Meta's incomplete Fanfiction Commentary: The Pet of my Pet by Ponyess

[7:54:28 AM] Stigzbadigz: https://www.fimfiction.net/story/259589/the-pet-of-my-pet
[7:55:42 AM] MetaKnight145: > The Pet of my Pet
[7:55:44 AM] MetaKnight145: >teen
[7:55:48 AM] MetaKnight145: LAAAAAAAME
[7:56:32 AM] MetaKnight145: Why is the once blue?
[7:56:38 AM] MetaKnight145: It is weird.
[7:56:55 AM] Stigzbadigz: no idea
[7:58:04 AM] MetaKnight145:

I am a Pet. My owner is a Pink Pony living in Ponyville, Equestria. Sometimes, she brings me to her Parties. They all love her and her parties, and they apparently find me Cute and Exotic.

Why didn't you just tell us Pinkie's name? I mean we already know where the fuck she lives and what she looks like.
[7:58:51 AM] MetaKnight145: I mean even from a first person perspective one would say someone's name before describing them and their location.
[7:59:28 AM] MetaKnight145: Do you want me to nitpick?
[8:02:04 AM] Stigzbadigz: doesn't bother me
[8:02:30 AM] MetaKnight145: Kay.
Why the fuck is cute and exotic capitalized?
[8:03:11 AM] Stigzbadigz: because reasons
[8:05:11 AM] MetaKnight145:

She always lets me wear a collar and leash when she takes me outside. At first, I though I would protest and find it embarrassing, but I changed my mind. At least, I am not forced to be entirely nude, the way I originally feared.

1. After reading the two sentences after that one, the word you are looking for is makes not lets.
2. *thought
3. If you didn't actually protest why the fuck are you telling us this? It is completely fucking meaningless information that you thought you would protest against it but you didn't actually protest against it.
[8:05:34 AM] MetaKnight145: I really doubt this story will be about you having second thoughts about being a pet.
[8:06:01 AM] MetaKnight145: Also
[8:06:18 AM] MetaKnight145: [8:05 AM] MetaKnight145:

<<< At least, I am not forced to be entirely nude, the way I originally feared.
I reiterate.
LAAAAAAAAME
[8:06:22 AM] Stigzbadigz: lol
[8:06:48 AM] MetaKnight145: >not even finished with the discription yet
[8:06:56 AM] MetaKnight145: Oh the ride has just begun.
[8:07:13 AM] Stigzbadigz:

Let the rave begin
[8:07:41 AM] MetaKnight145: You gonna join in or just gonna enjoy me ripping it a new one?
[8:07:50 AM] Stigzbadigz: Might drop in and out
[8:07:56 AM | Edited 8:08:01 AM] Stigzbadigz: am mainly gonna be your audience
[8:08:15 AM] Stigzbadigz: If I see something I feel needs commenting on, I'll add my two cents
[8:08:22 AM] Stigzbadigz: I haven't actually read it yet
[8:08:56 AM] Stigzbadigz: Stigzbadigz resumes raving in his chair
[8:10:02 AM] MetaKnight145:

My owner commonly is nude, like her fellow Ponies, with a few exceptions, like the friend she refers to as Rarity.

Oh.
Oh dear. This is a HiE first person story?
the ride has only begun
[8:10:14 AM] Stigzbadigz: lel
[8:10:30 AM] Stigzbadigz: my body is not ready for this
[8:10:40 AM] Stigzbadigz: Stigzbadigz turns on Moves Like Jagger
[8:10:43 AM] Stigzbadigz: save me, Maroon 5
[8:11:12 AM] MetaKnight145: Maroon 5 cannot save you.
Nothing can save you.
You have gotten on the ride. It will never end.
[8:11:23 AM] Stigzbadigz: Stigzbadigz turns up the volume and shakes his booty
[8:11:25 AM] MetaKnight145: It will only get worse.
[8:11:26 AM] Stigzbadigz: fuk ur rools
[8:12:08 AM] MetaKnight145: fuk u gooby
[8:16:52 AM] MetaKnight145:

Rarity create the most beautiful suits, when asked. Apparently it is her work and Passion, all rolled into one.

*sighs*
Okay.
1. creates
2. She owns a buisness. If she is giving you shit for free that completely boggles the mind. I'll see her giving you 1 or maybe 2 sets of clothes at first cause generosity and telling her about always wearing clothes and such but after that I think she would want payment. However the way you worded that makes it seem like it has happened more than one or two times enough for you to see a pattern in her making shit just because you asked.
This makes no fucking sense.
3. That isn't needing an apparently. You could just say, "Her clothing craft is as much her passion as it is her sorce of income." Or something to that effect.
[8:17:44 AM] Stigzbadigz: Ponyess likes to use the word "apparently"
[8:18:17 AM] MetaKnight145: I use it a lot too but I don't think it used it in a fic yet.
[8:19:11 AM] MetaKnight145: Maybe Equestria Girls: Willam simmons high is texas but that is about it
[8:23:45 AM | Edited 8:24:01 AM] MetaKnight145:

Once as we were visiting Rarity, her friend, Rarity demanded to make a suit or two for me. As luck had it, Pinkie did not refuse her friend, I will be eternally grateful.

As I said before. Why the fuck is Once blue?
I don't see Rarity demanding. She would insist. Large difference. She is a lady.
>as luck had it, Pinkie did not refuse
Luck? No. Being the protaginist of a story that has every female wanting to fuck you is luck. What possible reason could Pinkie have for tellling Rarity no? I mean really.
[8:24:23 AM] Stigzbadigz: hang on
[8:24:41 AM] Stigzbadigz: [8:23 AM] MetaKnight145:

<<< Rarity demanded to make a suit or two for me. So she demanded... herself...
[8:25:18 AM] MetaKnight145: Also
>eternally grateful
No. You are eternally grateful when someone saves your life or prevents you from being raped.
You are not fucking eternallly grateful for someone saying yes to someone offering to make you clothes.
[8:26:17 AM] MetaKnight145: You can be grateful to the person who made the clothes and you may want to pay them back.
But there won't be an eternal debt to be paid.
[8:26:38 AM] MetaKnight145: Just as well father is making pancakes so I'll be heading to eat in a bit anyway.
[8:26:43 AM] Stigzbadigz: you saved our lives
[8:26:46 AM] Stigzbadigz: we are eternally grateful
[8:27:08 AM] Stigzbadigz: the claaaaaaawwww
[8:27:17 AM] MetaKnight145: hue
[8:27:40 AM] Stigzbadigz: the aliens were one of the best things about those movies
[8:27:47 AM] Stigzbadigz: so innocent and braindead
[8:28:10 AM] MetaKnight145: Indeed.
[8:28:48 AM] MetaKnight145: As soon as I back from breaking the fast I shall don my protective gear and submurge myself into the depths of the story proper.
[8:29:03 AM] Stigzbadigz: with their cult surrounding a mechanical claw as their god
[8:29:07 AM] Stigzbadigz: kaykays
[8:29:35 AM] MetaKnight145: To be fair.
Most people in that situation would form a cult around the mechanical claw
[8:30:01 AM] Stigzbadigz: indeed
[8:31:41 AM] MetaKnight145: dat club music tho
[8:32:11 AM] Stigzbadigz: Stigzbadigz is strangely into club music tonight
[8:37:10 AM] Stigzbadigz: TURN DOWN FOR WHAT!
[8:37:39 AM] MetaKnight145: >stiggerzz made Somebad sad
[8:37:42 AM] MetaKnight145: Tell me your secrets
[8:37:46 AM] Stigzbadigz: I did what now?
[8:37:59 AM] MetaKnight145: Her reply on fimfic
[8:38:08 AM] Stigzbadigz: oh
[8:38:09 AM] Stigzbadigz: lel
[8:38:09 AM] MetaKnight145: Teeeell me
[8:38:21 AM] Stigzbadigz: I am both Scottish and Australian
[8:38:29 AM] Stigzbadigz: my body is purpose built for abusing women and making them cry
[8:38:54 AM] Stigzbadigz: and for wearing skirts and berets without shame
[8:38:56 AM] MetaKnight145: Damn you haughty Australian blood
[8:39:06 AM] MetaKnight145: And food done will return
[8:39:09 AM] Stigzbadigz: but that's another story
[8:41:38 AM] Stigzbadigz: Stigzbadigz absolutely owns a beret
[8:41:55 AM] Stigzbadigz: I need a hat for my work in the fruit and vege department. I had to choose between a cap or a beret
[8:41:58 AM] Stigzbadigz: I went with the beret
[9:11:07 AM] MetaKnight145: Back and hue
[9:12:52 AM] MetaKnight145: Took a shower too which is what took so long
[9:13:10 AM] Stigzbadigz: ah
[9:15:16 AM] MetaKnight145: *cracksfingers*
[9:15:32 AM] MetaKnight145: Prologue of the Pet: 1
[9:15:47 AM] MetaKnight145: Wait.
There is more than one part to your prologue?
[9:16:04 AM | Edited 9:16:14 AM] MetaKnight145: Who makes prologues in multiple fucking pieces?
[9:16:11 AM] Stigzbadigz: Ponyess
[9:17:12 AM] MetaKnight145: Pet Girl's POV
If I am understanding this.
The one telling the "story" is a female. Thank Sithis for small favors I suppose.
[9:17:27 AM] Stigzbadigz: lol
[9:18:32 AM] MetaKnight145: However all the points for that is deducted immediately because it is teen and she doesn't have to walk around nude.
[8:06 AM] MetaKnight145:

<<< LAAAAAAAAME
[9:18:41 AM] Stigzbadigz: huehuehue
[9:19:27 AM] MetaKnight145:

I had just been transported to my new home. The first Pony I saw coming towards me is pink, apparently bouncing in excitement.

[9:19:49 AM] MetaKnight145: Okay.
Do you not know what apparently means?
[9:20:06 AM] Stigzbadigz: I don't think so
[9:20:21 AM] Stigzbadigz: if you're seeing it with your own eyes
[9:20:25 AM] Stigzbadigz: it's not "apparently"
[9:20:50 AM] MetaKnight145: If someone is bouncing excitedly you don't say apparently they were bouncing excitedly. It is self evident they are doing it. Apparently is for things you cannot see and have to be told after the fact.
[9:21:14 AM] MetaKnight145: Also.
[9:22:27 AM] MetaKnight145: [9:19 AM] MetaKnight145:

<<< I had just been transported to my new home.Care to fill us in on the detail around that transportation that brought you here? What you were doing before? No suicide/murder/accedental death? No protal? No being flushed down a toilet into magic horse land?
[9:22:54 AM] Stigzbadigz: oi
[9:23:04 AM | Edited 9:23:13 AM] Stigzbadigz: I've got patent pending on that idea
[9:23:18 AM] MetaKnight145: I came up with it and you know it.
[9:23:22 AM] Stigzbadigz: lies
[9:23:56 AM] Stigzbadigz: you're lucky it's that far into the log that searching for it would cause my laptop to blow up
[9:26:13 AM] MetaKnight145: I attempted to ctrl F to look for it through all our skype chats.
[9:26:17 AM] MetaKnight145: My laptop blew up
[9:26:32 AM] Stigzbadigz: lol
[9:28:20 AM] MetaKnight145: Anywhore
[9:29:34 AM] MetaKnight145:

The first Pony I saw coming towards me is pink, apparently bouncing in excitement.

So you gonna tell us exactly where you are?
Or you just gonna leave that to us? Cause I warn you when I wasn't told what someone's mother looked like I made them into Cthulhu.
[9:30:11 AM] MetaKnight145: Damn that commentary was fun
[9:31:55 AM] MetaKnight145:

Looking closer I can see her mane and tail in tight curls, as if she had had them done at a barber shop.

Why the fuck would you need to look closer to see that she had a curly mane and tail?
Is your sight compromised?
[9:33:28 AM] MetaKnight145: Headcanon: This female is actually 50 years old and is suffering from cataracts
[9:34:29 AM] MetaKnight145:

The next thing I noticed is how she giggles frenetically, smiling vividly. This certainly isn't a Pony of Earth I had imagined. How and why I ended up her, I have no idea. Most of the details are either forgotten or repressed. I can only guess they were too sad or depressing to bear.

[9:34:57 AM] MetaKnight145: I am having to fight hard not to break out the faithless skeleton image so earily in this story cause I know I will need it later
[9:35:04 AM] Stigzbadigz: lol
[9:35:19 AM] MetaKnight145: Where to start.
[9:36:44 AM] MetaKnight145: I know your sight is not what it is used to be for a woman your age but surely you heard the giggles happening at the same time as her approch so I really doubt it would come next in the list of things you notice about this creature.
[9:37:31 AM] Stigzbadigz: lol
[9:40:29 AM] MetaKnight145:

This certainly isn’t a Pony of Earth I had imagined.

1. pony
2. earth is actually fine as is carry on.
3. The word you are looking for is 'thought'
4. If a 50 year old woman with poor eye sight found herself in an unknown environment and saw a pink deformed horse giggling and heading towards her she wouldn't think anything. She would probably be exclaming things. Vulgar profane things in fear.
[9:41:05 AM] Stigzbadigz: she must be edgy
[9:41:11 AM] Stigzbadigz: edgy people don't care about stuff like thagt
[9:42:05 AM] MetaKnight145: 50 year old woman wearing all red and black with the tips of her gray hair dyed red and hanging over one of her eyes.
I accept this headcanon.
[9:43:26 AM] MetaKnight145:

How and why I ended up her, I have no idea.

If it wasn't for that typo this would have been a bland but okay sentence.
[9:43:44 AM] Stigzbadigz: lol
[9:43:45 AM] MetaKnight145: And yet he fucked it up
[9:43:58 AM] Stigzbadigz: She ended up her
[9:44:00 AM] Stigzbadigz: all
[9:44:01 AM] Stigzbadigz: of the
[9:44:04 AM] Stigzbadigz: giggity
[9:44:11 AM] MetaKnight145: huehuehue
[9:44:24 AM] MetaKnight145:

Most of the details are either forgotten or repressed. I can only guess they were too sad or depressing to bear.

[9:44:35 AM] MetaKnight145: [9:44 AM] MetaKnight145:

<<< I can only guess they were too sad or depressing to bear.
Edge confirmed
[9:44:46 AM] MetaKnight145: It is canon
[9:45:18 AM] MetaKnight145: This is gonna be a bitch to spell check.
[9:46:17 AM] MetaKnight145:

I had been living in what I chose to take for an orphanage. Now I realized that it was more of a pet store. I am her pet now.

[9:46:19 AM] MetaKnight145: Um.
[9:46:20 AM] MetaKnight145: OP
[9:46:34 AM] MetaKnight145: I think we skipped some important bits of story there
[9:46:51 AM] Stigzbadigz: Ponyess is best pacer
[9:48:02 AM] MetaKnight145: I mean, far be it from me to tell you how to tell your story but it is very difficult to set up a consistent tone going at speeds that even speed racer's poorly synced dialogue couldn't keep up with.
[9:49:00 AM] MetaKnight145:

How ever am I to take this?

[9:49:41 AM] MetaKnight145: I know how you feel edgy 50 year old woman.
I do not know what to feel here either.
[9:50:00 AM] MetaKnight145: Blame your god.
[9:50:05 AM] MetaKnight145: Ponyness
[9:50:15 AM] Stigzbadigz: lol
[9:51:08 AM] MetaKnight145:

What is the locally expected food for pets here?

[9:51:15 AM] MetaKnight145: *rubs his temples*
[9:51:27 AM] MetaKnight145: *What food are pets fed here?
[9:51:57 AM] MetaKnight145: Also.
I am sure. They don't feed all their pets the exact same food.
[9:52:12 AM] MetaKnight145: In fact I know for a fact they don't.
[9:52:27 AM] MetaKnight145: Fluttershy caught fish and used them to feed animals
[9:52:50 AM] MetaKnight145: I swear to sithis if this fic does the "NU MEAT!" bullshit I am gonna actually get mad.
[9:53:36 AM] Stigzbadigz: also, she's being held in a pet store, being gawked at by ponies
[9:53:41 AM] Stigzbadigz: and her only concern is the food
[9:54:09 AM] MetaKnight145: Edge is a strange thing.
[9:54:22 AM] MetaKnight145: Even stranger as it ages like milk.
[9:55:20 AM] MetaKnight145:

As she reached me, she placed a wide collar around my throat, looking like coarse leather at first, but I doubt this impression is going to last very long.

[9:55:30 AM] MetaKnight145: Context OP
[9:55:34 AM] MetaKnight145: We need CONTEXT
[9:56:12 AM] MetaKnight145: Also we need consistency.
[9:56:35 AM] MetaKnight145: First you said you saw here when you first got here now you are saying she is adopting you.
[9:57:18 AM] MetaKnight145: All this is missing is a lot more misplaced words and I'd think this was by Jbond
[9:57:53 AM] Stigzbadigz: lol
[10:00:27 AM] MetaKnight145:

About a minute after she placed the collar around my neck, I barely feel it there, as if it was not really there?

Okay.
I know your mind is going too Thelma but you just felt her put it on you, it is there. You don't need to ask if it is.
Also it would take a lot longer than a minute to get used to having something around your neck. It takes me a while to get used to wearing a fucking loose necklace.
[10:01:00 AM] Stigzbadigz: [10:00 AM] MetaKnight145:

<<< I barely feel it there, as if it was not really there?
also, that wording
[10:01:12 AM] Stigzbadigz: dem repeated words
[10:01:42 AM] MetaKnight145: *I barely felt it, as if it was not really there.
[10:03:20 AM] MetaKnight145: I am considering abandoning my nitpicking of misspelling and bad wording unless it is REALLY bad considering I am barely gotten anywhere in this deep hole of pure blackness that is The Pet of my Pet.
[10:03:44 AM] MetaKnight145: I'll leave that to you.
[10:04:06 AM] MetaKnight145:

While being indoors, she made a point out of not attaching the leash that goes with the collar, which I guess I am grateful over.

[10:04:27 AM] MetaKnight145: Okay. Are you a mute too?
[10:05:23 AM] MetaKnight145: Either that or you just don't give a shit and all this grateful talk is just you bullshiting us into thinking you have any character traits at all.
[10:05:28 AM] Stigzbadigz: I wish I could get a dollar for every time the tense chances
[10:05:31 AM] Stigzbadigz: changes*
[10:06:28 AM] MetaKnight145: This would be far more interesting if you genuinely didn't give a shit and just provided passing commentary on the shit the ponies did around you and to you.
[10:06:53 AM] Stigzbadigz: lol
[10:08:48 AM] MetaKnight145: But no we have this half assed just accepting of everything that happens and having fake gratitude for small "favors".
This 50 year old legally blind edgy woman is more bland than Bella Swan.
[10:09:12 AM] Stigzbadigz: that's pretty fucking bland
[10:10:15 AM] MetaKnight145:

Pictured: Her spirit animal. She is that bland.
[10:12:17 AM] MetaKnight145:

Looking around, I had noticed that none of these strange Ponies are wearing any collars of similar items, not even a quilt or anything remotely recognisable as clothes for pets either.

She's fucking stupid too I see.
Look if you are a pet to one then chances are the numbers of pones wanting to be pets would be about the same as humans wanting to be pets. You wouldn't see many just walking around.
[10:13:47 AM] MetaKnight145:

Yet, they don’t wear any clothes I would like to wear either. To be frank, they are all nude as far as I could see.

[10:14:37 AM] MetaKnight145: So there were just thousands of naked ponies in every direction you looked?
[10:15:17 AM] MetaKnight145:

Even if the Stallion who brought me here is an exception, with some kind of protection related gear on, vaguely akin to what a dog handler would wear.

[10:15:53 AM] MetaKnight145: Oh hey. More fucking up of established canon.
But at least we get some form of details as to what happened.
[10:17:03 AM] MetaKnight145:

“Hi!” I whispered meekly, in a weak voice, hoping she would understand and react as expected.
“Hiya, I am Pinkie Pie. Are you hungry? I am sure I have a few Muffins stored away somewhere!” she responded.

[10:17:20 AM] Stigzbadigz: she spoke!
[10:17:20 AM] MetaKnight145: Understand what? React how?
[10:17:32 AM] MetaKnight145: Information op
[10:17:35 AM] MetaKnight145: We need information
[10:18:23 AM] MetaKnight145: Also because I know OP would be that kind of person to use memes and fandom established character obsessions.
[10:18:50 AM] MetaKnight145: Pinkie isn't muffin obsessed. That is derpy. At least keep your over used character traits straight if you are gonna use them.
[10:20:27 AM] MetaKnight145: Damn this story is so damn boring.
I am tempted to make that snarky pet that doesn't give a shit story just to counteract this one's suck.
[10:20:40 AM] Stigzbadigz: lol
[10:20:44 AM] Stigzbadigz: do it fag
[10:21:09 AM] MetaKnight145: >two years later
>made the story page
>literally nothing else
[10:21:36 AM] MetaKnight145:

Not exactly what I had expected, but at least I can recognise the words and understand what she told me. Her name is Pinkie Pie.

[10:21:39 AM] MetaKnight145: Surely.
[10:21:41 AM] MetaKnight145: Fucking SURELY
[10:22:06 AM] MetaKnight145: The other pones you have seen had at least talked around you so you would know they spoke fucking english.
[10:23:20 AM] MetaKnight145:

“How sloppy of me, I should have told you to call me Pinkie!” she then exclaimed in her bubbly voice.

[10:23:55 AM] MetaKnight145: I would bitch about her telling her to call her by her name that she just told her but this is pinkie and she would do this annoying bullshit in the show so I'll let it pass for being in character at least.
[10:25:00 AM] MetaKnight145:

“Pinkie? Muffins? I guess a muffin could be nice!” I responded, just slightly stronger than before, still uncertain of everything.

[10:25:28 AM] MetaKnight145: You just acknowledged her name literally a few sentences ago. What the fuck are you doing asking in confirmation?
[10:26:04 AM] MetaKnight145: It isn't even a nickname it is just the first part of her name.
[10:26:24 AM] MetaKnight145: There a people who call me meta on other sites. It isn't necessary to even think about.
[10:26:28 AM] MetaKnight145: Fucking void
[10:28:03 AM] MetaKnight145:

Muffins are the bestest things to eat, next to Cakes, that is. Just not the Cakes’, I couldn’t eat any of them!” she responded on her way towards the kitchen.

You missed the perfect opportunity for a Chocolate Factory reference. Fuck you OP.
[10:29:18 AM] MetaKnight145: Give me something here OP.
[10:29:27 AM] MetaKnight145: Something to make the dullness pass.
[10:29:42 AM] Stigzbadigz: lel
[10:30:25 AM] MetaKnight145: Also I completely missed over this fact.
[10:30:37 AM] MetaKnight145: Apparently they are in the kitchen of sugercube corner now.
[10:31:02 AM] MetaKnight145: ^correct use of apparently
[10:31:16 AM] Stigzbadigz: indeed
[10:31:49 AM] MetaKnight145:

If the Muffins you are referring to are Pastries, I guess I could try one of these?” I responded, now even more confused as to what she was going on about in her chirpy bubbly voice.

[10:32:00 AM] MetaKnight145: [10:31 AM] MetaKnight145:

<<< If the Muffins you are referring to are Pastries, I guess I could try one of these?
[10:32:05 AM] MetaKnight145: I can only blink.
[10:32:20 AM] Stigzbadigz: since when have muffins been pastries?
[10:32:34 AM] Stigzbadigz: I don't know much about baking, but I know that much
[10:32:48 AM] MetaKnight145: MetaKnight145 puts hands on either side of his head and screams
[10:33:00 AM] Stigzbadigz: Stigzbadigz just shrugs and drinks some juice
[10:33:33 AM] MetaKnight145: I am thankful for that bar Kniggles gave us to tell me how much more of this I have to go
[10:33:46 AM] Stigzbadigz: lel
[10:34:15 AM] MetaKnight145:

“This is a Café, what else would Muffins be? We sell all kinds of sweet goodies in the Café, you know!” she responded as she reached the door towards the kitchen, as she bounced forwards.

[10:34:24 AM] MetaKnight145: [10:34 AM] MetaKnight145:

<<< This is a Café, what else would Muffins be?
[10:34:32 AM] MetaKnight145: [10:34 AM] MetaKnight145:

<<< This is a Café
[10:34:37 AM] Stigzbadigz: Sugarcube Corner is a bakery
[10:34:40 AM] MetaKnight145: [10:34 AM] MetaKnight145:

<<< Café
[10:34:45 AM] Stigzbadigz: not a cafe
[10:34:46 AM] MetaKnight145: CAFE
[10:34:59 AM] MetaKnight145: That's it I'm using it now
[10:35:05 AM] Stigzbadigz: ha
[10:36:31 AM] MetaKnight145:

[10:37:30 AM] MetaKnight145: The ultimate portrayal of total despair and faithlessness.
[10:38:30 AM] Stigzbadigz: aye
[10:39:44 AM] MetaKnight145:

“What is up with this Pony? I guess I have to try that Muffin of hers, if it is pastries. I never was at any Café, so I don’t know exactly what they are!” I pointed out.

[10:40:06 AM] Stigzbadigz: such broken english
[10:40:06 AM] MetaKnight145: [10:39 AM] MetaKnight145:

<<< I never was at any Café, so I don’t know exactly what they are
[10:40:20 AM] MetaKnight145:

[10:40:34 AM] MetaKnight145: How
[10:40:41 AM] MetaKnight145: Do you not fucking know what a cafe is?
[10:40:50 AM] MetaKnight145: Fucking 7 year olds know.
[10:41:22 AM] Stigzbadigz: edginess, man
[10:41:46 AM] MetaKnight145: Edginess. The new plot.
[10:42:12 AM] MetaKnight145:

“By Celestia, a Girl who has never been to a Café? If it was up to me, that would be positively criminal. At least, now I can change that injustice once and for all. I live in a café and you are with me, at least most of the time. Now I just need to find what Muffins I can feed you. If we don’t have them, I will simply have to bake them for you!” she declared aggressively.

[10:43:49 AM] MetaKnight145: 1. IT IS A FUCKING BAKERY NOT A CAFE YOU SCUM SUCKING FILTH
2. Pinkie is annoying. I just felt like it needed to be said.
[10:44:00 AM] Stigzbadigz: lol
[10:44:48 AM] MetaKnight145: My patience has long run out for this fucking fic
[10:46:23 AM] MetaKnight145:

“Uh, who is Celestia? No Pony ever told me who she is. Yet, if you intend to bake Muffins for me, I guess I am finally granted a sliver of Luck for once!” I dared propose.

Why the fuck is she already saying no pony instead of no one? She hasn't been here long enough to adjust to that yet.
[10:47:10 AM] MetaKnight145: [10:46 AM] MetaKnight145:

<<< I guess I am finally granted a sliver of Luck for once
No, you have been quietly accepting everything and didn't say a single negative word about it and just went along with it.
You don't get to pretend like you have had nothing but bad luck up til this point.
[10:47:23 AM] Stigzbadigz: also, why is luck capitalised
[10:48:16 AM] MetaKnight145: Because fuck ponyess
[10:49:12 AM] MetaKnight145:

“Celestia is the Princess of day in Equestria, where our little village Ponyville is located. I guess I will have to teach you everything you need to know. That includes how to eat Mufins too. I will have to take you to the SPA as well, or my friend Rarity will never forgive me. Then I can as well take you over to the Carousel Boutique, where she and little Sweetie Belle live and work. Don’t worry, Sweetie Belle still does go to school with her friends. Her teacher is named Cherilee. Most all the Fillies and Colts love her, she is a very nice Mare!” Pinkie continued in a torrent of words bubbling out through her mouth.

[10:50:02 AM] MetaKnight145: [10:49 AM] MetaKnight145:

<<< That includes how to eat Mufins too.
She is a living multicelled creature that is clearly not a plant. I am sure she knows how to fucking eat.
[10:50:52 AM] MetaKnight145: As terrible as this fic is, it does get Pinkie's personality down.
[10:55:59 AM] Stigzbadigz: I have developed a reputation on FimFiction
[10:56:06 AM] Stigzbadigz: I am the Twilight fanboy.
[10:56:13 AM] Stigzbadigz: people come to my page and give me twilight pictures
[10:56:16 AM] Stigzbadigz: I'm not even joking
[10:56:20 AM] MetaKnight145: I saw
[10:56:22 AM] Stigzbadigz: Twilight Sparkle, obviously
[10:56:27 AM] Stigzbadigz: not sparkly vampires
[10:56:41 AM] MetaKnight145: And now one day
[10:56:44 AM] MetaKnight145: Some time in the future
[10:56:51 AM] MetaKnight145: WHen you long forget that comment
[10:56:54 AM] MetaKnight145: I will post one
[11:05:24 AM] MetaKnight145:

“She is the Ruler of the land? How to eat Muffins? SPA? You have been permitted to have Friends? You are taking me to a Boutique? I never was permitted to learn anything, or meet any nice Mare before!” I stuttered in confusion.

[11:05:33 AM] MetaKnight145: Ugh.
Serously fuck off just.
[11:05:35 AM] MetaKnight145: Just
[11:05:36 AM] MetaKnight145: Fuck off
[11:07:41 AM] Stigzbadigz: I find it fitting
[11:07:42 AM] Stigzbadigz: that
[11:07:52 AM] Stigzbadigz: this character is asking nothing but dumb questions
[11:08:04 AM] Stigzbadigz: questions that shouldn't even need asking ever
[11:08:07 AM] Stigzbadigz: at any point in time
[11:08:16 AM] Stigzbadigz: and now consider who typed the story
[11:08:23 AM] MetaKnight145: hue
[11:08:24 AM] Stigzbadigz: and what Ponyess does in threads
[11:08:30 AM] MetaKnight145: kek
[11:13:07 AM] MetaKnight145:

“Celestia has been doing a great job as our Rulier, or Princess for a very long time. Yeah, Muffins, it is what we eat around here, even if Rarity would beg to differ on that matter. Yes, I will take you to the SPA, so they can wash you up, pamper you up and in general give you a treat, as it were. Rarity will demand to craft something for you. Something a little more than just nice. It is the kind of Mare she is. Besides, I like for you to see her!” Pinkie Pie pointed out.

[11:13:26 AM] MetaKnight145: [11:13 AM] MetaKnight145:

<<< Muffins, it is what we eat around here
No you also eat fast food.
[11:14:00 AM | Edited 11:14:10 AM] MetaKnight145: As shown by Twilight's messy endorsement of the soon to be multi-billion bit franchise.
[11:14:14 AM] Stigzbadigz: lol
[11:14:24 AM] Stigzbadigz: Stigzbadigz totally went to Mcdonalds after that episode
[11:14:44 AM] MetaKnight145: No you didn't you continued to talk to me on skype.
[11:15:07 AM] Stigzbadigz: I took my laptop with me
[11:15:13 AM] Stigzbadigz: and used it while driving
[11:15:19 AM] MetaKnight145: lol
[11:16:06 AM] MetaKnight145: Ooooooh
[11:16:10 AM] MetaKnight145: Spa
[11:16:34 AM] MetaKnight145: All the letters being capitalized made me think it was some sort of bullshit test
[11:16:57 AM] Stigzbadigz: I may have done a tiny little fangirl when I heard the spa pony talk in the previous ep
[11:17:14 AM] MetaKnight145: lol
[11:17:16 AM] Stigzbadigz: and then proceed to lose my shit when Bulk grabbed Spike in his muscles and walked through the wall with him
[11:17:56 AM] MetaKnight145: kek
[11:19:23 AM] MetaKnight145:

“Will I ever see Celestia? I guess I can get used to having Muffins to eat, I just never really were permitted anything like Muffins before. They were giving me a rough brush off every other week, mainly for the hygiene of the place they kept me. Sounds as if she is more than a mere friend to you?” I stuttered in response.

[11:19:42 AM] MetaKnight145: [11:19 AM] MetaKnight145:

<<< I just never really were permitted anything like Muffins before
What kind of facist home for the elderly did you live in?
[11:19:49 AM] Stigzbadigz: an American one
[11:20:00 AM] MetaKnight145: #shotsfired
[11:22:24 AM] MetaKnight145:

“Most likely, but you will have a Muffin before we do anything else. You need to learn to eat proper food, you know. Then I can take you to Rarity and the SPA. I have the impression my other friends, Fluttershy, Applejack, Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash will like to see you as well. They are my bestest friends. I love my friends!” she continued.

[11:22:50 AM] MetaKnight145: And so Pinkie kills her from malnutrition due to her shitty diet
[11:30:41 AM] Stigzbadigz: the wording doesn't get any less awkward
[11:31:03 AM] Stigzbadigz: I have a friend who does editing on FimFiction. Iz very gud at eet.
[11:31:07 AM] Stigzbadigz: he'd kill himself if I showed him this
[11:31:37 AM] MetaKnight145: lol
[11:31:39 AM] Stigzbadigz: he tends to go full grammar nazi when he reads something, due to said editing
[11:33:56 AM] MetaKnight145: Ugh I really don't want to go through the rest of this.
[11:34:02 AM] MetaKnight145: But I came too far to stop now
[11:34:05 AM] Stigzbadigz: lol
[11:34:19 AM] Stigzbadigz: I'm about to go to bed soon anyway
[11:34:25 AM] MetaKnight145: Oh good.
[11:34:29 AM] MetaKnight145: I can stop then
[11:34:38 AM] MetaKnight145: That fic was fucking terrible

The follow up conversation for those interested:

[7:45:01 AM] Stigzbadigz: Ponyess has 117 published stories, and only 7 are "completed"
[7:45:19 AM] MetaKnight145: Mine haven't updated in two years.
[7:45:27 AM] Stigzbadigz: you also don't have 110 of them
[7:45:32 AM] Stigzbadigz: published on the site
[7:46:33 AM] Stigzbadigz: yours also don't contain some of the most awkwardly written paragraphs I've ever seen.
[7:46:47 AM] Stigzbadigz: take, for example, this description from their fic Pinkie Pie Eats a Pony
[7:46:50 AM] Stigzbadigz:

The party had been a blast, true to her Promise and Reputation. I had expected nothing less, which is why my parents asked her to throw it for me, even if she may have insisted. She is after all the craziest Party Pony on record in Equestria, for all I know.
The ceiling had been flooded with balloons, streamers everywhere and loads and loads of confetti sprinkling the room. She had a Piñata for me since I am a filly, aside from the Cake and Pastries.
Only then they all filed out as it grew dark and I ended up alone with her, Pinkie Pie. I guess it is customary for me to be the last to leave the party, after all.
I had a few more Muffins, but that is about all there was left. Aside from a scent of Frosting on the air, I couldn’t shake it. Of course she picked up on it, pointing out the odd occurrence.

[7:48:11 AM] MetaKnight145: Wat
[7:48:18 AM] Stigzbadigz: exactly
[7:50:08 AM] MetaKnight145: If I cared it would take me multiple rereads to understand that mishmash
[7:50:47 AM] Stigzbadigz: Author's Note:

Orchid's POV
Hitting the Piñata had been great fun. Seeing the candy fall down onto the floor, flooding the area around me had a strangely exhilarating feeling to it. The cake and pastries were just as delicious and good as I imagined they would be from past experiences and words from other Ponies. The one sad thing with cake and pastries, you end up filled up, with a rather bloated belly and tummy ache.

[7:51:01 AM] Stigzbadigz: Stigzbadigz has had his childhood molested by EA, and has no more mercy to give to anybody
[7:51:31 AM] MetaKnight145: lol
[7:52:32 AM] Stigzbadigz: [7:50 AM] Stigzbadigz:
<<< Hitting the Piñata had been great fun. Seeing the candy fall down onto the floor, flooding the area around me had a strangely exhilarating feeling to it.
It sounds like a statement a witness gives the police after seeing a crime take place
[7:52:53 AM] MetaKnight145: hue
[7:54:28 AM] Stigzbadigz: https://www.fimfiction.net/story/259589/the-pet-of-my-pet

Comments

[Manes]

[8:10:14 AM] Stigzbadigz: lel

[8:10:30 AM] Stigzbadigz: my body is not ready for this

[8:10:40 AM] Stigzbadigz: Stigzbadigz turns on Moves Like Jagger

[8:10:43 AM] Stigzbadigz: save me, Maroon 5

[8:11:12 AM] MetaKnight145: Maroon 5 cannot save you.

Nothing can save you.

You have gotten on the ride. It will never end.

[8:11:23 AM] Stigzbadigz: Stigzbadigz turns up the volume and shakes his booty

[8:11:25 AM] MetaKnight145: It will only get worse.

[8:11:26 AM] Stigzbadigz: fuk ur rools

[8:12:08 AM] MetaKnight145: fuk u gooby

[8:16:52 AM] MetaKnight145:

You two are comedy gold.