CCC: cleverpun's Critique Corner #1 · 4:29pm Jul 7th, 2015
One thing I like about the FIM fanfic fandom is the abundance of reviewers and critique available. It helps authors grow, helps other authors learn from their mistakes, and helps inform readers of stories they may like or dislike.
I generally avoided being one of those reviewers for a long time. I usually preferred a direct dialogue with the author, so my critique would often take the form of a lengthy comment directly on the story in question.
After doing this for a while, however, I’ve begun to wonder if this system’s pros outweigh its cons. Starting a dialogue with the author sometimes comes at the cost of involving others in the discussion. Perhaps it is too confrontational and not visible enough to justify its continued use. My latest discussion with an author, in particular, felt needlessly petty and confrontational. It felt like the author was more concerned with promoting their ideas than listening to my advice. When I succumbed to the urge to respond in kind, pettiness instantly eclipsed any value my critique may have had.
Armed with this revelation, I thought I’d try something new. Instead of my usual lengthy comment plopped on a story page, I’d try and create a more structured review and put it in a blog post. This way, the option to have a dialogue with the author is still there, but so is the option to start a dialogue with other readers by making it more visible and (hopefully) more objective. I have optimistically put a “#1” in the title; hopefully this will work well enough and have enough interest that I can do it more in the future.
Any comments on my critique, format, etc, are of course welcome.
In the interest of clarity, here is a breakdown of the system I intend to use.
Title: the title of the fic
Author: the author of the fic
Short summary: A brief overview of the story.
What does this story do well?: A summary of the story’s strengths
Where could this story improve?: A summary of the story’s weaknesses
In a single sentence: a one-sentence summation of my feelings about the fic. The internet would call this the TL;DR version.
Verdict: instead of using an arbitrary number rating system, I figured I would use the site’s own voting system. "Upvote" means I enjoyed it and would recommend it. "No vote" means it was neither exceptionally good nor bad. "Downvote" means I disliked it and would not recommend it.
And with all that introduction out of the way, let’s begin.
Title: The Destruction of the Self
Author: Cold in Gardez
Short summary: Somewhere, there’s a town where everyone changes jobs, houses, and families every single day. Each chapter follows one of the residents of this town for a day. Escapism metaphor meets worldbuilding.
What does this story do well?: This story’s foremost strength is the way it explains and invests the reader in the setting. The exposition and worldbuilding is neither blunt, rushed, nor boring. The way the story is structured, following different characters in turn, is a great way to avoid boring the reader. Each chapter introduces a few more details about the mechanics of the world. It’s engaging and snappily paced.
Like any good social sci-fi, the impact of the world on the characters is given focus. The world has impact because we see its effects in full. Science fiction is nothing without characters, and this story manages to build an interesting setting and show its effect on characters in a very short space of time.
Finally, the writing itself is digestible and easy to read. Sentences are structured simply, and it is easy to understand everything. There’s enough variation and metaphors scattered about, however, that there’s no problem with getting bored.
Where could this story improve?: The main problem is the logistics of the town itself. It is inconsistent or vague about how exactly the town manages to avoid imploding. A scene in the first chapter shows a character being really bad at their job, and it draws some decent (if brief) comedy from the situation. Later, however, a character mentions that being a doctor isn’t one of the jobs because it is too specialized. One the chapters revolves around a character being a teacher, and it’s just assumed/implied she does a good job at it. Why is being a doctor too specialized, but a teacher and blacksmith aren’t? All three jobs requires lots of experience and training to do well. If it’s because the doctor involves physical well being, you could say the same about a blacksmith making shoes or a teacher ensuring children learn life skills. There's also the fact that children apparently don't switch houses like the adults do, which raises even more logistical questions.
Another problem is in the way the characters are given physical descriptions in only the vaguest terms. I suppose this might be intentional, to emphasize the futility and interchangeability of the town’s nature. There’s spots, however, where it becomes distracting. I didn’t realize the viewpoint character in chapter 3 was a female until nearly the end of said chapter; the only previous mention of her gender was an off-hand mention in chapter one.
Finally, the story is lacking a conclusion. Again, this might be intentional; it’s another thematic expression of the futility and meaninglessness of the character’s lives. The story drops many hints, however, that the characters can’t let go of their pasts. It makes for a good metaphor, but the lack of resolution or change across the story is noticeable.
In a single sentence: A good example of worldbuilding-as-story.
Verdict: Upvote. I could imagine reading this on a short fiction website. The story has no real conclusion, but classic sci-fi often explores a world in place of a proper plot. It was an enjoyable read, though it could be more than it is. Makes me think of Nightfall by Isaac Asimov; a short story that focused on worldbuilding, but had enough there that it was eventually expanded into a full novella with an actual story.
Thank you for the review :) I'm glad it was more amicable than the previous review you mentioned.
I guess my "problem" is I have a much easier time suspending my disbelief for anything except particularly jarring OOCness, so I don't approach these in as literary a frame of mind. That said, I would say I enjoyed this for the reason you gave as your final summation. It was fascinating.
Good format, I think. :)
Word of advice for you:
If you plan to make this series a regular thing, set up a library shelf for reviewed stories. It keeps a handy archive of everything you've looked at before, and it quickly informs authors that you've reviewed their work without the need for personalised PMs or comments. Chris and PresentPerfect both use them, and as an author that has had stories reviewed by both, I found them very helpful.
3215942 You're welcome. Feel free to reply to/address any of my points in greater detail
3217044 Normally I have a fairly fragile suspension of disbelief, but atmosphere does count for a lot. There's a reason Fridge Logic strikes on the way to fridge, rather than during the story.
3217196 I had planned to do that after critiquing at least three stories; no point counting chickens before they lay chickens (or whatever).
3217106 Rather more verbose than your own, but I'm not a terribly succinct person
3217513
Very good. Just making you aware of the idea in case you hadn't already thought of it.
3217573
I'm still undecided on a spreadsheet, though. I doubt I'll ever do enough reviews to make the effort worth it.
3217614
Make one if you ever pass a hundred. Reach for the stars.
3217513
We need more verbose reviewers. I'm just a fraud anyway. :V