Update! · 2:05pm Aug 1st, 2015
The long-delayed fourth chapter of a Dance with Vengeance is complete, and currently awaiting editing. It's not as long as I expected it to turn out, just 500 words shy of 5k in the Google document, but it got to the point I wanted to end it on. Needless to say, some plot elements are coming to the forefront, while a new question is being painted.
I guess I owe you all a bit of an apology. I've been dealing with so much stuff lately, addiction to certain gamesgames (*cough* Monster Hunter 4, Shantae and the Pirate's Curse, Skyrim *cough*),social isolation, stress, depression, the struggle to find work, the heat, and the death of my primary writing platform, that I have had very little time or motivation to get much writing done. I mean, I'd sit down and plug away for a bit when the mood struck, but then I might go upwards of eight days or more between sessions. There's no real excuse for it, and though I can claim I'll try to keep with the updates, I honestly have to roll with the punches life throws my way.
As many might have picked up on based on a lot of my writings, I have gender identity issues. Though the feelings ebb and flow, I am largely gender dysphoric, with a few self-limiting notions keeping me in the closet, so to speak. First, of course, is the fact that I am unemployed. Without money, I can't pay for the treatments that would help my body line up with my gender identity. Of course, a good portion of the surgeries involved in Sex Reassignment Surgery terrify/squick me out, and I feel that they would not personally make me a woman. Finally, there's family. I live at home, doing whatever I can to earn my keep, but the relationship between my parents and I has been strained for some time, largely in part because of my unemployment. It's not like they're bigots or anything like that, but I believe that coming out now, after what they thought was just a phase in my early teens 'went away', would only make things worse.
Couple that with the stress that comes from caring for five dogs, six cats, and two rescue puppies that are supposedly getting rehomed, and you can probably see both why I cope with depression, and why I don't get too many opportunities to write any more.
I'll admit that I won a small victory in being comfortable with who I am the other day, when I picked up the panties I ordered from amazon, but sometimes I wonder how long I can lie to myself. As comfortable as the panties are and make me feel, I know everything isn't okay.
I'm not saying that my readers should donate money to me or anything, though if folks donated money to the 'Boredom box' mentioned a few blogs back, I wouldn't mind. I just want you all to know that in spite of the shitty state of my life, I'm not giving up on my story.
Sorry for the rant; part of not having anyone in my everyday life to rely on means that venting online is one of my few options.
Mm. I'm with you on the sex-reassignment surgery thing. I don't think it would make a true woman.
If you have friends that understand who you are, then things, I'm sure, would be okay.