An Old Diamond In The Rough · 7:18am Aug 10th, 2015
A (relatively) long time ago, in the exact same house I'm in right now, I wrote the start of a really crappy MLP fanfic. It has gone unpublished for good reason, but I do remember one section that I was actually legitimately proud of; two paragraphs or so of description as the Mane Six walk back to Ponyville from Canterlot. (because this was before Season 2; and the train hadn't yet become a common thing.)
The story was bad. Biege prose was everywhere, and my style at the time favored telling over showing. But what made the story truly terrible was not the presentation but the plot itself - I won't go into details, but aside from one or two good concepts (one of which is to be recycled for better use in The Atlantis Scenario) it was mainly just a bloated mess of terrible cliches and attempts to subvert cliches that somehow turned out worse.
However, this one scene I felt was worth sharing. It isn't perfect, and I can see several areas where it could use some improvement, but it stands out from the rest, as an early example of my potential, and a humbling reminder that in four years, my present writings will seem largely asinine. So, enjoy:
As Rarity predicted, the moon had set and the sky was beginning to brighten in the east already, and Twilight saw that overnight heavy cloud cover had come in, along with a thick bank of fog obscuring the valley floor, and the day would likely be overcast until the Pegasus teams took care of it.
The greyness seemed to reach down to the ground and bleach all color away, but the air was chill and clear up here. Twilight could see all the way to the horizon, details on mountains miles away standing out in sharp relief, and sounds carrying further than normal, crystal clear. Rarity’s laugh echoed from somewhere up ahead, sounding like the tinkling of wind chimes, liquid glass. A slight breeze brought a delicious non-taste to Twilight’s tongue, the faintest scent of juniper, and the sensation of frozen picks digging into her hide, but she welcomed it. Winter was her favorite season, and this early taste of it was refreshing. Perhaps everyone sensed that this morning was special, for soon after that, the rest of the group (even Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie) fell silent as they enjoyed the savage, cold beauty around them. Frost crunched in the grass beneath their hooves, and all was still.
Oh, and here's some accompanying music - a bit more upbeat than the actual scene, but it's what I was listening to at the time of writing this.
