Review: The Apple Doesn't Fall Far · 2:00pm Jul 11th, 2015

I love pony fiction. A surprising declaration on a pony fiction fan site, I'm sure, but it's true. So, in the spirit of pony fiction, I thought I would start trying to review, analyse and/or critique some pony stories.
If you have a story you'd like me to review, leave me a comment either on my user page, or through the private messaging service.

The Apple Doesn't Fall Far is tagged:
Sex, Romance, Sad, Slice of Life

It features the character tag:
Applejack, Spike, Main 6

The Apple Doesn't Fall Far was written by Man on the Moon, and can be found here. Full story spoilers below the cut.

It's been twelve years since we last saw the ponies, and life has moved on. At Sweet Apple Acres, Applejack is alone, Granny Smith having died, Bloom studying potion making, and Big Mac spending more time with Cheerilee. After an accident causes her to hurt a leg, AJ's friends rally around her to give her support- but more than anypony else, Applejack finds herself especially grateful for the ministrations of Spike...

Romance. It's one of the most popular genre's on FiMFiction, but also one of the most contentious, even without getting into shipping wars.

Spike shipping, in particular, is it's own kind of minefield; Spike is one of the most divisive characters on the show, even among the writing staff (who at times can't seem to agree whether he is a competent assistant, or the punchline to every joke the universe has to tell). His age also make's it difficult to write a shipping story with him (what with him being explicitly a "baby dragon" in show, and seemingly the same age as the Crusaders)... and even when those obstacles are overcome, the main ships for the little guy seem to involve Rarity, Twilight or Sweetie Belle.

On this note, I have to give Man on the Moon credit for trying something different; I haven't seen an AppleSpike story before. However, while I can give him props for the concept, I have to admit that I think the execution of the story itself is somewhat flawed, partly because of his desire to push the pairing.

The story open's with AJ waking in her room, thinking about the fact that she doesn't have a special somepony, Spike arriving and then asking him what he thinks of her looks. Ignoring the fact that Spike walked all the way to AJ's bedroom to ask her a question -which is a tad unusual, but considering they have been friends for twelve years at this point, not necessarily infringing on privacy- this scenes foregrounds the stories romance too much for my liking; rather than building up the feelings between the two, the first chapter puts them in the same room almost from the first line. Even if they aren't romantically involved yet, putting them together, with some many romantic points (like the comment about Fluttershy being married) is akin to pointing at the pair and saying "They will get together". That can be effective, but in a story which is designed to be about AJ and Spike's romance and relationship, tipping your hand so early as to what the conclusion will be is a mistake, in my opinion.

There are some other (in my mind) cliché romantic contrivances, such as Spike appearing at the end of the chapter when AJ thinks she is in danger to rescue her. It's not a decision I particularly like, since it places one of the show's heroines in the "damsel of distress" role, a role which A Dog and Pony Show was built around dismissing.
That being said, however, the scenes at Sweet Apple Acre's following the accident do flow somewhat more naturally to me. It may be a romantic cliche for the heroes to take up the heroine's duties if they are injured -I don't have enough experience with the genre to say for sure- but in any case, Spike helping to buck apple tree's is something which fit's with his presentation on the show, while serving a deeper symbolic value:

Spike had just bucked a tree when he saw an orange figure rushing towards him. “Applejack?” she skidded to a halt in front of him. “Applejack why are you out here?”
She paid him no mind, the only thing that she was focused on was how in the world did he get every apple down in one kick without damaging the tree.
“How did you buck this tree perfectly?” she asked in amazement.

Where the scene from the opening chapter was a bit ham-fisted in pushing the two as a couple, this feel's more appropriate. The Apple family have always (obviously) been tied to the farm life and the apple orchard. Presenting Spike as being skilled at bucking apple's -"perfect" in fact- the narrative hints that this could be a place for him to fit in and ind a purpose at; becoming a member of the Apple, which would obviously be the result if he became romantically involved with Applejack. It's the kind of scene which works much better at establishing Spikes (possible) place in AJ's life than her earlier musings about special someponies do, because now we see how Spike would fit into AJ's life beyond being a special somedragon.

For that matter, the characterization of this story may be an issue to some. After twelve years, the mane six have changed somewhat; Rarity has pursued a career in Manehatten, Fluttershy is married, Rainbow has come to embrace her feminine side. However, there is a problem in that many of these changes may appear somewhat superficial; that, while we have been told they have changed physically, we don't really see how the characters themselves have grown or changed over the years... though part of this may be because the story focuses on Applejack and Spike rather than them. Even so, I have to admit that the fact that

Rainbow Dash had embraced her more feminine side, wearing dresses regularly, dismissing anything that tied her to her tomboyish past

and AJ spends time thinking about how she looks made me somewhat uncomfortable.

There is another casualty of characterization however, in the form of Big Mac, who is shirking his farm duties to spend time with Cheerilee- time that, the first chapter informs us, involves the "Pony Sutra". In the comments, Man on the Moon admits that Big Mac is somewhat OoC as a result of his plans for the story, but it's still a disconcerting change (and one which may annoy fans of that character).

However, since the story focuses on Applejack and Spike, those two do receive more characterisation, and... I will admit that it can be sweet. Spike taking his own initiative to buck tree's, for instance, is a perfectly 'Spike' moment. I also loved the motivation that AJ has; the early chapters make a point of emphasizing how empty the house is, now that Granny Smith has died, Apple Bloom is away and Big Mac is spending time with Cheerilee. For a character so defined by family, stripping that from her is a powerful motivator, and an interesting position to place the character in... though it comes with the downside that, because the romance with Spike is emphasized so much in the beginning, it can seem as though she finds him attractive because her biological clock is ticking and she wants family, rather than genuine love for him.

However... the big problem with this story is the writing itself.
For a start, chapter one to five begin in rather similar ways, with Applejack waking up, or the reader being told that it is morning. Chapter six bucks the trend- and the second chapter does begin with dialogue rather than text- but it is a little tiring to see similar set-up's for each chapter. Granted, the story isn't yet finished -so it might be a case of this being a stylistic approach which hasn't paid off yet- but it was something which didn't appeal to me.

There is also a certain problem with tense. For the most part, the story is written in the past tense... but now and again, the present appears instead. For example, the first chapter begins:

It's just another regular, calm Ponyville morning. Celestia's sun began to stir all living things from their slumber, including a familiar green-eyed mare.

There are also a few phrases which can seem... off. For instance:

Her sleep came to an abrupt halt as she woke slowly

Applejack's breaths became shallower as Spike closed in on her. “He's big.” reverberated through her head as he stood up in his hind legs and got down on his knees.

(There ar also a few unusual choices of imagery, as seen in the quotes below, which feel as if they come from a viewer of the show, rather than from within the text.)

There are also a number of confusing grammatical errors, especially in the early chapters dialogue:

“—Hey Spike”. Applejack asked from behind her mane like Fluttershy.

“Applejack, are you okay?!” he exclaimed in worry.

“Now for today I just want to see how long you can stand on at least three of your legs.” Spike ordered like royal guard captain.

There is also a rather confusing moment early on, when Spike switches abruptly from thought to speech, with neither labelled as such in the text:

Spike was caught off guard highly by the question. “Why is she asking me this?” “Well, you're strong, a hard worker smart, honest of course, pretty, and just a great all around mare.”

It may also be important to note that there are a few such moments; while the story is mainly told from AJ's point of view, now and again we see it from Spike's; Spikes thoughts on something, or Spike deciding to do something. Personally, I feel the story would be better if those moments were removed and we were retrained to AJ's point of view, since she is our main character for the far vaster majority of the story.

Ultimately... I have to say I didn't really enjoy this story. Part of that is because the various technical hang-ups stopped me from really being able to appreciate it; part of it is because I'm just not that into romance, and I don't feel like this story really did a great job of selling me on the Applespike dynamic. However, having said that, the story itself does have a not-too-shabby number of upvotes, and the majority of the comments are positive. There is an audience for this kind of story- but I'm not it.

Report Soap Box · 254 views ·

Comments ( 2 )