I probably should have figured out "what I want to be when I grow up" by now. · 5:59am Aug 4th, 2015
Just a heads up. This is one of those "personal" blog posts that doesn't really have anything to do with ponies.
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I can't imagine myself actually posting this blog post. It goes against my internet introversion too much. It's too... me. I don't like talking about myself. And this is the kind of post that would not make it through my personal filter. Perhaps writing this out is one of those therapeutic things in which the process of writing it all out will help me in some way? But if it did actually reach the blog (and this first paragraph would have to be deleted, I mean it's just tacky), how much self-censoring would it have? What would eventually end up in the final post? Probably nothing. As I'm not posting this.
Ah... saying I'll never post something makes it much easier to write.
Well anyway, enough filibustering. Here's the deal: I don't know what I should be doing with my time; I don't know what goals I should be setting to become the person I want to be.
A few years ago I had this same problem and my solution was to simply "TRY ALL THE THINGS!" And so I did. I learned how to draw. I learned Adobe Illustrator and how to vector. I tried out writing and recording audiobooks. I learned as much as I could about the entire Adobe Software suite as I could. I built a website (it's gone now). I learned Excel and fell in love with data. I listened to podcasts and audiobooks at double speed to keep my insatiable desire for more knowledge quenched.
I took a ridiculous amount of classes at my university. My original aim was to get into my university's Computer Science: 3D Animation Emphasis program. I couldn't think of what I wanted to do with my life, but what job doesn't use a computer? And maybe I'll learn enough about art and CS to get in the program? I applied and failed to get in the program. Three times. I wish with every fiber of my being that I loved Computer Science and coding, but after two years of intensive trying to love programming the enjoyment I hoped I would feel eventually never happened.
I panicked for a while. And then discovered Information Systems— it's basically Android Development (Java is the only programming language I've ever loved), Excel Spreadsheets, and talking to people. I can do that! I went all in on Information Systems. Unfortunately that major also has to be applied for. But I was a shoe-in. I have a Japanese minor and a CS minor. How could they not let me in?
I didn't get in.
Apparently the admission's office looks down on people with "enough credit hours to have a Masters degree."
I've been in between the states of "uncontrolled panic" and "analyze every option" for the last few weeks since I found out.
Perhaps, like Malcolm Gladwell expounded on in his book David and Goliath, I picked the wrong university. If I really want an Information Systems degree, then I should go to a different school that will let me into their Information Systems program.
I checked out a state school and found that a lot of my generals wouldn't transfer and I'd have to go to school for a lot longer than I'd prefer. I really don't want to do that. I'm sick of school. I've been here for five years and as much as I love learning, I can't stand the aggravating classroom environment and I just want to be done.
My quickest way out would be a Japanese degree. If I went all in on Japanese I could be done in a year. But as much as I love speaking the language with native speakers, sitting in a classroom is a droll, dreadful experience and I learn languages best on my own anyway.
Okay, back up. What's the end goal? A job, right? Money.
What job do I want in the future?
Do I want to work at a help desk? As a teacher? A writer? An IT guy? An AV Guy? Is there a job where I can sit and make things with Adobe software all day? Motion graphics? Assistant on a YouTube channel? Audiobook narrator? Localization Engineer?
There are too many options. And those frickin' personality tests even say I was going to say that!
...many INFJs struggle to begin a career early on because they see ten wildly different paths forward, each with its own intrinsic rewards, alluring but also heartbreaking, because each means abandoning so much else.
It's one thing to struggle with a problem, it's another to have a personality test say "Eeyup, that's rough buddy."
Okay, "final job" is too hard to think about right now. What are my immediate options? (And by "immediate options" I mean Fall semester starts in less than a month, what am I gonna do?)
(1.5 years) Japanese Degree, Digital Humanities minor -> Translation Localization (?)
(1+ years) Japanese Degree with IT Certifications. (A+, Network+, possibly Cisco certifications) -> IT job.
(2 years) IT Degree. Be much more competent that the Certifications route -> IT job.
(3 years) Japanese Degree. Masters in Library Science -> Work in a Library.
(3 years) Switch schools. Get an Information Systems degree -> Management job with lots of data(3 years) Stay in Computer Science. Hate myself. ->Get a job anyway because the world is desperate for programmers, even crappy ones like me.
*sigh*
Okay, I know my future self has failed me every single time before this, but now would be a really good time to travel back in time and tell me what I end up doing with my life. Right now. Now.
That or a cutie mark with accompanying clarity on my destiny.
I'm trying not to waste my time. But without a concrete plan for a career, working on pony stuff feels like a failing of priorities. But spending time I could be creating things by wasting it mindlessly scrolling through the internet is a far far worse waste of time.
I know how to set and achieve goals. But what are the goals I should set? As soon as I pick something I can go all in and learn everything about it... but for now... nothing really feels... right.
:/
Almost in the same boat here. While I can generally get good at stuff fast, I don't really have much of an interest in doing things unless the project itself interests me, which make a lot of jobs too mind numbingly boring for me to consider. I'm probably going to try for a job at a bookstore for now, because that sounds the most fun/comfortable while I'm working on other stuff.
Anyway, in my case, I knew what I wanted to be when I was a kid, but I faced a lot of discouragement along the way ("Don't become a programmer, especially in aviation, because it's boring and you work with crazy people," said the two best programmers I know. "Starting a company is like eating glass," said Elon Musk. "After my company failed I lost my citizenship," said the founder of 99dresses.) Recently though, a friend helped me try out a few startup/invention ideas, and while they all failed, I found I really, really enjoyed it. Earlier, in a second Microsoft interview, I was told to apply later because, according to the interviewer, I would only work in a R&D position.
The best I can say is that, chances are, there have probably been signs of the things (plural) that you wanted to do, and there are people who could identify the kind of work you'd like to do given enough time. If you haven't met those people or seen those signs, then you could go to different groups and find them, or you could even just try putting yourself in different people's shoes and see what you like. From your blogs, I'd recommend business analytics or data visualization jobs with high variance in the subject matter, such as a marketing/product analyst, strategic planner, or freelance data visualizater/representer. Don't take my word though. If anything, just try out the work by yourself and try to meet some people in those jobs at whatever conventions or meetups they have.
I guess what I'm saying is that you should join the CMC.
(Sorry, couldn't help it. The rest of this is serious though.)
I know this precise feeling.
I started college with Computer Engineering, hoping to learn enough to support myself once I moved on to my "real" passion: video games. Note there was only 1 video game-oriented college in North America at the time, and it was on the opposite side of the country from me. They didn't want people with previous CS experience, so that's why I passed it up.
Except then I realized that wouldn't work out, so I switched to CS. Only to learn, two years later as you did, that I wasn't any good at it. (This was during the dotcom bubble bursting; I sat in class one day and realized "I'm going to be competing with all these people for jobs, and they're all way better than me".) So I left that program with a CS minor and went into Creative Writing.
What I did afterward isn't really important, because I ended up here. :B All I can say is find a thing you're willing to stick out and stick it out. Sounds like Japanese is the best route for you. Figure out what you'll do with it as soon as possible. Localization has a lot of opportunity, so don't overlook that.
Remember that a lot of the time, the fact that you have a degree is more important than what that degree is in. Maybe your best option is to get the Japanese degree just so you can be done sooner.
You'll still have to figure out what you want to do and find a job, but at least you'll be a step closer.
I graduated from college with a degree in mathematics, immediately spent a decade working in journalism (I copy edited for the school newspaper), took a summer off to hike the Pacific Crest Trail, switched careers into tech support, and am now carving my way toward systems administration.
I feel you. But, if it helps, from someone who's been there: you're not boxed in nearly as much as you think you are. Hard to predict where the feet in the door will land, but you're easily bright and diligent enough to reinvent yourself if it turns out you're not where your life wants to go.
3293565
I've been fantasizing becoming a librarian for that very reason.
Okay, I've heard of creating a start-up, but I've never thought of making several at once. That's impressive. Sorry they didn't work out for you, though.
Okay, I'm going to have to give "freelance data visualization" some consideration. That sounds like a fascinating field. The other day I stumbled across this data visualization of every line of dialogue in the show. And it was one of the coolest things I've seen done with data and it got me pretty excited about possibilities.
3293956
You have a CS minor Present Perfect? Wow, I had no idea we were so similar.
Thanks for telling me about your experiences, and for the advice; I appreciate it.
3294109
That's true, the quickest way out may be the best. It's just painful when I look around at jobs that specify "BS in this" or "BA in that." It's so hard when I want to do be able to do everything. But that desire to do everything decreases when I think of all the more school I would have to go to. I like learning, but school is a terrible way to learn something. Thanks for your thoughts, J.
3295022
You have no idea how much I appreciate your insight, Horizon. Thank you.
3295959
Oh, don't worry. Entrepreneurs have to brace themselves for lots of failures. The vast majority of ideas never make it to being products for startups, and the vast majority of startups fail. That why I was trying several ideas at once
Also, that data looks pretty cool. Just looking at it though, I couldn't see why so many people like Fluttershy, yet think of Applejack as a background character. (A significant amount of people have to agree with that sentiment for it to become a long standing joke.) However, it looks like the average of the absolute value of the derivative (the average change in number of mentions) of Fluttershy might be higher, while Applejack is more of a constant. (I can't tell with 100% certainty with this data.) Or, perhaps Applejack's appearances don't match a good pacing graph as well as other characters.
3296027
Yeah, it is interesting that there's a "Background Pony" joke to AppleJack when she gets a considerable amount of dialogue. As for the popularity of Fluttershy, I think her having less dialogue just fits with her character. And she is a rather relatable character for some people.
Hang in there, homey. It'll work out.
3296051
Thanks, man. I appreciate it.
3295992
Don't worry, your degree will become less important as you get more experience. And I know that you mentioned them earlier, but getting some certifications might be a good idea for you.
3295959
Pretty much all my degrees have done jack for me. :B Just don't go into English whatever you do, it's a dead end.
This!
I know how you feel. I was going through school trying to get both a biochemistry and an English degree. After finishing the courses for my English degree and with only two more classes for my biochem, my school basically forced me to graduate. They wouldn't even give me a minor degree for the sciences. Every department head I talked to couldn't do anything (because they didn't know me and thus, didn't care); so I was stuck with my English degree.
After graduation, stuff happened that rendered my life stagnant, and I find myself in the same boat as you, looking for some way to make sense of this life. And I second when you said that
But ponies make me feel better...
Still, try to stay optimistic about the future. It's hard, I know. The unknown is always scary. (For me too, especially when I'm basically living 3296474's warning and trying to find something substantial with this degree.)
You on the other hoof seem to have a lot of skills sets that would help in getting different jobs. Maybe find some internships? Those could help you get experience and maybe give insight on if it's something you'd like to do in the future. (And internships are easier to get if you're still in school). I also heard about jobs where you could teach English in Japan; that could be fun. But anyways, good luck. Hope it works out.
3299340
wat.
what?
WHAAAAT!?
I mean—
... wait. WHAT!?
That is by far one of the most horrifying things I have ever heard in my life. Why would they force you to graduate with two classes left!? I've never sued anyone before, but that is a situation I would contemplate getting a lawyer involved. That, or maybe go to a different school and see what transfers? Except a lot of schools won't let you get a second bachelors with transferred credits and— Gaaah... that was a really scumbag thing to do by your university
The injustice of that makes my blood boil.
Ok, see if you can get a job based on all that Biochemistry experience you do have. You know the science behind a lot of this. And you got the English degree, you can write. Perhaps you could work in sales for a prescription drug company? A lot of places need people with good communication skills. Or you could write technical communications for complex treatments and other procedures. Medical Writing looks like a strong field.
Or maybe some kind of food scientist? You could work a food production company in their testing department trying to figure out how to change the taste of food products.
What did you want to do with the Biochemistry degree? You might still be able to pull it off with the right connections.
Hmm... is there a college out there would accept your English degree as an undergrad for a Biochemistry Masters program? With the right essay explaining your situation, you could pull it off.
Right now I'm considering something similar. The Geographic Information Systems program at my school doesn't need to be applied for and is an okay undergraduate degree to have in order to get a Masters in Business Information Systems which is what I wanted to do anyway. (I think?)
As far as teaching English in Japan goes. When I lived in Japan for two years I taught a weekly English class. I really didn't like it all that much. And I get little ability to teach the way I would like to teach if I went via the usual JET or AEON programs. I can't stand the attitude of "never speak Japanese ever" that they want out of their English teachers. It's maddening not to be able to explain things in a way that a normal Japanese person would understand. Sometimes I need to speak Japanese in order to explain an English concept.
3301294
Thank you. It's been so long since I was angry about what happen; the raw scale of your emotions took me by surprise. I forgot how angry I was when it happened and how hopeless I felt.
This is true.
There was more to the story than that. I’ll try to make it brief: I was put on academic probation, not because I had bad grades but because I had twice the amount of units than most of my peers. I had to send in a detailed plan about the classes I would take each term and give a timely estimate of when I would graduate. My plan basically enabled me to graduate with both degrees at the same time…but…I didn’t expect to fail two of my classes during my last term. (Yeah, I know…) Because I wasn’t able to follow through with my plan, they placed me on academic probation and I had to do a second appeal. I told them that if they gave me another term, the time it took me to get both of my majors would still be the same time it takes one person to get one major.
I was denied for whatever reason.
Unfortunately, my incident isn’t unusual. I’ve heard similar stories from other people in other universities. Universities are more interested in their statistics. They want people to graduate fast and on time, etc. I think I could have fought it more, but Murphy’s law happened and I had to deal with more pressing issues... It's funny how life is, eh?
To be honest, I don't know...
I think in the end, I liked the idea of it all. I actually think biology seemed more appealing when I took those courses.
But food science has always interested me. Medical writing seems boring, but there are different types and audiences and so I'd give that a go too. If only I knew where to find these jobs!
I want a Masters, but I'd get it in English.
But thank you too for your career ideas. I didn't mean to make the shift from you to me.
And that sucks about teaching in Japan. It doesn't make sense why you shouldn't be able to explain concepts in Japanese. Some concepts and ideas are just lost in translation...I dunno. That's mind boggling.
And I don't know much about computer science or business Information systems, but the earlier seems very flexible. Have to considered gaming or perhaps even the entertainment industry? Or are you hoping for something corporate?
3303193
It sounds like you were taking a ton of classes. I'm just impressed you were able to handle the sheer workload involved. I've heard nothing but horror stories about Organic Chemistry and you had to have been taking classes far beyond that in scope.
I can see why your college did that because you failed two classes, but at the same time that is a morally reprehensible thing to do to a person. Not all degrees are created equal and a liberal arts degree isn't nearly as valued economically as other degrees, especially one you were 95% complete with.
Don't be.
I hate having attention drawn to myself. To be honest, I'm pretty much in love with all these comments. It's really encouraging and illuminating to hear people's stories about where they were and what they're doing now.
The game industry kind of scares me. The workaholic atmosphere is a little crazy.
But at the same time... I could do sound effects work.
I do love sound.
I'm pretty sure I don't want a corporate job. I like working in small company environments. That kind of environment enables me to do more diverse tasks. I can do a lot of little things but spending an inordinate amount of time on just one thing can be boring to me.
3303351
Yeah, I'm pretty sure that was a big part of why they did that, but I think a lot of stuff helped in their decision (or lack thereof, as the conspiratorial part of my brain nudges) : The "mark" of being on academic probation, the possibility of tainting the school statistics, the failing of classes, etc.
You talk to these teachers who care and as you go up the department, they seem to become less human. It's a bit sad... I've recently read a book called "Dear Committee Members" that's about the life of a university teacher and the education system. It's a delightful and bittersweet read if you want to check that out.
There are probably a lot of indie game companies and maybe their work environment isn't so demanding. But 'm not sure, I haven't really done much research on it.
App companies always seem to be hiring technical people though.
But doing sound could be amazing. Be an audio technician or a sound engineer or one of those people who travel around to different places and capture different sounds (kind of like Pokemon
)
I feel the same way. I think a lot of young people feel this way now.
You know what you're actually going to be when you grow up? A person.
Goals come from contact with the real world. They don't magically appear in high-school or college kids' heads. If they appear to be there, it's probably because their parents put them there.
Find something you're reasonably good at, at which you can make enough money to support yourself at a satisfactory standard of living. Get at least a few months into the real world outside school.
Then you'll start to get the information needed to actually form life goals.
I originally got a degree in Computer Science just because I'd been good at programming my whole childhood and theory classes appealed to my ego. I rushed through undergrad so I could get out to doing the Real Stuff. I thought I wanted to go to graduate school in certain branches of theoretical CS, and so I eventually got into an MSc program in CS, and didn't have a good time at it. My goals have changed, and I've realized I rushed myself through undergrad too much.
Even though my "goals" went wahooni-shaped, thing is, I still have some job skills, so I can be basically ok and have a life. Goals don't actually define who you are, and they come from contact with the real world.
CS would definitely help you get jobs in the current economy. IT probably would as well, but I didn't do it, so I can't say with as much accuracy.
Fundamentally, though, you're the only you in the world, and you don't need to fit into someone else's predefined role to matter. You're gonna be fine.
One important thing: If you don't feel a passion for Computer Science, don't try to force the issue. I have known plenty of people who try to stay in it for whatever reason (mostly because it is easy to find decent paying jobs), and they are some of the most miserable persons I have ever met in my life. It is one thing to put your head down and power through some mind numbing job, and another to hate doing something mentally demanding.
3312798
I don't have enough information to set long term goals, but the best way to get those goals is to go out in the "real world" and start doing? I've never really thought of it like that before.
Thank you. I appreciate your input and encouragement.
3315789
Yeah... this is the lesson I finally came to terms with nine months ago. While I do want a good day job, I don't want to be the employee that hates what he does. I didn't think I'd hate it though, I thought with time I could learn to love anything. But unfortunately I am a normal human, and I do have preferences for what I like and dislike doing.