Writing Romance fics · 2:07am Apr 19th, 2015
Well, well, well. Here we are again. I had someone request I do another one of these blogs (first one can be found here). I assume the request wasn't because it helped them; rather, it's because watching a damn grown-ass man sperg out on a blog dedicated to cartoon horses and acting like it means something fulfills some erotic desire of his.
Abra-ka-fucking-dabra. Like a genie, I come out of the bottle to grant a wish. So, uh, wish granted, guy.
Today we'll be looking at a genre everyone seems to touch upon in at least one story or two: the romance.
Better rev up those ballads, pour some wine, and eat some of that overhyped french cheese, because it's time for the Caucasian Barry White to lay down the law with Epic Pointers! (the bold draws attention, and the word epic reminds me that the word is overused as hell for the wrong reasons, much like the word 'love' and 'statutory.')
1:Avoid Purple Prose
Holy shit. You want to talk the biggest turn-off possible in a story? (Aside from insufferable OcxFluttershy ships, mind)
Purple prose.
Now, I like a description of areas and people just as much as the next guy, from paragraphs talking about verdant hills, dismal bogs, decrepit mines, and how big of boobs the main chick has, but there's a limit that can be crossed pretty easy. If you ever spend two paragraphs talking about AJ's hair and how it swept across the contours and turns of her body like a golden river ebbing against two mountains, I will find you and I will kill you.
The cops will call it justifiable homicide, considering your crimes of raping and murdering the English language. Elaborate a bit, sure, if you must, but don't overdo it for God's sake.
2: Don't Make Them Perfect
This isn't the genre for perfect love or characters. Their love should be a driving force, of course, and there's nothing wrong with them ending the story together, but that unity should involve some sacrifice. What makes this different than an Adventure story is that the characters, nor their actions should be complete paragons for the reader to strive for. Sure, there are guys like Maximilian Morrel, who are paragons of love and devotion in the real world, but that usually doesn't work in a story unless you're careful with it.
“What about Romeo and Juliet? Isn't that an example of perfect love?” you ask. Fuck you, don't try to write or be inspired by that. No, do you honestly think you could write shit like the Merchant of Venice with any semi-balance of skill? Romeo and Juliet was something wrote by one of the best artists in the world—he can get away with that because he knows how to make it work. Aside from the shitty ending. I don't mind the kids dying, but holy shit, couldn't you at least of checked on a pulse, Romeo? Stupid poison drinking tard.
I forgot where I was going with this. Oh yeah, they should be relatable, not people head over heels in love and with no negative traits. They need fleshed out. And that includes not always devoting themselves one-hundred percent to their partner.
I ain't talking cheating, rather, I'm talking my next point:
3: There's more to a character than their love
You're entering into a world where they have been living in for years. Even if Bob sees Mary and decides he wants to be with her, he still has years of doing non-love shit under his belt. Maybe he's a lumberjack or carpenter. Maybe he has a bad knee from a nailgun going through the bone once. Maybe he has a father he looks after. What I'm getting at is that Bob has a lot more going for him than just wanting to bone Mary. You need to realize this and throw in a bit of fluff regarding his position in life—it will make the dialogue far livelier and engaging.
4: Write characters attractive/relatable/interesting to you
Writing people like that helps you invest more time into it. And I'm not talking about in your writings making everyone an E-cup supermodel that knows how to cook (although, man, what a world to live in), rather, you need to find something that interests you about a character. One of her passions, ideals, her body, something to compel you to write her (or him. Part of the reason I like writing Spike is because the younger-man dynamic he brings really shakes up relationships). You try to make your character a plain-Jane with a profession way outside your own interests and it's doomed to fail. Part of several reasons why I've never, ever doing anything with Octavia. Even if she's a blank-slate character, her initial design is dull to me. If I tried to write anything Octo, it'd take longer to update than Outpoint and Dust on the Bottle combined.
Make them interesting to you personally, it makes the writing process so much easier.
And if that doesn't work for you, you could always make them into an E-cup supermodel that knows how to cook. I'd read it, buddy.
5: Show the strengths of a relationship
A relationship needs to be logical in the sense that both partners need to receive something from it. There needs to be a reason that they're together, why they put up with one-another. Sometimes that's easy to come up with, like with TwiJack, sometimes you need to do some thinking and buildup as to why the relationship works, like with FlutterDash. Keep that in mind and you'll go crazy with the amount of easy plot hooks you can do.
6: Read
I said this last blog? No kidding. Probably because it's the most important advice I can give to a writer, other than saying that a sword fight makes any novel into a good novel. Good readers learn how to be good writers if they apply what they know to their work.
7: Know when to end it
OK, this is important advice too. Know how many stories I've read that I dropped about midway because they decided to just keep going on and on, meandering to pointlessness? Several. And that's a lot.
So. for example, let's say the the main plot issue in a story is that Applebloom wants to ask Sweetie Belle out on a date. You have your overall plot where hijinks prevent the girl from asking the other one out, all that jazz. When that gets solved and Bloom agrees to a date? Bam, main plot solved. Maybe go a little farther and show how the date did, but you can call the story done after that.
At least in theory. However, it seems like the case in this fandom sometimes is that even if a writer doesn't have an idea on where he wants the plot to progress, he still writes and writes needless filler, completely ruining the pacing and retroactively ruining the story itself. Too many times have I seen something with an unique or at least well executed premise devolve into nothing but reckless shitposting that goes nowhere. Writers. I don't care about their kids if the story isn't about them trying to have kids. If the story was originally about them going on a first date and you spend the next thirty years with them as a couple, you should probably stop. Unless you have a very clear, well-thought out storyboard in mind, it's a lot better to keep a reader wanting more rather than suffocating them with yet another story about Rainbow Dash traveling east.
8: Opposites (don't always) attract
I've seen a few miracle situations happen in real life regarding this, but for the most part it doesn't work. You need to have common ground in a written relationship for it to work. This should sound like a weird thing to say, considering I think RariJack is the king of kings when it comes to my cartoon horse erotica, but my argument has always been that they have superficial differences at best, and complement one-another almost as much as something like TwiJack when you peel away their layers. In romance stories, you need to showcase their common ground and similarities in order to get something that feels natural.
9: Show the weaknesses of a relationship
This one is important too. And was originally going to be mentioned up where I talked about showcasing the strength of a relationship but then I realized I only had nine bullet points.
Jokes on you, I was only pretending to be retarted when I tried to count to ten on my first outline.
Make them have arguments and disagree. Getting an insight into their minds and average day in their romantic affairs is part of the fun. Maybe Pinkie Pie is upset Dash hasn't taken her pranking in a long time, or Twilight is upset that Fluttershy didn't disclose to her that she was HIV positive. Again, in a genre like this, they're going to make mistakes and be more human than they are in an adventure story. Sometimes those mistakes involve Twilight glassing the pink-haired pony in frustration.
10: Don't be afraid to add a genre
Sometimes you can't have just a romance story. Maybe you're running out of ideas for it, maybe you feel like a good outside force would make the characters you want boning one another close enough to bone. Maybe you still feel like you want to write an idealistic love. Maybe you can only write a story if the punchline has fart jokes. There's no shame in this. It just means that maybe a straight romance isn't what's needed for the story you want to tell. Why not write an Adventure one where an ancient evil awakens and it's up to Rainbow Dash and AJ to stop it, with sexy results. Or maybe a Slice of Life where Spike and Rarity have to leave town and Rarity discovers Spike and her own feelings are very similar for one-another. Or maybe a romantic comedy where Fluttershy has irritable bowel syndrome and Nytewing, the half-batpony half-alicorn OC, has to confess his feelings to her through the door of an outhouse. Charming.
Or, if you're desperate, you can always copy the plot of the upcoming hit movie Kung Fury.
Holy shit that is the best thing I've seen in months. Thank God neo-80's is starting to go mainstream.
Well, that's that for this blogpost. If you have a genre you want me to cover, leave a comment down below and I'll try to get to it.
Oh, and for those like two guys wanting to know story progress for my trash, I'm up to 150 pages on a Gdoc for the next Laughing Shadow sequel. Don't expect it super soon, but expect it fairly soon™
I rate this "Blog o' tips" flapjack, on a scale of pancakes to crepes. Also, hooray for sequel.
P.S. Nice trademark skills
I have to say... I agree with all of this. Except for the RariJack part, but I'm not even gonna go there, because absolutely everything around it is great, and that really just comes down to how we see the characters.
Great job, Merc.
Some good advice here. I'm a good 75k words into writing an as of yet unpublished romance, and I'm pretty sure I've already got all this down.
Although I would like to add that purple prose can be great when used as a characterization tool. If your PoV character is Rarity, and she isn't mentally describing her romantic moments with a heavy filter of purple, you're missing out.
what
2995560
So a hair below peanut butter or blueberry pancake, but better than walnut.
Thank you.
2995570
I'll fite u over RariJack, homes. You don't mess with the Bloods over pony ships, yo.
i228.photobucket.com/albums/ee222/merc_the_jerk/pearls_zpsa3971e69.gif
D'aww, thanks, pal.
2995577
See? This is what makes writing cool over something like math. There's more than one correct answer and every rule is made to be bent or outright broken. Internal thoughts and doing it for characterization is great and works really well. You just have to know how to use your guns.
2995988
Haven't you noticed the resurgence in 80's themed electric as of late? A lot of synth music, a lot of Letterman jackets, rule of cool design, neon deco? It's making a crazy comeback, just look at artists like Kavinsky or games like Farcry: Blood Dragon & Hotline Miami 1 and 2. Heck, we're even getting a new Blade Runner. It's seriously a resurgence in an 80's aesthetic, and I'm loving every minute of it.
2996095 Now that you mention Hotline Miami and Kavinsky, I can kinda see your point. Must be me living in Eastern-Europe to not being in the loop. My personal association and appreciation for American 80s primarily stems from extensive playing of Grand Theft Auto: Vice City.
2996355
Ah, yeah, that would make things rougher if it isn't as prevalent for your area.
2997573
Don't worry. It confuses and enrages me just as much as you. I don't get why the guy can't find a new gimmick to write—it's as bad as those "Journey of Graves" stories that kept popping up.