Not ready to go back to work tomorrow · 11:13pm Jun 15th, 2015
But I suppose I have to after being off on holiday for a week.
I like my job but I'm currently depressed and feel kind of "off." It's the weird numb feeling with bouts of depression and confusion rather than the "oh god, I want to kill myself" type, which is something of a relief, but then my moods are not as sharp and prominent since I've stopped using BC.
I cannot stress how badly BC messed me up. If you're on hormonal birth control, you've got a female body, and mental health issues and your emotions don't feel "right" I urge you to speak to your doc about switching to a different method of BC or dumping it altogether. It pisses me off that people don't talk about this. I wanted to kill myself last year because I was so incredibly paranoid I thought everyone hated me, even people who loved me. It took me ten years to realize that though I was mentally ill, I could have softened the blow partly instead of going through this shit every month.
Now I barely know who I am, because for ten years I've been utterly at the mercy of my intense moods and I don't know how else to be.
I don't want it to happen to anyone else, so I'm putting it out there.
Damn... I don't even know what to say. I know that saying 'good luck' is terribly useless, but that's all I can say. I really hope things get better. Hopefully you'll feel better tomorrow.
3152700
Whenever people send good wishes it's always appreciated.
I suppose part of my low mood could also be the uncertainity of not knowing whether I'll still have a job at the end of 6 months. I don't cope well with that kind of upheaval.
Same as Spartofchaos...... just..... Damn....
and the best thing i can say is just to hang in there and keep your head up.....
I hope you feel better soon
3153578
Thanks. I've been watching episodes of Blackadder and eating ice cream, but mostly just hiding in bed with painkillers.
3154899
Oh, wow, ten years? I feel so sorry for you. The eight months or so that I was on BC that fucked with my head was bad enough. And yeah, my gyno didn't tell me that was a potential side effect and my psychiatrist never asked if I was on BC. It's like it's a big secret, except It's printed in the fact sheet they give the consumers, so why the hell don't the doctors know?
It's why I never wanted to risk Depo-Provera, because what if the formulation was one of the "make Alara depressed and paranoid" ones? I'd be stuck with it for three months.
I mean, don't get me wrong, I think the Pill is a miracle and I credit it with my ability to have credit cards in my own name, because I feel as if feminism couldn't really take off until women could truly reliably prevent pregnancy, but two of the formulations I was on made me permanently gain 20 pounds each, and two of them made me depressed, anxious and paranoid, the first one so bad I almost killed myself. I did find two formulations that worked, except that one of them was so low-dose and sensitive to the time of day of taking it, I got pregnant on my first ovulation cycle after breastfeeding shut me down for a few years. So yeah, they are kind of shitty sometimes. :-)
3155641
Well the first 7 or so years were bad, but it didn't start to become unbearable until year 8, when I went on Zoladex to control my endometriosis. One day I was doing some volunteering and I felt like I was so high I was going to break with reality. I had to go home and curl up in bed because I didn't understand what the hell was happening. A few weeks later I was rejected for a job I had applied for and ended up self harming and wanting to die.
It is mentioned in leaflets, but in a very innocuous and blasé way: "may cause mood swings."
It's more like "May severely screw up the brain chemistry of women who already have mental health problems, and even the brain chemistry of some who don't. See your GP immediately if you feel suicidal, paranoid or can't stop crying uncontrollably."
Also, anger. I got so very, VERY angry at the smallest things. I wanted to throw things across the room. I fantasized about throttling people.
Oh, I'm glad it exists too. I just wish there was a better way for me, and I wish doctors were better educated about it. I also wish guys were less weird about male contraception. There's a male pill, but most men are reluctant to test it. Of course there's the added problem that women can only really trust male contraception as much as they trust their male partner, so unless you're already in an established relationship or with someone you really, REALLY trust 100% it's kind of pointless.