ficlet. · 10:13pm Sep 19th, 2015
He still had nightmares about Tirek.
He had managed to continue to block these dreams out from Luna. She likely had decided that the part of his mind she couldn't see was full of plans to overthrow the Equestrian crown.
Let her. It was preferable to her seeing the truth- that he had allowed himself, however briefly, to think someone could care about him and...maybe even love him for who he was. What a ridiculous notion.
He had let his guard down and that was indeed the one thing he had promised he would not do to himself. Now the walls were back up and he wasn't going to let anyone get too close.
But that didn't stop the dreams.
Dreams where he still allowed himself to be Tirek's friend and lover. Dreams where he was humiliated over and over because he was back in the centaur's arms. He hated the dreams. He couldn't control them because they lived in the fear-based part of his brain and his usual skills as a lucid dreamer were lost. Instead he could only watch himself in horror as he allowed Tirek to touch him and use him again. Then, inevitably the dreams always ended the same way--he was tossed aside and filled with feelings of rejection and embarrassment. Then he would wake up, feeling sick and foolish.
That night he had the dream again, but when he woke up he realized his paw was draped around something warm and soft.
Of course, Fluttershy.
He sighed to himself as he remembered where they were.
His friend had suggested the tree house in the rainforest as a sort of retreat in the evenings while they slept. The soft drone of canopy insects and soft glow of fireflies was calming to the draconequus in a way that being surrounded by ordinary cottage walls wasn't. The tree house sat 350 feet off the ground, in the humongous canopy branches of a Silk Cotton tree.
Fluttershy was still sound asleep.
Discord rolled over onto his back and stared at the thatch ceiling. Not for the first time, the thought that he didn't deserve Fluttershy's kindness crept into his mind. That had been what he believed before he got involved with Tirek, but now he was sure of it.
Then why did he stay?
He knew why. But he couldn't tell anyone, for the same reasons he wouldn't let Luna into a particular part of his dreams. She could never know how he felt about her, and even if she did he was terrified of letting someone into his heart again, but as long as she was his friend, as long as he could be close to her, maybe for now that was enough.
He bit his lip as he realized the paradoxical situation: he was scared of being alone but sometimes being alone was safer, wasn't it? He looked at the sleeping Pegasus.
I don't know. I don't know.
He carefully wrapped his paw around her again fell asleep to the sounds of the rainforest.
Nice! So is this a kind of mini-sequel to 'Still Remains', or is the idea that Tirek and Discord had a thing and all that just a general headcanon that you have?
Ohhhh it hurts so good...I love it, just as I love everything else of yours.
Oh Discord, Discord, Discord....Shhhh...
Also love the nudge from the latest comic. :)
Nope. Too much feels.
3404581
It's a general headcanon of mine. Of course I don't believe it actually happened in the show, but it makes sense in my interpretation of Discord as an extremely needy and lonely being who is self-destructive.
Plus I wrote it as a catharsis.
3407032 it's an awesome headcanon and it fits in so well. As do all of your Discord headcanons, to be honest. I don't know how you do it!
3407200
It wasn't entirely my idea. It came from a comment alarajrogers made: "Tirek felt Discord up in a dark alley." I just filled in the blanks.
3407216 oh yeah I remember you said that in the A/N of Still Remains XD
This is lovely. Just give in to the snuggling!