HazMat Contest Reviews #7: Distorted Vision · 1:05pm Oct 3rd, 2015
And now to the last review for this contest. Distorted Vision was the story that won first place in the anachronistic stories contest, because we felt it did the best job of telling a story whilst it was out of chronological order. As with The Forgotten Who Still Remembers, it uses the way it's told to make the story more interesting and gripping. Each chapter makes the reader ask enough questions for them to keep reading, and want to find the answers. And unlike the Forgotten, this one actually tells a story, not merely snippets of a character's life.
I don't really like comparing stories, since I feel they should be judged on their own, but given that this was for a contest, it's hard not to. Distorted Vision made good use of the out-of-order style to tell a story, and didn't slip up along the way. It didn't have many technical or grammatical failings I could pick up, and it had characters who I was interested in rooting for, even if they weren't around for very long. In fact, I'd say that the most boring character is actually the changeling, but I'll get to why that is in a minute.
Berry Punch is loads of fun, mostly because I too enjoy drinking far more than I should. She's funny and likeable, and the guards are pretty colourful too. Of course, most of these side characters are rather one-note, but given that they're side characters, this isn't a problem. Their level of complexity is proportional to the role they play.
I guess if I had a problem with the story, it'd be the changeling. By comparison, he's a bit dull, and the story he's in isn't the most novel. Changelings being misunderstood, or a changeling just trying to get by doesn't strike me as the most fascinating of concepts, and the story doesn't put much of a new spin on it outside of how it tells the story. Worse still, the events that actually resolve the conflict don't have much to do with the main character at all: he was unconscious during that time. I'd have liked for him to get involved a lot more than just be an observer. It makes him feel even weaker.
However, I did feel that the story made best use of how it was told, and had some interesting and fun characters to boot. If the author uses this type of storytelling for a different, more interesting story, I can't imagine it being anything less than really, really, fun. When it comes to being a good all-rounder for this contest, I feel Distorted Vision deserves first place.
Thank you so much! Seriously. I did not think I would be winning anything, given how new I am to writing.
I understand your point of the changeling being a bit of a weak character, and I would like to expand on his character somewhat. That being said, see sentence two. I'm still figuring out the ropes of character development, and this was an example. I hope to improve my storytelling as I continue, and I have a lot of work to do.
Anochronism was an extremely fun concept to work off of. It allowed for a lot of ideas for where the story was going and how to get there to be worked on in parallel. Instead of being limited to only writing what comes next, you could decide what you want to write next then put it in whatever order you see fit. All in all, this was a fun contest, and I did not expect to be winning it. Not that I'm complaining, of course.
In the post, you said:
And I really don't like asking for things I can make myself, so I'm just going to leave the offer alone, and you can continue writing whatever the hell you want. The story is usually better that way.
I have 6 pages of math homework I haven't started yet. Maybe I should be working on that instead of writing fanfics...
Nah.
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3452865 Yeah, I have the same opinion towards fanfic requests, weirdly enough. I felt the offer was worth making, especially as an incentive.
I have so much coursework to do it's not even funny. Good luck with maths.