Oh The Choices has been REJECTED by Equestria Daily · 2:02am Sep 20th, 2015
To be honest, this was more likely than them posting it.
Thank you for submitting your story to Equestria Daily, but, unfortunately, I cannot recommend posting it. Due to the high volume of stories we receive on a daily basis, we cannot give specific feedback on why. Our Editor’s Omnibus contains a thorough list of the issues we look for in our reviews, and also contains resources for finding proofreaders and editors. Give it a look and ask the linked reviewing groups for help, as they will go a long way toward improving your writing! This is not a strike.
First, you could use the services of a good editor. It wasn't too bad, but there were just little mistakes all over the place. I did find it a very interesting premise, but the story loses steam when Discord goes on and on through his explanation, which was pretty obvious. And the dialogue given to Luna and Celestia to prompt him through it feels unnatural and wooden. Then the really clever part, Twilight's answer, is given such short shrift. I think it'd tighten things up a lot if Discord did less rambling and more led his audience to draw the conclusion themselves.
And being someone who believes in logic, I'm surprised Twilight so quickly dropped her certainty that Discord was involved. He's certainly capable, and Twilight's seen trusted ones be impersonated before.
Sincerely,
Pre-reader 63.546
This would be fine, had there not been several issues with this whole thing.
1) One of the recently posted stories on EQD was absolutely horrendous. Dealing with Featherweight as a student of Celestia, the story was highly confusing, and I would not recommend reading it. The fact that that somehow managed to get through EQD is appalling.
2) This letter is hypocritical. You can't give me specific reasons why the story has been rejected; yet you give specific reasons as to why the story was rejected.
3) The reasons are stupid.
but the story loses steam when Discord goes on and on through his explanation, which was pretty obvious.
And being someone who believes in logic, I'm surprised Twilight so quickly dropped her certainty that Discord was involved. He's certainly capable, and Twilight's seen trusted ones be impersonated before.
That's the whole point of the story, though. The obvious has been overlooked due to Twilight's overthinking attitude. Logic becomes obsolete when in the face of an easier to understand premise—i.e., despite all reason saying this is a trap, it is easier to believe that there is a real danger than not. Consider also that Twilight was listening to an authority figure, one who she has deemed as wise and knowing. This adds an added effect of "Celestia" speaking the "truth." Consider again that Celestia, the authority figure, told Twilight that Discord and Luna had vanished.
The whole lesson was about the ramifications of unspoken authority, and how when approached by those in power, our minds tend to envision the worst case scenarios.
The reason why I spelled out Discord's reasoning was to demonstrate, once again, obviousness. If you overthink, you are likely to miss the obvious answer; but thinking that something is obvious from the start can set you up to miss other problems.
And the dialogue given to Luna and Celestia to prompt him through it feels unnatural and wooden.
I left up to interpretation what Discord did to get Celestia and Luna with him, as I felt that adding in an extra scene would be unnecessary. I suppose I could somewhat see why it may sound awkward, but come on; it was obvious.
Evidently, EQD missed the entirety of the lesson that I had taught. I can only imagine their confused looks if I submit Unpredictable Beauty...
IGNORANT BASTARDS
Dear Equestria Daily:
.