Well, I'm Back · 8:56am Aug 23rd, 2015
So... where to begin?
I always find it's best to start at the beginning.
'Twas towards the end of June that I launched the Nexus, my project so long in development. I was greeted by (for the most part) enthusiastic support from those I sent the invitations to. It's now been just shy of two months and the Nexus has settled into a stable pattern. Good.
It was around that time I suffered a complete breakdown.
In a worthy sequel to my stress induced seizure last year, I simply collapsed at work, a shivering shaking ball. I screamed obscenities at any who approached me and sobbed at what a failure I was. My grades were slipping, I was over-working, my wife and I were fighting once again, and 'Dear Sweetie Belle' was again torn apart (this time by the Royal Canterlot Archives.)
'Twas only by the grace of my boss that I wasn't Baker acted.
Or worse; fired.
Instead, I finally bit the bullet and got a therapist. She's a lovely woman and is doing a splendid job of helping me work through my various layers of buried issues. I was also put on an anti-anxiety medicine that has numerous side effects, not the least of which are rapid weight gain, irritability, and (apparently in my case) an inability to write creatively.
It was also around this time that my beloved laptop became infected with a rather nasty virus and my wife ended a friendship of fifteen years.
I had a nice birthday at least.
My therapist tells me that my medicine also messes with my memory, so I think some apologies are in order.
-Rubycast; my most faithful of friends. Rest assured I'm hard at work on the story you asked for my help on.
-Grand_Moff_Pony: I'm so sorry I kept forgetting your PMs. I'm glad the story is a success and I can't wait to read it.
As I said, the medicine makes it very difficult to write, but I'm keeping at it. My therapist suggested working on various projects to keep my brain functioning. So, here's what's open in Word right now.
-The next chapter of 'Changelings.' (45% complete)
-The next chapter of 'Victory Lap' (99% complete)
-A guest chapter I'm doing for Grand_Moff_Pony's tremendous 'Red Shoe Diaries: Equestria.' (40% complete)
-My contribution to Rubycast's new story (50% complete)
-NEW STORY: 'Letters From War,' my long gestating NLR sequel. (25% done)
-Ideas for Halloween One-Shot (at this point down to 'The Doctor and the Slender One' and 'Untitled Mac Gets Rabies Story.')
So, y'see... trying to keep those juices flowing.
I love you all, and your support keeps me fighting.
-Jade Ring
Well, holy shit Jade. I for one am glad your at least okay and are working things out. I hope and wish only the best for you and your future endeavors. I hope you continue to have better days and that things continue to improve.
Oh my gosh! I hope everything will get better eventually.
Hope everything works out for you.
Hang in there, comrade.
As someone who has been on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds for over ten years, I can say that sometimes the side effects can suck, but they prevent future breakdowns and other undesirable events. Which one are you on, exactly? Never heard of one with this effects (except irritability, that seems to be a more common one for others, too.)
Not sure what the archives had to say about Dear Sweetie Belle, but let me tell you this right now: if you are confident in what you write, others will be, too. Just because a couple of people who happen to have a bigger name had some stuff to say about it doesn't mean that it lacked merit. As the writer, if you think it has merit, it does.
Your followers including myself and the Nexus have your back, broski.
-DWB
Jade:
I'm very sorry to hear things have been rough on you! (makes me feel extra bad for sending all of those PMs at you when you were dealing with real life stuff. My apologies!)
Seriously though, I'm glad you've reached out for some help and are getting back on your feet. Please take care of you first, then worry about the writing and all of us. We'll still be here, so focus on you. :)
Best wishes for a continued recovery, and let me know if I can be of any help. :)
-GMP
Yeesh. Glad you're able to talk about it, at least.
Not to open old wounds, of course, but I figured we were past the point of giving a shit about what the so-called big names of the fandom thought about DSB, and I can't help but wonder how much the Archives' criticisms overlapped with EQD's. I mean, if it's about not having much of an arc, all right, maybe it doesn't. It's a character study. And I will admit that I started reading less due to DSB's own merits and more due to wondering just how all those stories fit together, anyway, so there's the (wonderfully subtle) arc.. Maybe they'd prefer it if everything was lumped together under one title like The Chase?
(Speaking of which, any objections to the latest reorg of the TV Tropes page, brought on by another round of forum criticism? I know we should only go so far as far as accommodating others' tastes goes, but I did ask for advice after one poster noted a lot of pages just copypaste the description and don't explain enough.)
3341029 I'd rather not name it, if that's alright. I might be getting out on a new one soon enough.
3341301 I'm the one apologizing here. I gave you no reason to suspect what I was really going through.
3341339 The criticism very much overlapped. It wasn't the critiques themselves that cut, but the reminder that as popular as DSB has become it will never be held in the same regard as other stories. I also stumbled on Present Perfect's review where he said that after reading the story, he was so disgusted that he ensured he had no more of my stories in his Read Later list.
I actually responded to him and had a pleasant conversation. Sadly he probably won't touch the Continuity he said because DSB bothered him so.
The Tropes page looks spectacular, by the way.
3341432 For the record, I might not have been quite fair; I was interested enough in DSB's concept on its own and seeing how it played out. It's just that I will grant, for the sake of dialogue, that that does not necessarily make for a "good" story. Heck, that's why I read most of the dark fics I do (mainly to get them out of my head), most of which are dark for darkness's sake and probably not worth it. (Indeed it's why I looked at "Lost in the Night" before I was aware of the continuity, and for that matter Shining and Luna are a lot more unlikable there than in later installments.)
Also, not to be a defender of mediocrity, but you're certainly not alone in that stratum of quality writing (albeit with arguable issues and/or differences in taste from the mainstream) that manages to fly just under the radar. I just finished liveblogging Vengeance of Dawn, which admittedly fell under the above "check it out to get it over with" heading but did prove to be worthwhile. One thing that came to mind is that most of the "famous" stories (Fallout: Equestria, Past Sins, the Pony POV Series, et al.) have gotten at least as much backlash as praise by now. Another was the thought of blogging the continuity as well, but it's not the same when you've already read it all (though if much of the story is yet to come, that may not be such a problem). Either that or add a Recap section. I love seeing fanfic Recap pages, even though they're pretty much all woefully incomplete, since it seems to underline how big a deal these stories can become.
You're also not alone in creator breakdowns. Heck, between you and CvBrony, my feed has taken a pretty dark turn itself.
3341432
With those kind of side effects, that's probably best.
I'm online a hell of a lot and if you need to talk, I'm a few clicks away.
Never give up.
Never, Ever, Give Up
I know what it feels like to have therapist and anti-anxiety medicine. If you need to talk about anything, you can always pm me. I'm just a message away. Also, I don't want you over stressing yourself again, or else I'll be forced to whoop your butt Rainbow Dash style! -Shakes fist- Nah, jk. But like I said, I don't want you stressing yourself so don't worry about our story. It can wait.
Hey, maybe we can play some games together to help you relax. I find gaming with friends to be fun.
Anyway, I hope you get better. It's no fun to be sick. Well, I'll let you go and rest, but before I go VIRTUAL HUG! -hugs-
Jeez, and I thought I was having a shit go at it recently.
From someone who is on anti-anxiety meds too, a bit of advice, don't rely on them, only spells disaster to rely on them. (Me for example.)
Keep on trucking through it, it gets easier as life goes on, we all have peaks and valleys, you suffered a valley, its only a climb from this point forward. If you need anything let me know. I'd be more than happy to help with stuff.