HONEST FICTION: THEY CAN'T TAKE WHAT'S OURS

THE FOLLOWING IS AN
HONEST FICTION

I Am The Night ORIGINAL PRODUCTION
Honesty by YourBronyGod

Coming this spring is a story about love in the afterlife.... wait you want me to do this!? But its a piece of... how much? $1.000 bits, well I'll try...

They Can't Take What's Our's

In a world, where proper buildup is seemingly illegal and spike doesn't exist. Two mares fight for their love.

"Applejack, you should break up with Twilight." Rainbow said.

For about five minutes

"We're going to kill ourselves." Applejack said seriously.

When Twilight and Applejack brutally kill themselves in front of their friends, while most ponies would be shocked and horrified, these ponies are strong and... go straight to the mayor.

"What?" the Mayor said.

"Yes, Twilight and Applejack killed themselves."

Cadance, however is able to alleviate some of the depression they should have been feeling.

"Twilight and Applejack headed for the afterlife." Cadance said.

Unfortunately, Cadance doesn't seem to understand the meaning of the word "mysterious"

"Yes, Twilight's parents died mysteriously. Though, I knew it was the Yellow Flag disease." Cadance said.

But in a amazing turn of events. The dead mares come back!

Then they saw Twilight and Applejack, except they were glowing in purple or orange.

...and then tell them that they forgive them.

"We just wanted you to know that you don't need to be guilty. We're friends, we'll always be intact." Twilight said.

and they all learn an important lesson. Their friends are happier after killing themselves...

The friends nodded. With a smile, Twilight and Applejack left in a whip of white dust. The friends left feeling a bit happy. They missed their friends, but, they knew that they had a bigger bond.

and that the dead can control the minds of ponies all across equestria with only a comment.

"Our friends feel bad, don't make them feel hurt. We want what's best for them. Although we may be dead, we still want them loved." a magical voice in their minds seem to say.

In the end no one learns a thing and we discover that suicide brought them all closer thanks to-

But what's more, they will never forget that magical bond that brought them together. The Magic of Friendship and Harmony.

Starring:
Somepony with altzheimers

Applejack noticed the tears of Twilight, she was in pain. "My parents are dead, remember?" Twilight replied trying to fake her smile.
"Oh yeah, I'm so sorry Twilight." Applejack said.

Twilight -bad ideas- Sparkle

"No, no, it's alright, maybe we should do this-" Twilight said and whispered her plan to Applejack.

The most obvious choice for a homophobe

"Applejack, you should break up with Twilight." Rainbow said.

The two mares that only have two lines in this fic, Butter-something and rottity. Something like that.

Ms. Can't take anything seriously

"We're going to kill ourselves." Applejack said seriously.

"Hahaha! It's a joke! Right?" Pinkie said undoubtedly.

But it's not all bad it- No. No, you know what? It is.

No! I don't care about the script or how much bits! This was horrid. It was- was...I don't even have words for how horrible it was! I- I just.... That's it. An honest Fiction isn't enough for this!

It's ReadingSins time.

EVERYTHING WRONG WITH...
They Can't Take What's Our's
In 1,050 words or less.
Spoilers
(duh...)

There was a fight and it does not turn well. But, at the same time, something tragic happens to Twilight and Applejack. Alone and unwanted, the friends think about what they done wrong.

It really wasn't much of a fight. More of a small argument also the friends aren't exactly alone when there's four of them.
1

On a twinkly night

On a twinkly night. That's a sin right off the bat in the first line!
2

On a twinkly night, the friends find out about the relationship of Twilight and Applejack.

Forgoing any build up and just telling us what happened.
3

the friends find out

The story doesn't explain who "The friends" are.
4

"I agree with Rainbow this time. Being marefriends seems unbecoming." Rarity said.

What was the last time that Rarity didn't seem to agree with and Rarity never goes on to explain why it's unbecoming. Tow sins.
6

They didn't know that what they hear next is not good.

Improper tense
7

"My parents are dead, remember?" Twilight replied trying to fake her smile.

Why is she trying to fake it?
8

"No, no, it's alright, maybe we should do this-" Twilight said and whispered her plan to Applejack.

Being all quiet about what the plan is only to basically tell us what it is in the next line and then actually tell us in three lines.
9

So they both grabbed a knife and went to the friends. The friends were very scared but relaxed when they saw them put the knives on the floor.

Choosing the most violent means to kill themselves possible. And why did they put the knives on the ground when they're only going to pick them up again quickly? Also, "the friends" again! Three sins!
12

"We've decided that if you don't want us like this, we shouldn't be in here." Twilight said.

In where?
13

"We're going to kill ourselves." Applejack said seriously.

"Hahaha! It's a joke! Right?" Pinkie said undoubtedly.

Pinkie thinks suicide is funny.
14

"Nope, we are serious this time." Twilight said using her magic one last time to lift the knife.

Was there a previous time? Do they threaten suicide on a regular basis?
15

Twilight and Applejack stabbed the knife on their bodies. With one last breath they shouted "Aaaaah!"

"On their bodies". Also, how does Twilight not have some sort of Voldemort-esque killing spell she could just use on both of them? Or at least on Applejack? Even better yet, on AJ and then herself? It's dark to complain about but come on!
16

With one last breath they shouted "Aaaaah!"

Did they fell off a cliff when they stabbed themselves?
17

It was over, they died. The friends backed away in fear and pain and ran to the mayor.

They run to the mayor first when their friends commit bloody suicide in front of them.
18

"What?" the Mayor said.

The mayor asked.
19

"We should get the funeral held next week." the Mayor said.

Yup. That's the normal thing to do after a violent suicide. Just set up the funeral. No questions asked. Just get it planned right away.
20

They thought about how they would be in heaven, happy and fearless.

Heaven is for people who commit suicide now. Also, ponies have heaven.
21

The next week, all the relatives of Twilight and Applejack were at the funeral.

I really hope it's a closed casket. Knife wounds aren't pretty
22

"Twilight and Applejack headed for the afterlife." Cadance said.

This is the first thing cadance said. Not to mention, shouldn't they have been on their way already? It's been a week.
23

"I think we need to tell you something." Rainbow said in guilt this time.

Did they explain how they were the cause of their friend's suicide before?
24

"Well, why would they want to die?" Shining Armor asked.

With no emotion at all.
25

"We thought marefriends were... unbecoming." Fluttershy said.

Seriously? You had Fluttershy of ALL characters say this? Her? I just- Come on!
26

"You shouldn't judge a book by it's cover." Cadance said.

Yes. That was the whole issue. It looked bad. Not that they were all homophobes. No, no. Twilight and Applejack killed themselves because their friends thought it looked bad. Like green on Rarity.
27

"Yes, Twilight's parents died mysteriously. Though, I knew it was the Yellow Flag disease." Cadance said.

I said this before but apparently either Cadance doesn't know what "Mysteriously" means or she knew what Twilight's parents died of and told no one.
28

Shining Armor nodded and said "Yes, Twilight was in pain for a month.

Exactly one month.
29

"So now that they died, I'm sure their happy where they are.

About to be six feet under in the dirt?
30

"Hello? Rarity? Rainbow? Pinkie? Fluttershy?" a familiar voice said.

Oh god. Please don't tell me...

Then they saw Twilight and Applejack, except they were glowing in purple or orange.

You're kidding me... I just- they came back to life or something! Ugh. 10 sins!
40

"We just wanted you to know that you don't need to be guilty. We're friends, we'll always be intact." Twilight said.

The friends nodded. With a smile, Twilight and Applejack left in a whip of white dust. The friends left feeling a bit happy. They missed their friends, but, they knew that they had a bigger bond.

Wait. That's it? Just "We're dead, but we're all good." And everyone is just like "yay" without a single word. Seriously. Their friends came back to life or whatever and they don't say a word!? No apologies, no nothing! What in the- Alright. It's okay. I only have a few paragraphs to look at. But still, 10 more sins!
50

The next day, they saw that all the houses were not the same. Ever since the death of the two mares, they weren't welcome. It wasn't a pretty sight.

Wait. When did this happen? So we're just NOW told that they for some reason weren't treated well because of their friend's death? Why? How would the town even have any CLUE that they were to blame? I don't even- ...Deep breaths....Deep breaths. Two Paragraphs left. But another 10 sins!
60

They were welcomed again by many, there was a spark that they thought was given by the dead mares.

Why weren't they welcomed before?
61

It seems that they were right, that spark was given by a magical bond.

Not the fact that the town might feel bad for a group of friends who had lost a third of their group to suicide? And that's IF the town knows what caused their deaths.
62

The magical bond was very powerful and the citizens of Equestria realized what the dead mares were trying to say. "Our friends feel bad, don't make them feel hurt. We want what's best for them. Although we may be dead, we still want them loved." a magical voice in their minds seem to say.

How and why? Who outside of Ponyville would have any single CLUE that they might have had any sort of hand in it? But no, I don't get an answer because "The power of friendship is so amazing it's beyond explaination." Another 10 sins!
73

Up above, in the clouds, Twilight and Applejack watched as the ponies were back to their joyful selves.

So, with all the other pegasi and Gryphons? You know, the living ones that can fly? Or are these SUPER high clouds or something? What if those clouds were busted? Would they fall or float. These are important questions! ANOTHER 10 F*CKING SINS!
83

They will never forget that magical bond that brought them together.

Suicide.
84

The Magic of Friendship and Harmony.

Do I even have to say anything at this point?
85

I just can't with this story. It's just- UGH!

...

No I'm not going to pick up the papers I threw! I'm going home!

......

Ok... ah... well I'm Twilight is the BEST and seeing that YourBronyGod just left, I'll just finish the sin count.

SIN COUNT: 85
SENTENCE: "We're going to kill ourselves." Applejack said seriously.
(Not before the readers do.)

If you want to read more Honest Fictions or ReadingSins, than go check out the two groups through theses links.
Honest Fictions and ReadingSins