Cerulean's Voice On The Matter #18: Kwakerjak Special! (spoiler warning) · 7:21am Jun 11th, 2015
Something special is about to occur.
The next story I wanted to review is actually story number five in a well-beloved series by one heck of an author. Alas, I’ve had it on my read later list for… holy shit, close to two years now! Almost as long as I’ve been on this site. 
As such, since I have only rough and vague memories of the first four stories… I welcome you all to my first Mega-review, where I read an entire series and review the whole thing. Yep, five stories are in this particular Cycle. A highly popular Cycle it was too. Very highly rated.
Does it stand the test of time, having been begun in mid-2012 and concluded in late-2013? Let’s see.
Story: Petriculture
Author: Kwakerjak
Synopsis:
In an effort to keep her mind occupied, Twilight Sparkle decides to delve once again into the grand mysteries of Pinkie Pie. This time, Twilight's focus is on her claims of growing up on a rock farm: like so many things related to Pinkie Pie, the idea that somepony could grow rocks as an agricultural product makes absolutely no sense. However, the investigation eventually leads Twilight to a rather... surprising discovery.
Length: 6,716 words (one-shot)
Status: Complete
Review: For those who have been living under a rock and haven’t actually read this already—I realise now that a few of these reviews might be rather pointless—Petriculture is a pre-season three story about Twilight wondering what rock farming actually is, and deciding to investigate further. Aside from the hallmarks of an older fic, being the light case of LUS, the general grammar and mechanics of the story are just as solid as I remember. It does get a little telly in places, a by-product of the third-person omniscient style, but it’s by no means a dealbreaker. There’s a couple of times where an attempt at comedy comes out—such as when Mrs Cake and Applejack go into lengthy rants about stuff Twilight wanted them to do without provocation, or when Rainbow brings up Rarity’s parents—but they don’t seem to add much to the overall story. Perhaps they could be shortened just a little bit; each mini-rant seems to drag on for slightly longer than I think Twilight would realistically allow before butting in with what she’d actually wanted to talk about. It also gets very talking-heads-y toward the end as Pinkie and Twilight spout conversation back and forth with minimal other body language for a fair few paragraphs.
I remember the twist of this fic, which is just as “surprise-ing” as ever to the first-time reader. Even knowing the big reveal before reading again, I still enjoyed retreading the path of how exactly Twilight discovered the big revelation. It managed to bring out some old smiles too, with sections like this abound:
“But do you really need to get this frazzled about it?” Spike asked in an attempt to reason his boss/maternal authority figure down to a more manageable level of neurosis.
“Spike, they’re my parents. You know, the reason I even exist in the first place? Regardless of whether or not it’s necessary, I want to get frazzled about it. They are more than worthy of a frazzling.”
Tee hee. It’s even funnier now because Fluttershy described Twilight as “frazzled” in Castle Sweet Castle.
Factoring in when it was written, Petriculture made great use of Pinkie Pie in a way never-before done. It has the honour of being a story that others with a similar concept are, or would be, compared to, much like My Little Dashie or The Immortal Game. Clever uses of mild and light canon mixed in with old Word of God statements managed to produce an interesting, unique, amusing story that did in fact change many people’s perception of Pinkie, at least until the canon managed to officially ruin it approximately twenty months later. Honestly though, that doesn’t matter one little bit. It was ever so fun to go back to and enjoy once more. Petriculture is a fic that contains exemplary portrayals of both Twilight and Pinkie. To the—probably about ten or so—people who will see this review series and haven’t already read it: it’s worth it.
Oh, and the final two paragraphs? I completely missed the implications there first time around. Knowing what story’s about to be reviewed, though…
7/10
Story: Inscape
Synopsis:
It's been several months since Pinkie Pie made a stunning admission about her past that permanently changed her relationship with her friends, particularly Twilight Sparkle, but life seems to have settled back to normal (well, normal by Pinkie Pie's standards, at least). However, when an old nemesis returns and ensnares Twilight in her influence, it's up to Pinkie to make things right.
Length: 29,281 words over 7 chapters, averaging 4,183 words per chapter
Status: Complete
Review: Just a few paragraphs in and already, Inscape shows a marked improvement in the humorous side of things, including an amusing reference to the movie Airplane! It doesn’t take long to get serious though. In fact, Inscape is far less slice-of-lifey than Petriculture initially was; it carries more of both Adventure and Dark elements. Still seeing the slight overuse of LUS, too. Perhaps it’s just a thing that wasn’t pulled up often back then. Although not so prevalent, the telly aspects of the story are still there too; unfortunately, in this story, they’re a little more distracting. Like so:
This plan, however, had a rather notable flaw, as Rarity pointed out:
The “talking heads” still shows up every now and then too, such as when Pinkie is explaining her plan to help Twilight.
In any case, to pull another quote from the story itself:
Before tonight, the other ponies would never have imagined that Twilight Sparkle acting like Twilight Sparkle could ever be so creepy.
I had forgotten all about the plot, evidently. A sudden flood of memories came surging back to me in chapter two, and I think it was from there on that I realised just how trippy Inscape was actually going to be. It was also around there I knew I would be in for a really great story, if it could be pulled off well.
Yes, yes it is. The whole interplay and mind games between Pinkie, Twilight, and the antagonist (who is actually Twilight... kinda... sorta… but not really) shows just how creative and powerful an imagination—and the products of one—can be. It’s also quite hilarious while managing to be rather thought-provoking at the same time. ’Twas Inscape what convinced me that the entire Cycle was worth completing… let’s just ignore the fact that I still haven’t gotten there.
Yet.
8/10
Story: Avocation
Synopsis:
Penumbra seeks gainful employment. Hilarity ensues.
Length: 4,557 words over 9 chapters, averaging 506 words per chapter
Status: Complete
Review: Following immediately on from Inscape, Avocation offers a drastic shift in storytelling. Everything has changed: the character, the PoV, the tense, the tone, and the general format. While Inscape was a deep and grand adventure-style story—in spite of how relatively short it is—Avocation gets inside our brand-new character’s head and leads us through a few of her daily struggles. Try to imagine being thrust into a new world with a new body and a huge amount of preconceptions that once defined who you were still clouding the minds of the majority of those you interact with. What follows is a funny diary-entry style story in which Penumbra interacts with (mostly bitching to) the pony she once shared body and mind with via a correspondence system similar to the one Twilight and Celestia use. I’ve noticed an upswing in the quality and amount of humour as the stories have gone on, but this is the first one in the series to actually make use of the [Comedy] tag. Incidentally, it’s also the first one to make use of the AU tag (something I believe has everything to do with its date of initial publication) even though it follows the same universe as Petriculture and Inscape. If you like Letters From a Disgruntled Friendship Student, you should really like this one. But if you hate Letters, you should love this one, as it has greater quality humour and none of the former’s obnoxious attributes. All in all, Avocation serves as a nice character-establishing story. A pity it’s so short.
7/10
Story: Pi
Synopsis:
Life in Ponyville has been relatively quiet recently, which is somewhat surprising, given that the town's librarian tried to usurp the Equestrian throne only a few months ago. Aside from the appearance of a grumpy pegasus who set up shop as a cloudsmith, the aftermath is so unnoticeable that most ponies aren't even aware that the incident happened at all. Unfortunately, all that's about to change, thanks to the return of a certain revenge-obsessed showmare....
Length: 13,505 words over 3 chapters, averaging 4,502 words per chapter
Status: Complete
Review: This may not appeal to people as much as the first three stories, as it’s essentially a retell of Magic Duel, just from Penumbra’s perspective. There are loads of similarities, but only a few small key differences. While Avocation was refreshing in that it changed up the style and introduced more comedic elements as part of Penumbra’s development, Pi reverts right back to the third-person omniscient PoV. Except this time, probably because the story is a familiar one which results in me skimming every now and then, the earlier issues like being unnecessarily telly and the overuse of LUS seem to be leaping out at me more.
There is a lot of clever stuff at play here—I especially commend the explanation for Zecora’s rhyming as well as the alternate method that Twilight used to defeat Trixie—but I honestly think that having it pretty much directly follow an episode’s plot with only minor variations keeps the story from reaching its potential. As such, with this opinion of mine combining with the seemingly greater-than-ever amount of stylistic shortcomings, I consider this the weakest story in the Cycle so far. Still, now I’ve finally caught up with everything.
5/10
Story: Pandelirium
Synopsis:
After Twilight Sparkle made her biggest secret public much earlier than she'd originally planned, the lives of the Element-Bearers and their closest friends somehow managed to become even more complicated than they already were. Yet despite the flurry of all of the added activity this brings, Princess Celestia decides to undertake a particularly ambitious project: the reformation of Discord. She delegates the task to Penumbra Noctis, who, more than anypony else, can empathize with the draconequus' situation, and who is therefore best suited to showing Discord the magic of friendship. On the surface, it's a very reasonable plan.
Unfortunately, Discord has never had much patience for reason.
Length: 77,357 words over 11 chapters, averaging 7,032 words per chapter
Status: Complete
Review: Now, this is welcome. Unlike Pi, which followed Magic Duel rather closely except for the final act, Pandelirium deviates immediately from the story of Keep Calm And Flutter On by having Penumbra tasked with looking after Discord instead of Fluttershy. This is a wonderful decision for two reasons: one, it enables a fresh take on an old episode with a divergent storyline, and two, because Penumbra is just brilliant. Ever since her character-establishing story, she has grown into a likable OC. I see a lot of the non-existent (in this universe) Maud Pie in her, and yet she’s clever, just like Twilight Sparkle. With her development over the past story and a few in-story months, Penumbra reminds me of one of my favourite cynics in fiction: Daria. She’s the perfect foil for Discord, whose only single objective in the story is to make Penumbra laugh.
This is far easier said than done, my friends, as Discord finds to his utmost frustration.
There’s a lot of fun to be had in this story. Penumbra and Discord have an opening dynamic that reminds me of two characters from the highly rated anime, Deathnote: Light Yagami, and his Shinigami tagalong, Ryuk. Their banter is fun and witty as long as the first few chapters continue. What else amuses me is the various lengths the other Mane Six go to to keep Discord in check even while Discord does his utmost to just coerce a single laugh out of Penumbra.
Oh, and there’s this whole recurring flashbacks thing happening with the Princesses and Discord. At first I thought the way they were laid out with every chapter was completely nonsensical and all over the place… but then I completed the end of the story and realised it had been done that way on purpose. You see, Pandelirium’s chapter layout actually makes it “begin” with chapter ten and “end” with a prologue. This is fitting in more than one way. For instance, the story is essentially all about how Discord is Celestia’s imaginary friend, just like how Penumbra used to be Luna’s and Pinkie used to be Twilight’s. As Discord is one of the primary focuses, Kwakerjak reasoned that posting the chapters backward while keeping only the meat of the story forward is a thing that Discord would greatly approve of. It also allows the story to feel like it has come completely full circle by the end… which is in fact another major theme of Pandelirium.
The evils of imperfect lines and shapes, circles, and the number “Pi” versus the purity of perfectly ordered and structured geometric shapes are at the forefront of our other main antagonist: none other than the Great and Powerful Trixie herself, freshly spoiling for revenge after her defeat in Pi. Here lies a thing that ties in so well with the canon Magic Duel, so often used as a gag, but used to set up a major plot point. Trixie’s disdain for wheels has been written to stem not from some weird personal preference, but rather from the time she was corrupted by the Alicorn Amulet. It manifests over time into a hatred of all things imperfect and imprecise, her philosophy eventually reaching a point where it over-shrouds reason and natural occurrence and dismisses these things as being unnatural.
Without spoiling too much, the cave that Trixie finds herself in near the start helps to set in motion her own descent even deeper into madness than she has ever gone before. Utilising some surprising canon from the MLP EU (a certain comic issue), events all come to ahead and play out in an unexpected fashion. A lot of fans cried foul at Trixie’s supposed effortless victory over all the princesses and the Elements of Harmony, even the newly coronated Twilight and Pinkie, and without having been able to read further back in the day, I can see why. It comes off as completely Deus Ex Machina and serves only to further the plot regardless of how it should not have been able to happen in the eyes of many. Reading on though, the reasoning is quickly explained with one heck of a plot twist. It might have been utilised a little smoother, but it’s not an incredible flaw. At least, I don’t think so.
It takes half the story, but we finally get some action! Boom! Kapow! Fwipp! Schuum! Lots of fighting. And then things take a turn for the dark. It’s not brutal or gory or even particularly violent. It gets the mind thinking though. Kwak is asking a lot from his audience, essentially that they suspend their disbelief and just let him tell the story. While it does all tie together in the end, I wouldn’t blame people for falling away as the explanations of things take many thousands of words more than we feel they probably should. Oftentimes I got the feeling that he was writing more to cover his own bases and potential plotholes rather than the story just feeling organic. Lots of very long dialogue sequences where characters do nothing but talk and ask / answer each other’s questions.
This is a worry for me. There’s an awful lot of telling in this story, to the point where taking out much of the (in my mind) unnecessary exposition or feeling reaffirmations littered throughout could have slashed the story by up to 30% of its word count. There are many overly wordy sentences that could say exactly the same thing with half the words. In addition, we don’t get a lot of body language, tonal shifts, or other “showy” things to let the reader see in their mind’s eye what’s going on. It’s all very “X character felt this at the new information, and continued on to say ‘X’.” The other, slightly less irritating (but only just) thing I kept picking up was the overuse of LUS to the point where it was happening every other paragraph… when talking heds wasn’t becoming an issue. Of course I have already pointed out these same style and mechanical flaws in the previous stories, so bringing it up again feels almost superfluous.
Yet in terms of what the story actually does, the way it utilises tiny pieces of canon from many sources to weave an interesting, unique tale has been done on a level I rarely see. Kwak wasn’t shy about introducing possible questionable aspects that the greater canon-thumpers would oppose, and it shows. Fortunately, everything that’s different to what we know has its own explanation. Whether you like the story and the style of writing or not, you can’t deny that Kwak is thorough. The story was unique, introducing scenarios to me I’d never have imagined myself. Seeing the eventual triumph pays off once you hit that final chapter, and though the story is essentially about Discord, it doesn’t forget about the likable pony who helped him see the truth. I love Penumbra, and I’ll be very glad to see her back in the next instalment of the Petriculture Cycle: Transdementia.
8/10
Man, oh man, am I ever glad I got that fic off my RL. It was there for longer than any story before it.
What next? You decide! Pick three one-shots ( <10k words ), two mid-size fics ( 10–30k words ) or one longfic ( 30k+ ).
Words read so far this June: 273,449 (I’m creeping up slowly. I love having days off work.)
Thanks for your thoughts. The only thing I'd want to add is that there is a reason why my instincts as a writer tend toward dialogue even where others might take a different approach, and that reason is that I absolutely love dialogue, whether I'm writing it or reading it. I've often said to my prereaders that I think of narrative fiction in terms of dialogues and other scenes that provide context for those dialogues, and most of the time, I'm not exaggerating.
Nearly all of the key moments in this series were initially conceived of as dialogues --- certainly all of my favorite moments are presented that way. Heck, you could argue (and I do) the entirety of Avocation consists of a sustained dialogue between two characters, though I only chose to provide one character's responses.