Stay Positive... · 7:02am Jul 17th, 2015
Negative post ahead.
I am trying to stay positive. I really am. But instead, I'm angry and belligerent, because very little things have been going my way. I don't want to be happy and enthusiastic when all I've been able to do these past couple days is just keep it together enough to get work done when all I really wanted to do was lie on the floor and cry my eyes out.
My aunt got sick a couple weeks ago. She had a serious infection in her ovaries and now she's recovering at my grandparents on my mother's side. We go to her house and find that it's a complete disaster because she refuses to clean up after herself and my cousin isn't able to clean it all by herself. We take it upon ourselves to clean it so that she can heal properly and not worry about having to clean it up while she's still recovering. We end up spending the last five days cleaning up her house and rearranging everything so that it's easier to clean in the future and more organized. My brother is unable to help for three days because he has work and he made plans with his friends. I am at the house everyday and night until about midnight before we get home. Everything hurts and I'm far from happy, but I keep going because family comes first.
This continues on for days. I go to bed late because we have to unload the car of dirty laundry that my aunt had piled up because her washer doesn't work. We spend hours hanging up her clothes and arranging her expensive accessories and jewelry. I pick up piles and piles of turds that her dogs and cats leave around because they don't scoop the litter boxes and her dogs aren't housebroken. I vacuum every room in that house twice-fold. We hang up all of her decorations and wash all of her dishes that have been piling up for weeks. I clean out her refrigerators of moldy food and scrub the shelves clean because they're sticky from juice and fruits.
I am angry. I am tired. I am indignant. I have not slept properly because we've had to get up early to go to her house and clean. I keep having horrible nightmares and my anxiety is through the roof. I end up missing my assignments for college because I don't have time or energy to do them when I am home. I miss the deadline for a contest I spent weeks working for. I keep getting into arguments with members of my family because I'm so stressed and upset. I keep acting awful, but I can't stop myself because I'm just so tired. Not a day has passed in this week that I haven't almost had an anxiety attack. Not a day has passed in this week where I haven't considered just laying in bed and doing nothing. And not a day has passed in this week where I haven't thought that maybe things would be easier if I wasn't around to make them more difficult.
I wanna be happy. I wanna be positive. I wanna be able to get over this sadness. But I can't. And I don't know if I will.
I can't always let it go.
I'm sorry you're feeling this way.
If you're going through hell, keep going. -Winston Churchill
Wish I could tell you that it'll get better, but I don't know if that's the case. Sounds like a rough situation all around; normally I'd say take a week off to collect your thoughts/emotions but that doesn't sound like an option.
In any case, I do hope it gets better; I wish there was something I could do to help. Alas, all I can do is link you this.
Best of luck HarmCharm.
this
this is where i would draw the line
tell your folks that you can't because it's causing your grades to slip, that it's making your life impossible
now i'm the last person you'll hear say abandon your loyalties to family, but loyalty to self must be had
and at this point you need to decide how much of yourself you are willing to sacrifice for family
You've been through a lot, you're going through a lot, and you might have a lot still to go through.
Whatever your own thoughts on the matter, I want you to know that I'm proud of you and very impressed. I know I'm not a kindly Papa Sombra, but I hope I might be the next best thing.
If I could do something to help you, I would.
Keep on fighting. It's always darkest before the dawn.
Hope you make it through this. I think I speak for everyone when I say we would hate to lose you. Do not linger in chaos. Fight on for harmony.
If you need it, take that day's rest. You can't run yourself too ragged. If you do, you can't help anyone. So for the first time in forever (see what I did there?
) you should get some rest.
All I can do is give you a hug. *Offers a hug*
Forgive my bluntness but you need to be a bit more selfish it doesn't matter how many you make smile (or simply help in this case) if you yourself aren't smiling.
Hey, get well soon. Don't write any BB till Ya do. You are an amazing person, and believe it or not, actually broke me out of the impression that I was the universe's plaything. Keep calm and pony on.
-ButtonMash
I hope things get better for you.
The hardest decision, your family or your self. I've been there granted not to the extreme that you are going through. When you can't afford to keep your own responsibilities, (the important stuff, schoolwork) then that is when you need to draw a line. A family is suppose to work together, so if they are not busy with their own major tasks(work) then they should be there helping you out. Not spending leisure time when the family needs aid.
We're all here if you need to vent or talk, for whatever measure of relief that may bring you. The fact stands that while ultimately you decide where school work and writing rank next to your family, you cannot fix if you are broken. If there's an end in sight, I'd say power through it and rest when you're done... but since this is more of a marathon than a sprint, you will need pace yourself. Please remember yourself in your selflessness.
I'm sorry to hear that.
There is usually some good waiting at the end of the tunnel, so a change of luck can happen. 
It'll get better - it always does. Trust me. Maybe things'll get better once your brother returns.
I have to agree on what he (3245120 ) said. College is dead important because that's literally money slipping through the cracks. Failing grades mean wasted money, and I'm sorry to say this, but the truth is that college will not wait for you. I'm sure your family will understand what you need to prioritize. You're old enough to make responsible choices and I'm sure they'll respect that if you show them.