Cerulean's Voice On The Matter #17 · 3:15pm Jun 6th, 2015
I continue to push through my wall of words in this chilly month of June. Yes, chilly, now shut up, America.
Three reviews today. Shorter ones this time before I tackle my next epic. Suggest one for me then. No don’t run away, it only has 17 fics in it!
Story: Machina
Author: Kanzlerin Maud
Synopsis:
A robot, constructed for a purpose that it does not understand, seeks to gain its Father's approval via whatever means it can. Following his instructions, being fit to serve, and always awake and alert. But its efforts are not enough; not suitable to fit Father's desire for a true daughter. In the end, no machine can truly substitute the depths of real emotion.
...Or is that untrue? Could feelings to a robot truly mean nothing? Or could they mean everything? What would it take to be considered... "real"?
Length: 3,310 words (one-shot with a short epilogue)
Status: Complete
Review: My first impression of Machina was that it must have been inspired by one of my favourite robots as a kid: Astro Boy. But upon breaching the first paragraphs, it became evident that, while Astro (or “Toby” if you’ve seen the show) and Sweetie (Bot)’s origin stories were remarkably alike, the similarities ended there. This is a story about the power of human emotion and how a robot can come to understand what “emotions” are. I was drawn further into Sweetie Bot’s reminiscence with every paragraph; and just as I took a bite of toast, I read a certain passage uttered by a certain filly. And I stopped, the toast still clenched in my mouth and slowly drooping toward the ground. I sat there, motionless, for a full five seconds as I tried to process what just happened. And therein lies another difference between “Toby” and “Sweetie...” but I’ll let you figure it out. Which you should. Like, now. At only 3.3k words, why wouldn’t you?
Fimfic really needs a [Bittersweet] tag…
Story: The Cup Cake Killer
Author: SaddlesoapOpera
Synopsis:
Ponyville is shaken to its core when everypony's favourite pink party-pony is revealed to be a murderer.
Her friends struggle to deal with the staggering revelation as all of Equestria turns its focus on the little town to learn more about the now infamous Cup Cake Killer...
Length: 4,414 words (one-shot)
Status: Complete
Review: People tell me that SaddesoapOpera is one of the better writers in the fandom from a more bygone age. I’ve never read anything by him before, so why not begin with something recent? Like, an entry into EqD’s More Most Dangerous Game contest from Jan 2015 that happened to take eighth place?
The first three words. hot damn. You know something’s wrong when this happens. I’ll be honest here: I saw the twist coming a mile away. And yet, the way everything unfolded still seemed like it had purpose in being there. The sporadic flashbacks happening to Twilight spell it out to everyone who hadn’t yet guessed, but even for those who can call the truth before they see it, they still feel essential to the story.
I see why SsO would have a reputation for good story writing early in the fandom. I stress here though: early in the fandom. I did enjoy the story itself, all the elements and the imagination that went into descriptive things (such as the manner of Pinkie’s execution ) were great. I can’t speak for him as a writer outside of fimfic of course, but I think not having published any pony content for close to two years hurt the story’s technical quality. There are great examples of earlier fandom writing at play in here, from a time when we didn’t care so much about being grammar or style nazis. Such examples are the use of allcaps for shouting and emphasis, and the use of hyphens for dashes. There’s a bit of LUS happening there too.
I feel that the story was hurt by the restraints of the contest; a lot more could have been explored, and it all came to a head a little too fast for my liking. People have mentioned that the ending didn’t sit right with them. I disagree. It had to end the way it did, even if it could have been executed with slightly more finesse. In the end, it’s still a very decent attempt to recreate the original Cupcakes and I have no qualms at all about calling it the superior story. Though, going by popular opinion, that’s not exactly difficult, so make of that what you will.
Perhaps I’ll read some of Soapy’s other works in future…
Story: Floral Embrace
Author: Masterweaver
Synopsis:
She saw things differently
*than those around her
**so focused on life
***they did not live
****but she never worried
*****for the universe was
******always singing to her.
This is the story of Tree Hugger's Cutie Mark
Length: 2,388 words (one-shot)
Status: Complete
Review: I knew, just knew, as soon as I saw Tree Hugger in the show, people would immediately portray her as a stoner hippy who loves Mary Jane as much as she does Fluttershy. That’s why finding this piece among the infuriating, stereotypical, dope-infested jungle of fics about her sparking up a few joints immediately leapt out at me. But is it any good?
(Please be a yes, please be a yes…)
Oh, my… synesthesia! How fascinating! You know, this really struck a chord with me, since I’ve also written about blindness of course. While I can only imagine what being blind in the traditional sense is actually like (not fun, for the majority of sufferers), the thought of only seeing the world in blurring, ever-shifting colours is so cool to me. This story has given me a strong headcanon about Tree Hugger; it just fits her character so well! The actual writing itself isn’t bad either.
Short, cute, and should make you smile. As a character piece on TH, it works. That’s all it really is though. For a trippy yet drug-free journey through the cosmos… well, more like Tree Hugger’s garden, you should, like, give it a whirl, dude.
I am incredibly sad that this has gone so unnoticed…
Words read so far this June: 140,033 (I really should be up to about 200k by now; blame my newfound almost-full-time work)
Technically it's not synesthesia, Tree Hugger just has a different sense that she can't properly explain to her mother. She doesn't become blind till she earns her cutie mark. But I didn't explain that in the story, so whatever.
Hmm... I'm hearing voices. Voices telling me to do something. If I listen carefully I can just make out the words of temptation...
And I feel a distinct compulsion to add a certain story to my RiL...
People overplay this aspect a bit much, honestly. When the most you can say is all caps for shouting and hyphens instead of dashes, both of which I still see quite often, your point falls a bit flat.
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I just kinda went with what I was presented in the story.
I mean, the idea is still cool. Filly Tree Hugger is cute in my head too. You made me actually close my eyes a few times so I could try to visualise what she was seeing for myself. Imagine that? Trying to see more by seeing less.
Incidentally, this was the main theme of my most recent story.
I liked it a lot. I want everyone to read it.
Oh, and you should try submitting it to EqD as well. It's a nice piece.
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While this is true, I would think that the better writers in the fandom, particularly
you oldfagsthose who've been around for quite a while, have long since learned and evolved up from such things. Seeing them in a revered writer's work just got me thinking about it.It's an amateur thing to do, and yet from all accounts, SoO is anything but an amateur.
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How... should I do that?
I'm sorry about your toast.
I actually never really thought about the Astro Boy/Toby comparison before. I'm not all that familiar with that series, so I guess it was mostly coincidence.
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Like so! (Don't stress about the word count, it's just a general guideline).
might I recommend the Pony Psychology series?
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...You're definitely placing value in all the wrong places, man. You're putting too much weight on what are ultimately very minor stylistic and grammatical mistakes.
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Perhaps in the eye of the average reader. But they were things that I got chewed out by EqD for on multiple occasions, which resulted in me eradicating them from my writing. And I don't miss either of them.
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:/
You're still missing the point. Part of what EqD does is point out minor things, and they're not wrong to do so. However, it is wrong to place higher importance on those things simply because EqD chewed you out on them.
You should read one of SS&E's older stories.