Recommended Story Reviews #5 – Best Young Flyer; The Saga of Dark Demon King Ravenblood Nightblade, Interior Design Alicorn; Diamond in the Rough; The Lotus Eaters; Big Mac Reads Something Purple · 11:26pm Aug 21st, 2015
I was going to post another set of “Read It Now” reviews today, but the stories I was reading weren’t agreeing with me. So I figured I’d finish up this set of recommended story reviews, as I haven’t done one of these in a while.
This contains five stories. One of them – Best Young Flyer – is nearly novel-length. Two – The Saga of Dark Demon King Ravenblood Nightblade, Interior Design Alicorn and The Lotus Eaters – are more or less collections of short stories that are closely related, sharing characters or ideas between them. The last two stories – Diamond in the Rough and Big Mac Reads Something Purple – are two strong shipfics, one written by Absolute Anonymous, the other by Bad Horse.
Yes, two Bad Horse stories today. Don’t worry, they’re both quite good, and very different in nature.
Today’s stories:
Best Young Flyer by bookplayer
The Saga of Dark Demon King Ravenblood Nightblade, Interior Design Alicorn by Bad Horse
Diamond in the Rough by Absolute Anonymous
The Lotus Eaters by Horizon
Big Mac Reads Something Purple by Bad Horse
Best Young Flyer
by bookplayer
Romance
32,833 wordsScootaloo has a job as a flight instructor in Cloudsdale and a cloud house of her own. She doesn't have a special somepony, but she's cool with that. Just a normal life for a normal young pegasus, until a streak of rainbow turns her life upside-down.
After all, could she really resist the chance to train for the Best Young Flyers competition with a Wonderbolt? Could she turn down an offer of no-strings-attached passion with the most awesome pegasus in Equestria? Is there any way she could not fall in love with the shining idol of her foalhood?
Could Scootaloo ever say no to Rainbow Dash?
Why I added it: It is the best aged-up Scootaloo x Rainbow Dash story I've read, and gives an interesting look at what struggles such a relationship would face.
Review
Scootaloo thinks Rainbow Dash is totally hot, but she knows she’d never have a chance with Rainbow Dash – Rainbow Dash is ten years older than her, a Wonderbolt, and can have anypony she wants. Why would she ever be interested in her? Scootaloo is happy with her life as a teacher of remedial fliers – like she once was – but she’s a bit lonely.
Rainbow Dash could have anypony she wants, but she wants Scootaloo – for now, at least. Sure, she’s tried out having a few relationships in the past – with Soarin and Applejack most notably – but she knows that she’s just not well-suited for romance. Just a roll in the hay or two with the odd fan or admirer is enough. Scootaloo is an old friend, though, so there isn’t any of the usual awkwardness of celebrity sex.
Once the two get together while Rainbow Dash trains Scootaloo for the Best Young Flyer competition, it seems like the perfect arrangement.
But it turns out that Rainbow Dash isn’t as done with romance as she thought she was. She loves Scootaloo. But if she made Scootaloo her marefriend, she’d just screw it up again. If they keep things as they are – friends with benefits – what could go wrong.
I mean, it’s not like Scootaloo could ever find someone she wanted to date so much that she would give up on sleeping with Rainbow Dash, right?
A story of an older Rainbow Dash who isn’t unlucky in love so much as she is really bad at it, and a Scootaloo who has learned that she isn’t ever going to really achieve her dreams, so she should settle for the merely good enough, this story has enough twists and turns in it to make the audience anxious. Is Scootaloo going to break the rules and fall in love with Rainbow Dash? Will Rainbow Dash fess up to her feelings before it is too late? Will Skylark, a fellow teacher at the school that Scootaloo teaches at, end up walking away with Scootaloo because it hurts too much to be in a relationship with a pony who won’t admit they’re in a relationship with you?
The supporting cast here is painted excellently, and does their job very well of noticing the things that the two protagonists are missing, but at the same time being unable to interfere because the two ponies just won’t listen to their good advice. The whole world of ten years hence is painted believably enough, and the character voices come through quite well.
And the story is funny in many places, while being entirely serious in others. It does a great job of integrating humor into the proceedings, and plays off of the characters’ personalities quite well:
“I like that idea.” Scoot got a big teasing grin on her face. “Let’s try to get another cutie mark, I’m tired of this one.”
Sweetie Belle laughed. “Sure, it’s been ages since I had to wash tree sap out of my mane.”
“Ya know I always had a good feeling ‘bout firework designin’, but I went and got my cutie mark before we could try it out.” Apple Bloom started to giggle.
“YES!” Scoot said, stomping her hoof on the ground. “I’m sure that’s what my cutie mark was supposed to be in. We should’ve tried, there’s no way that could’ve possibly gone wrong.”
“You’re right, and Rarity had plenty of room in the boutique to try it out! She wouldn’t have minded three fillies playing with explosives in a room full of flammable cloth.”
“How ‘xactly are we still alive, y’all?”
Sweetie shook her head. “Honestly, I have no idea.”
“We’re too awesome to die,” Scoot pointed out.
She didn’t even have time to make fun of him, before Dash was even done cheering Scoot was climbing the sky for her next trick. Scoot reached the peak of the sky, and turned, falling into a tight corkscrew. It looked almost like she was drifting, but each loop was perfectly even, all the way to below the Colosseum.
“Oh thank Celestia!” Dash yelled to the sky, breathing a sigh of relief. The clover should be easy for Scoot.
A voice called from a few boxes below: “I had nothing to do with it, Rainbow Dash.”
“Um, sorry Princess Celestia,” Dash called back, blushing, as Soarin’ and Fleetfoot cracked up.
But the pathos is very real as well. It is obvious that Rainbow Dash is screwing things up from quite early in the story, as we get to see just how cool Scootaloo is, but in many ways, the story is more about Rainbow Dash than Scootaloo – Scootaloo has to realize that Rainbow Dash is only human just a pony, but there’s a lot of issues and chances that Rainbow Dash has to take throughout the story, and it quickly becomes clear that Rainbow Dash is the one doing the chasing throughout the piece, rather than Scootaloo as you might expect. Seeing Rainbow Dash crash and burn and then keep on trying – something Scootaloo has to relearn from Rainbow Dash over the course of the piece – is great, and the story does a good job of maintaining the tension, both on Scootaloo’s potential victory at the Best Young Flyer’s competition, as well as over whether or not Scootaloo and Rainbow Dash will be able to make things work and really get together at the end. Indeed, it isn’t even clear if they really should get together until a good chunk of the way through the piece, once Rainbow Dash’s issues become increasingly clear.
If this story has a flaw, it is that it is telly in a number of places. While the story mostly uses telling effectively to keep things moving along at a brisk pace, there’s a few places where character emotions are told when we should have – or could have – picked up on them in another way. Still, the telling does have the advantage of making the story highly accessible, as it won’t leave readers who are lacking in ability to read subtext behind.
All in all, though, it isn’t enough to cause more than the odd hiccup, and the story is an excellent piece which both shows how things might go in ten years, as well as a lot of the issues that Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo might encounter if Rainbow Dash DID eventually decide she wanted to date.
Recommendation: Highly Recommended.
The Saga of Dark Demon King Ravenblood Nightblade, Interior Design Alicorn
by Bad Horse
Comedy, Random
4,940 wordsShould the powerful and sexy alicorn Dark Demon King Ravenblood Nightblade follow his destiny as savior of Equestria, or his love of interior design?
Why not both?
BASED ON AN ORIGINAL CHARACTER BY DEVICE HERETIC!!! This is my first alicron Mary Sue self-insert fic, so plz b nice. Maybe Ill write moar if ppl like it
Why I added it: This is the best red and black alicorn story ever.
Review
This is actually two separate but related stories in the same continuity. The first story is Dark Demon King Ravenblood Nightblade and the Chaise Lounge, and it is about a mighty wizard coming to visit Dark Demon King Ravenblood Nightblade and convince him to aid him on his quest to save all of Equestria.
Tragically, the alicorn is rather busy rearranging furniture, leaving the quest to his “partner” (if you know what I mean), Phil.
The second story is the tale of an attempt to get Twilight Sparkle out of the shower gone wrong when Dark Demon King Ravenblood Nightblade gets there before Phil is done.
These are two very, very silly stories, and masterfully written. Contrary to what you might expect from the description, the stories are not, in fact, badfics, but rather comedies of the highest order.
Churning dark clouds hurried overhead past Ponyville, blown on a chill, foreshadowing wind. The red glow on their undersides faded as the sun's last rays died and night descended on the town.
The gaunt, old grey unicorn pulled his tattered and dusty cloak tighter about him as he made his slow and deliberate way down the town's empty streets. The traveler paid no mind to the street signs, but stopped now and then to sniff the air, and cock an ear to the sky, before grunting to himself and continuing. Eventually he found himself on the doorstep of a nice Ponyville townhouse, one of those new tri-levels going up on the south end. He eyed the row of peonies in a window flowerbox dubiously before rapping heavily and ominously on the door.
Inside, the red-and-black alicorn Dark Demon King Ravenblood Nightblade stood in a room by himself, silently regarding a tan chaise lounge situated between two oak end tables, one with a brass lamp with fringes on its shade, the other with a vase of red flowers. His massive muscles rippled with every movement of his battle-scarred body as he turned his head, first to one end table, then to the other. On hearing the hollow, foreboding knock, he turned and looked over his shoulder.
"Honey, could you get that?" he called.
An earth pony stallion with a maple-sugar coat and mane trotted down the hallway, past the room where Dark Demon King Ravenblood Nightblade stood pondering the furniture arrangement, and into the entrance foyer. He opened the door to find the stranger waiting there. They both twitched their noses and blinked, looking equally surprised. Then the stranger spoke, in the deep, unwavering voice of one who has seen unspeakable sights and knows terrible and glorious secrets.
"I have followed the scent of destiny to your doorstep, young stallion. I have grave words to speak, and grim – but there is yet cause for hope."
The earth pony turned his head over his shoulder and shouted, "I think it's one of those Jehoovah's Witnesses."
"Just flame at him and he'll run away," Dark Demon King Ravenblood Nightblade called back.
"I don't flame," the earth pony said.
"I have come from a distant land, drawn here by emanations of vast magical power, and by prophecy."
"Oh, come on, just roll your eyes at him and call him 'darling'! It'd be so cute."
"Not gonna happen, Nighty."
"The fate of all Equestria hangs in the balance!" the unicorn intoned.
The earth pony nodded. "Yeah, yeah. Look. Come in for a second, I can get you some water, okay? But then you hafta leave." He took one step towards the kitchen.
"SILENCE!" the old unicorn thundered, and when he stamped one hoof for emphasis, a lightning bolt split the sky behind him and left an echoing crack and a ringing in all their ears.
"My bad," the earth pony called over his shoulder. "He's an adventurer."
"Oh, Celestia!" Dark Demon King Ravenblood Nightblade called back. "They're even worse!"
The unicorn cleared his throat. "I am Dan-galf Shadowhax, the grey pony, the midnight crow, counsellor of kings..."
Recommendation: Highly Recommended.
Diamond in the Rough
by Absolute Anonymous
Romance, Comedy, Slice of Life
2,961 wordsAfter the Gala, Applejack has a little too much to drink, and Rarity agrees to escort her home; but then, much to Rarity's embarrassment, Applejack decides that right then and there is the perfect time to confront the unicorn about their true feelings for one another.
Why I added it: It is a strong RariJack short.
Review
After the Grand Galloping Gala, the mane six go off to a pub and have a few drinks. Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash head off on their own, Fluttershy is pounding shots down like an alcoholic, Twilight seems intent on writing her friendship report right now, and Applejack?
Applejack seems to have decided tonight is the night to try out whatever fru fru drinks Rarity is having, without realizing you’re not supposed to drink several of them.
Drunk as a skunk, Rarity can’t leave Applejack to walk home alone, but Applejack seems to have something on her mind when she suddenly stops in the middle of the street and asks if Rarity ever got the chance to dance at the Gala…
The third story Absolute Anonymous ever wrote, it shows a bit – both being a relatively early effort, and having the quality that Absolute Anonymous’s stories would be known for. This has a very solidly written Rarity, and the vast majority of the piece is written from Rarity’s point of view. Rarity quickly cottons onto what is going on, but as the story follows her thought processes, the story does a pretty good job of showing why a buzzed Rarity might consider Applejack’s advances to be of interest, while at the same time showing why she would decline them at that moment. There are some funny bits in this, as well as some great bits of dialogue, and a slight hint of melancholy, as Rarity believes it is the drink talking and that Applejack won’t remember a word of it in the morning – a pretty cruel tease for the unicorn, who is, at the very least, interested.
If this story has a weakness, it is in transitions. The very start of the story is written from Applejack’s point of view, but there’s no real reason for it to be, and in the middle of the story, there’s a scene break which isn’t actually a scene break.
Still, this story does a solid job at doing what it is trying to do, and while it ends on a spot that might be frustrating for some shippers, it made me chuckle and shake my head.
Recommendation: Highly Recommended.
The Lotus Eaters
by horizon
Slice of Life
3,010 wordsOn an unassuming carnival midway in central Equestria sits the key to your dreams: A machine that lets you, for a short time, live a life in which your greatest regret never occurred.
These are the stories of what happens after those fantasies are over.
Each chapter is a complete and self-contained vignette (though their order of presentation is deliberate).
Why I added it: I really liked these stories.
Review
Flim and Flam have built a machine that eliminates your greatest regret and lets you look at the world without it. A happier world, free of whatever regret you had!
It works, too. But it doesn’t always do exactly what Flim and Flam might expect…
This is more of a collection of related short stories than a single continuous story, but each of the four stories is good in their own way. A few of the stories are touching, while others are funny, and Flim and Flam are excellent here, with their back-and-forth dialogue being perfectly depicted and as amusing (and shady) as ever. The general idea behind the shorts is a very good one, and each of the four stories makes very different use of the machine.
Recommendation: Highly Recommended
Big Mac Reads Something Purple
by Bad Horse
Romance, Slice of Life
3,720 wordsTwilight asks Big MacIntosh to read to the Cutie Mark Crusaders while she runs an errand. He's not much of a reader, but he just can't say nope to Twilight.
Why I added it: It is the best TwiMac story I’ve read.
Review
Twilight asks Big Mac to read something to the Cutie Mark Crusaders while she goes off to run an errand. Big Mac picks a purple colored book and starts “reading” them a story about a brilliant librarian and a plain bricklayer…
This is a story with three endings, each of which casts a slightly different view on the situation between Twilight and Big Mac, as well as Big Mac being ashamed of his illiteracy and being unwilling to approach Twilight – and with good reason, given his difficulty in articulating why she might like him. One ending is sad, one is tragic, and one is happy, but each casts a little different view on the proceedings, and the last makes it very clear what exactly was going on through the whole piece.
If you like stories with a hint of sadness or tragedy to them, you’ll probably like this, and it is worth going through all three alternate endings, especially if you’re the sentimental type.
Recommendation: Highly Recommended.
Summary
Best Young Flyer by bookplayer
Highly Recommended
The Saga of Dark Demon King Ravenblood Nightblade, Interior Design Alicorn by Bad Horse
Highly Recommended
Diamond in the Rough by Absolute Anonymous
Highly Recommended
The Lotus Eaters by Horizon
Highly Recommended
Big Mac Reads Something Purple by Bad Horse
Highly Recommended
And there we go! Five stories closer to reviewing everything on my Highly Recommended list from before I started writing reviews.
I hope everyone has a good weekend, and enjoys these stories.
Number of stories still listed as Read It Later – Important: 78
Number of stories still listed as Read It Later – High Priority: 325
Number of stories listed as Read It Later: 1644
All highly recommended!? TD, you're scaring me.
Okay, ALL highly recommended now? Are you sure you aren't going overboard?
Also, as of right now, the links for those last two stories aren't working.
3337419
It is easy when you're just pulling them off a list. I've still got something like 80 HR-level stories from before I started writing reviews that I can draw from for these. Recommended Story Reviews are all drawn from stories that I read and thought were very good before I started writing reviews.
And in all fairness, the reason I posted this today was because I've more than enough stories for a "Read It Now" set but not one has gotten a WR from me so far
I try to include at least one WR or above story in every review post, which can lead to me awkwardly juggling stories across multiple posts. If you see me make multiple posts in a row with a setup like:
Not Recommended
Not Recommended
Not Recommended
Not Recommended
Worth Reading
That's probably because I was trying to find a WR and had to go through more than 5 stories to find one.
3337425
Refresh; the links should be fixed.
3337441 Ah, there we go.
3337435 Well I admire the work you put into reviews. As always it's helpful to read your blogs.
We'll never know D:
3337435 I love the highly-humble and modest description on that bookshelf, TD.
(And after looking over the list, I agree with you 100%)
"These are the best stories on the site, and I highly recommend reading every one of them."
Thanks for introducing me to these excellent stories! That Bad Horse sure can write.
3337664 well, you drew a double take from me.
You're all over my stories this week! Thanks! I, meanwhile, am neglecting all my reading obligations. Sorry, CiG, Bradel, Grand Moff Pony, ROBCakeran53, the Royal Guard, A Lack of Interest, and AugieDog (who probably doesn't even remember what I'm talking about).
I really liked "Big Mac Reads Something Purple" when I wrote it, but EQD rejected it 3 times. The first time some pre-reader inexplicably argued that a story with 2,600 words in just its first chapter was not over 2,500 words. The next two times, Vimbert rejected it. On his first rejection he said, "For a fic that purports to be about comedy and romance, there's precious little of either," and said it was passionless, told instead of showed us why Big Mac liked Twilight (because it used dialogue instead of action), invoked no empathy with either character, and so had no payoff.
I thought about that for a long time, and I decided the story had a slow, passive opening that wasn't funny or romantic. I tightened it up and sent it back, but he rejected it again.
So I thought maybe it really wasn't any good. Yet it kept accumulating favorites. Eventually, like 2 years later, I decided it was an okay little story after all (and I was a little proud of how well the multiple-endings gimmick worked). In retrospect, I should have been able to tell from Vimbert's first rejection that he just didn't get cerebral, understated, omniscient external narration stories. This seems unlikely for a guy who was dating? Ebon Mane and liked his stories, but BMRSP just wasn't his thing. His criticism made the story stronger, but accidentally; I didn't change the things he complained about.
BTW, anyone who likes my stories should check out Ebon Mane. He wrote things surprisingly similar to mine, including "The Cough" and some sad TwiMac.
"The Saga etc." proved to me that I can write to order, as a hack, which I didn't think I could. Wanderer D had just posted a guest site post by device heretic in which he talked about bad OCs, and presented his glorious Pony Creator image of Dark Demon King Ravenblood Nightblade as his example. I had maybe 60 followers at the time, and had never written more than about 500 words a day. I looked at that picture and said, "If I can post a story with that for cover art within 2 days, it will get featured and I will be HORSE-FAMOUS." I did, it was, and I was.
The surprising thing was how much fun it was. I went into it with the most cynical attitude that I was spreading my literary legs for followers, writing a crappy crackfic for the masses. But once I began, it quickly became fun. It was still hard work, a 2-day all-day marathon cranking out just 2,000 words, but it was fun hard work.
I think "The Lotus Eaters" was the story that made me realize horizon wasn't just good, he was really good. Then Fugue State showed me he was really good repeatedly.
3337461
I'm glad you find them to be helpful. It is always nice to hear they're useful to folks.
3337495
Fixed that too~
3337664
I know, right?
3337733
You know me:
Way too well, BH.
Mike in Lagomorph Guise
3337733
Did you know that the Royal Guard rejected The 18th Brewmare of Bluey Napoleon? Because they did. It was unanimous.
Also long before our time there. But seriously, go and read the notes on it on the rejection queue.
I know that there are stories that I've rejected where I'm not sure if my reason for rejecting it was the true reason, or if it was just something which seemed convenient and the actual problem was something else, or if I was just making up reasons and didn't like it. Wither by =TGM= is something that I wasn't sure if other people would like, but someone else rejected it as well, and for more or less the same difficult-to-articulate reasons that I did, but I'm still not sure if that was really the right choice.
I think that you just have to accept that some good things are going to be rejected by people who just don't get it. I suspect this phenomenon plays at least a part in the literary establishment sometimes repeatedly rejecting a really good story before it finds someone who gets it.
Yeah, he's written some good stuff. The Cough almost ended up in this set of reviews, but I ended up saving it for another day. I need to get through more of his stories. There's a few more things he has that I haven't yet read. I have previously given a HR to On the Care and Construction of Bridges, which I thought was an excellent piece as well.
It is a really fun story, and it shows in the writing that you had fun with it. Frankly, it probably wouldn't have been as good if you hadn't had fun with it; I'm not sure if you can really write comedy of that quality and not be having fun while doing it.
Admittedly, I've written some stories for the featured story box myself, and I've generally found it enjoyable.
I forget which story it was of Horizon's that I read that made me realize the same thing.
I blame the fact that it is impossible for me to go through your library in search of a story without reading something, and if I read something and haven't reviewed it yet, I do so.
You've got several more stories on my to-do list - Ἐλπίς, Mortality Report, Sisters, Twenty Minutes, and The Twilight Zone are all going to get write-ups sooner or later, and I may end up doing ones for others as well.
3337733
Definitely. Living together as I recall. Them breaking up is one of my earliest FimFiction memories.
Do you have any plans to continue Ravenblood Nightblade?
3338369 I don't have any more chapter ideas, though I haven't forced myself to come up with any like I did for the first two. The second chapter I wrote so it would have enough words to submit to EQD.
3338263 I understand your point, but I've gotten 2 exceedingly strange rejections from the Royal Guard. One criticizing the physics in Elpis, and one on "Moments" that said it wasn't proper for the last chapter to be just a picture, so would I please rewrite it as text?
I admit to being vaguely disappointed that you didn't review Dark Demon King Ravenblood Nightblade and My Harshwhinnial back-to-back, just so everyone could have seen the magnificent originality with which I assembled its cover art.
cdn-img.fimfiction.net/story/oy4y-1432474901-90127-full
But I'm glad you liked The Lotus Eaters! To be honest I'm starting to think it's my most underrated story; it got basically no attention up until its Seattle's Angels feature and I've never personally considered it in my top tier, but then out of nowhere I see your HR and comments like 3337733's
3338263
Huh. I vaguely remember submitting it; I don't remember in the slightest getting a response back on it. I think that was around the time the Guard stalled out and stopped posting anything; it's possible my memory is just being faulty and they told me no, but it's also possible that mine was one of the stories lost in the shuffle back when the old Guard closed up.
Hearing it was rejected is at best mildly interesting, but a unanimous rejection? Now I want to see those notes! (Not to do anything about them, but I figure they're worth shaking my head and laughing.) If that's not internal information, I'd love it if you'd shoot me a PM.
3338534
I've heard some strange things internally as well.
Then again, I've heard people get strange feedback from Equestria Daily sometimes too (or used to, back when they sent out more feedback).