June 20th, 2015 It's My Birthday, But I Feel Tired Edition · 5:04am Jun 21st, 2015
So today is my birthday. Nothing spectacular happened. Next year is my 21st, so that's (probably) going to be a blast.
I don't know what happened. Fimfiction used to be my goto website, enough so that it used to be my homepage. Now just coming here makes me feel tired. It's not like I don't have the time for it. I do, much more than earlier in the year, but I usually spend the time doing other things.
Have I outgrown this site? Probably not. Am I leaving the fandom? Probably not. Do I need a break? Maybe. But the thing is I haven't actually seriously browsed this site in quite a while, this is the first time since... I don't know, two months? So me having too much ponies isn't the problem.
The problem is that I think I'm severely burnt out. I've been here since June 2012, three years ago. And for the first two years I was a power user. Almost every spare hour was on Fimfiction. Oh I'll still lurk around, but not at the level as I did earlier.
As for my stories... I don't know. I've improved greatly since then. Most likely you haven't read my recent writings, but I've improved significantly. And the thing is, I really can't go back and fix everything. There's too much. And the thing is, the show has changed too. I do know that the fandom can break canon whenever they want to.
But I don't want to.
I prefer things to be canon as possible. When little things aren't good, I'm only annoyed. When big things change, I just loose all will to write, unless it's an AU story from the beginning.
But I also have a problem with readers. No, it's not about the people who read my stories, but that they do read my stories. Thing is, I write for the hell of it, and one of the few reasons that I uploaded my stories on Fimfiction was to not lose them. I never actually expected to have anything I wrote read. I never expected anything to actually end up on the featured box.
Was I happy? Hell yeah. But eventually, I started to question whether my writing was going to be up to par, or whether I would piss anybody off or anything. I started to worry, and you can see that for yourself. New chapters started to be uploaded slower and slower, until months started to pass. I was worried that I would get backlash, not from people who thought my quality of writing could use work, but from people who didn't like the direction the story was going.
But what really worried me was reading other people's work. If you're following me, it's most likely because of the story From the General. Now if you've visited me on my page, you can see that I do in fact, read a lot. And some of those stories are absolute masterpieces, written by people who can make their words flow, and weave worlds only possible through pure imagination.
And then I started to doubt myself.
It's a flaw. I think it's Inferiority Complex, but because I am not on Tumblr my self-diagnosis means nothing. But yes, I started to compare myself to others. And eventually I got a little worried that the absolute only reason I got the readers that I did was because it was a rare Command and Conquer Crossover story. There's only 35 stories in the Command and Conquer group, even less when I first started FtG.
And that's what got me, I think.
I'm sorry.
In other news, I bought 11 games with 6 DLCs during the Steam Summer Sale. I spent about $100 on the whole deal. Considering that I would have spent $450-ish had I not bought the games during the sale, I say that's a pretty good deal.
Happy Birthday!
Happy birthday!
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Thanks guys!
Hey, it's still a good fic. I wouldn't mind reading a conclusion to it someday.
And happy birthday, too. :)
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Thanks! I want to finish it, I really do.
One day...
Happy belated birthday, I hope writing gets less worrisome for you. I managed to only spend 10$ during the steam sale, XCOM and all the DLC was too much to resist.
I know that feel. I'm working with a theory that there's only so much pony a person can stand.
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I didn't think it was possible. But apparently it is.
My god, I'm actually getting tired of just being on this site.
This is weird.
3545112 The problem is, what am I going to do with my free time without ponies?