• Member Since 19th Jun, 2012
  • offline last seen January 3rd

xjuggernaughtx


Only mostly dead.

More Blog Posts688

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Sep
17th
2015

xjuggernaughtx's Top Down Review #10 - Sun Princess · 4:18pm Sep 17th, 2015

Spoiler Free Summary


Sun Princess is one of the only genuinely moving stories I’ve read on this site. I have one or two little issues with it, but I think it’s truly beautiful.





Plot and Characterization


It’s a little difficult to judge the accuracy of Winona here. The show doesn’t give us much to go on, so we just have to assume she’s a normal dog. Your relationship to that is dependent on how close you are or have been with dogs in your life. I’ve spent a good portion of my time on this earth with dogs, and they are important to me.


We follow Winona as her views on her world are explained. The story is simple: She’s a dog. She’s got a master who she dearly loves and reveres in Applejack. She happy with her life until she starts feeling off. She’s soldiering on for the sake of Applejack, but it’s getting increasingly difficult for some reason that she doesn’t understand.


What I love here is the details regarding Winona’s worldview. They are so relentlessly, perfectly doggy that they warm my heart. For example:

Faithful Student had many responsibilities as the Sun Princess's, ah, faithful student. When the Sun Princess was feeling happy, it was Faithful Student's content duty to participate in the stick-throwing game that the Sun Princess seemed to favor. When Sun Princess was feeling down, it was Faithful Student's solemn charge to lie by her side, nuzzling in under her elbow and placing her chin against the Princess's side until she felt better. And best of all, when the Sun Princess was feeling industrious, which was almost every day, it was Faithful Student's joy and pleasure to help the Sun Princess move the Stupid Wooly Things from place to place, because the Stupid Wooly Things were extremely stupid and would wander all over if you didn't threaten them a little and put the fear of the Princess into 'em from time to time.

(For those that haven’t read this, Winona sees herself as Applejack’s Faithful Student, with Applejack being the Sun Princess, of course.)


This paragraph treads the line between informative and character-focused so beautifully that I actually re-read it several times just for the sheer joy of it. The only mar is that “’em.” I don’t believe there is such an accented contraction anywhere else, so it feels odd.


What I really appreciate is the way Winona is brought to life. It’s no great leap to write that a dog things of its owner as some kind of super-being. That opinion is common, but I love the way that Skywriter goes about it here. He doesn’t go overboard with it, but offers up some supporting evidence from time to time. It reminds me of being in the South. My family is quite religious, but they don’t generally go on and on about it. They sprinkle their conversations with direct statements from time to time as though it’s completely natural and unthinkable that their worldview might not be correct.


Winona’s characterization reminds me of that in this story. An argument isn’t being made that Applejack is some kind of god. It’s fact. Winona’s life revolves around it. Take this passage, for instance:

Students grow old and gray, while Princesses remain young and strong for—as best as Faithful Student could tell—forever.

It’s just a fact of life that Winona deals with.



Technical Things


Winona’s story here is told via third person narration, which feels slightly odd to me, but works well enough. The language isn’t quite as evocative of dog-thought as I might like, though. Of course, it’s not first person narrative. It’s third, but it feels so personal that sometimes the phrasing pulls me out a little bit.

One mustn't actually bite them, of course

‘One mustn’t’ feel pretty formal to me when describing the inner mind of a farm dog. “She found out that you can’t bite ’em, though. Found it out quick.” sounds more like I’d expect, but it might just be personal preference rather than something that would make the story better for the general audience. It just makes me wonder why Rarity is narrating, you know?


I do think for some people that the opening few paragraphs might feel a little gimmicky. The whole Sun Princess/Faithful Student thing treads the line for me. I sort of begrudgingly accept it, and it feels more and more natural as the story progresses, but in the opening few paragraphs, I have a hard time swallowing that Winona thinks in these terms. Or at least that she’d phrase it that way.


Another tiny issue that I have with this story is that I feel like it rushes a little bit in the beginning. It’s nothing major, but I feel like we move through things just a touch too quickly before we get to the conclusion. The entire first and second acts, if you want to call them that, are nine hundred and seventy-two words. The third act is six hundred and seventy-one. So we are in the third nearly as long as the first two combined.


Having said that, the third is where the magic happens, and it’s perfect. This remains the only story ever on Fimfiction that has made me tear up, and it’s done it all three times that I’ve read it. Having a dog now only makes it harder to deal with. I think it’s handled so well from the perspective of a dog. Only near the end of the story does it dawn on Winona to think of someone other than Applejack, and having seen dogs nearly kill themselves trying to get across a chasm to their owners, I can totally relate.


Are You Then Intended Audience?


I think everyone should read this story. It’s short, simple, and beautifully evocative of life with a dog. I’ve found it to be the most emotionally connective story on this site, and that’s what art is for: transferring emotion. Even with my tiny quibbles, this story is among the greatest this site has to offer, in my opinion. Your mileage may vary if you aren’t a dog person, but I am. This story hits me very hard.


I give it:


Five Kimi Sparkles

Comments ( 17 )

I remember when the story came out. It also made me cry. I don't cry much reading stories on the site, although part of the reason might be that I generally avoid sad stories. Glad to see this one get Kimi Sparkle's seal of approval.

3398958 Damn! All those Kimi's were on the same line in the preview! What gives, Fimfiction.net?!

But yeah, this story is what sealed it for me with Skywriter. I'd loved Shipping Sickness, but I followed him after I'd read this one. It rips my heart out.

I swear, I'm like the only person who didn't totally adore this story. Well, me and Sind.

Don't get me wrong, it's not bad. I just never really understood the pathos here. Winona has no reason to be sad—she gets a great life, and then it wraps up like all lives do, but the ending doesn't negate how good was everything that came before.

...I'm really starting to wonder if somebody switched me with Titanium Dragon.

3399011 I'm not sure what you mean. Winona is never really sad in this story. She's got a moment of existential exploration, but it's more along the lines of "Wait, did I do anything meaningful?", then she answers "Yeah, I did." I guess that might read as sad for a moment, but it's more due to Winona feeling that she might have let down Applejack than for herself. I think the whole story sets up that Applejack is the center of her world, so feeling that she might be failing her in some way by leaving is justified. The idea of possible failure is sad, but she doesn't reside in it for long.

But we all have different tastes. I'm sure plenty of people will read this and shrug, just like I read other people's favorites and see nothing special in them. A lot of how a story resonates really depends on what you bring to it. A story itself only does part of the work.

This story is so good. Absfghtgh. Thank you for reminding me it existed. If you liked it, I suggest giving Five Hundred Little Murders a try. It might not be to your tastes, but you might get something out of it nonetheless. Either way, worth a look, and a similar subject matter.

3399023
Nono, Winona shouldn't be (and isn't) sad. You're exactly right. My point was that almost everyone seems to read this as a sad story, and I don't get that precisely because it's never sad from the perspective of the central character. It's sad because readers find pets dying sad. It's very much what you're saying:

A lot of how a story resonates really depends on what you bring to it. A story itself only does part of the work.

Though I'm not sure how much I agree with the principle behind that statement. I agree that it's true, certainly—I think that's inescapable fact. But I don't think a story should depend heavily on anything outside of the text itself (or arguably the larger media experience, with cover art, tags, etc). I mean, you can never write a story that will be perfect for all audiences. But I do think it's incumbent on the author to write in a way that's most approachable for a wide variety of readers[1]. I don't want to accuse Skywriter of lazy storytelling, because he's one of the least lazy writers I know—but I do think that he's being lazy with the emotional punch of this story, in particular, even though the rest shows plenty of hard work. The punch seems to come almost entirely from the reader wanting the story to have an impact, not from an impact the story independently creates.

Anyway, that's my feeling. I know it's not shared by many readers, though. (And I still love you, Skywiter! I just love your other stories more than this one.)


[1] Assuming that the author wants her/his work to be accessible, which isn't always the case. I think it is the case here, though.

3399063 I like Five Hundred Little Murders but I have issues with it. The first half is not that great to me. Estee goes way overboard in making Flitter unlikeable. The story goes on and on and on, laying reasons to think she's an awful pony way too strongly. She becomes cartoonishly over-the-top.

However, once Fluttershy shows up, things get way, way better. I think the second half of that story is extremely well done. It has emotional honesty that is uncommon in stories on this site. Unfortunately, the first half drags it down somewhat. I ended up only liking it, rather than loving it. I upvoted the story, but it's not one of my favorites.

3399103 I...fully agree. First half is too long and too strong. But unlike you I think the second half really makes up for the first. It's quite powerful to me. Ultimately I ended up liking but not faving it, too. Interesting to note we came to the same conclusion independently. Don't love it, but I'll concede it's a really worthwhile read and still recommend it to people.

3399076 That's why I added in for people that the pets thing really makes a difference to how they are going to view this story. It's something that I considered when I was assigning that rating. The story in and of itself doesn't evoke my emotion. It's how I relate to it. However, I think that's how nearly everyone experiences connecting to a story. I'm sitting here trying to think of a story that I really related to that didn't have some kind of resonance with me just outside the offered text. Most of the things that we love are because we relate to it in some way. At least, that's how it works for me. I mean, you can set up all the cruel bullying or nervous tension before a date that you want, but if the reader has never been bullied or in love, it doesn't mean as much. It can still be powerful with some stellar writing, but I think by and large abstract concepts don't pull as strongly. I think that's especially true for more negative emotions. Someone may yearn to be in love, so the story connects, but very few people yearn to be sad over death. That kind of thing really works best when you've experienced it.

Now, that's not to say that Skywriter couldn't have spend a bunch more time earning that ending. He could have spend several thousand more words making you fall in love with the relationship that Winona and Applejack have. That comes with its own potential problems, but I think it's a valid criticism that the story doesn't do that. I just didn't personally find it necessary, and these ratings reflect how I feel about the story.

3399133
Not intending to argue with your ratings, here. I agree that everybody's entitled to their own feelings about a story. And I agree that any route you'd approach this story (or any story) has its own particular set of problems to deal with.

Really, though, I'm only responding to this comment to do a bit of posturing for the audience. I'd like to give you the last word here (and probably will, if you respond), but I do want to mention that I'm actually a huge dog person, in case anybody's reading this stuff and thinks I'm just a heartless cur. In fact, I've spent the last week and a half dog-sitting for my advisor, whose Bichon I absolutely adore. I think dogs are wonderful. (And I was kind of amused to see you taking a new stance as a dog person after some of your earlier blogs. I was gonna comment on how they grow on you, but then I noticed you actually did say you were a dog person in your second puppy blog—just not a puppy person.)

Anyway, no, I'm not a heartless cur. I just think I have a different attitude toward mortality than most people—it doesn't get me down much. And, obviously, I think I tend to be one of the writing-nerdier people around, so I occasionally Yak Smash when I feel like somebody with a lot of talent takes the easy way out.

Okay, okay, I'm done being obnoxious in your blog.

This time.

3399487 Oh, it's perfectly fine with me if you comment/debate/take me to task on this stuff. I don't think you're a heartless cur. The discussion is all about learning, and I'm always in learning's corner. Hopefully Skywriter will pop in and get something out of it, too.

It's really just a microcosm of how we all evaluate the opinions of others. I've read many a story that didn't register a single snigger from me that other people assured me were completely, gut-bustingly hilarious. I just rarely find anything funny. When that happens, you'll see that story get a low mark from me, but I fully expect that lots of people are going to write in to disagree. This is similar, and I knew it was going to rub some people the wrong way. Well, that might be a little strong, but I know some people would disagree. It's one of the reasons I said the story was somewhat rushed and that readers mileage might vary. It just happens to be about something that is really a soft spot for me. In my eyes, this story goes just as far as it needs to in order to deliver, but I could certainly see why it wouldn't for others.

Actually, now that I think about it, I might cast you as a heartless cur. I'm envisioning you with a hook, and maybe a jagged scar that runs down the side of your face. And now you are red and black, I guess. I'm going to expect this at the next convention, so get on that.

Having a dog now only makes it harder to deal with. I think it’s handled so well from the perspective of a dog.

I suspect this is part of why I don't love this story. I like it, but it didn't (quite) even get a favourite from me, though it was an easy upvote. I'm just not much of a dog person -- I'm very happy that other people get so much happiness from being with dogs, but it's not for me. It'd be interesting to know how much difference this makes in whether people love this story or merely like it.

3399773 I would think that the main factor would be empathy with losing a loved one. Being a dog isn't necessary, but it probably helps. Dogs hold a special place in our hearts for being innocent. At least, if you love dogs, they do. Otherwise, they are slobbery, barking flea bags. Come to think of it, my dog is a slobbery, barking flea bag.

(Not true. She doesn't have flea and she almost never barks, but she has enough slobber to make up for the other two.)

But Bradel is right that this story doesn't go the extra mile to give the reader that emotional hit. You kind of have to bring it with you. I think most people have experience something similar, though. Not everyone, of course. Some people don't really get attached to pets that way. Some people have a more positive view of death, and it doesn't grab them. Other people will just not dig the story in general. I think this does have a wide audience that would relate, though. I don't mind that it requires the audience to help it out. I've always seen stories as a collaborative process between the author and the reader. I'm not a blank slate. I want an author that speaks to me about things that I care about.

Thanks for the review and consequent signal boost! Yay, I earned 5 Kimis!

Accordingly, I hope your day sparkles.

3400227 You're very welcome. This is one of my favorite stories in the fandom, so I was happy to be able to give that rating.

3399825

I would think that the main factor would be empathy with losing a loved one.

Believe me, I have that. Without going into too many details, I went through a very traumatic bereavement of someone who meant the world and more to me. So I don't think that's the reason in my case. Nor do I think I was somehow sitting back and expecting the author to "do all the heavy work", so to speak.

3399773 I second this opinion. I don't have an emotional attachment to animals in general, and Sun Princess did nothing to me – which, considering I am a big softy, is quite surprising.

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