Magic flips the truck over. Shepherd manages to crawl out before the Caribou crush it* ... Okay, what the fuck?!
Caribou Leader: You! Ape! You will have no rights in the coming era! You will be castrated and your hands removed!
Shepherd: ... Uh... Huh. And I presume my arms, too?
Caribou Leader: Yes!
Shepherd: Well then... *Pulls his rifle and opens fire* COME AND TAKE THEM!
*Not expecting guns, several of the Caribou fall to rifle fire... Until the leader uses his magic to crush the weapon and toss Shepherd into a tree. He then pushes his head into the river, and pulls him back*
Shepherd: *gasping for breath*
Caribou Leader: Have you learned some respect, monkey?
Shepherd: *cough* Oh... No! Maybe it's back down there, could you check for me-URBLE GURK!
Caribou Leader: *hisses* You are spirited, for a broken male.
Shepherd: *coughs* Broken...?
Caribou Leader: Yes! You let your females run all over you! They would welcome our domination, the natural order of things!
Shepherd: ... Did you base your society off of John Norman's Gor novels? Well I guess not, seeing how with the armor and all, you're obviously too embarrassed to show off your pecs-MURPH GURGLE!
Twilight: What the-LET HIM GO!
Caribou Leader: *Snorts* A princess! You will kneel before us... KNEE-*Is tossed through several trees, as Twilight quickly examines Shepherd*
Twilight: Are you all right, Shepherd?
Shepherd: *coughs* Yes... Think so... Quoting the Big Lebowski while someone is trying to drown me... Probably not a good idea...
Twilight: Who are these guys?
Shepherd: Caribou, apparently. They think I need to be turned into a eunuch cause they're threatened of both women who aren't slaves, and men who aren't assholes...
Caribou Leader: HA! Hide behind your weak female, fool! She will betray you for our embraces!
Shepherd: Wait, if I'm hiding behind her doesn't that mean she's stronger than me?
Caribou Leader: YES! You pitiful male-!
Shepherd: But being male, I'm supposed to be inherently stronger than her in your books, right?
Caribou Leader: ... Not if you do not realize it-
Twilight: Except he's choosing to accept that I am stronger than him, not out of an inferiority complex but because that's how we are as individuals! And it doesn't affect our relationship because we love and respect each other!
Caribou Leader: YOU LET THIS FEMALE TALK FOR YOU?! HAVE YOU NO HONOR AND COURAGE TO SILENCE HER?!
Shepherd: *dryly* Ah. Spoken like someone who has never talked to a woman in his life.
Twilight: *nods sagely* It's rather sad.
Shepherd: Why do I keep expecting the misogynistic deer men to make sense...?
Twilight: Because you're hopelessly optimistic, love.
Shepherd: Oh yes, that's right.
Caribou Leader: ENOUGH! You will fall to our mighty PHALLIC SYMBOLS and serve us as PROPER females do!
Shepherd: ... Uh huh... *Looks to Twilight* You want to handle this, or shall I?
Twilight: I did save the world the last time.
Shepherd: We saved the world.
Twilight: *pats him on the back* It's not a competition!
Shepherd: Then stop keeping score! All right... Ahem... *Screams loudly and bloodcurdlingly* OH GOD! PLEASE, HORRIBLE CARIBOU MEN! DON'T CHOP OFF MY HANDS AND MANHOOD!
Caribou Leader: NO! I THINK WE WILL! AND WE WILL ENJOY IT!
Shepherd: And three... Two... One...
Caribou Leader: Wha-*FLUTTERRAGE IMPACT!*
Fluttershy: HOW DARE YOU TRY TO HARM MY COLTFRIEND AND TAKE HIS HANDS AWAY! TAKE THAT! AND THIS! AND THAT!
*And an animal army shows up to make the rest of the "Unstoppable Caribou Men" flee squealing in terror*
Shepherd: ... Huh! I think I learned something important today... But for the life of me, I can't figure out how to put it down...
Twilight: Why not start with "Dear Princess Celestia" and go from there?
Shepherd: ... Dear Princess Celestia... My marefriends kick ass.
Twilight: *blush* You sent that same letter five times already!
Shepherd: It's still true!
Problem with Hands? TBH, been so long I can't remember what's going on. But from what I do remember, it was fine.
I wish I could favorite this. I really do.
ohgods. Fall of Equestria. That stuff is such utter crap
Why don't you go back to Progress?
TBH you have the skills to do what you want. I can see you doing a Disc World crossover. Disc World's most unlikely wizard meets Twilight Sparkle and Trixie Lulamoon.
*reads story*
I'd be perfectly willing to keep reading this story in blog format. This was greatly amusing.
Sorry to hear that this story has outlived your desire to write it, though. I'll probably read whatever you feel inspired to write next. If you lack ideas but just want to write something, then there is no shortage of ideas floating around this site. Whether it's one of the plethora of people posting "I can't/won't write, but here's this idea," or one of a myriad of writing prompts, you could just browse those until you find something that strikes your fancy or makes you think.
Here's hoping you find something rewarding to write about soon.
Aww, man. I was really excited to see where you went with the meteorite thing, but I guess if you can't continue...GAH! I really was still enjoying it! I thought you had a place you were going with it too.
I did really enjoy this little mini-chapter though, so maybe if you really would rather stick to that, I'll probably still like it.
I don't feel like excising what you have is the right way to go. That said, if you feel like the story should have ended a while ago, I can fully understand that. I mean, all things do have to come to an end, and it's better that they do rather than shamble on without purpose. It'll certainly be sad to see it go, but if you truly feel it's best to end it then that's your prerogative.
You know... as long as you don't pull what you tried to pull before and end it on a huge downer note by cutting to a deathbed scene. :\
That said, if you want my opinion on what would be best for the story, my suggestion would be as follows. Don't mark the story complete or cancelled, but mark it as on hiatus. Distance yourself from it and move on to other stories. Then, people will be less likely to ask after or expect something new. This way, if you ever are hit with a bolt of inspiration for something that would be great for the story, you're free to come back to it and happily surprise everybody. It's a serialized story as opposed to a structured, single narrative, so you can get away with this pretty easily.
Or, just continue with blog post snippets. That would also work. This was actually pretty good. Gave me a chuckle. :)
Better to end it while they're asking for more. Put a bow on it, and call it compleat.
Then if you still want to write it that world, fast forward 10 years, and let's see what troubles his kids are getting into.
lol! Now that's how the Caribou invasion should have gone in that embarrassing PSA fic. All caribou are misogynists with tiny pecs and likely equally tiny pricks. xD
Far as Hands go, you can always make that part like a silly side story. Something you can have as a What If or something funsies you can play with if you ever felt like adding extra stories to it. Though, yeah. Stories deserve good endings, no need to force it to continue when you have so many other stories you could be writing that people can get hooked on and beg for those to be continued past their end point.
This is great. Off topic, I wouldn't mind if you couldn't think of full stories for Hands and just occasionally posted snippets like this if the inspiration struck you in Blog form. I think I speak for most others as well.
If there's one thing I've learned as a Star Wars fan, don't give your own story sequelitis. If it needs to end, end it. No sense sacrificing quality for quantity. Perhaps you could open it up like Chengar Qordath did for the Winningverse and let others take the reins from time to time.
Perhaps you're stuck in the past because your spider still has a sombrero on it's head? Maybe gnawing at a pumpkin will bring you out of the funk? Maybe include your caribou thing as a non-canon Nightmare Night story interlude like people seem to love doing here. Maybe a shameless plug on how you should read my story now that it's infiltrated your PSHAW fic from Spacebattles?
...Too shameless? Screw that, nobody critiques my stuff anyway.
You could put a few (or a lot) of short story's in none big Nightmare Night chapter and then think of a short ending to Hands if you think its over. You can always do bonus chapters even if you label Hands completed.
I'm sorry that you know what Gor is...
Curiously enough, I believe I see, for the first time, an ending in sight: after tons of ups and downs, you have finally brought the story to a plausible conclusion.