Random Reviews Set #1 (01/10) · 6:57pm Jun 7th, 2015
Yes, this bunch is already starting out "well" (notice the sarcasm quotation marks):
The Love-foal by lillywrites.
The tags are Comedy (Spoiler: It's going to turn out to be very unfunny), Random (big warning sign there already) and Slice of Life (possibly the only genre tag that is actually relevant).
It is supposed to be a funny little story which Rainbow tells to her friends.
In reality, it's a unfunny mess that's mostly made up of dialogue of the very OOC mane six and Discord doing utterly pointless things. I won't even bother to summarize it here, there is no punchline or anything remotely worthwhile to be found in the story. Most of what is there is not in any way relevant to the story at all and could be cut easily. Then again, it is rather hard to discern what actually would be relevant to the story, since, well, there basically is no story to be found here.
Every single character is a passive-aggressive asshole suffering from millisecond-mood-swings to the point that their (also entirely pointless) arguing makes up the larger part of the narrative. Seriously, one of the only signs (aside from a couple of blatant word choices) that Rainbow is supposedly telling the story is the fact that she is the only character that is not constantly being insulted by someone else in every second sentence.
The style is 100% telling and no bit of showing is present and we have a ton of adverbs to boot. Description of literally anything is non-existent, sending us straight to talking-heads-land. The grammar is decent, but since it's almost entirely dialogue, it's not that much of a saving grace. Some of the character's exchanges are a little hard to follow, but it is not too bad. The pacing is horribly jerky and jumpy, also probably due to the fact that the story mostly consists of very short verbal exchanges between characters; the presence of some "Meanwhile in Japan"-type scene "transitions" doesn't help the pacing either. Also, there are a few very strange expressions (ever heard "booming giggles"?) and we start off with a weather report.
Rating:
2/10
It's not so horribly bad that it's funny, but it's not a pleasant read by a very long shot. After the first few sentences you get the feeling that you are reading something entirely pointless and devoid of any comprehensible humour and that you should better stop here before you waste any more time.
Turns out, that feeling is entirely warranted.
Recommendation for readers:
Entirely pointless, stay away.
