R4 (Reactions, Reviews, Reference, Redirection) #0159

[<<<Previous] [Index] [Next >>>]

Here are five slightly edited old reviews:
You Are A King by kalash93
Faun by PresentPerfect
Beneath Harmony by Rootbeer Dew
The Young Filly and the Sea by Georg
Foals by Scarheart

You Are A King by kalash93
[story link] [my original review]

This one had a hard time keeping my attention. It wasn’t the second-person perspective that did it. That was actually done fairly well. It was the, well, I guess pacing is a good enough term. It was very drawn out and very repetitive. You could probably cut this story in half and not lose much of anything. Even the worldbuilding was surprisingly light considering the subject matter. Did like the part about the gate from the old lands to Equestria bit, but that was pretty much the only worldbuilding bit here. The entire story is basically the arrogant main character being villain-level vain about himself. As a example of decently good second-person perspective it’s worth a read, but as a story I wouldn’t recommend it.

Faun by PresentPerfect
[story link] [my original review]

Kinda dark, and very sad. Pretty well written though. Just about anything I have to say about it would be spoilers. So I’ll just go to the part that annoyed me at the very end. Princess Celestia signing her letter H. R. H. Celestia. I like Her Divine Highness so much better, but that doesn’t explain why the royal version annoys me so much. Why yes, I think I am focusing on the most trivial thing possible as my mind’s reaction to the tragedy in this story.

Beneath Harmony by Rootbeer Dew
[story link] [my original review]

This was okay. The mythic stuff was interesting, but much to narrow and brief. The part with Twilight Sparkle was faithful to her character, but was frustrating because it doesn’t really go anywhere. Writing was pretty good though.

The Young Filly and the Sea by Georg
[story link] [my original review]

This author remains one of my favorites. He is really, really good at the simple slice of life stuff and is pretty good with sweet romance. The actual romance in the story is more implied than anything. I’d say this story only barely slips under the requirement for the contest. Really good story though. Wish it was longer. Then again, I want this author to be writing the sequel to one of his other stories instead of writing brand new stuff. I have to admit that him joining the contest is probably unfair. He’s written what is possibly the best OC and Twilight romance I’ve read (not this one, another story), so he basically had a head start on everyone else. This one is highly recommended. Of course, if you abhor meandering slice-of-life with no real story to it, you should probably avoid this one. And as I mentioned elsewhere, you really could cut chapters two and three off and you wouldn’t lose much of anything. In fact, it would be stronger as just a slice-of-life moment of Twilight as a foal.

Foals by Scarheart
[story link] [my original review]

This one has potential, but seriously needs editing. It’s full of typical beginning author mistakes. Yet the story seems to be interesting and the author at least has the right idea of how things should go and how characters should act. Just needs the skill and practice to actually get that across to the reader. The author’s notes even say that it’s a first draft that the author intends to rewrite and do as a longer story after the contest is over. I will be interested in seeing what comes of that. I’m not sure I’d recommend this, given all the stumbles, but I do want to see the finished version however far down the line that happens.

---

As always, The Big Master Review List is here: { THE MASTER LIST }
If you know of a text-format reviewer I'm not keeping track of, please let me know and I'll see if they meet the criteria to be assimilated into the list.

If you are an author who wants a more detailed review of a story I've covered feel free to message me. My reviews tend to be fairly light, mostly just reactions to a story right after reading it. I am happy to give a more careful read and reply to anyone who wants more precision and/or feedback.